Pat Pagano

Is there any good online websites I can use to get real information on my zodiac information?

@ajasatya WOOOOO! Just ordered 75 grams of iboga root bark and I started therapy and I'm on my way to getting better and facing my wounds head on. Thank you for your response and the video, that made addiction so much clearer to me. Much thanks and love my friend.

@ajasatya Thank you so much for the reply and the video. I completely agree with the video and what you are saying. I plan to totally revamp the way i live once i get the ibogaine and I hope to get to the root causes through therapy and psychs. I have a very dysfunctional romantic relationship right now and I don't feel right with my friends either. Im basically not very comfortable or happy with most aspects of my life but I do love who I am and i recognize my potential which i think is important for motivating me to change. I relate to my family much better than i used to but there is still some dysfunction with my mom. Every time she makes this noise with her throat or nose i get extremely angry and have to leave the situation. Im just in a hole of dysfunction right now and that's what caused the relapse, I couldn't take the emotional pain anymore but just like the video said, it began with pain, and its ending in pain. I also have an addiction to masturbation, weed, and basically any drug i can regularly do without destroying my life. I have a lot of trust issues as well because high school was extremely negative for me and i felt that i was hurt by some people very close to me. I felt betrayed by my friends a few times and when my mom kicked me out i felt betrayed again. My girlfriend broke up with me in the middle of my parents divorce and hook up with a kid right after which made me feel betrayed again. So i jumped back into a relationship right away to escape the pain and that is the person im still with today. We have dated almost 5 years and we cannot have sex because it hurts her to do so (about a year of little to no intimacy). She gets vaginal pain when we attempt to have sex and her therapist thinks its because of unresolved past trauma. We have been talking through this recently which has helped a lot for both of us. I absolutely traumatized her with my addiction habits and lies so i understand completely, although it has caused me to develop an extreme masturbation addiction (up to 5 times a day) which i also feel a lot of shame for because i feel like im doing something wrong and that i shouldn't want to have sex with every girl i see. Im quite skiddish because of being teased and hit by friends and i also got robbed and beaten so i have an extreme fear of being alone with black men i don't know on like a street at night although i have no issue with any race and i love everyone i meet. I still maintain a very low position in my friend group hierarchy and feel like that has always been that way, being the brunt of jokes and whatnot. hahaha sorry trying to think of all my "wounds" right now. I also have a fear of too much attention because of how much negative attention i got in high school for being a very visibly troubled kid. What i am thankful for from all this is my compassion and empathy for others is absurd, like i really really feel for others and always want to help anyone i can. I always see the best in people and will be there for them no matter what, even random homeless people ahaha. so yeah i guess thats most of my wounds and dysfunctions. I see that my addiction stems from these deeper emotional problems and im hoping ibogaine and therapy can help me uncover the issues and change literally my entire life. Thankfully my friends are into nonduality and so that has always been a good thing in my life and has influenced me in more ways than i know. I really appreciate your comments so thank you, your story is inspiring.

Okkkkkk so I will begin by saying I have had addiction problems my whole life (diagnosed poly-substance use disorder) , I drank for the first time at age 9 and was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning when I was 12. Anyhow its been a long journey (21 now) and I got back from rehab almost two years ago exactly. Rehab did something substantial for me but it didn't get rid of the underlying issue. My main drug abuses are benzos and for the past year and a half Kratom that i was originally taking for back pain but surprise surprise, i got addicted (although for the most part it has kept me from doing more serious drugs because of the hole that it fills). I had been clean off of benzos for the two years after rehab but I recently relapsed and bought some research chems from this website that basically was a stronger longer lasting xanax (fully legal analog of alprazolam with one fluorine molecule added). I'm almost completely off of them because it was a short period of abuse and I caught myself before it got worse. I have supplements like phenibut and gabapentin to assist (Thank FUCK). I have also started microdosing mushrooms throughout the week which has help immensely (keeps me from wanting to relapse again by keeping my aware of my goals and where I truly want to be) . I have plans to see a therapist this week and explain my predicament. Here is my question. I expect to be off benzos within the week and my kratom dose is less than 10Gs a day. I have been researching about ibogaine and all the amazing experiences people have had with quitting addictions from using it. I have read reports of people microdosing too get off kratom (opioid) and I plan on getting some from the deep and and i'm in the process of accessing that now and in the coming weeks. Once i am successfully off both drugs, can microdoing over a period of time, stop my addictive thoughts and cravings? I know that flood doses are what really eliminate the addict inside you, but can something similar be achieved with microdsoing over a period? I would flood dose if i could but i don't feel equipped for such an ordeal as i am in college and i don't know an ibogaine specialist. I do 100% intend to take a flood dose in my life at some point but do you think this microdosing deal would be able to substantially help until things are in order for a flood dose? Extremely grateful for any input you might have!!! I cannot let my addiction get in the way of my life purpose and spiritual enlightenment any longer!

When I have tired doing nothing my self-consciousness seems to only get worse but I have been trying to bring as much awareness as I can to the anxiety and it definitely helps like it will dissipate or something. I think doing nothing might be the next step after I get proficient at focusing in on the anxiety.

I will randomly become self conscious and get anxious. I have understood more of what it comes from through contemplation but it is still such a powerful force sometimes. I have tried a few techniques to get past this, and will continue to do so, but I'm very curious of your perspectives and insights. It is such a strange phenomena to me right now because it is not always like this, like sometimes I will be a social butterfly, interacting as genuine and authentic as I can, but it'll do quite the switcharoo hahahaha. This ties into a question about seriousness because it feels very serious when its happening, and not taking it seriously works sometimes but not always. My current perspective on seriousness (not contemplated a ton yet) Is that it is basically just the egos tool for surviving in some way(animistic survival, social survival, existential survival). Please open my mind:) Very much appreciated.

The seeming shittyness is part of the beauty for sure and being grateful for it can really help, like appreciate the suffering, quite counter-intuitive (new vid).

I look at it like this sometimes too bro, don't worry its just a perspective and it changes and one day it will all seem beautiful and magical and amazing....but that is just a perspective too lol. Infinite suffering tho, yeah that's a bitter one to swallow that I'm still tryna get down. The radical implications of oneness really opened me up to that and changed everything for me.

So this really got me excited hahah. I was listening to one of those 24/7 chillstep stations on youtube with my friends and we were reading the live comments because it was fun to just see what people were saying. Well, we saw a comment that said "this link will take you to the explanation of reality and the ultimate truth of the universe explained in 4 pages". So naturally we clicked the link and it took us to what appears to be a nice non-dual online book called "The Ultimate Truth in 4 Pages. The Present" by Micheal Smith. The first 4 pages were indeed deep and it has a total 129 talking about many aspects of the truth. Pretty excited to read it because it looks good so far and I will leave the link here if anyone else wants to read it. I have a feeling that the person who posted it is already on the forum hahah. Never heard of the author before but there are probably thousands of enlightened people I don't know so I won't rule it out. Hope you enjoy! Link: https://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/a449c2_224b92ba0c0e4553ae7c9425f8b4bfe0.pdf

@Nahm Your post from a few days ago has got me really thinking about seriousness and giving me a lot of new ideas on what it is and how it works, why it is here and lots more. Thank you.

The way you explained perspective is really interesting. I have not heard it explained that way before and I really like that. This changes the way I look at babies, comedy, and perspectives ahahah

All of these have absolutely changed the way I think about humor, and I also feel like i have a better grasp of high and low consciousness comedy. I followed this as best as I could today, especially with the flow of perspectives. I had a very good day and it felt like a much more full or rich experience thank you. Also kept in mind a few other posts and the videos. All great perspectives to embody. Thank you all.

Thank you that was very insightful! I also absolutely feel the loss of self when im rolling on the floor crying laughing.

Have you ever played the game Go? I think its like one of the oldest games we know of. Also AI was unable to beat the top go masters and the masters say its because you use intuition during the game. There is also more possible moves then there are "particles" in the universe lol.

Dude your two music suggestions are fucking insane. So good thanks dude.