Emerald

When I was goth (ages 15+), I was rarely bullied in a meaningful way. It happened once every blue moon. Many people who would have bullied me were afraid of me at that point and kept a pretty wide gate... which I thought was quite silly. I'm like 5'2" and I was quite small at the time size-wise. And I didn't have physical strength. I was just a short little goth that wore frilly black dresses with blazers on top of them. The most annoying thing that would happen to me then is the people would try to evangelize me.... but they were not necessarily being mean-spirited about it. Just annoying. Or I'd get people who'd ask annoying questions about me being goth or not... which also wasn't mean-spirited. And (for better or worse) I felt quite superior to all of the people who used to bully me by the time I got to high school... so I didn't feel as defensive as I did in elementary and middle school when they'd pick on me. And when you have boundaries people don't pick on you as much. But middle school was especially brutal... and late elementary was really bad too. This is mostly because I was sensitive and didn't know how to defend myself... and I was a bit weird. But some examples of bullying were these... Being called "The Ogre" on a consistent basis by many guys for several years in middle school Being called a lesbian/butch/Masculine often by both girls and boys between elementary and early high school. This happened hundreds of times... most of the time it was pure bullying. When I was in 2nd grade and I had no friends, there was another girl in my class that made me do a lot of things that go over my boundaries with the threat of "If you don't do this, I won't be your friend anymore." She made me kick a boy in our class in the nuts, show her my private parts in the school bathroom... and she even tried to get me to knock some books out of kindergarteners hands (I couldn't bring myself to do it). But she was able to wield this power over me because she was the only person in my class who was willing to be my friend. I was that one un-popular kid that no one wanted to be associated with. Having boys go into my backpack, steal a pad, and then throwing it across the room and blaming me for it to the teacher... and then 4 or 5 boys surrounding me in a group and calling me a disgusting bitch for it and shouting me down, while the male teacher blamed me for the whole situation because it was my pad that was out. Having a boy pull my chair out from under me so that I fell on the floor (which got me in trouble with the same male teacher) Having gum put in my hair 3 times in one week by 3 different people (oddly enough, it hadn't happened before or since) Having a guy friend take a picture of me on the bus (he was taking pictures of lots of friends) and him uploading it to a site called 'wouldyouhitthis.com". My friend Shanna (who would often upload attractive photos of her to sites like that to get rated) ran across it at random and let me know. And I figured out who it was by looking at the photo. Having a very unattractive guy with a gimpy arm announce in front of a lot of people (to look cool) that "I'd be willing to fuck Emerald if she didn't have such fucked up teeth." I'm mentioning his appearance because he was trying to neg me... as I was a lot more attractive than him. Having some mean girls in the locker room in 6th grade approach me and start chanting "saggy butt" in front of everyone. The same ones had chanted "Emerald's a bitch" the summer before at summer camp. Having a guy that I liked in 8th grade that I was flirting with in a particular class say that he reciprocated the feelings that I had for him. So, we were planning on sneaking out of class to kiss in the hallway because we didn't have any other opportunity. And then, it was revealed that a bunch of friends bet himself $20 to do that with me... and he actually was just pretending to flirt with me but really found me disgusting. (Honestly, I think he did really like me. He was just saving face because I was of a lower social status to him back then) I had always been bullied by mean girls since elementary school for being weird. But I had a glow up in the 8th grade... and I thought that would fix the situation. But the bullying continued and intensified because they felt threatened because I was now a rival and suddenly getting a lot of male attention. Similar things happened with the guys, where I suddenly got a lot more attention from them... but a lot more ugly bitch, ugly slut, ugly whore insults as opposed to just the ugly insults. When I dated a guy in my grade in 8th grade, I thought he really liked me. But my best friend overheard him telling his friends that he thought I was a nasty slut and that he was just trying to get in my pants. (trying to look cool in front of his guy friends) I dated another guy in the 8th grade that used to tell me that I was ugly and that my breath stank (because I would gargle with mouthwash and eat mints before I would kiss him to make sure that his experience was extra pleasant). Apparently he thought that the mintiness "stank like shit". He also used to be very sexist and (during the mere couple weeks we were dating, as I broke up with him really quick), he would tell me that I wasn't allowed to play video games with him and his guy friend, but that I needed to stay with his younger sister and tend to a baby (maybe his niece or nephew) with her because that was all I was meant to do as a female. He also came to my door after I broke up with him, (we lived in the same trailer park, walking distance form one another). And he said he wanted me to come and hang out with him and his friend Lance. And I was on that idea always of being the bigger person. So, I said okay and went with them. And he started saying, "Jeez, Emerald you're so desperate. Why are you following me?" in a jokey way. So, I laughed and brushed it off. And then, when I got to his house, his parents were there. And he started telling them that I was being annoying that I followed him there when he told me not to. And I said, "No, that's not true." And he pulled the whole, "Go hand out with my sister thing (she was just a year younger than us). And I was there. And I hear him say "Hey Emerald!" from his bedroom where he was playing videos with his guy friend. And I walk over there and ask his, "Hey Cody, what's up?" And he was like "JEEZ! GODDAMMIT! YOU'RE BEING SOO ANNOYING!! CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE A HINT AND STOP FOLLOWING ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE." And I blessed him out right in front of his parents and never hung out with him again. This one kid I knew in middle school called me flat face. Occasionally having a guy try to pull the trick on me where he'd be like, "Hey, my guy friend likes you." And it was him trying to play a trick on his guy friend. It wasn't ever one that I ever fell for. But the idea was to tease his guy friend for telling a low status girl that he liked her... expecting that the low status girl was dumb and fall for it and get her hopes up. Flirting with a guy daily who was in the culinary class that I'd walk by to go to lunch. And he asked for my phone number. And he was cute and we'd been mutually flirting for a while through the window, which felt really genuine meet-cute vibes. So, I gave him my number. And he called my dad and step mom and claimed that I was skipping school with him and that I was with him and that he was violating me. In the second grade, the girl who used to coerce me into doing things under the threat of "I won't be your friend anymore" lifted up my skirt in front of the class just to be unkind to me. Having my step-sisters talk crap about me to their friends, and one of their friends older sisters would threaten to beat the shit out of me (I was 13 and she was 16) I was on a phone conversation with the unattractive guy with the gimpy arm that I mentioned before (before he made the comments about fucking me if I didn't have fucked up teeth... as I was always nice to him and would not have an issue talking to him). And his crazy sister (who was really hostile to me when I knew her in 7th grade, when I was really shy) just decided to go of on me randomly. And she was calling me a bitch and that she was going to kill me for talking to her brother. When I was between the ages of 2 and 10, I used to hang out with my my mom's best friend's grandson who was my age. And half the time, he was really nice to me and he'd offer to let me play his Sega games. But the other half of the time, he was really mean. Sometimes, he'd jump on top of me and smother me with a pillow until I couldn't breathe. Other times he'd push me up against the wall of the bed we were playing video games on and he'd kick me really hard and fast into the wall repeatedly. He'd also call me ugly, fat, and call me names like watermelon head. These are all the ones that I can remember, but I've probably forgotten more than I remember in terms of instances because many times it was just an odd mean world like you're fat, you're gay, you're a bitch, you're a slut/whore, etc. But honestly, I was a pretty unusual kid and didn't know how to defend myself until high school... because I couldn't feel anger at all. I had no boundaries or self-respect because I thought that I was unworthy. So, I was a frequent target for bullying. And that bullying often took on the form of appearance insults, calling me Masculine, insinuations that I'm a lesbian, sexual harassment, mean girl jealousy, and demeaning sexually objectifying behaviors. But I still don't project that out onto other people. I just avoid those who are stupid enough to act that way. Most of these people are either in jail, dead, or living a dead end life now anyway... so I only feel sorry for them. And there are plenty of kind people out there. And these experiences have taught me how to sort them from consideration... friendship-wise and romantically. By the time I turned 14 or 15, I secretly became like a goth Regina George in my head with regard to many of those people..."Sorry. You can't sit with us."

The minority of it was bullying with mutual roasting. The majority of the time it was just bullying. You're literally talking to someone who was bullied mercilessly all the way through elementary school until I was around 14, when I learned how to play my own version of the social game.

I'm certainly no stranger to that kind of treatment. It happened often in my teen years and even back to elementary school that people would use lesbian as an insult towards me. (Note: I am bi-sexual, but I prefer men and I didn't acknowledge this about myself until I was 20.) The nickname a lot of boys used to call me in middle school used to be "Elmo the lesbo". I was also called "The Ogre"... which was a bit more mean-spirited as a way to call me ugly and manly. (BTW - I was like 5ft tall and pretty tiny back then. But boys would say it because I was always nervous and socially awkward and an easy target for bullying.) So, being insulted by being called 'lesbian, manly, unattractive, etc.' probably happened to me... HUNDREDS of times. LITERALLY. And it was quite common for peers to use butch or lesbian as an insult to girls as a way of calling them unattractive. And I certainly don't hate all men because of the bullying that I experienced. I don't even hate the guys that used to call me that back then. For a couple of them, we were sort of frenemies... and I'd usually shoot back some gay insult back at them. One of the guys that used to call me "Elmo the lesbo" was this guy named Billy. And I'd always call him "Billy goat gayfer." Like, he meant the insult and so did I... as homophobia was quite normalized at that time. But it was also kind of banter and mutual roasting.

I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out. But your feelings of hesitation and fear make sense, since your experience are that connection and love came with loss, grief, and heart ache. So, it's very likely a "once bitten, twice shy" situation. In order to move forward and to open up to love again, you will need to face into your grief and open yourself to the potential for the pain of grief in the future. Grief is the necessary cost you must be willing to pay in order to open your heart to love again. And that's a very difficult thing to do. So, I recommend spending some more time with your grief about your lost relationship to process the pain. And then, when you feel ready to re-open your heart, you can get back out there. This is truly the challenge of life. We start as children with no idea of the potential for pain and loss ahead of us. But we are open to it all and we get so much from it because of our openness. But as we continue on the path of life, we experience hurt and we build all kinds of blocks and barriers to keep ourselves numb and closed up to the pain of the past. And the challenge is getting back into the beginner's mind state that the child naturally has... with all the wisdom that the pains and sufferings of a well-lived life bestows upon us.

@Hojo Well, if you do have a naturally more Feminine personality, they may have assumed in earnest that you're gay. But having a Feminine personality doesn't have to do with Feminine integration. You can have a very Masculine guy who's integrated with his Feminine side... or a very Feminine guy who isn't integrated with his Feminine side. Integration and repression don't change the "amount" of Femininity one has. That's an innate personality quality. But metrosexual guys who have a more Feminine personality than average are often assumed to be gay, when they're not. And that's not necessarily to be mean to you or anything if someone assumes that. There are people that I get a vibe about that's usually correct, but sometimes is incorrect. Also, there is nothing wrong with being gay. It's not really an insult to be assumed gay, unless the person is homophobic themselves and intends it as such. Also, Incels are not upset that women are repressing their Feminine side. They're upset because women are Feminine... and these men feel powerless to a woman who is in touch with her Feminine side because of how much they've repressed the Feminine in themselves. And it's the most Feminine women that these guys feel the MOST threatened by... and feel the MOST resentment towards. They'll also beat up on women that they deem as un-Feminine and un-attractive... but that's only because they feel comforted in considering themselves "above" these un-Feminine/unattractive women. So, these women become the "whipping boys" for their resentment towards and powerless feelings towards women they find attractive... and towards the Feminine more generally. But they feel absolutely terrified of and bitter about Feminine women... and the power that Feminine women have over them, largely because they are so desperate for union with their own Feminine side. So, it's important to understand that misogynistic men are not misogynistic because "women aren't Feminine anymore". Women are as Feminine as they've ever been... and more, as we're in a much more Feminine-integrated era than in times past. They're misogynistic because they can't stand how powerless they feel towards the Feminine. And they're saying "women aren't Feminine anymore" because they want to repress the real Feminine and put it back in the box of traditional Femininity that de-claws, tames, and strips the Feminine of all its power.

So, because a woman called you gay, you now hate women in general? Doesn't that seem like a bit of an over-reaction when it was a specific person (or maybe a handful of people) who called you gay? Also, men who resist their Feminine side tend to come across as less socially adept than men who don't resist their Feminine side... because the Feminine principle is reflective of softness while the Masculine principle is reflective of hardness. And the integration of the softness of the Feminine creates flexibility and resilience in the hardness of the Masculine. And hardness without flexibility/resilience creates brittleness and fragility. But hardness integrated with flexibility/resilience creates firmness. Another example like this is... imperfection is archetypally Feminine while perfection is archetypally Masculine. And a man who resists owning his imperfections will be much less socially adept and resilient than a man who can embrace his imperfections and laugh about them. And these are just a couple of examples of how dropping resistance to the archetypal Feminine helps a man come across as more attractive (and be perceived as more Masculine through the eyes of culture)... and just feel better to be around in general.

Thank you! I really appreciate the encouraging words.

Thank you! To answer your question, the Masculine and Feminine are like Yin and Yang. And they always come together... as all things are truly "androgynous", containing both the Masculine and Feminine. So, while physicality and the material world and the body is Feminine principled (Yin).... the movement the body makes is Masculine principled (Yang). It's a bit like the ocean... where the water is archetypally Feminine... but the currents flowing through the water is archetypally Masculine. And neither can be truly separated from one another. Hence why a person who is in resistance to one principle will experience blocks to the opposite principle.

That's great to hear! Embracing your commonality with others is a great way to feel connected with human beings, nature, and the universe at large. There really is a great deal of value talking with many different types of people... and most people aren't into exploring the depths. But what I would say in this case, is that you want to make sure that your needs for social depth are met too... and that you have a social context through which to "show up" as your full self, with your depth and uniqueness included. So, embracing ordinariness helps give a sense of connection and belonging with human beings in general. And finding other human beings who have this same quality as you, will help you find a setting where your extraordinariness is ordinary.

@Natasha Tori Maru It's definitely super important as we age to maintain social connection. Oftentimes, when we're younger, we can identify with being a loner or have a romanticized notion around hyper-independence. I used to do that as a teenager quite a lot, where I wanted to embody this notion of the deep loner that no one understands. But the irony, is that I was the MOST connected to others at that time. I could just convince myself that I was a loner because I really enjoyed my solitary time where I was just contemplating or painting. But then, when I was 20, and I was actually genuinely quite alone in the world to the point where, if I went missing, no one would know I was gone for quite some time. And I realized that I was only able to identify with being a loner type because I was getting my social needs met. So, that was quite humbling to me in that identity. Knocked me off my special loner identity high horse real quick. But social connection is something that gets more difficult to come by as we age. So, while we can afford to devalue connection in our youth (because of the greater abundance of connection opportunities), we can't afford to devalue it in our later years... or we'll end up isolated and in a very precarious position. That's doubly so if we need care in our old age.

I understand.

Connection is a basic human need, just like food and water. We're evolutionarily wired for it as humans have never survived in isolation at any point in human history prior to the past 50 years or so. So, even if one doesn't value it consciously or identifies as a loner... the need is still there, and the lack of it takes a toll.

Think about Feminine integration as being more of a subtractive process of removing the resistances to the Feminine... as opposed to an additive process where you try to mold yourself into the Feminine. That tends to be the main misconception. Also, you cannot be more or less Feminine than you already are... you can either reject and repress it and have it come out in toxic ways OR you can embrace it and have it come out in ways that enhance your Masculinity. The same thing is true with the Masculine. It cannot be added or subtracted... only repressed or embraced.

The thing he's wrong about is the "all women go for the top 10% of men" line. That's just not true. Most women want a regular guy that she can connect with and have intimacy with... who is a reliable, safe, and pro-social kind of guy. And probably about 60%-70% of guys are perfectly good relationship/marriage partners. However, I do think there's a sizable minority of men who just are quite repellent to women... not because of looks or their job or something (like Incels think)... but because of their cold hard personalities and anti-social ways that makes it impossible to get the level of intimacy and connection that women need to feel good in a relationship. And society used to guarantee these guys a marriage partner because female sovereignty and female sexuality was heavily controlled by the state.... and they weren't as able to make their own money. And otherwise anti-social men with money were able to essentially purchase many wives and concubines from the women's fathers. (Also not a situation women chose... and thus not an example of female selection preferences) The same thing is true in Gorilla societies. The female apes are perfectly fine selecting a mate with a regular non-silverback gorilla if given the chance. But the Silverback guards the females. So, the females gorillas are controlled like territory/property of the Silverback to the point where they don't have the opportunity to mate with the other gorillas. So, it's important to differentiate between how women select based on personal preference... and how (historically) their fathers selected for them. But because of this set-up, women had to rely on a man... and society heavily punished women who were single or who chose to divorce. It was a decision borne out of survival necessity instead of genuine desire and preference. And I agree that a lot of anti-social men got to reproduce who wouldn't have otherwise gotten to because of their unappealing personalities. So, I do agree that it seems like the guys that are complaining about the male loneliness epidemic are really just guys who repel women with their cold and anti-social personality. A man without integration with his Feminine side comes across as nerdy, cold, hostile, misogynistic, and juvenile... and it's just off-putting to women. It honestly comes across as gross and off-putting, while I'm sure many men who operate this way believe themselves to be manly men. It's like imagining cuddling with steel... or a very prickly cactus. So, I do think that now-a-days, there will be a sizable minority of guys who won't "make the cut" in terms of marrying and having children. And the internet propaganda men consume just makes that worse. But honestly, I did just see a video of a guy who was considering leaving his wife for an AI voice... and wanted to divorce his wife and marry the AI. And these are the exact type of guys that women want to be rid of and would prefer singleness over having a relationship with that kind of guy. Women online say this often, men are not competing with other men. Men are competing with the peace women feel when they're single. And if the woman feels better single than in a relationship with a given man, that relationship should end.

That's probably on the lower end in terms of gender-violence if we're talking about that as a broad umbrella of gendered violence from sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape, domestic violence, etc. I honestly can't even fathom of being female and having never experienced some form of sexual harassment or being touched against our will, at the very least. And roughly 1 in 5 women are raped in their lifetime in the United States... which is 20%. But if we're including sexual harassment and domestic violence more generally, I'm sure that that rate goes up to 40% and beyond. You just don't have a clear sense of how prevalent the issue is. So, you think this is a "Gotcha Feminists!"

Certainly responsibility and action taking are positive qualities. I just don't see any evidence of this manly man stuff actually leading out to greater levels of personal responsibility and action. And these are things that I've learned in the process of growing up and developing a strong work ethic in my teen years, without any gender ideology attached to it.

I felt that way before I started my channel 9 years ago. It was this sense of having made myself into a social pariah whose perspective couldn't be understood (different in a bad way), as I didn't know anyone on a similar path to mine who had experienced ego de-centering and God realization. I had also gone through some major traumas around the same time. And it was in my first several years of motherhood as well, which was even more isolating. The most lonely years that I had were between ages 20 and 26. But once I started my channel, I was able to find connection with other like-minded people who have had similar experiences and who value similar things. And that met that need... and also took away the sense of specialness that I was clinging to in order to cope with the isolation. It was a lot better to be an average member of a group of people who were grappling with similar experiences... than to be the "one special loner who's on some totally different level that can see so much that other people don't see." (different in a good way) When I was a high school teacher (from age 23-25), I used to have these fantasies about my colleagues recognizing the specialness of my perspective in some objective way... because it just wasn't getting any social outlet. So, impressiveness was the only form of connection that I could imagine getting. But in connecting with others who are similar, that exceptionality fantasy wained as my connection needs were met on more of an eye-to-eye level with people who are dealign with similar experiences and struggles related to the expansion of consciousness. And this dropped my feelings of alienation and specialness... which go hand in hand. Then, I could just have normal connections with people who didn't understand because I had those needs met elsewhere. And in recent years, things have come full circle to a re-integration of normal human ordinariness and folksiness... and an appreciation for the perspectives of average people.

I understand about the Stage Green arguments feeling like remedial math. They're not sexy at all. They are useful because that's where society is in the process of heading, and people resist them heavily for this reason as they are upsetting homeostasis. But if you've gone deeper, they're not the most intellectually stimulating.... as they stick to a layer of systemic thinking that's more political and social than it is about the underlying emotional, psychological, and spiritual dynamics that makes systems run as they do. They're useful for the current era but a bit boring and under-stimulating for people seeking deeper answers. At age 23, when I first started learning about Feminine re-integration after I had my experiences of the deep Feminine, I began reading a lot of Feminist literature at first. I figured that would be a good place to look on the topic. But I found it didn't go deep enough... even though there were a lot of valuable perspectives. So, I had to integrate these perspectives into my framework to untie some of the internalized misogyny. But they were never going to bring me to the deepest levels of Feminine integration. And that's what led me to seek out deeper perspectives on Feminine integration and integration more generally, where things take on a more mystical quality... and focus on the integration of opposites and the sacred marriage between the Masculine and Feminine. My Ayahuasca experiences have also largely been about the embrace of the Feminine. I have tended to think about Feminism in waves... and the past 10ish years has been 3rd Wave Feminism. But these other perspectives are some later wave of Feminism that society hasn't gotten to yet. Ultimately, individuals can dive deeply into integrating the Feminine and Masculine within themselves. But societally and collectively, it makes sense that Blue/Orange and Green are the ways we're thinking about these things. It does get frustrating though when you've experienced something so much deeper than what's on offer.

As always, I will always take your perspective on, on its merits... and I will challenge you where I see fit, like I do with everyone else. So, it's not about your assumption that your perspective is more accurate/better/higher than mine. That's just the nature of having a perspective. If you thought my perspective was more accurate/better/higher than your current perspective, you'd just change your viewpoint. So, I'm going to challenge you. And you're going to challenge me. That's not the problem, as that's what this forum is for. My issue is about you using dishonest debate tactics... like using Spiral Dynamics as a subtle way to put my perspective in a box and to subtly communicate "this perspective is beneath consideration because it's just Stage Green liberal tripe". So, just think when you're using the Spiral Dynamics model... "Am I using this as a subtle way to discount the merits and straw man the perspective of the other person by framing them as Tier 1 and lower consciousness?"

Absolutely, relationship with others (romantic or platonic) is such a powerful conduit for inner work because you can see so many reflections of yourself in another. One thing that's been really helpful to me is that I've been a coach for the past 6.5 years. And working with a lot of people, it's really taken so much of my own patterns and struggles up out of the abstract and into the real world. There's nothing more helpful to the integration process that recognizing your own patterns in another person. I actually just got out of a group coaching session for my coaching program, and people share a lot as a whole group and in breakout rooms. And it's awesome, because people get to experience so much mirroring on their patterns and their path... which can otherwise feel invisible without that mirroring. And yes, when it comes to Masculine and Feminine integration... there's a lot of friction and suffering there too. And the surface-level expressions and symptoms of this lack of integration can be frustrating. But it does make it a lot more interesting and mysterious at the same time when you see what the real under-lying drivers are to all this surface level stuff.

All you have to do is actually explain your perspective in detail without engaging in dishonest debate tactics. So not pigeon-holing my perspectives with empty appeals to authority via the lens of Spiral Dynamics... and trying to frame things in such a way that puts my perspective underneath yourself using your understanding of the SD model. It's just intellectually lazy to debate like that as it puts your debate opponent in the box of inferior perspectives that need not be taken seriously. But with this case in particular, you're just incorrect about integration... and thinking about integration as meaning only freedom with no constraint. You seemed to be interpreting integration as analogous to being a libertine or something like that... which is not accurate. You can be just as repressed if you're a libertine with no constraint as you can be being an uptight teetotaler. So, this shows a clear lack of understanding about what repression is and what integration is. So, it's important to know when you don't know... instead of trying to grand-stand on topics you don't know that much about. If you'd like to learn more about the integration... and specifically integration of the Masculine and Feminine through a deeper lens, I recommend checking out the book Androgyny by June Singer. It's a dense read, but it was really helpful to me when I first started learning about Jungian Psychology and integration of the Masculine and Feminine... which helped me make sense of my experiences of the deep Feminine several years prior to that. https://a.co/d/fSkj60C

Honestly, you might just have a domination kink, which is fine. Most men actually have that to some degree or another. It's nothing to feel ashamed of... nor is it necessarily an indicator of your values in day-to-day life. And sex can be a great place to play with socially taboo things... if your partner is open to it. It can be excellent for self-exploration. So, as long as you see your partner as a whole human being in other contexts and she's open to exploring these roles sexually, it can be exciting and a lot of fun. For example, I tend to have a more submissive orientation to sexual encounters. And if I try to be dominant, I just don't enjoy it as much. So, in that context, I'm open to things that I'd never be okay with if somebody came up to me on the street and started treating me that way. So, context is key here... as it the level of trust you have with your partner. If some random guy runs up to me on the street and calls me his slut/bitch/whore, I'm going to want to throat punch him. But if I'm with my partner who I love and trust and we're in the throes of passion and he calls me his slut/bitch/whore, it will probably add to the excitement. It's like a play where you play the damsel in distress and he plays the villain that's going to tie you to the railroad tracks. And as long as it's just fun, it's perfectly fine. And as long as she's into it, it wouldn't mean you're a REAL villain. It seems that that's your fear.

That's also been my experience over the past 13 years of doing Shadow Work. Thank you for sharing.