Emerald

This is really tough. But I think his video about Paradoxes really made a lot of ideas that were previously disjointed from my worldview, click into place for me. For years, I had been struggling to reconcile paradoxical truths by deciding which one was true and which was not. Seeing this video made me realize that truth has a multi-faceted nature and that two contradictory things can be true at the same time. It really allows me to understand other people's perspectives a lot more too.

I have my Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and no professor that I ever had said anything about 15 hour days, and many have them acquired a decent amount of notoriety. There is literally no reason to hold yourself to working 15 hour days. That's 105 hours a week. A forty hour work week will probably suffice. Some probably get by on a 20 hour work week and others get by on a 60 hour work week. There is so much variation to the type of art someone makes, that time will vary. But there is no reason to run yourself ragged based on hearing that some artists spend that much time on it. That to me, sounds like a very destructive belief that will set you up for failure. Start with ten hours a week and see how much product that yields for you. Setting 15 hour a day goal is already setting yourself up for failure.

Six years ago, when I was twenty, I tried Ayahuasca twice, five months apart from one another. The active ingredient in Ayahuasca is DMT. Although I now recommend substance-free spiritual seeking as the transformative effects are impermanent, I consider these to have been very valuable because I experienced egolessness for a few hours of my life. I generally don't recommend it to others because it gives the illusion that the insights attained from the experience can be applied abstractly to life, but most of these insights can't be applied abstractly. I made a lot of foolish decisions afterward because of this misjudgement. That said, it was valuable in the sense that I had a firsthand experience of ego transcendence and now don't have to practice faith to do the emotional labor of seeking, because I know that it exists and that the payoff will be for want of a better word, incredible.

I've been trying to detach from thought in the past couple months and it has really helped me progress by leaps and bounds and to get over what was before crippling self-doubt. I now begin to understand that I have minimal control over thoughts and that they are not "mine." I don't have to listen to them or believe them any more than I believe in anyone else's statements. I'm going to try your 'Mr. Mind' method because I think it will help me remember to apply this to my thoughts throughout the day. Thank you.

That's great advice. Being too much in thinking/rational mind is probably what has kept me from experiencing oneness organically. I'm terrible with mental masturbation.

That's very interesting. Would you say that love is a human concept attached to this force, itself? Or could it be a label for an emotion that springs up in relation to that force?

When I had mine, acceptance and joy in what was happening, was a cornerstone aspect of the experiences. I saw beauty and significance in everything. I wasn't trying to change or control the circumstances. I loved everything in existence unconditionally: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Everything was exactly as it should be, and I was able to see the total perfection of existence.

I agree with jjer94's statement that an awakening is to see through illusion. The specific illusion that I speak of in this thread is the illusion of a separate self. So, traumas happen because a person perceives a separate self that unfortunate things happen to. This causes repressions, complexes, and affectation to occur in a person's psychology. Since the separate self is an illusion, seeing through that illusion gets rid of the effects of all traumas because there is no separate self to protect or to heal from trauma. When this happens a person is whole again, and fear goes away.

Definitely continue with the practice. It means that you are becoming more conscious of what is there. It is the only real way out of the sadness. The sadness has always been there, only now you are realizing it. Dirt on the floor is better than dirt swept under the rug. Congratulations on your progress.

Thank you.

Don't worry too much. Even the seemingly uncomfortable insights were a huge relief.

Ironically, I'm about half way through "The Book of Not Knowing" right now. I really like the part about questioning the obvious and getting a handle on beliefs v. reality. As they say, paradox and confusion are guards to the truth. So, your advice toward grounding my consciousness will be helpful.

What do you think spurred it on?

I had two, which both lasted several hours. I had many insights including: - I am very self-deceptive - I'm lying to myself about being straight - There is no need to fear death - I don't know myself -I'm constantly striving for a sense of significance in a futile attempt to outrun the reaper - I'm experiencing the phenomena al religions have referred to as God - All wisdom resides within me already - I was with my partner at the time out of fear and not love - Everything is beautiful and in divine order - Inside me is a struggle between life-giving and destructive thoughts - I had no self to protect so, I was able to allow all repressed parts of myself to rise - My parents love me but are misguided by their own life issues - I'm an incredibly unhappy person (only realized through contrast with these experiences) - I'm constantly struggling - All things are one and I'm part of that oneness - I'm not important because of what I do, but because of my existence as part of the eternal force of oneness - I'm repressing my femininity because I value masculinity more - Many others

It's interesting to me that paradoxically spiritual seeking is often necessary for achieving enlightenment, but can also be a distraction from it. I believe that this is one of my hang-ups to getting a non-substance induced experience of oneness. I love thinking, and I use it as a distraction. Do you have any advice or experiences with this?

When I had my experiences, insights came up into my conscious mind effortlessly, like a well-spring. Did you have any insights? If so, what were they?

One thing I experienced was that, instead of thirsting after knowledge as I've always done, I was truly satisfied. I knew that I already had everything that I needed to know inside of myself. Is this how you are now?

It will be very difficult to commit yourself to the emotional labor if you have no faith in enlightenment as a possibility. Paradoxically, holding too tightly to belief or non-belief in enlightenment can impede your progress too. Ask yourself if you have any resistance to belief in enlightenment or faith in general. Resistances of any kind will likely impede your progress.

This is a belief, but it's a belief I hold nonetheless. In almost all religions 'God' is both omnipresent, infinite, and all-knowing. But how can an omnipresent force have knowledge of duality, separateness, and limitation without firsthand experience? So, it is my belief that because the unifying force must know all things, it has tricked itself into believing that it is a separate being called a person to know the experience of separateness and illusion. The ego is god tricking itself into believing that it is a human.

Continue practicing meditation, contemplation, and self-inquiry. You must question all of your most cherished and taken for granted beliefs and assumptions about reality, and especially the ones about yourself. Enlightenment is a subtractive process. You have to empty your cup, so that wisdom may flow into it. It is about getting a firsthand experience of what is true without thoughts or concepts getting in the way.

This is a great question. Because we are so used to valuing things in relation to our egoic self (which is illusory), we have a difficult time understanding things that don't directly benefit the egoic self. What is important to realize is that the egoic self is only a concept that you have created using your thoughts. You go through life making decisions and sacrificing for this illusory sense of self, thinking that it will bring you happiness and fulfillment. But you are throwing all of your energy into maintaining a very heavy, burdensome illusion. So, when you transcend your egoic self, you get a real experience of being. So, ironically, your egoic self is actually obscuring your true nature and keeping you from true happiness. So, enlightenment (self-transcendence) could also be called optimum happiness. Along with this state of being comes complete peace of mind, even in relation to death. When I had my transcendental experiences I felt completely at one with everything in existence, true acceptance of myself, no stress, no fear (even of death), pure creativity and wisdom from the deepest wellspring of my being, unconditional love, and total authenticity. Trading the egoic self for transcendence is like trading a penny for a billion dollars... when you still get to keep the penny.

When a person is enlightened, they have completely disidentified with the separate sense of self. They have a real firsthand experience that there is nothing in existence that is NOT themselves. So, unconditional love comes effortlessly because they experience the truth of oneness. However, attempting unconditional love from the average level of consciousness can only be abstract and ego-driven. If you still identify as a separate self, unconditional love is impossible. So, most attempts at unconditional love are premature and ego-driven, which is a hard bullet to bite. If unconditional love is real it comes about effortlessly. So, don't expect too much of yourself too soon. Work on expanding your consciousness and you will gradually remember your ability to really love.

Well, I think you may be referring to the ox riding metaphor. Some spiritual teachers, like Shinzen Young, describe full-blown enlightenment as 'riding an ox backwards.' It is referred to in this way because an enlightened person has totally relinquished the idea that they have control over anything. This allows them to flow with life, completely in tune with the source. However, there are levels of progress toward this state. So, someone may experience a glimpse of enlightenment and an expansion of consciousness, but not live it as a permanent state of being. I recommend looking into Shinzen Young's two Youtbe channels titled 'expand contract' and ''Shinzen Young.' He has more info on this metaphor.

My advice is to make it a part of your daily routine, just like brushing your teeth. Start with 10-20 minutes at first, and once you've made a habit out of that you can add more minutes to your daily practice as you progress. Don't go into it with the mindset the you have to sit for at least an hour. Unless you're like Leo, this will likely be a recipe for failure because it's too big of a commitment too soon.

The ego will manufacture obstacles to keep you from enlightenment. It doesn't want to have its importance undercut. Your exhaustion is likely a very sneaky thing your ego is doing to derail your progress. Be mindful of the exhaustion itself and you may become conscious that it isn't real bodily fatigue but psychologically created emotional fatigue sent from the ego to act as a protection mechanism. My advice is to push through the difficult emotions, and continue on the path.