Arkandeus

I know that feeling man, trust me life has your back if you keep desiring and believing that you deserve you will be put into the right situations for you to grow if you can get women to come over alone in your appartment man you are far from hopeless, you got everything it takes, you did things right I hope you realize how valuable it is that you did that, there is no friend type situation, every women knows if she goes to a mans appartment alone, friend or not, there is a chance he will make a move, and they were willing to take that chance with you, you're doing something right big time, you aint hopeless at all, not to me that natural side is inside you right now, it might be able to come out more but its there right now its just a matter of experience, patience, keep trying, every interaction with a women is a learning experience, especially when you make a move, every single interaction makes you better, whether it was a succes or a failure, when you notice it it'll be great

nah man you're doing the right thing, no therapist will tell you advice as real as this, this is advice you need to get from other men who want you to succeed and share their own personal opinion from their experience , from what has worked for them over various situations I used to be exactly the same man, not natural in any way, I was afraid I'd get slapped or screamed at if I made a move, that's how guilty and undeserving I felt due to low confidence believe in yourself, you deserve it, you desire it so you deserve it you are awkward, you are anxious and you fuck it up, this is who you are so be who you are be awkward, be anxious and fuck things up with girls, dont let that stop you from deserving what you desire be a fuckup and still know that you deserve to succeed, you deserve the best this is being mature, accepting that you're growing, its a natural part of life isn't? to make mistakes and learn, its human, its normal to fuck up, to be awkward ... doesn't change that you're still a boss, you're still awesome this is what I call the art of being a novice, you can be great at not being good at something keep trying, keep being positive, feeling deserving, going forward make a mistake? make that mistake like a boss, fuck up like a boss, get up, keep going, feeling deserving this is why I value a clear rejection over some vague hints or intiutions every encounter with a women is positive for me, if she likes me I feel great, if she rejects me I believe even more in myself because I chose my own well being over anyone's opinion, I'm great, and yes its easier when people give you positive feedback , but people aren't always around, they have their own stuff to deal with, you are your biggest source of positive reinforcement and always there, always reliable in every single situation

it was awkward because you lacked self-confidence and you were probably not used to being the guy that is making the moves from what I seem to be getting here if I myself back in the day had to wait for a girl to make me feel I can do a move I would've stayed absolutely unexperienced until now, I was bundled with anxiety and self-doubt and fear, no girl would've given me a green signal ever to make a move,I had to get out of that hole myself thats not even taking into account the emotionnal impact of you making a move confidently on her the move itself, can make the girl like you more on top of that can you confidently say when a girl makes things easy for you? you may have seen this or that, but if you have a fear to be rejected this fear will distort your perspective, thats a guarantee even if lets say for the sake of agreeing with you, you happen to be right about 90 percent, but 10 percent of your perspective is skewed by fear, are you willing to rely on information where 1/10th incomplete? if there's one chance in ten that your intuition is wrong and it is ok to make a move and go further, is that a chance you're willing to take? and I'm being agreeable here, to me when fear enters the picture your intuition is worth about 10% of accurate information even less again the very fact that she came to your appartment alone is her big green signal, making it hugely easy for you to begin with relying on her opinion after the fact is not to be done, it really is not, everything she says is from the perspective that things cannot get intimate between you two, she speaks from an emotional perspective she's never going to tell you how she made things easy for you, even if you ask her

strangely so this is again a paradoxal showcase of how spirituality functions those who are more in non-duality tend to paradoxally over-identify with others your enlightenment is not another one's enlightenment guru's show the way but they are only guru's to those who are unawakened whats gonna happen when we're all awakened? we'll all be like buddha? nu-uh, life is infinity, it is more, not less you are completely unique now, what makes you think that attaining a higher vibration will make you more similar to anyone? enlightenment means higher vibration, even more unique then ever before your enlightenment has nothing to do with mine or any guru, that is what makes it so exciting and wonderful guru's only show the way to yourself, whats inside is yours to discover, and it seems like you have a divine vision over being enlightenment in a completely new way, thats awesome guru's are merely friends trying to point the way, they are not better buddha is not better, sadghuru is not better, not mooji not anyone else on this planet is better or worth more, only when we know that truth may we start listening to what is being said to help us

seems like a strong awakening if anything advise your friend to not do anymore psychedelics for the next months, let him know that he needs time to integrate all of this I wouldn't be too worried, your friend got in touch with high truths and high energy perhaps even shattering his reality as he knows it, the way he's acting out is very normal, and still pretty balanced considering the circumstances by no means do I advise anyone doing the same, one week is not even an inch enough to integrate an acid trip with a god realization before going off on a dmt trip ,there needs to be time to integrate, especially after such important trips on top of that being bipolar your friend needs to know he really should stay off psychedelics, and have time to integrate all this also dont try to judge him too much

@MM1988 as aurum said you might have self-rejected, you did so in my opinion her opinion after the event is not very informative, she's not going to explain to you at which moment she lost attraction or at which moment you could've gone further to her, she was alone with you, you made a move and self-rejected, and so she feels she is not attracted to you and she "never was" women view the past from the present moment, which is good spiritually, but she's not gonna tell you you had a chance, once she loses attraction to her its as if she was never attracted to you to begin with, so in this way her feedback says nothing but had you gone further with perhaps more confidence she could've very well loved it so no your intuition is incorrect in my opinion, and this is good man, it just means you need more self-confidence if you can get women to come over to your appartment and spend time with you alone you have what it got, this comes down to self-confidence

if you were truly god wouldn't you feel all possible kinds of experiences? now how would god feel your personal experience if it isn't through your experience? its as if you're saying being godly is so infinite and grand it would have nothing to do with an experience such as yours on the contrary being infinite and grand means exactly going as far as your personal experience

for all you know some of these girls might have been too timid or subtle to let on that they're ok with this going further In my opinion I value a clear "eww" or a confrontation over having to guess whats going on now I know there's a fine line here, you're with a girl alone, and one should be responsible, I don't want to advise you to push the girl to do anything this to me is not enough, you think this or that, I'm not saying this is nonsense, its actually very plausible and its comprehensive and thoughtful but, you do not know what the women is thinking or feeling, she could have all sort of stuff going on even if she seems disinterested and that is from your personal perspective alone if she doesn't let you know clearly that she doesn't like it or want things to go further you have no idea im gonna be honest, to me a women not reacting to you putting your arm around her is the opposite of rejection and her not reacting might just be the sexual tension at work if a women doesnt like you or isn't attracted to you she's not going to let you put your arm around her for very long, she will throw that arm away or immeditiately confront you, thats in my personal experience, so to me her not reacting is a big sign that she is ok with it, its subtle now maybe you are used to women giving you clear positive reactions the moment you touch them I do not know Ive been with women whom I started touching (arm on back or on leg) and they acted for 20min as if nothing was happening, nada, no reaction no comment, and still it turned out they were ok with it and they wanted more women can be very subtle in my opinion go in for the kiss or keep touching her, worst case or should I say best case you get a clear rejection, and me I value a clear rejection, it means I communicated my feelings and I got clear feedback from a real person, a real women, not my mind and its mental projections and beliefs on the other hand if you value finding a women with whom you feel clearly from the beginning that she reacts positively to your touch, you're free to do so! each their own desires and dreams

her not reacting is not a bad sign, that might be a signal that she is comfortable with having your arm around her simply so it would be good if you explained in detail when you feel rejected, how you come to feel rejected, and why because this might be a case of self-defeatism for a girl to come to your flat alone I'm not saying its always the case but thats a big red heart that she's open for intimacy with you, so there's something here that needs to be figured out

if you're not with someone then definitely release the energy as it naturally wants to in your case you are with someone so it becomes different in my opinion it depends on your energy levels I've had moments in my life where masturbation would empty my energy levels out, leaving me on a low energy threshold for days and in those times it was unwise to masturbate if a girl was present in my life, it would leave nothing for moments with the girl simply I've read that women can masturbate freely because their energetic body is built as such that they recuperate the sexual energy they release, whether thats how it goes or not I dont know but the fact is that women get less depleted energy-wise after sex for myself I have seen huge improvements, to be honest I simply kept masturbing, losing energy, building it back up and so on, to the present day where if I release sexual energy I am barely depleted and this does leave me space to combine self-release with a relationship with a girl buts its a careful balance this may be your case as well, so I would say there is no clear cut answer, masturbate, see how it affects your relationship with your girl, if its bad, masturbate less, or dont do it at all, and try again later, its careful balance one thing is clear, energy is infinite and unlimited, the more you release your sexual energy the better you get at building it back up and even more then before, this is what my personal path is, there is no limits, and whats not possible yesterday, may be possible now and once you get at a certain level, masturbation will make sex with your girlfriend even better, because each time you release, alone or together, you build your energy up more optimally and intensely then before, to levels higher then before

@Epiphany_Inspired I know its hard, but this is the best time to meditate, it is the meditation that will bring you back into your calm if is not 5 minutes do it for 2 minutes, or even 1 minute a day, that should be possible right? meditation will give you clarity, will make things way less underwhelming, you will know what to do Regarding your situation whenever you get thrown into a mess and you can't seem to make out what to do or how to go about it, it is always about love and trust love & trust is the true north, whatever these values mean to you, they will bring you home

it is my personal belief that this planet is going through a massive awakening/enlightenment and many of us who get in touch with psychedelics will have the necessary insights but will quickly be expelled from dwelling too long in other dimensions and planes beyond the earth magnetic collective this enlightenment is happening now and attention is sorta needed to be given to daily reality its not like the hippie age where everyone could trip everyday for exploration now its like get in, then get out, to me this sort of trip is the final call, thats how I toke "my" trip to hell this is purely personal speculation but I do believe that the massive awakening is solidly true

How come you perceive to be experiencing consciousness individually? what is individual consciousness to you? if you believe you experience individual consciousness, does that not mean you have a feeling that you're not experiencing unity consciousness? what does it feel like, this feeling of not experiencing unity consciousness, where does this feeling come from? what supports this feeling that things could be more? which place is that, from where does it feel? your heart?your hand, your feet, the sky?what is going on here?

these are some powerful questions

this is what I call a dark insight at a huge price you learned insights about the nature of reality this is for me not a good path, its a path of power you said you asked the dmt to show you hell if needed, this is self-sacrifice in order to gain knowledge, pure power chase its void of love there's no lesson that needs to cost you anything in terms of well being I have had similar experiences and by the gods did I learn that my well being is to be respected over any enlightenment or insight the real lesson here is to respect yourself, but that is merely my opinion, my perspective

I absolutely despise self-sabotage as well

in my experience I get overwhelmed when I lose track of my good habits these core habits keep me in clarity: a 5 min meditation every day going to sleep at a proper time, that being before midnight drinking water I would really recommend the small meditation, every day, like a daily tuning to your divinity you could use the endurance and the clarity that a daily meditation practice offers up there's no way around it though, when it comes to meditation you have to do it, especially in those times of need, but it instantly reaps benefit, just keep it to a small meditation it doesn't have to be much really no one controls anything, any verdict is given to with and by life itself in accordance to all of its creation, and its always about love, but there's this evolution aspect as well I do not have any kids so I know I do not see as a parent, but your child is primarily a child of life, a spiritual being just as courageous as yourself that came into this world, just as godly powerful as you, allowing your child to be part of life, not in a way that you actively seek out bad experiences for your child, but in a way that you let your child be part of life as it is, this will liberate your child but also liberate yourself this is of course my personal opinion the moment you earnestly ask a question you already have the answer blooming inside you to structure a question you have to structure the answer, the fact that you ask these 4 questions is amazing, to me I see 4 answers I'll go as far as to say that an answer enters our large awareness, and to integrate this answer we ask a question

only ego sees ego overcoming your own ego is the first step now overcome the ego of everyone you meet, no matter what their background do not hear ego, hear life

one of my fears used to be ending up in prison prison is the ultimate of staleness, being stuck to a small room, a courtyard, no stimulation, no growth, an unfriendly at atmosphere these fears now crumble as I have watched my world evolve, not even a prison can contain enlightenment divinity showers everywhere, the prison building itself would take a new appearance every month, I'd keep exploring, I cannot be stuck a prison cell could develop so much space it could evolve to being as large and spacious as a football field every single being in that prison would evolve, enlightenment energy is always shared, its like a supernova, every atom is affected, life creates itself my fears dissapear now this is all within my stream, if I were to volunatarily go to prison just to prove that I'd thrive in prison to myself it would be pure hell but if ever, through the stream of life I naturally end up in prison there will be no conflict, only resonation with life, evolution, and my purpose there would be followed through My purpose is to share that enlightenment really has it all, all limits will be laid to rest, our true nature is freedom and love

well if we're talking about not possibly stressing your girlfriend then that is indeed a chill trip a normal amount of maoi, usually one shot glass 1/4th of a shot of the ayahuasca brew (the leaves with dmt) the "normal" dose is one full shot, but I assure you my best experiences with ayahuasca were on very low doses, those experiences were completely magical, wonderful and full of insights in hindsight my experience with a "normal" dose were a trainwreck, big insights at big prices, while low doses gave me big insights and a wonderfully smooth experience you can go very far with ayahuasca, my experience is my own, this really the sort of substance that can take you into another dimension, literally, this is like unexplored territory, ayahuasca has an unimaginable amount to offer, just be careful, take your time with it, integrate the one thing not do is to chase some big trip that will blow your mind, cause this can blow straight to real hell, mistakes of my own, but again this is my experience, there are people having wonderful experiences with normal doses of ayahuasca

I think if you want your gf to sit for you she should read up on a bunch of trip reports related to ayahuasca, so that she can at least know what to expect it can be a positive experience if you're careful for a first time doing ayahuasca I suggest taking 1/4th of a dose at least a week to integrate then you can go up to 1/2th of a dose and so on this is strong stuff and if you're going to do without an experienced guide you have to take it easy I suggest for the first time even doing this with a reliable friend, 2 sitters for the first time you take a full dose, 2 sitters who are informed about ayahuasca one inexperienced sitter for ayahuasca is not enough, this stuff is insanely strong and can easily overwhelm anyone if anything I hope you've done shrooms before, they bring just as much insights

look dude it takes energy to turn shit around I think you're hitting a turning point but I see a general symptom of negative change you're about to make some big changes in your life and you're reasoning that in your mind by telling yourself that what you've been doing up until now is shit and that is why shit "needs to change" change is coming, change is there, don't let your negative beliefs take credit for this change this is the belief of change by breakdown, that somehow any improvement you manage to perceive is a sign that your life has been lacking, as if those new improvements are completely unrelated to your current life the fact that you spend these few months reading up on this forum, changing habits, trying new stuff, this is productive, and this is what led you to this greater clarity over your life what did you expect? to become a disciplined monk in one month, to have it all figured in a couple of weeks? from what I'm reading you're very conscious of who you are and your life, you did it,this is amazing the first lesson is patience you cannot enlighten separately from your current life, you have to enlighten with your current life, be patient, listen to your life

who knows why things are as they are? what is knowing? does it hold meaning to know? all I do is follow my good feelings, those feelings that resonate, those feelings that feel good

well as long as it feels safe, and you feel you've reached a genuine place of spiritual experience I wouldn't worry too much, meditate a bit everyday and non-duality will come visiting you when the time is right, it's the truth, and the truth will surface from every drop of this ocean that is life