Girzo

I want to emphasise this LYING part. I catch myself doing it a lot... "I don't demonize girls," "I don't envy other guys," "I am not butt-hurt," and then I have to tell myself, "You stupid quack you do exactly the same thing as they do." Example, there was this girl who started hitting up on a guy 2 days after we have had intercourse. We were together in a group on a vaction trip. After the trip I started making up a story that it did hurt me and it was partially true, but when you consider the fact I wanted to go and have sex with some hot Spanish girl too, the whole narration of being hurt is NONSENSE It's not the reason to judge someone, because they do the same fucked up shit as you do, but more effectively. That's just making yourself a victim and giving others a power over your well-being. @YaNanNallari You could have added that to your first post.

@Spiral Yes, that's why I have added a part about inevitably becoming interested in each other's hobbies. Maybe I have phrased it badly in a previous post. If you really care about a person you will eventually become interested in what she is interested in, and it works both ways. So as long as your hobbies are not totally lame and boring, and you are passionate about them, I think they don't have to be the same.

@Spiral True, but it can be easily fixed. You just go out and have fun together. We are all humans and there's always a plenty of topics that almost everyone can relate, like taking a shit kind of jokes or age-related activities like studying at school or finding a job. Common hobbies are not a must-have in my opinion. I see a possibilty that I would become interested in what my hipothetical girlfriend is doing, just because it's she who is doing this. And I think this can work mutually. But I totally feel you. I would actually like to have a girlfriend who is into spirituality, psychedelics, marketing and the same age as me - more than a casual girlfriend I just have fun with and as you say carnal pleasures.

Lack of hot girls to approach and deficiency of female friends. Possible solutions of this situation in my case are: moving to a city, starting education at the university, attend local events, like "foreign language lovers" coffee meetings, changing a status from friend to boyfriend material with cool girls I already know, going to the clubs more often, spending more time outside the house, ask some girl on the internet to learn with me to the end of high school exams. None of which seem really appealing at this moment. I hope it helps you at least a little bit.

Trip Report - AL-LAD, 150mcg SET&SETTING: After school (15:30), knowing the next day lessons are at 8:00, one tab of AL-LAD (150mcg, untested) was ingested. Parents magically disappeared to do the shopping until 19:45. Empty stomach, one banana eaten during the trip, zero nausea. Eating fatty food and donout at the end of the trip resulted in feeling "tired" in the stomach. ACTUAL TRIP: Started off with music, then dropped it. Without it a lot of dreamy thoughts have appeared. These were resisted and trying to contemplate the substance of reality was choosen, although it didn't go smooth. The main conclusion is that there is no perciever and no perception. Some emotional baggage realted to male-female relationships was brought up and mainly ignored. Advice was given to actually understand the situation. Mechanism behind the scenes did exactly what it was supposed to do. Actually appreciate experiences given and enjoy the possibility to grow. All the pain is created in the mind and the story of being hurt reinforces the ego. What was given during this trip is an ability to see reality as non-existent during self-inquiry. During this trip there were moments when I was a higher intelligence teaching the ego how it should behave, giving myself insights. It reminds me of a psychological concept of superego, ego and id. It was choosen not to assume existence of any entities, including myself, so there haven't been any creatures met during this experience. SIDE NOTES: Insights from the trip get clearer with every day and somtimes drastically change contradicting the previous thoughts. It's like they are maturing by themselves. Next trip needs better preparation. In every possible way. It would be better if there was more self-inquiry done prior to the experience. Also less social contact and even less external stimuli. There should be no fear of someone interrupting and no fear of losing mind. 150mcg seems somewhat over-the-top for a party setting, extrapolating from this experience, sticking with a little bit less will probably result in cleaner experience. At the same time effects may get killed with reasoning. It needs to be tested, but it's always better to test with lower dosage. I get curious about the correlation between realms of experience and Truth. I assume they are a distraction when it comes to pursuing Enlightement, but it's amazing what's possibly possible. Whole reality feels magical for the first time in my life. Effects on the body were moderate, but they are still there in a mild form three days later. Whole body feels different, but still tensed. There wasn't any energy release throughout this trip.

NEW UPDATE 30.11.17 #48 + I drove a car to school today. My twisted ankle is getting better with every day. Karolina has been asked on a date by me today. It failed due to logistics on her side. That or she simply rejects me in a nice way, because I am her classmate. There's waiting in a queue. There's some irritation. #publichealthcare 29.11.17 #47 = I have not slept well. Work was being done until 01:00. It was a very messy proccess. It was realized that I am self-deceptive quack. Telling myself stories that hurt, although they are not real. And this is just another story. During self-inquiry session, there was a feeling of reality getting dissolved. It got as deep as seeing thought wireframes of personal reality. There were thoughtless moments, sadly it didn't dissolve ego completely even for a moment. Quality over quantity. This applies to consciousness work very much. Work on becoming cool with not being funny, not having anything interesting to say, but on the other-hand improve those qualities. Yet, don't focus on them too much. There are bigger fishes to fry. Establish a self-inquiry habit. Coffee gives me diarrhea. Avoid it, it works and allows to work on a high gear even without sleep, but is not sustainable and has some strong side effects. Focus on a healthy diet instead. Get back to improving your diet. Be consciouss of everything you put into your mouth and see what results you get. Observe your state of mind, bodily sensations, energy levels, awareness capabilities and their correlation with food you ingest. I forgot to make an entry this day. It was supplemented on 30.11.17. 28.11.17 #46 + Psychedlics were done today. It was kind of hard to fall asleep. Eyes were dilated for full 8 hours on al-lad. 27.11.17 #45 = I have slept alll.. day. 26.11.17 #44 = How do I get out of this shithole? Invasive thought come and creep inside my head. I am unconscious most of the day. STOP foucsing on that and making a narration. Don't beat yourself up. Simply start working towards better future. Be patient to a hardcore extent. Sleep is important. Don't hesitate to take a nap, don't hesitate to meditate. 25.11.17 #43 - I am spontaneously going deep with my meditation. Lack of sleep and my head hurts. I continue to work. I need to get out of this loop. Ate too much today, my stomach hurts. Gyros. Few fruits. Donut. Sandwich with chocolate creme. Some bread and bortsch. Some sweets. Salty breadsticks. Toast. - It's a bad mix. I need to clean myself a little bit after this weekend. 24.11.17 #42 - Same story as day before. 23.11.17 #41 - I did some work. It went terrible, I was doing it for like 5 hours and ended up around 1 AM. I think Capoeira might be interesting. 22.11.17 #40 = Ego backlash - day next. I hardly can force myself to do anything. There were exhaustsing tests at school. I have meditated, but it's not what it can be. I can do better. I became unaware of egoic structure that was in front of me for a couple of days. It hasn't disappeared, but reinforced itself and now is strong again. 21.11.17 #39 -- I experience massive unconsciousness backlash. I am stressed out by a lot. Ate too much meat with veggies and now feel tired from digestion of these foods. I am doing maths. There's a deep sense of something like a Core inside of me. Something that's sitting there steadily and working non-stop.

Hah, it often happens to me that I want to see gross experience, when really what I am after is a subtle thing. But then you notice this subtle thing and it becomes GROSS. Quite a paradox.

@egoless how I see it; most people will agree that what you see or hear is not "real", it's a subjective perspective created the moment you see it. Now you just need to drop an idea that there is a "brain" where it happens or objective physical reality which is percived. There's only this personal illusory perception which is Nothing. You can say it either exists or don't exist, because it's of different quality and neither of these words describe it in full, that's why capitalized words are used to indicate that. I am sorry I can't describe it better, but I don't fully understand that yet myself.

I would say to focus on intensity. Doesn't matter what you feel, just make your experience intense. Like in anger or extasy, put all you have into it. Sit focused like you would want to kill a man right now. Sit in a so intense manner that people are afraid to come by.

I am amazed that it has triggered you guys and can't disagree more with what you are saying. I think you are misunderstading what this list is. It's not a set of rules that one has to neurotically comply with, but guidelines that make you aware where your interaction is going and how to alter it's direction. It's a basic chimp stuff and it will happen to you whether you like it or not. People do these things unconsciously. Knowing the tricks, you can act in adequate manner when someone is using them on you. It's not only an offensive tool, but also defensive.

@Ilya Ego tries many different things to avoid getting hurt. I think you are lying to yourself. If you didn't want a girlfriend you wouldn't be here asking this question. Drop the narration and see what's left. That is what you really want. Don't tell me what it is, don't write it here, but answer for yourself.

No sugar, no processed foods - that's what you aim for. How to know if something is good for you? You put it into your mouth and observe your body's performance during whole day. You see good results, you repeat and observe effects over the course of weeks. That's the best option imo, to do it mindfully. Research Dr. Gregers Daily Dozen or yogis' diets to get the idea of what is good food.

Thanks for pointing out. I have used wrong word here, changed to "permission", now it has a slightly different meaning.

You know, the moment that desire to have a girlfriend is wasting more of your time than actually getting one is the moment you take action and go for it. Having a girlfriend is fun. If the self-development journey is not giving you enough fulfillment yet (and it's not as I see it from the very fact that you are asking this question), then a girlfriend is exactly what you need. There's no point in making life a torture, so if your life is dull right now I would say go and find yourself a partner. As to how, I find old materials of Leo very useful. He points out there the most common problems guys have: being needy; not going out and being social; not approaching women; difficulty talking to women; not being immediately sexual enough; not taking the lead; not closing the deal; and having a bad text game. Contemplate and work on those and everything will turn out naturally. You don't need to perfect at all of those, but the more, the higher your chances.

Drop the narration and stop creating problems.

Yes, I want to become a millionaire. Not to have a fancy lifestyle, but to be able to live distraction-free, not to worry about a crappy job and being able to execute on my life purpose, whatever it turns out to be.

@Ilya That's what I do. Self-inquiry > meditation. Distinction between them isn't sharp for me, it feels really like I am (not)doing both at the same time. Maybe you can relate. I think self-inquiry IS meditation, it's just more demanding than mindfulness, so it's hard to do it 8 hours straight, that's why I believe there are other techniques. 1 hour Strong Determination Sitting is easier than 30 minutes of Self-inquiry IMO.

I vouch for endmyopia.org. It feels more legit than other methods. Obviously in the beginning it was a lot like a scam, but that's how you do it, people are lazy and constantly distracted, so you need to cheat them a little bit, promise too much, so they start taking action. It's called marketing. The truth is that the field of treating myopia is seriously underresearched, because other methods are kind of working and profitable, so there is no incentive. Get used to a lot of bullshit when looking for a natural solution. It's a field full of dogma, stupid ideas and trickery. Almost like spirituality, so a lot of people here is already used to that. Rule of thumb is to test everything yourself, after you check if it's safe. I see many analogies between curing myopia and other illnesses. I think it's possible, but very demanding, like cleaning up a diet to reverse heart disease, you need to change your daily habits to improve vision. That's why only a few people succeeds. It's hard to achieve in our modern times. Myopia is just an adaptation to closeup environment.

Learn how to make them interested in what you are going to say. It's possible to manipulate people (and I don't mean that in a bad way), but you need to ask yourself: is that really what I want, or is it just a neurotic behaviour?

Man, you are contradicting yourself. Contemplate.

In my experience 75ug is almost like nothing. Like a cup of coffee. It's not even comparable to higher doses. I would only take it if I wanted to meditate all day, but not trip and needed that extra boost of awareness to start off.

@Orange I just ask myself how do I feel compared to the day before. Better or worse? By how much? It's totally biased, but fun, so I do it anyways

Weekly update: 20.11.17 #38 = I am ok mood-wise, but feel somewhat unproductive. But it's improving. Diet is ok. I get angry at people for now reason. I feel more and more energy flowing through the body. Whatever it means. NOTE TO MYSELF: I would like to contemplate more. 19.11.17 #37 = I am feeling weird today. More conscious, less productive A lot of neurosis is like coming out. I focus on stiffness of my body and try to let it go. I also try to allow everything as it is. 4-HO-MiPT is interesting to research. But I have a few lysergamides to go. I will start doing maths. My mind gets clear sometimes. It's cool. I keep on eating healthy stuff. 18.11.17 #36 + Did some work. Ate healthy. Longest and deepest talk with Stefan ever, over 5 hours of talking. 17.11.17 #35 + I over ate on vegies and fruits. It seems to still be below recommended calorie intake. 16.11.17 #34 + Got rid of plaster. Today is a great day! I am happy to start training again. Slowly. Ate pretty clean today. I will take injections for a week more. 15.11.17 #33 = I am feeling anti-social today, still I have a willingness to talk with people. I have become kind of neurotic, a lot of uncontrolled behaviour and nervousness. Today I have eaten: one yoghurt, one sandwich, one mincemeat cutlet, one portion of rice, one carrot - I am starting cleaning up my diet. 14.11.17 #32 + I have had this cool feeling of meditation passing by super quickly I ate fatty sweets and felt bad. Body tries to teach something the mind. I started The Natural pua course again. I think I will go more private and post only interesting stuff here from now on.

Why has this conversation even started? It's so stupid. What I mean: to have a couple you need a man and a woman, right? So when a girl finds a guy easily isn't it also the same for the guy she's with? Woman to man ratio is close to 1:1, so for every @Hardkill that has dating hard, there's also a girl that feels the same. It just can't be the other way.

You did like shit. Is that what you wanted to hear? But it's cool that you write it down. I actually regret not having written a report after every night I went out on. Because I suck now more than in the beggining and there were times when I was doing pretty good. You know, the thing is to feel that magic of approaching, then it becomes like a breeze. Good mood and setting are a must if you are not extraverted. I recommend doing a warm up and training game everyday in front of mirror, it will help with fear of approaching and not knowing what to say later on in a conversation.