Steph1988

@Flare Thank you for the feedback. I initially wanted to go in on all the points u made i think it is best to let my own thoughts settle for now, writing down my thoughts is helpful to me and the feedback very much. gonna think about it!

@Kevster Maybe read The gulag archipelago by Alexander Solzhenitsyn for some perspective. Count your blessings! You have a girlfriend do something adventurous with her instead of watching tv. learn a new skill or to appreciate something new. sounds simple maybe but the simple things helped me. ( it took time tho ) good luck.

I work out 4 to 5 days a week now rotating between running,cycling,hitting the heavy bag and push ups/pull ups this seems to work well. Then in the evening or morning i walk a few kilometers. I did boxing for 5 years and running for about 8 now.

I have read your post carefully and i have to say i can very much relate with the overwhelming and extreme nerves you can have before doing something u find scary it is horrible. i had this huge trouble with confronting people until lets say 5 years ago. But some things happened that changed that and that were simply a lot of confrontations in a short amount of time because of the roughness of my new workplace . I grew soo much from that it is like night and day and my life improved very much in that area. U simply get much tougher and leads me to believe that the only way is too practice this is like anything else u want to be good in. U have say what u want to say in spite of the fear, so feel it and then blast right through it. This was the only thing that helped me at least and i can only say what did it for me no books,meditation or anything else only the most scary thing did it and that was ultimately confrontation. since then it has gotten so easy it is no problem at all anymore. I again can relate to this very much especially the having no control over your reactions i still have this problem in other situations that i am nervous even tho i can rationally declare that that is nonsense and i am still nervous. But now i know that i must do the hardest possible thing in that situation and that is too be brave even if i fail and that is not even a fail it is a win the only failure is to not being brave and do or say the thing u want to say. I hope this helps.

@Life Coach Your magical number 7 is as fascinating as it is evil but thank you for being so honest about it. but did you actually do that? if so did it work?

I just had to share this, it starts out about the SJW thing but gets really deep after that about self development conscience god etc its completely worth it to listen to the whole thing very interesting!

I am often not too happy with the jobs i worked but often kinda found a way to deal with it best i can. Working in the kitchen can be very tiring sometimes,long days, annoying boss, stress and sometimes just very boring but it gets slightly better now because i try to make to best of it. - i have many colleagues so u experiment on the different personalities working there like seeing the petty power struggles, working on social skills, little bit of flirting when having the opportunity etc. - when i need to get something i have to go upstairs i always run the stairs and when i come down there is a little thing to grab on too so i can practice pull ups. - practicing mindfulness when doing boring tasks like opening oysters for an hour actually a good exercise. - breaking time records for all kinds of stuff i do and keeping track of those. this could be an example i think to make the best of it.

@Vercingetorix I am very curious how is your progress? what is the difference in you before you did this? because u put in so much effort and i can have only respect for that very impressive But i am a little skeptical about spending this much time on it because it seems to be become an end in itself which of course no problem and just a personal interest. But is this just an exercise in self control to get the stuff u want? Or are you doing this as an end in itself? if it is the first would 20 minutes of meditation not be better? so u can spend the rest of your time on action for lack of a better word (because what you do is taking action as well i get that ) enlighten me please .

a bit of laziness and having no idea what to sell to people. also doubt off being good enough to sell something because i feel everything we need is already out there. i think i make a post about this in the future because i find this a very difficult topic.

Sing me a song, you're a singer do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil The Devil is never a maker the less that you give, you're a taker So it's on and on and on, it's Heaven and Hell, oh well The lover of life's not a sinner The ending is just a beginner The closer you get to the meaning the sooner you'll know that you're dreaming So it's on and on and on, oh it's on and on and on It goes on and on and on, Heaven and Hell I can tell, fool, fool! Well if it seems to be real, it's illusion for every moment of truth, there's confusion in life Love can be seen as the answer, but nobody bleeds for the dancer and it's on and on, on and on and on.... They say that life's a carousel Spinning fast, you've got to ride it well The world is full of Kings and Queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams It's Heaven and Hell, oh well And they'll tell you black is really white The moon is just the sun at night And when you walk in golden halls you get to keep the gold that falls It's Heaven and Hell, oh no! Fool, fool! You've got to bleed for the dancer! Fool, fool! Look for the answer! Fool, fool, fool!

Last i would like to add that as a solution is to either help victims stand up for themselves or help them directly no matter the cost in social standing. If we are in a certain way responsible for everything that happens in the world even if u fight a lonely battle that action would be significant i truly believe that. I clearly remember i was about 18 years old and very inexperienced, I got to work in this kitchen where someone was mercilessly bullied for a at least a whole year until he needed to go to therapy. they left me alone and i was kinda scared myself so i kept silent But if there is self actualizing to be done i believe that not standing idly by like most people do will be a major victory for yourself and others.

After working over 10 years in many kitchens i saw a lot of bullying and people being pushed around and in the management functions it is often even worse. I used to be pushed around in the early years because i guessed i was in the wrong, I am inexperienced, I do stupid things. Now i realize that is often not the case and there is just a lot of attempts at controlling involved i guess for its own sake. So u begin to develop a thick skin and being generally well spoken i began build up an effective defense. When i see someone actively try to control me for their own well being i often see that as the ultimate insult and i just want to completely crush them i want to see them break and sometimes that worked wonders. But i don't like this at all i am not like this, i want everyone to help each other grow, i never started it, this is what i think to myself, it is so damn primitive. My worldview can grow cynical at times because i see it everywhere and the idea of humanity being one can sometimes feel like woowoo hippie stuff. How would an enlightened person handle this then? do they want revenge? do they want to crush their attackers? because sometimes its just a necessity, It is better then being pushed around all the time.

@Key Elements Yes i agree But there is no running from it, it happens everywhere and i worked in over a dozen places now, maybe if u start a business or work from home but even then you have to be lucky And i feel well armed at the moment. That saying always scares me a little BTW Lots of people are mean, and most of them not openly bullying even, but gossiping, snitching on each other to win the favor of the management etc. I have seen some disgusting shit and that won't be limited to the hospitality industry. @tyy As for influencing your mindset of young people well in the worst case u would be traumatized for life i think. my mother is a teacher and i hear lots of stories. In a better case u fight it off successfully but u will not be as open as before. It make's you less spontaneous i think. Parents have to instill values in their children. U hear politician's say it but at the same time there is a trend that parents both work, put children on daycare, put them in front of the TV and those things are often not addressed so how can we be surprised I think there is a huge lack of personal value's in this culture otherwise i cannot explain why'' GROWNUP!'' people snitch on each other to win the favor off their boss. So rant over.

There is too much, i failed at trying to do everything at once u get burned out ( however that experience served its purpose too ) For now and the coming years mainly exercise and dating all the while keeping myself too some smaller goals - saving as much money as i can - playing an average of 1-2 hours of guitar a day that replaced my little video game addiction with a certain succes that's it for now i keep my interests for reading and history but this is it mostly otherwise it would be too much and i do not define further goals at the moment because it would be distracting i just work on this for the next few years although important is i think too take opportunities and be flexible.

Ah yes now i understand great posts! I think i applied that strategy a few times without realizing it and I think i got better at that lately. But being vindictive can sometimes sneak back in i got to keep an eye on that more. interesting stuff.

U missed the point i think

Well i am not THAT sensitive i know what you talk about but i don't mean just the rough attitude i can live with that.

Yes that is very true i think

I don't understand i looked that word up assertion=A statement that you strongly believe is true.

Always INTJ for me but i relate to the INTP aswell Interesting that my thinking is 85% over feeling huge difference

i explain nothing anymore it doesn't work that way mostly it seems. But when i care about someone i just do not use the self development terminology i don't mention it as a subject. But what sometimes does work is asking question's just ask question's that are so hard they have to think for themselves and they have to leave all automatic beliefs behind for a moment. I find that amusing as well

What works best for me is humor sometimes i am a little trapped into my own head thinking about huge topics, and i like that but humor is what gets me out, to see the absurdity in everything.

- Music - my cats - Withholding laughter with a good friend because u both saw something absurd and u thought the same thing but it is inappropriate to laugh - good pranks - cooking something awesome - this whole video

Grats from a fellow cook and guitarplayer! i am interested how it will work out for you.