Emerald

I'm glad this was helpful. For me, this is a trap I've fallen into many times after my glimpses of enlightenment. I have a video about the differences between ego repression and ego transcendence. I'll PM it to you. Best of luck on your journey.

This was a mistake that I made after I had my experiences. I was trying to replicate them, and the only thing I'd ever experienced in life that was similar to those experiences was childhood. So, I tried to make myself act like a child would in as many ways as I could get away with. Needless to say, it didn't work and I just ended up seeming weird and doing foolish things.

If you've watched Leo's video about self-lies and wondered what a self-lie looks like, this is it. Deep down, you know this isn't really true. Look closer at your emotions and motivations here to drive your awareness deeper. Don't be afraid to see yourself as being in some negative way, and you will see how you're lying. It's fascinating.

That makes sense. Sort of like time gives the illusion of change and movement and patterns. But time is a human construct and not real in and of itself. So cycles also are constructs of the mind that puts patterns on top of things for understanding in the same way. I hadn't thought of it this way before. Thank you.

@Ayla I was just thinking. Could it be said that smaller scale cycles are also astrology? So, astrology being the study of cycles instead of the study of the cycles out in space? So, the growing of a plant, ants building an anthill, the patterns in traffic, and the movement of the planets in the solar system are all part of astrology. It was just a thought that I had after reading your last post above.

So, if you're familiar with my backstory and my "enlightenment" experiences that came on as a result of experimentation with Ayahuasca years ago, you'll know that this is really what opened my mind to spiritual seeking in the first place. But I have always been under the shadow of these experiences because I had access to such wisdom then, and I have in the past seven years been trying to replicate or get back to that state of being somehow or another. Since finding Leo's videos a year and a half ago, I've made a ton more progress than I'd made in all the years prior. But there's always this comparison thinking going on with my present experience of reality and my past "enlightened" experience of reality, where I'm asking myself "Am I there yet? No." "How about now? No." I"m always measuring my present experiences up against those past experiences. There is a deep certainly that I've been carrying around about my understandings of enlightenment that I know isn't the right mindset to be holding to be truly open, because beliefs block me from open-ness. But I haven't been able to shake this deep feeling of certainty that my memories of the experiences I had will somehow hold the key to waking up. But slowly, I'm getting more and more confused and life is getting a bit directionless and pointless feeling. This feels really negative and uncomfortable, but I suspect that this may be a necessary step to get to the point where I truly feel like I know absolutely nothing and can let go of all expectation. Anyone else here having similar experiences?

I want to live my life under that paradigm, and I can't achieve that with psychedelics. I want to know what it is to be sober and live day by day from the vantage point of non-duality. To feel permanent relief from delusion. But I can't say that I haven't been tempted. But one of the insights that I had during my first experience was that I didn't need the substance to access that state of being. But that life had always been that way, I just was blind to it. But also, being a parent as well as a high school teacher (although I'm staying at home with my kids now and changing careers), I also don't want to risk being arrested or harming myself with the psychedelic, even if this is a small chance. So, I'm a bit less willing to take these types of risks than I was when I was 20.

You're welcome. My advice is to look into building Keystone habits first. So, meditation, nutrition, exercise, and sleep schedules are pretty fundamental. These will all have a ripple effect through other parts of your life. So, begin with these first. Take a month or two to make a habit of each one and only focus on that one for that entire month or two. If you try to do two or three at once, you'll probably fail and get discouraged. Habits are best implemented one at a time and very slowly. But you want to basically rewire your very resistant subconscious to get used to doing these things every day. It takes about 66 days to rewire the subconscious to develop a habit of something. So, a month or two will give you enough time to focus on creating a familiar groove, that your actions will fall into. Once you're used to it, the habit will come automatically.

Well, don't look to yourself as an idol because this will just feed the ego. But I think there's valuable information to be gleaned from this insight. Because you are reality itself and not your self-concept, understand that all the wisdom you'll ever need is already there for you internally. External insights shared are knowledge, internal insights experienced are wisdom. So, consult none other than your internal experience and take no guru/teacher/person/book as knowing more than you do about reality. It's all already there, you already have it, you just have to realize you have it.

As long as you enjoy these health ventures, it's good and even beneficial. Just from the tone in your previous post, it had the energy of "I must avoid death" instead of the "I'm inspired to create a healthy life" feeling. I apologize for my misread.

I think this is the most important telling part of what you wrote. I mean this with no judgement because I've been there too many times, but you seem to be panicked about dying. Sure, maybe human beings can live to be 120, but why is living until 120 better than living to 80 or 90 which is about the average life expectancy? Is it just to have more time because you don't want to let go of life? This will make life very painful and stressful because you haven't made peace with the grim reaper yet. Attachment causes suffering. What is death anyway, but the loss of the present moment? And if you notice, the present moment is lost in every passing moment, so it's nothing that you haven't experienced yet. Human beings die thousands of deaths in their lifetime. So, I wouldn't waste any thoughts or emotions on wondering what's good or bad for you. You can never really know beyond faith in science and first-hand experimentation (but that's even a guess), so it isn't something that you have a lot of control over. Just do your best and avoid being hit by a bus, and you'll probably be alright. Let go of what you can't control.

Bare in mind, all people are susceptible to blind-sightedness. In order to function, we must all rely heavily on faith in second-hand sources. So, people might believe or disbelieve anything based upon which second-hand sources they choose to believe. So, whether they decide that the article you mention is true or false, or even whether you decide the article is true or false, it is still a practice of faith. But what's actually true is that no one knows. If people are honest enough to admit this, it would open up many possibilities. But the important thing is not to pick a side and be extremely empirical, doing your own field tests in the most objective way possible.

If you want clarity, don't consult your mind, consult your emotions. If it feels right to you to pursue novel-writing then pursue it. Don't worry about the "chimp-game". That's just an idea and will be a stumbling block to authenticity and fulfillment if taken too seriously. I have a feeling that you really love novel writing, just from reading your message. Remember "low consciousness" "chimp-game" and all these other things are just value judgements and labels that only exist within the mind. Meaning is highly subjective, so you could literally try to sort everything in your reality into blacks and whites like "high consciousness/low consciousness" "wise/unwise" "good/bad" etc. But all these labels are false. The reality of the matter is that nothing "means" anything until you make it mean that. So, let your emotions guide you. Also, watch out for judgments in general. So, if you find yourself judging people for being "low-consciousness" or engaging in "low-consciousness" behavior. Then you congratulate yourself for not engaging in these behaviors. Then, this type of judgement and reward system in your mind will tie your hands and keep you in a very narrow boundary. Because you'll get emotional rewards from a contraction of possibility and not an expansion of possibility, and life will become like walking through cement. I'm not sure if you're doing this, but I know that I have in the past. So, I figured I'd give you this caveat.

@Cat Thank you.

Well said.

That makes sense. As a child, I remember trying to remain aware of the exact moment that I went to sleep. I was never successful, but it seems like cultivating the ability to do this could sort of flex the awareness muscles.

Thank you for the info. I will try this more in the future.

Good for you! I subscribed. I checked out about half of your introductory video, then my computer started freezing up and not playing the video. So, I'll just give you my critique at a glance. Pros- Very interesting personality and fun to watch which is great for a Youtube talking head. This is the primary reason why people will want to watch you. Think about it, would you watch Leo's content if someone else who was boring to listen to was talking about it? No. You'd flip over to a different video. So, this is a big plus point that you have on your hands that you can leverage to your advantage. You're a memorable person. Improvement Points- I can definitely see Leo's influence in how you do your thumbnails, the topics you cover, and some of the words you use. You want to think about your personal style and what will make your channel completely unique from anyone else on Youtube. This will be your main leverage point. So, work on making really unique content with a really unique point of view. Speak from personal experience, use different terminology, and cover somewhat different topics even though you're in the same personal development niche. Also, name your videos with popular search terms so that they rank higher in search. Leo can afford to name his videos by unique names that are catchy and have cuss words and irrelevant words in it because he has 400,000+ subscribers and Youtube will automatically rank his videos higher and put him in the suggested videos. For us little guys (my channel has about 875 subs) we need to name videos strategically to get seen otherwise we'll get lost in the huge pile of Youtube videos. Experiment around to try to get your videos on the first page ideally, if not 2nd and 3rd page are somewhat acceptable for now. Also, do consider eventually investing in some better quality equipment. I've spent about $300 (maybe less) on my set and it looks pretty decent, though I do plan to improve upon it still. An umbrella light costs about $25-$40 and a tripod costs less than that. There are also cameras the shoot in high quality HD that are around $100-$150. Good luck and give it hell!

I would just increase the duration. This will probably yield more benefit than changing environmental factors to be less comfortable. But if you're really set on making your sit less comfortable in an environmental way, try changing the air temperature to too hot or too cold or something like that. Or sit in lotus if that's a challenge for you.

This is a personal boundary thing and not about judgement or moralization. You don't have to judge him, but if you feel uncomfortable, tell him firmly that you don't like talking about these things. If he continues, refuse to work with him in the future. This is about you honoring your personal boundaries and not sign of weakness. You have to make sure that this man knows where your boundaries are, because he'll continue to push them.

I would relate mystical experiences as tapping into a different state of consciousness temporarily. So, astral projection is basically being awake but having the brain wave patterns that are similar to sleep. So, it's shifting states of consciousness. Enlightenment, from my very limited experience of it, is a realization of the state you've always been in. Like, before enlightenment you have all kinds of ideas about reality all centered around there being a "you." Then when you're enlightened, the "you" gets seen through and loses its importance as the center of your reality, allowing you to be reality itself. So, it's the loss of an illusion that allows you to see things clearly and truly reintegrate. So, it's the primary state of awareness and isn't any shift in consciousness particularly. It just allows you to fully be whatever it is that you happen to be experiencing whether it has the label of "mundane" or "mystical". There really is no difference between mystical and mundane as you are still experiencing this as the content within your awareness. If you break it down, you'll see that a mystical experience is just a mundane experience with unusual perceptions in it that you don't normally expect to experience. But with enlightenment, you'll really recognize that the mundane is truly divine. That's really the best I can do.

I don't believe that the hag lady that I encountered was a once-living human or anything like that. Even if the dead can have an impact on dreams (which I'm not sure of either way), this was more of a non-human entity and an instinctual force within the human psyche. I believe the dream to have been an archetype of the unconscious initiating me into the chaos that I had been resisting for a long time. But these are just conjectures. All I really know is that the dream felt significant in a way that dreams rarely do for me. That said, life and art tend to imitate archetypal imagery throughout all cultures no matter how distant. So, these women in the pictures may have been psychologically influenced by a similar archetype to the archetype that brandished itself in my dream. Although, these women are beautiful and creepy. But the beautiful woman in my dream was just beautiful, sharp, and professional; and the hag was barely human looking. It didn't just look like an old lady. It looked like a straight up demon. So, the imagery is very different. As far as the feeling of a pinched nerve during sleep, I find that with my experiences with sleep paralysis that the shifts in brain waves during the night actually have an impact on the entire body and not just the mind. Sleep waves are a whole body phenomenon.

Well, there is no right and wrong in any absolute sense. And there is no value difference between plants, animals, humans, bacteria, fungi, or anything else as value itself, doesn't actually exist. But if you are in alignment with Truth and realize that there's no separation between "you" and anything else, then it makes the most sense to do unto others what you would have them do unto you. To harm another is to harm yourself, so it doesn't make sense to harm someone if you can avoid it. So, Veganism or any other practice designed to reduce suffering is probably the optimal choice for someone pursuing consciousness work as it will get rid of some blind-spots in your consciousness that place illusory gradations of value on different lives. But is it actually wrong or evil to eat meat or dairy; no. Wrong and evil are just thought labels and are illusory and simply used to judge and clarify reality under the human lens. I recently committed to a plant based diet myself.

Oh man... I had a similar very realistic and powerful dream when I was 19 right before my life fell into chaos. I was in a furniture store that was portioned up into cubicles and made to look like various rooms in a house. So, I went into one that sort of looked like a den or psychologist's office. I sat down on a chair inside of that cubicle, and a tall, beautiful Native American woman with a high bun, tight bright red business dress, black pantyhose, and stilettos stood in the opening of the cubicle looking at me. I was overwhelmed with desire at her presence and I fell into a dreamy trance. She sauntered over to me and stood directly behind my chair looking down at me seductively... perhaps even stroking my hair (if memory serves). I looked up at her in a stupor, completely enamored with her. She asked me in a quiet silvery voice "Are you ready?" I dreamily whispered "Yes" to her. There was a moment's pause. Then she breathed in. With that breath was a roaring sound of emptiness that sucked away in one second flat, all signs of youth and beauty that she had. She transformed immediately into an ancient hag that barely even had skin on her face. Her eyes were just sockets. Her hair was sparse and wiry. She was practically a skeleton with just a little bit of gray skin. As she breathed the roaring sound continued and her mouth got wider and wider and wider. Then she sucked me in, and I was devoured whole. Then, for an indefinite amount of time, I was floating in a void as though her mouth were some kind of wormhole into another dimension or something like that. Then, I was deposited onto the floor of my childhood kitchen where I began to search the cabinets. I believe the 'devouring hag disguised as beautiful woman' comes up as an archetypal symbol that's shared across cultures. I believe that this particular dream, in my case, symbolized the need to re-integrate my repressed femininity. It also seemed to have a premonition quality to it because my life went crazy shortly after that dream happened.

I have walked around on my street before but never went into the houses. I'll definitely give it a try next time to see what happens or if I can make a connection. A lot of times I struggle to get out of my house, which is a bummer. But I'm pretty sure my hubby wouldn't like it if I jumped in bed with another man... but hey you know what they say "What happens in astral, stays in astral!" Kidding of course.