phoenix666

I tried shamanic breathing and gave up after 10 minutes. it was incredibly dull..just heavy and boring. I guess I still have a problem with boredom. I'm still easily bored, annoyed and struggle with discipline. but that's ok. I will pass through that. I need to soothe impatience with patience. what a beautiful paradox! something happened during my third Kriya session today. I suddenly felt something in my belly. like a pressure. I could describe it as a condensed ball of energy. was that a chakra? it kept growing, becoming stronger, having more pull. I had trouble breathing, but I just went through it. then I felt like something coming up my spine.

@YaNanNallari yeah, I'm still struggling with all this chakra and energy stuff.. I've always considered myself a rather open-minded person. apparently a was/am a very serious case of materialist. but I'm working on it. yeah thanks, I will. I hope that Kriya Yoga will introduce me to those things a bit more. I actually felt something in my belly during the last session. right there where the 3rd chakra should be..

@Charlotte hehe I'm curious to what's coming next. who knows what did you experience that made you feel this way? (if you want to share)

I was into PD for a year, but nothing really moving. shrooms opened my gate to spirituality. they started a snowball effect. psychedelics showed me love, bliss. they showed me my biggest fears. not only that, even more importantly, they forced me to face them. they are like a teacher, showing me what I do wrong (where I just hurt myself) in life. they helped me quit drinking, partying, smoking and all that stuff that makes me feel numb and empty afterwards. they're not games though.. it's serious, hardcore stuff sometimes. they need to be treated with honor and respect

you're not overreacting. never feel guilty for your emotions and reactions. they're here for a reason. <3 I wish you all the best! <3

@PsiloPutty yeah, I've seen those pro to humans as well! I didn't only see, but I also felt it, like I just knew they were ancient. I had the same experience. I saw some pretty scary faces, I immediately judged as evil. as soon as I sent them love, they changed into benevolent ones. wow, that's powerful. to see oneself in others <3 isn't that like a beginning or early sign for awakening? sometimes when I talk to my mam, I feel like I'm talking to myself. maybe that's comparable

@Torkys hahaha yes, I just need a pinch of trust in order to even try and go through the techniques and to stay on this path but I'm not trusting blindly, I think....every time I experience some of the more 'wacky' things I'm like oh shit, this is actually real. it's actually a thing. OMG

@PsiloPutty I've experienced that during a trip. I morphed into a never ending chain of people, some even felt very ancient. I also felt an urge to express my love for them, so I did. also to the ugly and evil ones. it was scary at the beginning....but turned out wonderful with the expression of appreciation <3 I'll definitively try Teal's technique as well!

@Torkys thank you for your reassuring words! I hope you can experience an opening one day I don't think my heart chakra opened, but something definitively cracked or moved. maybe I needed that to finally open my still very rational mind up to the idea of them actually being a thing.

@DoubleYou thank you very much for sharing your experience. how did you opened the chakra in the belly, did you do so intentionally or did it ust happen? yeah I keep stumbling over the lesson that we can't force these kind of things. they happen when they are supposed to happen.. it's just confusing sometimes, because we still need lots of motivation and discipline to walk the path... so in a sense we need to force to reach a certain point. once there, we need to surrender to whatever comes. not easy to find a balance there!

@Ether I went through my biggest fears with the help of psychedelics, it was truly liberating. and I feel more connected to my emotions ever since, so your tip is definitively gold. thank you, I will try to face my fears even more ..

@Ether what do you mean? I've been feeling numb for many years, I realized that some time ago. I'm trying to reconnect to my emotions. I'm trying to raise my awareness...is that what you mean?

that's an even more beautiful way to put it <3

random insight I had during my breakfast today: to hurt someone is to hurt oneself. I don't know where that came from, it was like a flash, like someone turned a light on. it wasn't a pure thought, more an emotion that rippled through my body. I hope this will help me embody unconditional love and empathy.

@Phrae what do you mean by insight into the matter? @deci belle yes, you're right! it was actually more spontaneous than random. maybe I came up with the term because I was so surprised and I felt like it came out of nowhere. do you mean the essence is actually that however I interact with others/nature is how I interact with myself because I am everything? and that my mind interpreted this truth with this one specific example of hurting? how can I use karma to restore my unified enlightening function? @Nahm <3 thank you for your thoughts <3

random insight I had during my breakfast today: to hurt someone is to hurt oneself. I don't know where that came from, it was like a flash, like someone turned a light on. I hope this will help me embody unconditional love and empathy. right before breakfast I had a wonderful moment during the concentration phase of Kriya. I felt parts of me vanishing and melting with something bigger. it was beautiful <3

got a sharp pain in my back during today's yoga session. I wonder if it has to do with the Kriya? it's a very different kind of pain than the lower back pain that plagues me sometimes. very sharp, like a knife cut through my spine and then the pain expanded along the muscles of my posterior thorax. it was so sudden and strong I had to stop and lie down. it's getting better now, but I still struggle with rotation and sudden movements. it was/is located right under the area where the heart chakra is located. it sounds silly but I can't stop wondering if it could have to do with my newly started Kriya practice? it never happened to me to feel a sudden pain like that. and I wasn't even moving/picking something up or doing sports or anything like that. I was inspired to think about pain in a different manner. what if pain is a manifestation of something else? what if my mind, or better, my emotions were the cause for my pain? what if something in my consciousness manifested the pain in order to get my attention? what does the pain make me feel? like I can't move. I'm blocked, paralyzed. when was the last time I felt that way? or when do I usually feel that way? when I think about my studies. or more specifically, when I think about my dissertation. how do I feel when I think about my dissertation? and my other duties of university? I feel suffocated. like time and obligation are taking my breath away. then I feel frozen, unable to do anything about that. what if the pain was here to tell me something? what would it tell me? to slow down. to relax. what if we forgot to listen to our bodies? what if we fail to communicate with ourselves? what if we forgot how to feel into our emotions? what if sickness were a call for attention of our emotional body? a call of our soul to be present with what we feel right now? it's all about feeling. we're moved by emotion. e-motion.

thanks, looking forward to that! is Kriya a good practice for that?

really? oh shit, I must have overlooked that palms down, like resting the palms on the thighs ? sorry btw, didn't want to spread wrong techniques

this <3 is wonderful! how do you follow your heart? is that the same as intuition/inner voice? sometimes I can feel it more clearly, but in general it's something I struggle a bit with. sometimes, when I hear or think 'follow your heart' then I just don't feel anything. sometimes I just can't discern between heart and mind chatter and logic..

I think the basic one with the crossed fingers at least that's what I did up to now

I finally started Kriya practice. 4 days into it. patience in all things. I'm pretty content though. finally I give in to action. one year ago I wouldn't have done that. baby steps! a part of me is very excited. everyone seems to be pretty enthusiastic. a part of me is afraid to be disappointed. a part of me is sceptic. but the biggest mistake would be to not even give it a try. I'll not do that mistake! Leo said something that I can't forget. imagine in one year. how will my life be? how would it be if I hadn't started Kriya yoga? that stuck with me. seems ridiculous now.. but: what would my life be like right now if I hadn't found Leo's videos? If I hadn't started meditation? If I hadn't taken any psychedelics? if hadn't been going to retreats? hell, that's powerful! Kriya all the way! curiosity will lead the way. I'm reading Flow right now. I noticed flow during climbing today. also when I work on my DA. ps. got a tingling sensation on my last Kriya session. goose bumps all over my body..

@Prabhaker well, isn't that when a legend was born? his story seems to be a solid rock for millions of people..even today, 2000 years after.. we don't know how he felt in that moment, we can only try to imagine what surrender felt like

@Stoica Doru that is beautiful! it's like I get it on a logical level, that everything is exactly as it should be. everything is here to help, everything is nothing but I chance to grow, to expand. the question is, how aware of this are we? I feel like I do not embody that fully - yet. my thinking knows it. but my consciousness isn't feeling and embracing it yet. hopefully it will some day!

shame I noticed that my dreams seem to follow a pattern. they're full of negative emotions that I rarely feel when I'm awake these days. mostly emotions I've struggled with in my past. some emerging patterns in my dreams: shame (the most common one) being lost, losing my orientation and my mind, not being able to 'function' left alone, more general being left by people I love being ridiculed by people I love being lonely fear, just general anxiety. sometimes I don't even know what I am afraid of. or things that just seem ridiculous afterwards why do these emotions keep coming up in my dreams? they remind me of my past. they caused a lot of suffering for a long time.. only now I realize how much better I feel now, almost 3 years into my self help/development journey. thank you so much! I feel grateful for that day when I hit rock bottom. <3 but why do I keep dreaming that negative stuff? is there something unresolved in my past? there is always something, I guess.. shame. why? is there some aspect of myself I do not accept yet? there are probably more than just one. I need to be aware of my standards. (my? or where do they come from? are they actually mine? I don't think so) my standards: being good (what the heck does that even mean?) I guess being a good girl being smart, intelligent to know a lot, being intellectual to be beautiful (skinny) to be fit being healthy being straight (oh yeah, I think I haven't solved that one yet..) being normal in general. now this one is huge. being appropriate. what does that mean? being intelligent and intellectual comes from me I think. my dad influenced me a lot on that though. he always wanted me to be the best in school. he rewarded every good grade. I could do anything I wanted as long as I was the best. that fed my ego... a lot. I still like knowing things. I get anxious when I don't know things. being beautiful and specially being skinny: my mam.. she puts a lot of value onto what she would call 'beauty' (being skinny and chic, wearing nice clothes) it's so external. I'm actually quite happy with my body now. it happens more and more that I see myself in the mirror and just get a nice warm feeling. I feel love and compassion for my 'little me'. insecurities come up when my mum says that I am fat..and she does. she criticizes my belly and my thighs. I get very self conscious after that, every time. being normal, appropriate and a good little girl. I think I got this values from my religious grandma and my mum. I don't blame anyone here. I know they just wanted the best for me. I know that they themselves suffer under those implements. they themselves are trapped. I now get the chance to escape, because I finally found out to be in a mental prison of standards and expectations! this is my chance to break free: first I must see that I am in a prison: I do. I feel ashamed because I don't fulfill my conscious und subconscious standards what are my standards? more importantly: what are all my subconscious standards? don't judge. I don't need to change. I just need to become aware of my own mental patterns. <3