AdamDiC

@aurum Thanks for the awesome response. I think you're right, it's part of the path and shouldn't be rejected, in fact it's part of my biology. So I'll enter the game, not because i need to, or because I feel unfullfilled, just solely to have fun and express myself as a human. P.S I'll tell you when i get laid

You just sit down and be present. Drop all expectations for what you want out of the music. Make your first note pierce the silence. Feel it. Don’t try to do anything. To sound like something, or to be good. Whatever comes out is the music accept it and move with it. THEN GO FUCKING CRAZY. SMASH THE KEYS, PULL THE STRINGS, SCREAM ITS ALL PART OF THE CELEBRATION. just realize that anything you do is music, feel it, enter it, and watch it grow, play with it then lay it to sleep.

Hey guys, this was a journal entry i wrote, they tend to be more sincere then if i try writing for someone. i initially wanted to journal about my negative relationship with my mom, and then i kinda got some insights into emotions and self. ITS FUN STUFF. Enjoy this is real, dont hide it. dont hide anything ever. for no one. be open to yourself. whatever you are feeling right now, is the most important thing in your life, the only reason you suffer is because you hold it in. is because you're afraid to be you. you're afraid to be seen as someone tender, someone afraid, someone angry or silly or stupid or nervous or ugly or quiet. you want to be perfect, so you lie to yourself and push the feelings away deep down. you cover them up with music and drugs and food and sex but they never go away. they harbour and grow stronger. and you never go anywhere but your thoughts. you are already perfect. you just dont know how to realize it. tend to your present moment emotions. your mindframe and thought pattern. understand that whatever you are now is perfect. theres no need to be something else because if it is happening now, it is infinitley perfect. its not easy tho, we have been conditioned to always be seen as someone we're not. we believe the images we have created for us. that people have of us. and the problem is. everyones image of us is different. and we try to serve them not realizing the lie and pain we are causing. juggling all of these masks and hats creats a lot of problems. What if you could be the same person for everyone? not actually the same. but authentically the same. true to yourself. you have to unwire all the habitual thought patters that go with each image. you have to realize everyones playing this game to. being someone they are not. they really dont care how you act. because theyre stuck insude their own head and full of unauthenticity. its liberating to know this. that the only persons judgements you need to be free of is yourselves. then you can sit in any situation and just feel amazing. you conquered yourself so now everyone else feels like a bonus. no more getting nervous no more being afraid. but you will forget. i have, and it will take a long time till i realize it fully but its worth every fucking shiny penny knowing i can be free and full of love. i love you. all of you. sincerely. be brave, be yourself. its the only thing you can do.

For me, it creates an experience of no-self. One becomes totally absorbed in the music that all sense of reality dissapears. If you close your eyes and really get into the music, into the not-knowing of existence, then playing an instrument is quite amazing. It's like a meditation, focus on the sounds, the feelings, and things will pop up. But it gets cool when mere sound can bring up emotions, sounds that you create. And when those emotions can be felt by others, then that is the ultimate form of communication.

I just started doing this (8 days) and I have to say there is no better way to start the day. I wake up at 6 and jump in. The first few days were nice and refreshing but now im resisting it a bit more. But thats the point!!! I shall destroy the ego, cleanse my soul, and boost my immune system. Self-actualization winnnnn.

Just make sure to be mindfull of the judgemental thoughts as they arise. Kinda sounds like ego judging ego.

Last year of highschool

Hey man, you're not alone!!! I'm 17 and started meditating 8 months ago. Have done shrooms and a few retreats and I can relate. The avergae kid at school isn't thinking what I am, sometimes I feel lonely and resentfull and nihilistic and shit. I got depressed this summer but it passed. Its impermanent. But its worth it!!! I think you're undervaluing the power of meditation. Just hang on, meditating is supposed to make suffering arise, its testing you. Good luck!

sounds amazing, like damn i can understand it , but i also can't. What'd drugz did you take?

I like music. Creating my own is like a spiritual practice. You loose yourself in it then come back to reality. You dont exist, nothing exists except for the music and the energy of creation. Not-Knowing. Bliss. But it's not permanent. It doesn't happen everytime I pick up an instrument. In fact the more I try the harder it is. Because if I try, I'm trying, not doing. But that feeling, the intrinsic love for music. Is that worth pursuing? Im young and have only scratched the surface of music. I know its infinite. I guess its a part of life purpose not all of it. It's just so odd of a thing to pursue, a feeling, a state, a level of being. Just do it, be it, forgo everything else? What else is there to do?

What is up fellow humans. My name is Adam and my favourite colour is purple You can scroll down to the SOOO if you just want to see my question, if not read the story. DO IT? and this is in no way spell checked. I just got back from a 10-day Vipassana retreat, which is my 3rd retreat this year, and wow, damn, crazy stuff. Being my 3rd retreat at the centre I knew how it worked, how my mindfullness would increase, all the subtle aspects of life becoming more vivid and delicious. Breathing, walking, EATING, showering, all precious indulgances. But I felt different about my intentions this time around. I wanted something different, something deeper. I didnt want no passing meditation high. I wanted the truth to smack me in the face and make me never forget. And i think i got it. The first 5-days where what I call "preperation". Just basic meditation, slowly increases the duration of the sessions. Finally when i reachd a 2 hour session ( Mindfull prostration, 1 hour walking meditation, 1 hour sitting meditation) shit hit the fan real fast. My teacher told me there are 3 ways to insight. They are also the 3 characteristics of life. Impermanence, no-self, and SUFFERING. An daamn did i suffer like a mofo. For 2 days i was locked in my tiny ass room meditatiing until 6 in the morning. Fun stuff, i basically went crazy. Imagine being tired, hungry, nauseous, worrying, wanting to kill yourself. ALL FORE THE SAKE OF THY INSIGHT . So finally the insight came, obvsiously not in a way that i thought it would, like coming down from the heavens on a golden platter in a spotlight held by Siddartha himself. No, just by taking the day off, meditating as much as i would like to, and crying my heart out at the love and bliss this universe has, how infinite it all is and how it is available for anyone, anytime, you just have to, have to?/*&P#:<QRL. It's that easy. Anyway, about thailand. Im 17, going into my last year of highschool and i really dont think im going to university any time soon. "WHAT, NO SCHOOL, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET A JOB. fuck off bob, let me meditate in peace." My teacher told me about his "school" in Thailand, he trained there to be a teacher for some years and recommended i go to get a taste of spiritualiy at its roots. This shit really interests me. like i couldnt go to sleep after hearing about it. My thoughts were "Fuck university, I'm going to Thailand". I'm not against uni, but theres nothing thats meaningfull there for me. My life is divided into 2 categories right now. Music and spiritaulity. My bro is in his 3rd year of music studying composition at UofT and he told me straight up, dont go if you want to become a musician, just love the music and it will love you back. best advice ever right. I went to a 2 week music camp this summer, it was based in a university and i was with professional musicians and ametuers like myself. I noticed that half of these guys were just robots tho, playing the music so systematically that it made me angry, they didnt appreciate what was in front of them. So fuck that, ill just busker, and jam, and record and release and travel until i die! And then theres spirituality. How can school honestly teach me spiritualy by giving me books and writing essays. Ill still be living my normal like, commuting, blallballa. Thailand seems like the only option for spirituality. I finally found a school in which i would like to dedicated serious time to. i dont want to get married but im foregoing all other paths for about 3 years to strictly surrender myself to Vipassana. SOOOOOO the question is. Should I take the first year off after highschool and go to Thailand to study Vipassana for 2-5 months? Many graces brethren.

@lennart @Afonso @Space Thanks guys, you're right I should do it. I know want to, but it's just so radically different from what everyone else is doing around me that i felt i needed to hear someone say agree. The only people i NEED to say yes are my parents, they both need to give me permission to go, it's a monastary thing. SO wish me luck!

Nice work man! Remember feelings are like the wind, they come and go. But you are a steady rock. A 500 tonne boulder that cannot be moved. The wind and rain may chip away at you and the sun might shine its grace, but you'll lay there untouched forever. Start meditating too.

So i just got back from a 5 day Vipassana retreat a few days ago and im feeling pretty good. Before i was unmotivated and depressed but now i am more excited about life than ever. I've been following Actualized.org for maybe 8 months and ive bought a lot of books and the Life Purpose course. I read the Start Here guide and it looks awesome. I feel the energy and motivation inside of me, i know my life can be amazing but i keep dipping my feet in the water. I have all of these tools but right now i feel overwhelmed on where I should start. They are literally all amazing. But i feel like im constantly being rushed, pushed and pulled in my mind. I think its just post meditation mindset. Maybe i'll chill out in a week.