Emerald

You could give meditation a break for a few days. But if you want to continue with meditation to remain consistent, I recommend doing body scan meditations. This will help you ground your awareness more in your physical experience. It seems to me that you've gotten to a place where your mental experience is becoming difficult to control, so you want to starve that of attention and energy for a while. There is a saying (very clumsily paraphrased) "Thoughts are like paper tigers, they seem real and scary. But they can't harm you and if you don't feed them, they die a natural death." Give yourself some rest and allow yourself to heal from your fever. And get out in nature a bit. There is a process called Earthing where you walk barefoot on the ground to balance your charge out. The idea is that daily life and getting caught up with the mental life (and being around technology, radio signals, etc.) produces a lot of positive ions in a person's electrical field. So, because the ground has negative ions, this helps ground you and balance out the charge by pairing off the positive ions with negative ions. So, you're essentially grounding yourself in the same way that you may ground any other conductor of electricity. This is helpful in modern societies because most people never go outside with their shoes off, when in the past it was more common to walk barefoot from time to time.

I plan to do some videos about this coming up on grounding, spiritual bypassing, and Kundalini Syndrome. It's been a really strong theme in my life recently.

It's odd. Kundalini stuff keeps coming up more and more in my own life and with others on this forum in the past few weeks. Also, things about grounding. It sounds to me that you may have been having a touch of Kundalini Syndrome. I recommend not taking too much stock in imperatives to appease the Kundalini. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. There's no need to excommunicate yourself from your mother, if you don't want to. As long as your attachment to her is normal and healthy, there is no problem. I also recommend grounding. Focus more on the bottom chakras first to create stability. So, give spirituality a break, take a break from entheogens, eat root vegetables that grow under the ground, you might try some grounding stones like Black Tourmaline, Hematite, or Red Jasper, walk on the Earth barefoot, do body scan meditations, etc. It's very important to ground yourself now, as these visions may be delusions. My husband's sister is now experiencing psychosis which first brandished itself as an awakening. Your post reminds me of how she was talking after her awakening but prior to her psychotic break. I would pull back for a while.

I don't think Tyler represents the true self. Essentially, the story of fight club is the story of an average man who is trapped in the social system of modern America with all its accoutrements (IKEA furniture, luxury aparment, sofa, etc.). His only outlet of escape from the social system was going to the support meetings where he found vulnerable people of whom many were on the verge of death and thus able to slough off the falsity of the social system from which he felt so imprisoned. Then Marla showed up and ruined that. This caused him to create a projection/delusion of his Shadow (Tyler represents the Shadow) to come up, which brought him into a new exciting way of being and they together created a new social system, that the main character initially saw as an improvement on the old. It was more free, more primal, and less pretentious. But after the honeymoon was over, he was once again trapped in the social system which he and Tyler created. He was just as much, if not more trapped by that social system. So, I see fight club as a cautionary tale about buying into social systems or anti-social systems. Also, it has a good correlation to the spiritual ego. You think you're improving but you're not. The internal must change... the external doesn't matter that much. The main character created the new system to feel free, yet freedom was not found in the new system. The change had to occur within. As for the last part of the movie, I'm not sure if the main character realized this or not. It's debatable.

You're welcome. It's definitely important to take time for grounding. If you're too obsessed with enlightenment and other spiritual/intellectual things, this can cause things like depersonalization, feeling like reality is insubstantial, feeling disconnected from the body, spiritual bypassing, less energy, and feeling out of place or invalid in some way. On the more extreme end, it could result in delusions and psychosis. So, something like Reiki could help. But sometimes, taking a break from spiritual thinking throughout the day, may be even better. Eat heavy meals with root vegetables and protein. Take time to become mindful of your experience of reality separate from your mental life. Develop yourself in practical ways that effect your material existence here on Earth.

@Leo Gura Thank you!

There are two components to this, that I can identify. One is the physical emotional charge that has a physiological effect on the central nervous system. The other is the adoption of particular mindsets in order to avoid or repress away the possibility of experiencing the same trauma over again. Often times, this backfires and makes a person continuously relive a trauma in their mind, while never being able to reconcile it. So, these both often compound one another to sustain a trauma. Sometimes there's only one or the other, but most of the time there is both.

My husband and I were talking about this the other day, and he was telling me how he used to do it when he was dating. So, if he asked a woman out, he would say something like "Hey, I've got this one. But next time we go out we'll split." That way, he's honoring and showing that he's aware of the social expectation of paying for a person you invite out somewhere (and the traditional gesture of the man paying- because that's still an expectation of the dating world) and is capable of paying. But he also isn't opening the door to having the woman expect that he pays every single time, as this is unnecessary. Or if he bought a woman a drink, he would specify "this round's on me. Maybe you'll get the next one." What I've found is that, if you find a woman who's interested in you, you won't really have to worry about her expecting so much from you financially. This is especially true since you're so young, and most women your age are looking for fun but not really money. I see that as being more of a problem that pops up after people have established careers in the later 20s and 30s. Perhaps I'm wrong about this, but this has always been my perception. Bottom line, if she's not genuinely interested in you simply for your company, then don't go there. And you'll be able to tell if you're honest with yourself. I've had two major relationships in my life, and I've found that a real relationship once it gets serious, you just sort of naturally pool your money together and there's not really a major emphasis on the distinction between my money vs their money. So, as long as you and your partner are making about the same amount of money and you have similar ethos regarding money, there probably won't be an unfairness issue. But on a different note, it would be rather duplicitous for a woman who identifies as a Feminist to expect men to adhere to traditional gender norms while allowing women to buck traditional gender norms, if they want to. I'm sure this happens, as there are dumb people in the Feminist movement, just as anywhere else. But I find that many schools of thought in Feminism actually addresses issues where men are shamed for not matching up to traditional masculine standards. Feminism is actually quite a diverse ideology. So, you can find Feminists who are really radical and believe that men and women shouldn't even co-exist together, and are very black and white in their thinking. Then you can find Feminists who recognize the gray areas of gender issues who see men's issues and women's issues as two interdependent sets of issues. But there are still gender expectations in the dating world. There probably always will be. It's just sort of par for the course. For example, if I go out on a first date with a man and he doesn't offer to pay, this is a red flag. Not because I think men should always pay or because I'm interested in him for his money. But because it could be a sign that he's unaware of social expectations or is unable to support himself. Maybe he's a Feminist who's all about equality of the sexes... but maybe he's just cheap and socially inept. But it also may be a red flag to him if I don't shave my legs and wear make-up for the date. Maybe I'm just not into that because I'm a Feminist who feels women shouldn't be obligated to engage in beauty regimes... or maybe I'm just a slob who doesn't care about the impression that I leave. But these are really only problems of the first month or so of a relationship. If a woman still expects a man to pay every time three months into the relationship, it would be just as crappy as if a man expected a woman to be all dolled up at all times of the day three months into the relationship. There's a natural period of relaxation into a relationship that occurs about two or three months in.

You can look around on different articles and videos online. This has been very helpful for me. But if you want to learn a TON about chakras and how the whole system works, I recommend the book "Wheels of Life" by Anodea Judith. Not only will this give you a ton of information about chakras, it will also help you put certain spiritual paths and esoteric understandings in perspective. It has really helped me connect some dots.

Well, from my understanding, you want to make sure that you're grounded in the lower chakras first before attempting anything with the upper chakras. Sort of like, you don't want to start building when you haven't set your foundation. However, if a person has a decent foundation and simply has a blockage in the upper chakras, it is okay to start working on just the area where there is a blockage. But also it's important to be mindful and to do grounding work as necessary, so that a person doesn't experience emotional and mental complications. That's why I mentioned it to NutellaTC afterward, just to be sure. Think about the body as though it were a tree. The deeper the roots grow into the ground the higher the branches can grow, and the more nutrient dense and plenty the fruits come to be.

You're welcome. Also, I wanted to mention that after you unblock your upper chakras you may need to do some grounding, as well. That way, you keep balance between the lower and upper chakras. If you start to feel ungrounded or too disconnected/abstract after you unblock your upper chakras, you can balance out by walking barefoot on the Earth, eating vegetables that grow under the ground (like Carrots, Beets, Turnips, etc.), eating food that is red in color (like Beets, Radishes, etc.), doing body scan meditations, stones (like Black Tourmaline, Tiger Iron, etc.), exercise (Hatha Yoga, etc.), essential oils (Patchouli, Sandalwood, etc.), and focusing toward material/mundane things while taking a break from spiritual/intellectual things.

You can try placing stones like Crystal Quarts (Crown) and Amethyst (Third Eye) close to those chakras or even sleeping with them under your pillow. Also, essential oils like Sage (Crown), Lavender (Third Eye), Peppermint (Throat), and Rosewood (Heart) are good. You can dilute them, and either rub a small amount on your skin near those chakras or you can put them in a diffuser or a glass spray bottle and disperse them into the air. Be sure that the essential oils are high quality and pure though. And only use spring water or minimally chemically filtered water for the mix. You can also try fasting for a short period of time as this is said to help unblock and open the Crown Chakra and the Third Eye Chakra. If you don't want to fast, you may instead try eating fruits with bluish or purple color to them, such as blueberries and blackberries. Water is said to be very helpful as well. Also, the Crown Chakra is associated with the color Violet. Blue is also related to the upper chakras. With all of these things, you want to introduce these things gradually as you don't want to overdo it. There are cases where people have gone overboard with Kundalini meditation and other such practices like Quigong, and ended up experiencing serious psychological and physiological problems. So, I would start perhaps with the stones or essential oils first, and see how it works out for you.

You're welcome and thank you!

I recently made a video about creativity. It's my own creative process, that was inspired by my husband's creative process.

This reminds me of when I was in high school, prior to my awakening experiences which shifted my views on things quite a bit. I had these ideas that I was attached to that I would go to college and make something of myself. I would teach and impact lives, and eventually become a famous artist. So, I had all these desires and attachments and big dreams. And my life revolved around these ideas completely, to the point of obsession... only it was a socially supported obsession that other people tended to smile upon. Then, I would have these fears that I would die before I was able to make my mark on the world. I was afraid that I would die before I could leave a legacy, and that the sands of time would swallow me up without a trace. Just like a baby or child who dies will never have the chance to leave a mark upon the world. And to my mind, at the time, this was a travesty because leaving a mark is what I thought gave live meaning and value and significance. I did not want to blend in with the common people or be forgotten in mediocrity and a life unlived. So, there was this constant existential dread and pressure to become something and to make something of myself. I was not truly valid unto myself, if I did not do this. To my teenage self, my legacy was more important than my life. Then, when I had my experiences of ego-transcendence, I saw clearly the ridiculousness of this type of thought. I saw clearly that nothing I would ever do would make my life any more or less significant than it already was. In fact, significance isn't even real. I was dooming myself to running around in a hamster wheel for a legacy that I would never be able to enjoy. Then, I let go of my need to live and have my idea of myself continue onward. I could have died right then, and felt completely and utterly okay with it. I was unshakably valid because I was an inextricable part of reality. I realized that one day, Emerald Wilkins would die and be forgotten, as would everyone that I have ever cared for. And that was beautiful, because that's exactly what's supposed to happen. I found beauty in my own temporal nature and the fact that I belonged to the beautiful cycle of life and death. Death could not harm me. So, I say, to try to let go of the idea that a life interrupted by death is a negative thing, or that certain things must be done to make your life worth something. Find beauty and acceptance in death, and you never have to fear it. Let go of the need to add to the concept of you. Let go of your self-concept.

I used to suffer from Maladaptive Day Dreaming (self diagnosed) and even joined an online forum for it a few years back. I've found that focusing myself productively toward other things has helped a lot. Also, letting go of beliefs that would spur a lot of day dreaming was also very helpful. I used to be able to just sit in a room by myself for 6 hours day dreaming and pacing around. And before I knew it, my day was gone. It can be very hard to break the addiction to thought and scenario creating. I also found that I was daydreaming to get away from negative feelings and situations, in order that I might feel positively. So, I was running away into daydreams to feel better. So, finding a way to feel better when you're present in your life is also very helpful.

I just did a video about Shadow Work a couple weeks ago, posted above if you're interested. I learned most of what I know about Shadow Work from authors working under the Jungian Psychological framework. I highly recommend the work of Carl Jung directly. But authors like Jean Benedict Raffa, Monika Wikman, John Sanford, Robert Johnson, Jean Shinoda Bolen, June Singer, Maureen Murdoch, and Joseph Campbell have also been very helpful to me.

Having an OBE seems nearly 100% similar to real life. Though mine have been fuzzier in the past few years, which I attribute to co-sleeping with my kids. I never quite have a comfortable night's sleep. They're very consistent though. They always start out with me waking up where I went to sleep, paralyzed. Then I feel vibrations and hear a high pitched buzzing noise. At this point I can try to get up and move around, and it is very consistent with reality. I can go outside and see the same things I would normally expect to see. But then I can also travel to different places. It was interesting talking to Teal. But I tend to be somewhat contrary and weird with people that I admire. So, I was fighting with my ego, half the time. I get to where I want to impress them, by being somewhat competitive. It's a really annoying tendency that I have. I agree on the vaccine thing. I can't see what the issue is, in light of how many problems vaccines have solved. Even if they do cause harm sometimes. My older sister had an allergic reaction to the Pertussis vaccine which caused her petit mal seizures, leaving her permanently developmentally delayed. She has the mentality of a seven year old in many ways, despite being in her 40s. But even this, is much better than there being no vaccines and children dying from Polio and Tetanus. At least, my sister is alive and happy.

No, I didn't ask her to. I met her at the end of her workshop for a few moments and asked her a question. I had spoken to her during an OBE once, and I wanted to know if it was actually her or just a projection of my own mind. She said that she has met me before in astral quite a few times. I've seen her a ton of times since then too. I don't know if any of it's true as I'm not sure if astral projection is actually real or simply a dreamlike state that feels extremely real, but I'm intrigued at the possibility. Then, the next day, I met her at the park with about 20 other people. That's when I thanked her. We also had a conversation about vaccines, which she is very against... as were most everyone else at the small gathering. So, I was honest in saying that I vaccinated my kids, but used this divergence to ask a question. Teal Swan says that she had the ability to sense vibrations in things to see if they're conducive to health. So, if this is true, she presumably has this reason for being anti-vaccine. So, I asked her, as person who isn't clairvoyant, how would I personally be able to tell one way or another whether something like this is something that is wise to avoid or pursue. She gave me the answer, to not be lead by fear.

I hope this is helpful to you. I've dealt with existential crises before, and these are my observations and reflections on the phenomenon.

I've found Teal Swan's work monumentally helpful at certain points in my journey, but not as helpful at others. Her work helped me clear up a lot of false conceptions and mental blocks that I've had in the past. It would be false to say that she hasn't been one of my most helpful teachers. But, as with any spiritual teachers, you have to resonate with them to benefit from their message, and resonance is always fluctuating for those on a spiritual path. So, if you don't resonate with her teachings, then don't force yourself to. But if you do resonate with her, you should allow yourself to. And allow that resonance to change as time goes on, as it certainly will. I found it hard to accept that I resonated so well with Teal Swan's teachings because she is very New Agey and mystical, and I have in the past had a strong identification with rationality and being seen as a practical person. She also has a "bite" to her personality that I find off-putting. Plus, there are many rumors of her being a cult-leader. I have met her personally, and I spoke with her and thanked her for being so helpful. But I can't deny that I'm very uneasy about her. But this likely has a lot more to do with me than with her. That said, take what you find helpful from Teal Swan and leave the rest. Never get too attached to a spiritual teacher.

In terms of depth/space existing or not, I'm not entirely sure. I know that I feel sensations that seem to be floating in space while remaining spatially relative and proportional to one another. But I'm not sure if they actually have depth/space/distance/direction or take up space or even maintain consistent proportional/directional relationships to one another. It could be that the illusion of depth only has an apparent reality (tactually) due to repeated experiences with the visual field as well. So, it's basically like two illusions that require one another to function. But I haven't been able to get a clear, un-thought clouded experience of my physical sensations. My mind loves jumping in with visuals. So, I don't know if I actually experience right/left/up/down in my tactual experiential field, or if size is something that I actually experience, or if my sensations take up any space at all. It's a mysterious medium of reality, that always seems to elude my grip.

It means just that everything you see is basically a flat screen of shapes and colors with no separations or delineations, nothing more. So, separate objects don't exist within the visual field or in any of the other sensory fields. They are only an apparent reality that we interpret (with analytical thought) based on repeated experiences and corresponding other-sensory field experiences. For example, we learn that certain shapes paired with certain colors/shades within the visual field have depth because we're used to feeling that depth in our tactual/sensational field. But the depth doesn't actual exist in the flat plane of our visual field. It is only the illusion of depth due to particular placements of certain shapes and colors that we're used to interpreting that way.

I define Truth as "being aware of and accepting reality exactly as it is beyond all thoughts, concepts, frameworks, and assumptions." It is the ability to see through illusions. An example that I can think of, in my personal experience, that relates to Truth is how I learned how to draw/paint realistically. So, I went into art class in high school not knowing how to draw. I was drawing symbolically from my left brain. So, if I saw a desk, I would draw a desk. Or if I saw a chair, I would draw a chair. These drawings never truly had realism. But then I learned the Truth that the visual field is actually a flat plane of shapes imbued with colors. There are no actual separate objects... it's all one thing. So, then, I just observed the shapes imbued with colors exactly as they were and my drawing/painting skills improved dramatically, almost overnight. Afterward, it was simply a matter of training my eyes to see more and more subtle details and subtle colors that the average person may not pick up on. So, a person who looks at a black piece of construction paper may only see black, but I see many different subtle colors. This is what awareness of the Truth does.

@Leo Gura I've been reading through the comments and I'm glad to see you addressing a concern that I have about how people (especially people of a rational disposition) often respond to non-dual teachings. As opposed to the teachings opening them up to new possibilities of reality beyond the materialist view, it seems to close them off as the "power realms" (as Shinzen Young refers to them) can sometimes be a distraction from enlightenment work. So, the many varieties and layers of reality are disregarded completely. I personally have had some experiences that people would refer to as paranormal via OBE as well as a few other mystical experiences, and (in the moments that they are occurring) they seem just as real as anything else. But in my own closed-mindedness and unwillingness to be socially unacceptable, I often wrote off these very real feeling experiences as simply hallucination and dreams: cut and dried. It's only in the past couple years that I've been letting go of these socially motivated interpretations of the phenomenon, to admit that I truly don't know what's real. I don't know if paranormal experiences of entities that I've encountered are real, I don't know if the places I've visited are real, and I don't know if my typing this here is real. But I do know that it feels real. And I think that's what's important. I think experiences like these can enrich someone's life. I know that life takes on a much more magical and limitless feeling when I open my mind to these possibilities. It's like going from being in a room with no windows or doors to being in a room with windows, doors, and an atrium.