Seed

I am a mother to a 7 year old girl, I am currently at uni, one of the best in the country studying Counselling and Pyschotherapy (my passion), I am in a commited relationship, which lacks sexual intimacy and far from perfect, but by far good enough and full of love and connection. I don't have tons of freinds, but a few very close ones that have stood the test of time. I really don't know why I feel like this. I could socialise more, but this tends to make it worse as I feel very alien and also quite bored around most people. (Not on the same wavelength) I either connect with people so well it is like we have known eachother many lifetimes and time ceases to exist. Or I just feel I am going through the motions of converstion to be socially acceptable and polite. But inside my head, I cant stand it and feel incredibly lonely and isolated. Hope this makes sense!

Maybe she was just being 'polite' at the time, but wasnt actually feeling it. Sometimes when act sexual out of politeness...

Amazing anology !!

I have been seeing my lovely therapist Annie, for around a year a bit. We do some good work together, however, after almost every session I feel I have to forgive her or 'let something go' For example, she sometimes takes over and she somtimes talks too much. She has called me a control freak, in a jokey way. And over directed the sessions. Refused to acknowledge her areas of fault and generally can be quite stubborn, Because our relationship is strong, I can let go of these little mishaps. However, most recently, she shared at the end of the session that her daughter is in a really bad way and is drinking again, had recently had a seizure and that this was bringing up memories of when she lost her son who has died from alchoholism. Both our eyes welled up. She admitted afterwards that she shouldn't have shared with me, but it was done now and then brushed it off and abrubtly ended the session. I can appreciate the mistake and dont hold it against her at all. I am just feeling that this and the other things, may just be a sign that we are at the end of the road? I am incredibly attached to her which makes the decision incredibly hard, but maybe I am too attached and the clean break would do me good? I have not been able to stop worrying and thinking about her daughter, particularlly as my grandmother was also a lost soul that couldn't be saved and we have a lot of mental illness is our family. Am I overreacting? She is very old, in her seventies. I just feel she could do without me as an extra burden. And that the fact I am worrying so much.... and feel so close to her, means we are too entangled to do effective therapy anyway? Thanks in advance.

@Nahm

Spot on!!!! You are absolutely and uncut diamond. I can feel it already.

@helloWorld Just to say I think you're incredibly brave to speak your truth on here. I know and believe with all my heart that by already showing such bravery, you also have the strength to take those baby steps towards a better life. You will. It is your birth right. This is your calling.

Maybe it is more intense in a gathering due to the collective release?

An alternative to a restraining order is a police warning. I recently had a problem with stallking / harrasment and didnt want to go down the same route. But a verbal warning from the police telling him to not contact you in any form whatsoever, should do the trick. If he then continues, then he has commited a crime and you can get a restraining order

Has anyone got any strategies for managing this? Thank you

I would say a degree in psychotherapy, which is what I am doing. It is basically all personal development mixed with philosophy /pyschology.

If alchohol is a poison, a desensensitiser 'the killer of soul'............. then why? When I dirnk just a few glasses of wine in the evening. Do I feel kinder, happier, more energetic and free spirited? Why if it is so bad, am I able to process my day and come to deeper truths? I am wondering all this because i feel guilty every time I drink, as if I am some sort of addict. But if it makes me feel better and doesnt harm anyone, is there a reason to cut it out? All opinions welcome.

Just want to say I completely relate and have similar limiting beliefs. I agree, they are an absolute bugger to shift! As @Nahm said, all you can do is keep reaching for better thoughts / better feelings states. Believe as much as you can that you will overcome this. And take the pressure off 'results'.... just in every moment, notice where your thoughts are try to reach for something just a tiny bit better. Also, get moving, get creating, get out and about. Push yourself out your comfort zone every day, this will build your self esteem. Good luck and feel free to chat to me whenever. I feel for you.

I wouldnt just blame it all on PMS. It seems like you are invalidating her but what she feels is what she feels, whether you approve or understand it or not. PMS may be causing these feelings, but they are as true to her as the sky is blue. Perhaps you can think of how you can actively help her during these times? To reduce the intensity? I find I always need plenty alone time, I need to not be left hungry, plenty of sleep, and gentle calmness (just like a baby really) Try to listen to her needs just for those few days, this will seep into your relationship in general and make you a stronger couple. And also, if she gets too much then respect your boundaries and take yourself away, for a walk or drive. That should be fine. I think during tense moments, space is key!

@Twega Interesting - is there a particular brand you can recommend ?

@flowboy Very inspiring advice! I have stocked the cupboard with cordial and fizzy water and herbal teas.. I've also conviced myself I have strong mind! So.... fingers crossed! Sadly. I have been working on my personal growth for years and whilst other areas of my life are strong, this is my pathetic area. I also see a therapist fortnightly as well as training to be a counsellor! So I can't escape it. Thank you.

Last night I drank about 1/4 of a glass of wine and tonight I will attempt nothing. I am looking forward to the challenge. I noticed when I was in bed I found it so hard to get to sleep due to being ultra aware! I was aware of all the blood pulsating round my body in every vein, it felt as though I had taken acid or something. It took a very, very long time to switch off and I had a fretful night. @Nahm Spot on!

@Human Mint @hamedsf @Eph75 @Leo Gura @Danioover9000 @ZenBlue @Tim R @Enlightenment @SQAAD @Ghost @eggopm3 @QandC @Waken @Inliytened1 I just wan to sincerely thank you all for your deep felt honest answers. Honestly, i think a part of me has been crying out for someone to be blunt with me like this. To spells things out. i will do my very best to cut down and / or illiminate. I know I can do it... I just needed a slap with a cold fish. So thank you all.

I appreciate this question, however, heroin clearly has detremental effects which cause one's life / health / mind / soul to be destroyed. The cost far outweighs the benefits. However, with alchohol, I cannot see how my life is worse from drinking it, apart from the fact that others tell me it is bad. I can only see that it makes me feel good in the evening. And therefore I feel guilty, whcih is the negative, because I am told 'it's an addiction, escapism.. etc' I dont have hangovers, I dont lost productivity, I am slim, I excersize a lot, I socialise, I work hard! I work on myself spiritually and emotionally. However, I have many friends who dont drink who are far worse health wise. Hmmmm...

For some reason this makes me cringe so HARD!

@Charlotte Thanks !! I have this so will read it next xxx

Hello wise ones. Whereas I have always swung more towards intoversion and been a little shy. I have rarely felt 'held back' by this part of my personality and have had enough mental strength to overcome it. It's always been there, but never delibated me. And one of those things that is more in my head and goes away when I am actually with people and in the moment! However, recently, which may because of the recent lockdown and the general toll of life. It's become an actual problem !!! As in when I am with people I feel myself 'seize up' and my mind goes blank and I feel I want to avoid people at all costs. I can't think of anything funny or interested to say and feel dead. I am not sure whether this is just a natural part of who I am and should accept it or whether there is anything I can do? I want to go back to being more carefree. I don't know why I have suddenly starting to getting so nervous?! My mind just becomes really dense and I can't even form words in my brain. I am 32 years old and have never found communicating so difficult before. It's the weirdest thing! My brain goes into overdrive and I just cant speak. Is this social anxiety? Does anyone have any advice / tips? Thanks!!!!

@Vzdoh I dont think this is the case at all. He is not like that as a person, at all. Which is why I was curious. I think I can see what he was trying to say, And that is that sometimes, it is more helpful to not spell things out to people. That is just my intrepetation of where he was coming from. I can translate what I think he meant and @Nahm can virtual kick me if I am wrong if that is helpful?

Yes it comes across to me that you are leaving a trail of clues in an attempt to get her to work things out for herself. ANd i just wondered if that was the case. Clearly not.

Hey @Nahm Just curious as to why you don't want to be clear with her?