Milos Uzelac

It's a very good question having in mind in its one of the core concepts of justifying social beliefs (I think all values fundamentally arise from societal conditioning by a certain social order and myths of doing what's needed in order to ensure a way of life surviving) that are used to guide you on how you should act and what you should do in your life. I approach modern value theory (not just economic) though from a Marxian perspective (through the knowledge that I gathered about it so far). I think it fundamentally boils down today for most of us of understanding of what we value to classical economic theories (which I guessed, at least think I recognized in in illustrating some of your examples in turns of developing talents and surviving in a market based economy with them). This is my current non developed perspective on them though. I would also recommend watching this not to long video of Bodriar on Impossible Exchange where he touches on this issue of what people today mostly perceive value and how it is connected to an attempt of exchangiabiliaty of everything on the marketplace.

Really glad for you that you accomplsihed the goal that you set for yourself and that has changed and helped you become a stronger, more caring, productive, creative and aware personality. I broke a commitment and didn't accomplish a goal that I set for myself that I won't fap till the end of now last year when I relapsed 23rd of December 2019. after a month of basicly restraining myself not to cum, waste semen, cloud my mind, weaken willpower and overall body energy in order to avoid experiencing these costs for abusing my penis for instant gratification, on a journal on this forum thread. This happened because I cowered and panicked due to stress of being late for a college presentation on which I procrastinated on before and didn't effectively prepare and finish and wanted to escape from the stress and responsibility it by binging on porn that night. Since then I relapsed here and there these two weeks and tonight by faping twice on repressed sexual fantasies due to avoidance of thinking about stress and being focused and efficient in studying on an upcoming exam. I am asking you for a short advice If you have the time to answer on this relatively old thread what techniques and habits helped you stay on a committed path successfully this long and having the vision for you without needing mastrubation and not succumbing and being tempted to get instant gratification and pleasure when stressed? I personally have a sort of an anxiety of needing to start a a no fap commitment again in order to be able to be at all focused, last, reduce waste time and regret thought loops and be successful in the whole next semestars plethora of new subjects and those that I transfered from last year in sociology that I study in college that include a lot of mathematics and being focused and committed on studying and being interested in understanding it. Also I feel that we are in a similar life position in terms of similar age I am 21 and in terms of having the most interactions and dependencies in and around family and relatives and personality wise since I am to quite introverted most of the time around and towards people (though I am becoming to see it as more not having much to share in terms of quality experiences and not thinking about and caring enough about other human beings and not taking their problems and struggles nearly enough in my life into account) and being dependent financially on my family (I don't know if thats the case with you if you are more mature and developed than me in that sense). I apologise for the long post If you have time to respond I would greatly appreciate it if not I completely understand this only a part of the issues that put myself into and haven't resolved yet this year to hear your advice and more details on going and being committed on the no fap path for the last 6 months.

1. 20 Minutes of Breath Awareness Meditation. Couldn't keep focusing on the breath for all of the duration got attached and fixated mostly on listening to thought dialogue and narration. Psychosomaticly I felt and I am feeling now a lot fatigue and a depressive state of psyche that heavily surfaced up that almost made me want to lie down and fall a sleep on the bed next to my "study chair," immediatly in order to numb it as I often am tempted too. Feeling of drainage has come to enwrap me afterward and anxiety since I have to run now to make it in time for my English class. Note: Should slowly incorporate Emotion Awareness (techniques from @Nahm Thank you for researching and posting them ?) meditation to slowly get to their root and some morning basic exercises or warm up after a meditation session. This all for that comes up to mind now though the burst of depression is inhibiting of thinking more clearly of what else can I do.

I will put an entry tomorrow or tonight after awareness of thoughts meditation.

I have a vague idea structuring this journal as a gradual ascendance of as much possible expressiveness and openness of my inner beliefs, self-dialogue, experiences, social bond forging and habit building as time management and procrastination of college commitment allows at this moment. This a sketch that I want to put for now in order to have something to return to until I write my goals and manage to set a fixed time later during the day to express myself. I want to add a thought story of a recurring feeling now and then that I don't have a proper phrase to explain it. I came to a belief because of this recurring experience/feeling connected to it that there is a best highest consciousness experiencing of events and outcome of them at the extent of my current awareness during the day, that I can then choose to amplify it (by habitual becomig aware of the unconscious through meditation/contemplation) and invest emotional labor into it or to regress and be sucked into a constant loop of self-referential thoughts of a holistic decay of body, denial of social interaction and social experiences due to a perceived fear of lessening personal integrity and not acting in full honesty due to again fear of the consequences of it to the relationship and mind focus, study resilience and reading speed - (since I mostly am required to develop that habit in studying sociological texts, understanding and applying theory from it in writing essays and reading as much literature besides that to adopt and understand a lot more concepts and to improve my writing capability, style as well as learn grammatically correct and linguistically richer and more nuanced ways of expressing myself in writing in order to be able to pass my exams and come out educated in my field in the next now 2 and a half or 3 and a half years). So to sum up the primary (bold) goals that I conjured up over which I hold a lot of existential/Ego anxiety (due to wanting to avoid possible physical wage labor while I am in Serbia because of lost social benefits of pension for being a self-financed student) but as well as the passionate motivation of improving on them and vision of developing my speech, writing and thinking over these 2 and a half years left (or 3 and a half from which I also harbor a passion on master studies in sociology): 1. Reading 2 books per month at least until March and the beginning of the next semester one on sociology and one on self-help or spirituality, starting now in December on finishing one or two til the end of this month. 2. Finishing the required literature of 200 pages or more (will check and correct tomorrow) for the two exams I have from January 15th. 3. Finishing the required literature of about 250 pages or more (ibid) for the one exam that I will do registration on in February. 4. Being kinder, more helpful, resilient, thoughtful and willing to learn and acquire a few cooking skills and recipes from my grandparent's and father (in order that I can finally learn to cook something for myself) 5. Organizing leftover free time to learn as much as possible the basics of Beginner's German from my father, online programs (MTM) and from private classes from @Manjushri (shoutout ) till next semester 6. Starting socialize and hang out more with friends and girls at my college and meeting new ones outside of it. 7. Developing a close friendly caring bond with the girl I like and also sharing with her personal development tools and giving her when I have advice personal advice, trying to see her and hang out with her as much as possible 8. Doing basic physical exercises for not falling asleep or getting out of study tiredness and fatigue (warm-ups, walks, short runs, push-ups or squats) 9. Meditating Twice a Day: In the morning (need to determine which meditation will try out Breathing in the Morning) and before bed for half an hour or more if I have future social interaction fantasizing and perfectionistic plaining the day ahead thought loops, hypertheorizing and general body stress (lower back pain, shorts spasms due to overthinking, etc.) at night (a combination of thought observance and body scan meditation). (Will write out what I think about and feel at this period of time at night in this journal) 10. Watching at least once or twice a week a personal development video from Leo on a current issues that are most relevant for my development and learning to take relevant and short notes on it in a reasonable time frame. This is the outline of concrete goals that I want to accomplish, however, I will add the ego and psychosomatic obstacles (sleepiness, tiredness, overthinking) for them and methods of overcoming them as soon as I do some actual work. Note on appearing Limiting Beliefs: when writing this I felt my clinginess to logocentricity (focusing on the thought, word, and sentence-style instead of writing out what I feel and thought about completely and openly), using a formal style of writing in this journal, using a lot of phrases and elongating my sentences (even though it still has a lot of errors and style mishaps), laziness in checking and correcting and writing each paragraph, slow writing speed and too much wasted time, attachment to not deleting the whole text for sensing it becoming too detached from my true feelings, somehow autistically not being able to express my feelings through sensibility wording but having the habit of typing in these long sentences and not being a able to stop writing and distracting myself from studying sociology tonight. Oh Boy the Thought Complex Set Commitment: Want to keep updating this journal regularly after a finished day, openly and expressively (not as if I am writing for someone else) and keeping and focusing my mind on the bolded goals. And I apologize in advance for someone wanting to read this Il keep aiming at improving my writing coherence and cohesiveness in order for the journal not being this chaotic and digressive and to actually aim at expressing myself and at the same time being understandable.

Empire Files is also a good source for critical stage green politics and an overview of the hidden negative aspects of American politics and history and some other contemporary developed countries that the U.S. has a relationship with. It comes with its slight Marxist biases here and there of being not too critical of previous 20th-century socialist, anarchists and self-proclaimed 'communist' movements and projects but overall it in the episodes I have seen it mostly hosts highly conscious individuals green to even some yellow individuals (the sociologist Peter Philips and Naom Chomsky come to mind) and other great thinkers. With its interviews, documentaries, and heroic reporting from Abby Martin you'll likely get if consumed consciously and correctly with parallelly reading some literature (which I admit haven't done and binged on it sometimes) a solid basis for systematic political thinking and education and also a lot of new information. Chris Hedges is also an excellent Marxist and anarchistic systemic thinker and also a badass and heroic truth to power journalist, the only complaint I have is maybe sometimes his overly pessimistic outlook on the current world and world history but one which is regardless backed up by facts, knowledge, logic and deep empathy and real-world experiences (I am slightly positively ethnocentrically biased towards him I will admit since he did excellent reporting about the wars in the former Yugoslavia at the start of his career and since I currently live in one of the former republics, Serbia, I got overdrawn to his comparative analysis of the collapse of Yugoslavia and the trends which may cause something similar to that in the current U.S., though I think this hypothesis must be taken with a slight grain of salt and skepticism and I am also positively biased towards his personality and his rich intellectual rhetorical style of interacting and giving talks to other people) his show on RT On Contact also features great thinkers, important current world issues and topics and intellectuals, journalists with also here and their slight stage green Marxist biases.

Day 6 5/10 Day 7 8/10 Day 8 2/10 Day 9 4/10

Saw the posts on No Nut November and have to thank @youngshinzen for giving the inspiration and the idea and the rest of people that are doing it, but since I have decided to attempt not to ejaculate until the start of the next year I'll try to extend it to the whole of December. Reasons: 1)Need energy for studying for an exam and future exams in college in sociology. 2) Want to try simultaneously to set aside a time to accept the shadow (using the Daemon acceptance technique I found out from @Shroomdoctor which I am grateful for) of my porn habit, to reduce jerking off as means of calming my anxieties, fears and neurosis when they come up which Il detail here when I set aside time for it this weekend. 3)To have more confidence with a girl I like in order to eventually try to become closer with her (she is religious and hard working and I want to demonstrate to her and myself that I am capable of refraining myself and not guilting myself for not having control and not focusing on my priorities) 4)* Having more energy to get out of my grandparents apartment and go out and start running at least in the morning until the snow falls or to exercise indoors and having the desire to meditate. Those who see it useful feel free to join in if you want to extend trying not to ejaculate till New Years from now. I'll use the same note system of youngshizen of successful days of not ejaculating marking and intensity of need for it during each one. Motivation and vision not currently strong but lets try to see how it goes ?

Day 4 7/10 Day 5 3/10 Miss to note the last day because of YT distraction a more pressiant issue than this. Will start to journal the neurosis and selfish acts in order to remind to stop myself from falling and procrastinating behind in work again. Task getting up at 5 30 am to meditate, take a walk with my grandmother and start studying.

Day 3 3/10 Too lazy and in a rush to write any synopsis of the day

Day 2 1/10 Reason because I overslept a lot this day and decide to procrastinate my study, but felt passive and relaxed and not needy of any stimulation and consumption besides few hours of information from YT videos on Indo-European pagan and Vedic religions on Survive the Jive channel, downside avoided the work of meditating and exercising, work anxiety on its way tommorow this distraction will have its toll as is my tough to overcome neurotic routine.

@Shroomdoctor I will try it out on Sunday then I'll share the experience thanks again for posting it on the forum ?

Sounds like a good technique thank you for sharing I need something of that sort right now when I try to sit and study to reduce the neurosis and habit from my daemon and its regular backlash when I am suppressing it, I will se to try it out as soon as possible. This caught my eye since I have a similiar addiction (different usually submissive porn though and having the need to when I study for a longer time to distract and numb my thoughts and emotions by jerking) issue (even more neurotic in fact as I am suppressing it then backsliding to it for 2 years now in longer or shorter time intervals). I'll see to share you my experience with the technique since I need to save some energy, focus and willpower for an important exam soon coming up in less then two weeks.

@Matt8800 Right thanks again for the heads up.

@Matt8800 Thanks for the help and advice sorry for not replying momentarily have to turn on my notifications it seems. I will try it out before bed tonight and tommorow morning before the run and when I feel fatigued I will try it to see if it boosts my energy in order not to go lie down and rest and study instead.

I feel you I generally have an depressive ideation and have one today when failing at an important task and succumbing to Internet pornography in order to numb the pain that I now felt today and over the past month or so at a slow path of suicide that my mother took because of still anti societal habits of getting up late, being stuck in my head and not helping family members around and a deep cynicism and judgement to the way my culture works stage blue nationalism and even slightly at some parts red criminal/tribal solidarity mostly is pressuring me since I am not fulfilling my life purpose of a sociologist that I intuitively feel and feel happy about when visualising myself in it to become one of them eventually or to isolate myself and slowly rot away homeless because of not adapting to their stage survival struggle. These depressive ideations are so strong at times that its hard for me to have the will to communicate to anybody or feel for and be sympathetic my family members shared pain for me at times and I strongly feel that I if continue down this path of not being physical skilled and yet having to work a laborious job and failing to finish academy and being stuck that suicide would be the only way out of the suffering and would follow down the path of my mother of isolating myself, abandoning the family and killing myself eventually when the mental pain of my life position intensifies too much. I feel to that if I am not conscious, loving and strong enough I will follow my mothers genetically predisposed upbringing and patterns of behaviour and selfish personality traits in to killing myself by jumping off a building eventually. I feel and think this heavily when I look at my current life's direction so I can't come to grips when contemplating that this is just my belief.

I am not an intellectual but I dabble in theories in college and theorise a lot generally. Yes I feel that I overthink a lot and the only practice that I do is vipassana meditation which even after I am doing a little I feel fatigued afterwards and often go to sleep after when I am doing it in an emotionally or physically tiring mood. I suffer from insomnia and daytime fatigue as well these days which culminated (+getting distracted on working on it by too much data and thinking about it) in failing to prepare properly for an important lecture today for college and had a ruinous experience with family members because of that today. This a long ingrained habit and I need to fix it if I want to continue being able to continue studying at all. I considered running for half an hour tommorow morning but I am interested how do you combine this practice with meditation and do you do it when traveling somewhere and if so how do your combine it during daily activities apart from setting time for it.?

So that's why I feel depressed all the time ? having the need to sleep in during the day (especially after a meditation/contemplation) having a hard time waking up in the morning and not having a routine resisting to do work and not completing anything and doing it on time when I study. Gotta cut the bullshit and unnecessary suffering. Inspiring posts to strive forward to a morning - evening routine. I fall asleep 3-4 am but piss off everyone until I get up till 10 30 am and actually start doing something an hour and a half after that - this not routine slept in heavily the whole day during the last couple of days because of succumbing to depression, pleasure and distractions.

Great I've been thinking (not contemplating unfortunately) of how the poverty of words and concepts in communicating with others (be it people or books) or lack there of (in my current situation) reflects on thoughts (as a product of some sort of communication with the environment) (as for example of poverty: swearing, jargon and so forth) which restricts your sense perception's and knowledge of the workings of reality and self in parts and as a whole and magnifies your negative emotional reactions to events due to thought loops created by the experience of poor communication and interaction with the environment (people in my environment including often me swear a lot at due to negative outcomes and circumstances produced by the effects of poor language communication and concept transaction where as states are not often communicated precisely with adequate honest terms but broadly with undescrptive and emotionally reactive jargon terms disabling the capacity for honest self reflection due to keeping up tough appearances (constructing a social self as way of ought behaving for members of that society as they believe it should be as the only way to last, survive, make social bonds and have hope of prospering) created by thoughts and emotions of dishonest unprecise poor language communication which stems from the discourses of the people who run the state by that way of communicating or at least propagate it into the rest of most of society. This is my theorizing - as well at least and I saw the subject and wanted to contribute my ruminations of it over the last few days though they are mostly related to social theorizing not contemplation or relatively new concrete direct experiences but dispersed and blurt past ones that I had.

I can name an example of Korean Zen Buddhist monks and thier temple headmasters who encouraged them to fight the Japanese Imperial Army in WW2 in order to stop their desecration Buddhist temples and monasteries and the abduction and procuring of Korean women in to sex slavery and later of their encouragement of resistance against North Korean communist policies to wipe out Buddhist communities in north of the country. These temple and monastery headmasters had kept their Ganwanseon* lineage to enlightenment for centuries and some of them could be considered sages by atleast my subjective non empirical non enlightened criteria and point of view from their writing and they called upon self preservation of Koreans and resistance during the countries occupation from 1905 onwards. Guru Nanak founder and first sage of Sikhism encouraged military action and resistance against the Muslim soldiers who attack and destroy Hindu temples and oppress Hindu believers during the rule of the Islamic Mughal dynasty in India in order to preserve Hinduism spiritual heritage in India against iconoclastic fundamentalist Islam. Sikhism was founded as an ethnic spiritual armed resistance for Hindu's as a reaction to the tyranny of fundamentalist Muslim rule. And I wouldn't say Guru Nanak wasn't a Sage because of that seeing again subjectively his biography, sayings and writings. Does survival self-preservation constitute violence as always an aggressive act towards someone or is this violence always a relative response to another kind of violence for example how Islam was founded against repressive, racist (against Hamites - Sudanese and Ethiopian who were mostly slaves to Arabian Semites before Muhammad ) and polytheist practices and tribal lineage rule and trade monopoly in Arabia it is a question of how an mystical movement with a sage comes and lasts about does it necessarially act out in some form of violence in some period of its existence because of the mere existence of violence in the world and through out all of human history for now? A relevant question of the relationship of imagined to be separate beings yet still physical and biologicaly separate in nature.

Been pondering the same question as you for a while, hope someone with insight of it answers. Hope my answers highlights the topic for a discussion.

@Bryanbrax Sorry my bad didn't realize. Thanks for sharing it anyway?

Thanks for the motivation. What was your meditation schedule and what's the Facebook group name I would like to check it out.

@Skanzi Hey I read your post once plan to read it again, sorry for not responding immediately I had a similar attempt that you specified and had the similiar feelings and experiences regarding the subject. Had the same state yesterday after returning from college. Will read it again after I contemplate on it more when it happens again since I haven't overcome it and arrived at its root.

How does one overcome, understand and face one's suicidal thoughts and tendencies in relation: 1. to regressing heavily in personal development 2. not being fully socially adapt and contributing in some ways daily to the rest of your society and 3. not holding to one's own set values dialy that correspond with personal life goal and purpose in relation to self and others Is suicide always unconscious or possibly justified at higher stages of development at a particular context? Is there a time period of going through a form of hell for the ego mind/body that commits an unconscious form of suicide that settles one's energies in order for them to be able give birth to another form of existence? If so how long does it approximately last according to human time understanding? Is there a hierarchical principle of stages of life achievements and personal development at which one dies or commits suicide that determine what will one reincarnate as in samsara after some time? For example if I kill myself now at 22 having not worked a day in my life and not contributing almost nothing to society and still having pretty bad habits of being lazy will I reincarnate for example as a simpler form of life a worm or some plant and how in that context does one through the process of samsara earn to become human again? Does one have the one of the set goals as a newborn human being to overcome one's one inherited family problems (for example such as suicide or tendency of feud and betrayal in the family? and there is also passage in the Old testament of inherited sin, from the book of Numbers 14:18) (I am not in a suicidal mood or rut now I just had theses questions when I was but I haven't overcome the aforementioned problems in the long term yet)