MsNobody

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Everything posted by MsNobody

  1. I’m originally from Brazil but have been in US for 4 years, and to be honest I have not voted in a long time. The political situation in Brazil right now is very intense and my knowledge in politics is below 0, given that if I was in Brazil I would be a Bolsonaro fan (Trump of the south) you would get a feeling of where I’m at. 🙈 In Spiral dynamics I’m guessing since I left Brazil I embodied blue and I find myself now somewhere between orange and green, also have had turquoise experiences through psychedelics and am fascinated with Yellow stage. My whole family is Bolsonaro, but my heart hurts just from seeing what he is doing with the indigenous people in Brazil and with Amazon itself, so I completely avoid any political conversations with my family and friends in Brazil. I’m aware of my ignorance in the subject and that’s why I come here to ask you guys for videos about politics for beginners, I consider myself a liberal but can’t say much since I don’t really know about the subject in depth, it’s difficult to find videos with a yellow stage POV where the subject is not being presented from only one POV, so I’m struggling to find good content, I also accept book recommendations. So far I found those: I feel like I need a good foundation to be able to watch and understand Leo’s new video. halp! 💛
  2. Haha that’s cute! @Florian This is such an interesting topic. I’ve also been noticing that more and more, the masculine traits are the ones society values the most because the era we are in right now is the era of information and materialism, you aren’t being paid well if you have good social skills, if you are empathetic, warm hearted, have character, is a kind person, people don’t give a fuck about your personality, what they care about is agility, production, rationality, logic, everything needs to be fast, doesn’t matter much the quality as long as you keep it up with the capitalist system. Of course there are exceptions but you are right, women are being encouraged to be more masculine (because it’s what materialistic society values) and men repressing their feminine side because they do t get anything out of expressing the feminine traits, which created an unbalanced society. But I feel like things are changing, slowly but it’s happening, as stage green takes over little by little, more women are in power and people are becoming more aware of the impact of the masculine society in our minds and specially on the environment, the masculine society is not sustainable in the long run, as you see our “homo sapiens” (not that sapiens) specie is gonna go extinct if we keep doing what we are doing. If you see the Egyptians were a feminine centered society, woman were honored because of their power of bringing life to earth, and most interesting is that you would think a feminine centered society would only value women traits and would consider feminine traits to be more important but no, part of being feminine means accepting, embracing, an honoring both, which values both masculine and feminine and creates a balanced society.
  3. Some other views on ADHD
  4. @Arcangelo Congrats!!! But I would drop the "I am an alcoholic" label too, it's gonna come back to hunt you if you keep reinforcing and telling it to yourself. @Hansu All addictions come from fear of emptiness, like Leo talks about in his video about addiction, and the best way to face the emptiness is to practice meditation, the more you practice the more you will become aware of how you are trying to fill that empty space with alcohol, sugar or whatever the addiction is. I've been struggling with many addictions yourself and the harsh approach never really worked, if you hit the ego right in the head is gonna turn back even stronger to get you, I try to see the ego as a wild child, how do you treat a child? with violence or with a compassionate approach? I quit alcohol too, I realized I was just drinking to make everything more fun, my friends were not fun enough, they were not stimulating me enough, so I would drink alcohol like Hemingway said, to make other people more interesting, instead of realizing what I should actually change was my circle of friends. I quit meat, weed, coffee, alcohol, buying and many other things, none of them I would be able to do with the cold turkey masculine approach, I'm aware I've gone through many things in my childhood and I have compassion with my inner child, when I quit meat I never said I was on a "diet" I didn't want to create the mindset that something was lacking, when you hear the word diet the first thing your mind thinks is that it will lose something, instead I just avoided eating meat and thought about what I was gaining with the new habit, better health, helping the environment etc. With any thing I was taking out I would replace with something better, healthier, and not see it as a sacrifice, change your internal self talk, with no judgments, be the observer, every little thing you do has a reason behind it, if not traumas, society, but don't also get trapped in the victim mentality, things happened, but you have the power to change it, you have control, but do it through love and not hate, make the process something pleasant, that's how you know it will last. The biggest problem with addiction is not the quitting part, is when you fall back, and get trapped in the internal judgmental self talk "oh my god, I did it again, I'm not capable of doing anything, everyone can do it but not me, I'm terrible, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to do it, now fuck it I won't try anything else, I'm such a bad person bla bla bla", when you drink again, eat again, that's the moment you can be the observer, watch yourself with total detachment and if possible with compassion, start back again. This will happen many times, so learn a technique to get back up again, don't focus your attention too much in the beginning part, in days, in weeks, it's a lifestyle you are trying to build, it takes time, also don't focus on time, if it's a lifestyle and not a diet it's something for life, so take your time. With all addictions you will have to go through your self talk so improve that main thing. Sorry for the long the post.
  5. Reminds me of a quote from Camus: "The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind"
  6. Gabor Mate has a lot of material related to addiction, check it out.
  7. Fascinating! Thanks She is too complex.. people don't like to think nowadays, they want easy and fast unfortunately
  8. Reminds me of something I read those days. I AM The One. All this is me. Fathom I mislaid this most precious jewel, and forgot, my Soul is forever free — When I think toward a time when I was not, the mind melts. When I move within the place that once contained me, the body passes through. My ears are all hearing, yet I hear silences sing in unison. My vision is unobscured, still I see nothing. Now lost in knowing, too wise for wisdom, too holy to pray. I realize I am again the no-thing. That mad, merciless mystery. And finally, at once, the nothing, is utterly me. So hold my hand, I shall take you nowhere. Trace my steps, I shall lead you toward emptiness. Listen to my words, I shall speak in silence. I sing a freedom song. I walk a victory march. I dance naked, and enter the void. Follow me—
  9. @Farnaby https://londonreal.tv/e/mantak-chia-sexual-healing/ London Real interviewed Mantak Chia, really useful stuff!
  10. @Good-boy “banging” hard sounds like what I just said: men trying to prove their masculinity in bed, it seems like he is looking for a deeper connection, if he follows your advice she will most likely be scared 🙄😂 I would say Tantra is like martial arts in bed, it isn’t related to strength or speed, but with technique and wisdom. If he wanted the regular western sex you just mentioned it would be similar to ufc, everything is allowed and the one who “bangs” harder is the winner, but in Tantra there is no winner, it’s a dance with total surrender where you melt into each other so there isn’t a self to win.
  11. @Farnaby the key to surrender is to put your ego aside and get lost in the moment, I tend to get lost in whatever I do because I'm an emotional person but for rationals it can be a little hard. I love Osho teachings towards sex: Sex Is Your Life, Ego Is just Your Mind “Sex is the only energy that gives you hints that there is something which you cannot control. Money you can control, politics you can control, the market you can control, knowledge you can control, science you can control, morality you can control. Somewhere, sex brings in a totally different world: you cannot control it. And the ego is the great controller. It is happy if it can control, it is unhappy if it cannot control. So there starts a conflict between ego and sex. Remember, it is a losing battle. The ego cannot win it because ego is just superficial. Sex is very deep-rooted. Sex is your life; ego is just your mind, your head. Sex has roots all over you; ego has roots only in your ideas – very superficial, just in the head.” "People who are afraid of love are not afraid of sex. Love is dangerous; sex is not dangerous, it can be manipulated. There are now many manuals on how to do it. You can manipulate it – sex can become a technique. Love can never become a technique. If in sex you try to remain in control, then even sex will not help to reach the ultimate. It will go to a certain point and you will drop back, because somewhere it also needs a let-go. "That's why orgasm is becoming more and more difficult. Ejaculation is not orgasm, to give birth to children is not orgasmic. Orgasm is the involvement of the total body: mind, body, soul, all together. You vibrate, your whole being vibrates, from the toes to the head. You are no longer in control; existence has taken possession of you and you don't know who you are. It is like a madness, it is like a sleep, it is like meditation, it is like death." “When you follow Tantra you move through sex. And that is Tantra's path; you allow nature a total surrender. It is a let-go – you don't fight; it is not a path of a warrior. You don't struggle; you surrender to wherever nature leads. Nature leads into sex, you surrender to sex. You completely move into it with no guilt, with no concept of sin. “Tantra has no concept of sin, no guilt. Move into sex. Just remain alert, watching what is happening. Be alert, mindful of what is going on, but don't try to control it, don't try to contain yourself; allow the flow. Move into the woman, let the woman move into you. Let yourselves become a circle and remain the watcher. Through this watching and let-go, Tantra achieves a transcendence; sex disappears. This is one way to go beyond nature because going beyond sex is going beyond nature.” "Sex can give you the answer to what the reality of life is because sex is the most alive thing in you. Mind is the most dead thing in you and sex is the most alive thing in you. That is why mind is always against sex, and mind is always for suppressing it. They are enemies. Mind is a dead thing and sex is the life force; they go on fighting. And whenever you move into sex, the mind feels frustrated and the mind says, "This is wrong. Do not move into it again. "The mind becomes the moralizer, the mind becomes the puritan, the mind becomes the priest. The mind goes on condemning. All that is alive the mind goes on condemning and all that is dead the mind goes on worshipping. And sex is the most alive thing in you because life comes through it: you are born through it, you can give birth through it. Wherever there is life, aliveness, sex is the source." Some of my partners struggled with that too, and I would talk about it, that's how I ended up studying all of that, I take my responsibility and this is my approach but not everyone thinks the same.
  12. @Farnaby Just stop having sex thinking about the orgasm, orgasm is in the future, if you are in the moment connected to the other person you are busy with the connection, looking in the eye, feelings the sensations in your body, your ego is the one thinking if it's doing a good job, it's not much that you are concerned about her, men love to show their masculinity in bed, it's about themselves in the end, it's a manly thing to do so make sure you are not trying to prove anything, you are there for the connection not for the orgasm, also you need to communicate with her, this is very important. Another problem is that many woman don't do their 50% part in bed, it's just how we were culturally taught, we just lay down there and wait for the men do to everything, that's also the reason many woman experience pain during sex, the musculature of their vaginas are not even being used, it's relaxed instead of working and of course more vulnerable, like someone punching your abs while you are flexing, but if you are not flexing is gonna hurt a lot, don't think woman are all sensitive, a child is born from our vaginas so the "instrument" was very well built if you know how to use it, but going back to the point, they let the men do everything and their bodies are not in sync, woman also need to participate in sex and connect with their inner power, know about their bodies and what gives them pleasure, men's impulses are much stronger than women's, that's why we need foreplay to build it up, I always take responsibility if the men is cumming fast, it's not like I'm watching someone do their thing by themselves, I participate in the act and can't get mad at something I participated on, that's why it's important to communicate and see what he is thinking about all of it. Sex is like a dance, when you start thinking how well you are performing, when you are self conscious, too much in your head the dance is terrible, when you lose yourself to the dance, when you are lost in the act itself, when you are able to SURRENDER, then you dance beautifully and effortless. I realized that when I'm able to surrender and more concerned with my own pleasure the connection is much deeper and the sex better, I also need eye connection, I need to look in the eyes of the other person, while I think men are more into looking at the body etc, orgasm is called little death, when you have one you are not thinking anything, you are not thinking about the future, you are totally in the moment, the intensity of the female orgasm is measured by the amount of freedom she feels to express herself, and to surrender to the person she is with. Try to connect with her body, get out of your head a little, and feel more your body, put the awareness in the other parts of your body besides your dick. This also requires practice, but it's fascinating when you are able to control your orgasm and the whole sex feels like you are having one, not only in the moment of the ejaculation. Also read up tantra.
  13. @kieranperez Uhhhh I love love love this!! Exactly what I said, it seems to be acquired too, we are in the information era, our brains are just adapting to the changes, it's not a deficit of attention, it's a hyper attention @outlandish I think I would but maybe on the last days. Thank you the skulls are inspired in a drawing from Alex Grey
  14. ACOMMODATIONS Here I go again in my egoless trip.. This time I was able to go much deeper because I was in a room, with own bathroom and everything, my first time I was sleep deprived because I was camping, it was too hot during the day, too cold at night, animals crawling around the tent, many external difficulties, so once I felt safe with my surroundings I dove within myself. GONG RINGER First day comes, the coordinator asks if any old student can volunteer to be the gong ringer and my higher self, who got there earlier than my ego, lifted its hand, this was awesome because in the first retreat instead of waking up at 4am I was sleeping till breakfast at 6:30am, very sloppy, so this time I was waking up 3:50am and I had the chance to do things differently and make better use of my time there. VIPASSANA 1 AND 2 It's been almost two years and OMG I grew so so so much from this last post. I'm much more mature but at the same time that first Vipassana brought so much madness into my life, it broke me up in such a way that I really found my real deepest self, in terms of personality, I went through a hedonic phase of exploration that brought me a lot of new perspectives and experiences. Fascinating! This time I won't mention details cause I want to go deeper in this report, but you can check out my first Vipassana here: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/12559-vipassana-retreat-loving-trump-unconditionally-and-meeting-an-escort/#comment-130590 ADDICTIONS It was waaay different than the previous one, in the last 4 months I've been cleaning up my mind and body, so I cut out: Weed/ CBD Caffeine Meat Sex Party/ Dancing Alcohol Buying stuff Watching brainless shows As you see not much was left for my ego, sugar is my only addiction currently and I'm struggling hard to quit, might try Ibogaine in the future or maybe if I keep doing the work it's gonna naturally happen like it did with meat and the other stuff. EQUILIBRIUM It's such a weird sensation because I'm overall happy with how my life is unfolding, I'm not having many ups and downs like I used to, things happen and they don't impact me so much, those days I was listening to music and I thought how much music used to make me happy and now when I listen I don't get that ecstasy from before because the silence also has a value and sometimes can be just like music, so I got to the conclusion I've found balance in my life, for the first time in years, real raw equilibrium I remember going to therapy 3 years ago and telling her in my first session that I had too much ups and downs in my life and I was either super high energy or really down rock bottom level, there was no in between, even the retreat didn't mess up my mind like I though it would. EGO CHALLENGES and ADHD Differently from first time, in this one I followed step by step the whole technique (maybe 70% of the time), in my first vipassana my ego convinced me that the teachings of Buddha were inefficient and I ended up doing the do nothing technique for the whole period, which is a lesson I learned with my own mistake, since I was a child I've had problems listening to people, even religion, in pre school my memories are from the teacher running after me to keep me in class, or literally putting pilled tables in front of the door so I wouldn't be able to get out, I would grab in the gates and my mom would take half hour to untangle my fingers and drag me to class, in my mind the thought "who are they to keep me in a cage?" was predominant. Reminds me Steve Jobs biography where he talks about schools: It also became clear that Jobs, by both nature and nurture, was not disposed to accept authority. "I encountered authority of a different kind than I had encountered before, and I did not like it. And they really almost got me. They came close to really beating any curiosity out of me." Thinking now I clearly had and probably still have ADHD but thankfully I was poor and my mom had never brought me to a doctor so I didn’t grow up on methamphetamines, nowadays if I take Adderall my day is amazing and productive but I can’t give myself the luxury of relying on drugs to improve myself, the only way out is through it, so even tho my improvements are happening in a much slower pace at least I know it's my own effort and this gives me strength to keep going, I also see attention deficit as a blessing, it's because of ADHD that I was a wild child, that I had problems listening to others, listening to their ideologies, I was religious but I never really swallowed the pill of the man on the clouds ready to punish me, it's a two edged sword, thanks to not being able to focus in one thing and go all the way in I was able to zoom out, zoom out, and see the big picture, I was able to see things differently, for being weird and doing weird things this enabled and allowed me to be different than others, gave me freedom to explore myself, I see ADHD not as a disease but a sign of evolution of next generations, ok my mind can be up in the sky some of the time because of this "deficit" but it's when I travel up there that I get my nuggets from life. So many friends of mine that have ADHD are the wise ones, they might all be struggling like me to figure out the maze but at least they are not chasing cheese, they know there is more to life than this reality, it can be my impression but ADHD might seem to be one symptom you get when you try to escape the matrix, it's like glimpses of awareness that don't let you live in automatic mode, that wake you up from deep sleep, its too much alertness. The negative sides are many but I try to make gold out of my misery and since I have this I might as well "wear it" the way I want. MEDITATION TECHNIQUES DHAMMA - It was so exhausting to be doing doing doing doing 10 hours per day, the whole technique is about bringing awareness to every little part of the body, scanning the body from head to toe, toe to head and do this over and over again, with the intention of going through the traumas to which Buddah called Samkaras, it's very complex to explain the whole thing here and you guys probably know more than me (feel free to correct me if I misinterpreted something), he says when you pass the awareness through your body parts, and put it in every part you tap into your subconscious, where old habits and traumas are located, we unconsciously sometimes repress those sensations, or when we experience it, if pleasant sensation we want more, generating CRAVINGS if unpleasant we want to stop, creating AVERSION, the more you go through those sensations without reacting they start dissolving and you can liberate yourself from misery, with the awareness that whatever arises it's gonna come and go, this too shall pass, it' the law of impermanence, called anicca, it's such a fascinating teaching, like our egos are capes around our souls, that are full of traumas and the more we go through them without reacting they dissolve and we are able to feel the whole universe, basically an ego washer haha which reminds me of Leo's Rumi's quote, "Be melting snow, wash yourself from yourself" DO NOTHING TECHNIQUE - So this is my practice, it's probably a mix of things but it's the way I intuitively learned to reach deep states of meditation, I watch my thoughts come and go, come an go, until they slow down, and I'm able to find a gap between the two thoughts, in this gap stillness rests, it's emptiness, but it's also everything, my whole body is relaxed, and I keep hitting this empty space between two thoughts and the more I hit it the bigger it gets, then I start feeling the silence entering my ears, and I feel as if raw energy from the universe passes through my crown chakra and is distributed to my body, being discharged back to earth and washing my body from all the clogged stuff, traumas, etc. Most of my sittings I feel the feeling of expansion, sometimes unconditional love and gratitude. It seems to me that this meditation is much more easier and less busy because I'm allowing myself to stop doing, it's kind of a feminine approach of receiving from the universe, which is the contrary of the masculine energy that is all about action, doing, rationality, in the mind instead of heart. So here I would like to know about what you guys think, I want to have my one hour daily practice and want to dive in in only one technique, so I avoid being sloppy and create more discipline and consistency. I found Dhamma to be very rational and in the mind, a lots of business for my brain that is already running fast in the fast paced world. PSYCHEDELICS AND NOOTROPICS I microdosed LSD and it turned out to be very challenging, example the technique of scanning my body was very challening when I passed by my right side of brain (I've been having migraines and cluster headaches for the past year, I'm not sure why) also my heart and throat were where most of my gross sensations were, my "samkaras", of course in other parts of my body too but those parts were a work of its own, on LSD even tho I could not feel anything cause microdose is very subtle I felt too many gross sensations throughout, it's like there were more wounds than I was able to take care of, so I switched to modafinil, I took two days, it's very powerful but I just had problem putting my awareness in small areas, like I could feel my head as a whole but not my ear, it would take me a couple minutes to feel the small location precisely, but one day on Modafinil I penetrated my body and the scan was deep, Goenka says that since we just started we should only pass the awareness on the surface of the body, later we could penetrate and go within the body too, but the second day I took modafinil by scan was as if it was doing it by itself, and the awareness was deep within my body, penetrating all my entrails, also when I took modafinil and sat for meditation I could feel the substance being absorbed by my brain and spreading all around my body, super interesting, it might work amazing for other people because normally modafinil doesn’t do much for me. LIFE PURPOSE and THE DIVINE FEMININE It's so interesting that the first time my mind was in creation mode and I was having many ideas about my life, but it seems like right now I'm in a very logical phase, I kind of know exactly what to do from now on, and things are unfolding slowly and in an organic way, in the last month I decided to create my website for Life coaching because I'm almost done with my certification, but my job as an architect is so convenient and comfortable, gives me good money, that is taking me a long time to take the big leap into my real life purpose, my initial idea was to work with mindset, system thinking, but now I just realized that the divine feminine has been in my life for a while and it’s calling my attention, it expresses itself in so many different forms, through my art, the way I dress, the pictures I take, the way I am, the people I attract to my life, I went through a traumatic relationship that hurt me really deep, and I was forced to visit those deep darks part of myself in order to heal, and from this came a flow of intense energy, that I call divine feminine but is also darkness, creation, the mystery of life, the place where we came from, mother's earth energy, gaia etc.. it's been present in my life for the past three years, it's also sexual energy, not necessarily expressed through sex, but through dance, art, drawing, poetry, nature. Now I feel whole to have embraced this side of mine, I used to be afraid of this energy but now I honor it and am in the process of learning how to embody it, my family was always very judgmental because of how I am, they still judge me a lot, some people in Brazil think I'm a prostitute here in US, I'm judged but a lot of women also ask me how to embrace their feminine side, how to honor their bodies instead of being ashamed. I'm passionate about women, about their insides and out, our vulnerability, our capability of love, our kindness, our sentimentality, but not only that, I love the shape of the women's body, for me it's like a piece of art, it's as natural as looking at mountains and nowadays I'm very comfortable within my carcass, I sound lesbian but I'm actually straight I will post some of my work below and you guys will understand, so what I'm thinking is in working with women, not to help raise feminists cause that would be level green, but more like opening the space for them to be whoever they want to be, I feel like society nowadays praises a lot the masculine energy, which is the one action, production, efficiency, fastness, etc, while women approach if more wholly, holly, sacred, emotional, caring more about ones surroundings, about the environment and I feel like capitalism and the whole patriarchy is leaving it's first position and becoming less predominant, we can see more women in politics now, and I believe that there has to be a balance of masculine and feminine, but most of this chaos is because of the prevalence of the masculine energy in the world, and I would like to be part of this awareness towards the subject, in opening up the space for women to be more feminine, and even men, or sometimes women who want to resolve their acceptance of the masculine too, we are both masculine and feminine, feminists for example think they are better than men, without seeing that one compliments the other and we need both to be whole. Many women right now are in rational mode repressing their feminine side because it's not valuable to society, and this breaks my heart, even in men, some men have repressed feelings and emotions because our culture don’t allow them to express that side. So my work would be learning to play out the female and male energies within humans. I also have a professional camera so besides my art, the life coach I'm gonna start photographing naked women in nature, many of my friends asked and said they will pay me. This is my website if you guys want to stalk, judge, comment https://maverickmind.org If you go to art gallery it talks a little more about the work I will be doing in the future. That's it. Thanks if you made it to the end, I'm extremely grateful for this community, sometimes I think I'm in a cult cause many of my friends are from here.. Haha I just feel very lucky to be treading this path and have access to all your minds and all the tools we talk about here. Much love Miss Nobody
  15. OMG I'm soooo happy about this!! Planning a trip to Denver soon!
  16. @kieranperez oh friends are such an important part, if the people around you are not on the same level it's gonna bring you down, my heart hurts because I don't have contact with my family (I talk to them maybe 4 times a month) but it was one of the things that had a big impact in my life. Many friends are from the forum, I have three people from here that I talk to, two of them I know in person. If you want to be big put big fishes around you, if you want to get smaller swim with the little ones, they will suck you until you become same size as them, misery likes company, and I strongly believe you are the 5 people you hang out with, once you don't let people who put you down surround you, then you will thrive. I was also very extroverted but it's been changing, I'm becoming more and more introverted, if Im talking to more than three people at the same time I start feeling anxiety, I think I'm becoming more sensitive too, it took me a year for the right people to approach me, it's like they were waiting me be still so then they would come, there is a book from Vipassana called the moon appears when the water is still, so just do the work and have faith that the universe works perfectly and knows what we need, if we need introversion let that be, if it's time to interact the right people will come. I suffered so much because of solitude, but it's such a blessing, I learned to enjoy my time by myself and learned so much about me, I learned not to resist what is coming, the moment I relaxed things started changing, when I gave up then it came, when I din't want friends anymore, then there they were. Life is a bitch.. γνῶθι σεαυτόν The Greek aphorism may have been adopted from Ancient Egypt: there are two parts of the ancient Luxor Temple, the External Temple, where the beginners were allowed to enter and the Internal Temple where a person was only allowed to enter after proven worthy and ready to acquire more knowledge and insights. One of the proverbs of the External Temple is "The body is the house of God." In the Internal Temple, one of the many proverbs is "Man, know thyself, and you are going to know the gods". Once you turn your gaze inward, “fix it there and keep it busy”, Advises Montaigne. “Everyone looks in front of him; as for me, I look inside of me; I have no business but with myself; I continually observe myself, I take stock of myself, I taste myself… I roll about in myself.” I reached rock bottom 5 months ago, and this was super important, I decided I needed radical changes, so after I hit the ground I got up and have been following my intuition since then, I moved into a new apartment and both of my roommates are on the path to enlightenment, the energy in the house is very peaceful and calm, one is a Yogananda devotee and the other practices Vipassana, it's like I landed here on a parachute I was lucky, my energy levels lifted up so much, I had an insight one day when I woke up and the insight was that I needed to be close to the water, I'm pisces so it makes total sense, on that same day I found this perfect place, we set up a meeting and 15 min talking she says: you can move whenever you want, also I feel like I needed to work on my feminine side and spending time in nature is key for balancing this energy, being close to the water or at the beach really heals me. I also had a mushroom trip where I was told to go closer to nature and to connect with water.
  17. @Nahm Oh Nahm, the retreat was a waterfall of washing off my old self from my soul, so my new self could come to life I love those phoenix moments! I'm glad you liked it, I try to be very honest with my words. @Vinnie New Zealand, that's amazing! and beautiful video thanks for sharing. Do you have a big one too? @ivory Maybe around 5 years ago, by a therapist I went once, she recommended me ate a psychiatrist and I just stopped seeing her because I knew psychiatrist are not good, my mom used to take meds like rivotril to sleep and she was always depressed so since young I hate medicines, all of them, with the exclusion of psychedelics, plants are my favorite, along with mushrooms. And only you know if you have, you can look it up pages about it on google, and watch those videos I posted above. My theory is that everyone has it, but in different levels.
  18. @Salvijus Because logical and practical are all traits of a very predominantly masculine mind, you see the world the way it is today, capitalism, environmental destruction, a lot of men like you in the power, functioning only though the level of the mind where everything is about taking actions, fast, efficient, logical, rational, everything needs to make sense, things are black and white, right or wrong, clean or dirty, beautiful and ugly. While the feminine is about receiving, feeling through the heart, having kindness and compassion, embracing all beings, it's about feeling, being empathetic, meeting people where they are at, not judging or criticizing, not labeling things, accepting what it is, the male mind always needs to understand, always in the mind, the feminine energy is about loving, and to love something you don't need to understand, you just love. Don't try to understand me, I myself don't understand how I work, I just try to be honest with the energy I receive in my body, if I was like one of the women from the pictures you sent I would not be able to be happy because it wouldn't feel authentic, and I value authenticity a lot. You are missing being in touch with your feminine side and you are repressing the emotions, the energy of sex and is the one of creation, if it wasn't sex you would not be here now. Also you should try nofap if you are really feeling all those sensations when you approach women, I have many male friends and they are all very wise and are not taken away by a woman's body because they've mastered their minds, I love the quote from Bukowski: "Any asshole can chase a skirt, art takes discipline." I don't even approach men who are just interested in sex, if the people around you are like you described above lI will repeat what my therapist always says "you should visit other churches" I strongly believe like attracts like
  19. @Salvijus I'm open to discussion, what are the parts I misinterpreted it? I'm very passionate about this subject and am not taking it personal, I respect if you don't appreciate my art or the way I express myself, but also I would like to understand why you think it's just corpses and animal instinct? And I love the word weird actually, I can't complain, it's only because of people like you, who disagree with me that I'm able to change myself and have more perspectives on life. Embracing the differences makes us grow, not much looking for the sameness
  20. @noselfnofun @Barna Thank you for your beautiful words and for having the capability of grasping my essence, like Matt Kahn says, you can only meet someone as deep as you ha've met yourself. Namaste 🙏💛 @kieranperez Wow first of all congratulations for getting off of meds, it's so hard! I'm so glad you like the way I see ADHD, I trained myself to see it in a different way, we are the way we are, it's the universe expressing itself in different forms, we can call it flawed but if it's there, it's not a mistake, I feel like the ADHD came along with my awakening, the less domesticated by society I became the more the symptoms increased, our brains work differently, and it takes more time for us to get "trained" again, if that's a disease I'm fine with it, also I can't pay attention to things that do not interest me, but something I'm passionate about I will spend a night awake just to know more about the subject. Try to see it this way too, I always see you here in the forum, you are always posting interesting stuff and is working hard to build yourself up, by your posts it seems like you have a lot of energy, I'm also a little hyperactive, but if I focus that energy in my passions and life purpose I get in a really nice flow state, and many things interest me, it's a matter of how to use this energy, don't get trapped in labels, in the last 5 months I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety (real doctors diagnosed me) and I know I have ADHD, but whatever, they've put all those labels, Im not taking any medication, just meditation and my life had never been better, I just did the Vipassana, am figuring out my life purpose, love the friends I have around me, if I had listened to those doctors I would be on antidepressants and my life would have taken a tooootal left turn, I had to recreate myself, It's been a process of three years since I left Brazil, the religion, dogmas, ideologies, of cleaning up, letting go of things, I didn't know who I was, I had to create my space, and let go of all the labels given to me, like Baldwin sad "The place which I will fit will not exist until I make it" or Anis Nin "I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me — the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics. I had to create a world of my own, like a climate, a country, an atmosphere in which I could breathe, reign, and recreate myself when destroyed by living. That, I believe, is the reason for every work of art.” Build and rebuild yourself over and over again, or like Leo/ Rumi says be melting snow, wash yourself of yourself. We are not sick, we are the "normal" ones, the ones adapted and content with our currently reality are the mediocre ones, they are not up, not down, right in the middle where nothing exciting happens, doing what society wants them to do, following what others around them are doing, so don't listen to what people say, just go within you, and see that we are all different, and the labels are created to separate and put us into boxes, it's like a bunch of colored pencils spread around and they want you to be in the same color as others so they will put you in the right box. I love the quote from Jiddu Krishnamurti "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Don't forget that, you are on your way to be healthier (mind and body), so you will be considered crazier, weirder and sicker by normal people, another quote I love "When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind" from Lewis, insanity is the new sanity , your body and mind and yours and only you know how they function, that's why we do meditation to go within. Aldous Huxley also knew this: “The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. "Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does." They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.” In other words fuck ADHD and all the other labels given to us to make us feel smaller. Here are some stuff you might like:
  21. @Vinnie Oh I've never met a Maori! Where do you live? I'm fascinated with the Maori's art and culture. I got it 3 years ago in a trip to Brazil.
  22. @Salvijus It seems like your vision of women is very limited because you probably have your image about how a woman should behave, it's like Leo always says, God is not only beautiful things, its also war, suffering and all the bad stuff, you can consider my way of expressing myself as weird, and 4 years ago when I was repressed by my culture and by abusive men's figures I would pretty much agree with you, with time I learned how to not be ashamed of my body and my curves, to be proud of being a woman in a society where the patriarchy has been in power for thousands of years, now I see my body as a temple and sacred, you talk a lot about the feminine energy being very inclusive and receptive, about it embracing all things around them, are you embracing your feminine side? Are you using of that inclusiveness you talk about to embrace all things and all forms o expression of the universe around you? To have love and compassion to all forms of expressions besides the ones you consider as right? I let go of the thought that women should behave in a certain way 3 years ago, it's been a process of cleaning myself from ideologies and social conditioning, I have a lot of masculine energy within me and this masculine energy gave me "balls" to face many men and even better gave me the freedom to express myself in an authentic way, this is key, I'm a very romantic person, I haven't had sex for a while, I believe in love, am very delicate, I cry a lot am very empathetic person, I'm very loving with all people around me, in my daily life I don't walk around naked, people respect me, I love reading and meditation, that's why I just wrote a report about my second Vipassana, if I was merely showing off I would get money out of it, trust me, I would be a stripper or become an instagram influencer, not judging who does that (some women do a great job) but I consider myself to be a smart person so if at some point I decide to use my body in the way you see it I would at least make money out of it Also I'm glad you disagree with my POV part of doing what I do is exactly to fuck the mind of people who think my art is promiscuous, ugly, weird, wrong. There are people who see the beauty and artistic value of it, and there are people who see whatever they have within them, which most of the time is repressed feelings and emotions. I feel lucky to have strong men around me who lift me up instead of judging and criticizing, like someone said in one of the posts above, this is a forum with high consciousness people, who do not see the expression os a woman's body as idiocy, who don't see sex as "animal compulsive behavior", don't see a naked body as just a piece of meat and bones or as dirty. They mastered their mind and don't just get a boner seeing my pictures, they see my art not just as nakedness or sexual arousal. On the contrary, I've seen many beautiful posts of men describing their women or their relationship, of using sex for connection and even for enlightenment (that's he case of tantra) Anyways, all those words in bold I copied from your previous posts, and I will just live one of my favorite quotes here for you. “ People do not seem to realize their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character “ And also Osho quote on sex: If I Say Anything About Sex, Immediately They Jump Upon It “Sex is raw energy. It has to be transformed, and through transformation there is transcendence. Rather than transforming it, religions have been repressing it. And if you repress it the natural outcome is a perverted human being. He becomes obsessed with sex. “The people who call me ‘sex guru’ are obsessed with sex. I have not talked about sex more than I have talked about meditation, love, God, prayer, but nobody seems to be interested in God, love, meditation, prayer. If I say anything about sex, immediately they jump upon it. “Out of my three hundred books only one book concerns sex, and that, too, not in its totality. The name of the book is From Sex to Superconsciousness. Just the beginning of it is concerned with sex; as you go deeper in understanding it moves towards superconsciousness, towards samadhi. Now that is the book which has reached to millions of people. It is a strange phenomenon: my other books have not reached to so many people. There is not a single Hindu, Jaina saint, mahatma in India who has not read it. It has been discussed criticized, analyzed, commented upon in every possible way. Many books have been written against it – as if that is the only book I have written! “Why so much emphasis? People are obsessed particularly the religious people are obsessed. This label of ‘sex guru’ comes from religious people.”
  23. @Salvijus Yes I see your point, very interesting.. IMO there are many ways of expressing the feminine energy, my way is more sensual, some women express it through nurturing, taking care of their husbands and partners, taking care of their homes, some other woman through dancing or singing, some through painting or drawing, some through cooking, and of course when I say feminine energy I'm not excluding men, for me the most attractive men are the ones with their feminine side resolved and embodied, because they tend to see me for who I really am, when they look at me or my art or even my body they are able to see beyond it, not only get sexual aroused because that would be a shallow way of seeing the natural beauty of the human body, Oscar Wilde describes it better than me: "If a work of art is rich and vital and complete, those who have artistic instincts will see its beauty, and those to whom ethics appeal more strongly than aesthetics will see its moral lesson. It will fill the cowardly with terror, and the unclean will see in it their own shame." so I invite you so analyze why my way of expressing the feminine energy seems weird. I hear that a lot, from my muslims coworkers, my repressed friends from Brazil, they say it's wrong, it's weird, it's ugly, but the way I see my body is as if I'm looking at a beautiful landscape, I also see the beauty in the male's body and have a lot of masculine energy within me, I think it's all about learning how to balance both energies because one compliments the other. Like Jung said, "You can hardly say your soul what sex is, but if you pay close attention the most masculine man has a feminine soul and the most Feminine woman has a masculine soul." or Khalil Gibran when asked about clothes: Your clothes conceal much of your beauty, yet they hide not the unbeautiful. And though you seek in garments the freedom of privacy you may find in them a harness and a chain. Would that you could meet the sun and the wind with more of your skin and less of your raiment, For the breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind. Some of you say,"It is the north wind who has woven the clothes we wear." And I say, Ay, it was the north wind, But shame was his loom, and the softening of the sinews was his thread. And when his work was done he laughed in the forest. Forget not that modesty is for a shield against the eye of the unclean. And when the unclean shall be no more, what were modesty but a fetter and a fouling of the mind? And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.