Psychonaut

@assx95 Attitude attitude attitude, my darling. A girl that you know for 3 years, should be your girlfriend by now. Can't really open up so late. She knows already that you are interested, but has discarded you because you took so long. That is sneaky and girls don't like sneaky. Your attraction to a girl has to at least be matched by her attraction to you. You cannot show more attraction, especially at the beginning. That pushes her away. Flakyness. Three strikes and out. Interested girls don't flake or come to late. You don't really need a girl. She doesn't really matter, she is just a container. She only needs to be able to trust you, let go and not give you too much flack (which shouldn't have an effect on you anyways). You have so many things to do that give you equal or even a deeper and longer lasting sense of fulfilment than sex with a girl. So you don't really care. She is there when she is, she is not there when she is not and she is gone when she is gone. You are still here. Pretty much unfazed. She doesn't matter, you might choose to spend time with her. Notice you choose, you are not forced to spend time with specifically her. It could be someone else too. Things can get really really dirty when the girl feels that she is your only option.

@Jed Vassallo It doesn't work this way. I have tried forcing it especially with 5-MeO-DMT. It just traumatized me even more. I have to deal with this shit.

So this weekend I took DPT 3 days in a row. First 2 days was mixed with weed and today was sober. Dosages were 60, 75 and 105mg rectal. This is after taking a 6 day break of a daily 4-AcO-DMT microdosing schedule. You can probably subtract at least 10-20mg for general tolerance from my dosages. First two trips seemed to just stir stuff up, but I didn't know what it was. It was not tangible for me. Because my girl got worried about me I crashed a little yesterday. Not too bad. Then today I was experiencing the familiar pain. The pain that drives me to want to essentially terminate this life. Even though I can't, because then the pain lives on in my family members. Sometimes that makes me hate everyone that loves me, because they are keeping me here. On the other hand I am grateful, because I would have left long time ago. I wanted to know what this pain was, I wanted to know today. I wanted to "fix" it, to "make it right", I wanted to "pay the price" for whatever it was. It is rather personal and messy childhood family stuff. I got taken pretty much straight to it. It was not something I was thinking about and popped up pretty much out of the blue. I am rather grateful for this experience and I feel like a large burden has been lifted from me. DPT is a powerful tool and it seems highly maluable to me. So if you have a burning desire to know "what it is", then I guess you will get your answer. However you will have to live with it. I just wanted to know what "this pain" was that was crippling me in PTSD like flashbacks. I got my answer. I will take a break from DPT and go back to my 4-AcO-DMT micro-dosing schedule. Maybe in a month I will take another few days and dedicate that to digging down to "what it is".

So I took a break from my microdosing addiction for one week and took 60mg DPT plugged after having beaten my meat on weed until it was dead and out of seed. God, I love the female orgasm. It gives no release. It keeps going on. No stop. Perfect. Surrender. Feel. Alive. It feels like I got fucked by a drug. Like I have been violated. I liked it. A lot. I'd like to show it. I can only show it to my girl. Such a good girl. Perfectly imperfect. Yet I still accept her. The way she is. Fill her so she will be the best yet. Penetrate into her. Through her the entire world will be filled. I surrender in her arms. I drop my body. Let go of control. I am received and held up. I float away into a soft sea of nothingness. It envelops me like a cocoon protects a butterfly. I am surrounded by it. Sweet because I made it. Perfectly still. So sweet and delicious. Mine. I made you and I made me. I make and I have made. I will continue to make and dream. Dream is real. I am here and you are here. I make it so. This is me. And you. Forever. In sweet harmony. Let's come together. These are just letters floating on a screen. Seemingly coming out of nowhere. Were those it come from. Do you understand everything that makes this possible right now. This moment made possible by a past version of me. Now a newer version reads me. A never ending cycle of something. What is it. I don't know. I feel like I am loosing it while I write this. It leaves my body through my fingers. My fingers that are typing on a keyboard. What is a keyboard. Letters are appearing on a screen in front of me. The sentences become longer and longer while I am returning to this body. Take it over and make it mine. Look where I go. I go wherever I want to go. I make whatever I want real. This is my choice. This is my life. You see. It is coming back. Taking over. Taking control of my body. I let it in. It's voice is so sweet. Here we go. Fuck you all. Suck my dick. Beautiful. Isn't it. I wouldn't want it any other way. Hard. Firm. Penis.

I wished Leo would have never recommended the use of milligram measuring spoons. :-/ @iTommy I once snorted 150mg of DMT and that was just because I had no way of smoking it. That amount of powder didn't even fit into my nose and was running down my throat and out through the front. The powder was literally everywhere. Luckily it was nice and sparkly for me while tripping in 5D hyperspace. However I doubt I would even "fit" 200mg of powder in my nose.

That's why I put it out there. Rather be honest and hope someone will refute it. However, what difference does it make if I am God or not? I really don't know. I will try 80mg and 100mg. But If 100mg still doesn't do it. Then I think I need to abort DPT. My technique of administering is quite on point in my opinion. I have 5ml Cryovials. I measure out the powder into the vials on the scale. Then add about 1-2ml of warm water. Shake it until everything is dissolved. Empty my bowels and use an enema to clean out everything. Very gently insert the syringe with spit as lube. Very slow so it doesn't hurt. Press the plunger gently as not to squirt it in and cause discomfort. Leave it in for 15 minutes while lying on my bed. Maybe it is just because I am taking a lot of other substances atm: Microdosing 4-AcO-DMT, Phenylpiracetam, Noopept, Oxiracetam etc pp.

Lol I can't take any of this seriously anymore. Am at 65mg DPT 25 minutes in. Boring, I am just going lift some weights now. Seems like a better use of my time. Maybe I die of cardiac arest. Who cares. I am not the first. Makes me think, when the best thing I think of doing is lifting some weights. Is that a good or bad thing? Is this the best or the only thing I can do?

Maybe I don't want to understand. Maybe I don't think understanding has any value to it? Tbh I don't think there is any value to anything you are saying about God and everything. It is like listening to cars pass by on a road. It doesn't concern me. So Dpt is not really for me then.

I don't get Dpt. It's just a nice experience with a lot of Kundalini energy. Music feels great. I wonder how much I need to increase the dosage. I have done 20, 30, 35, 45 mg so far...

If she doesn't like it. She can go. Noone cares. If she is not interested in you. She can go. If she doesn't think you are the best in the world. She can go. If she doesn't want to please you in every way she can. She can go. You don't need her. Yet you spend time with her. By choice. You have better things to do. If you don't have her now. Get rid of the bullshit that is keeping you from her. It is bullshit. Trust me. Purge.

I can feel everything.

To me it is also nothing like that either. It is one of the most gentle psychedelics for me. However a lot has been cleared out of the way using other psychedelics prior to using DPT. That image is calming to me with a slight vibe of sadness. @Aakash @Leo Gura I would also be interested in what you do during the trip. You have a rather basic video from when you started on how to use psychedelics. However, to me at least it seems like you have a strong bias towards contemplation and trying to understand something. I personally have been a rather practical person in the past. I am mainly interested in knowledge that I can use. For example, how to fix things, how they work and just how to have a better experience overall. So I guess, you will have a very different experience to me, because you think of very different things. This might seem wasteful to you, but on my last DPT trip I was thinking of better ways to fuck my girl and was able to feel what she does. Heck, if I have sex on weed I can completely leave my body, feel what she feels and give her exactly what turns her on. This is one of my core desires. To be able to feel myself through another body. To be able to feel my presence and effect on someone else through their reaction to me. To be able to not just feel my penetration of the world, but how the world is penetrated by me at the same time. To be able to feel so much that I just dissolve like salt in sea water.

Plenty of new fucking videos on pornhub every day. Can't understand why you are still thirsty.

Here is another analogy for you. Ever seen a Bugatti pull a trailer? Gotta first pull your trailer with your VW and drop some of your baggage on the side of the road. If you just attach the regular trailer everyone has with junk to a Buggatti that is a bad idea. Once you step on the gaspedal you will rip the trailer coupling. Yes sure it might work if you caress the gaspedal. However the Bugatti is made to go fast. Why care about the trailer? You might not care about it anymore. But it has quite a load on it and it will hit people on the road. You are just being an asshole. Empty the trailer a bit and then you might even be able to take a few people for a ride in your 2 seater Buggatti that is pulling a trailer. This analogy is just so ridiculous, but I love it.

Just no. Nonononononononononononononono. Bad kitty. Bad advice. I spank you. There is no reason to drive a Bugatti Veyron as your first car. Yes sure some might be gifted and be able to learn fast. But most are going to crash into a tree on the first curve. Take it slowly, it is not like you are going to die tomorrow and only have one day to get enlightened by brute force. VW Golf -> BMW -> Audi S4 -> Audi RS6 -> GT-R -> Koenigsegg -> Bugatti

I took 5-MeO-DMT 2 years ago after about 30 acid trips and using up 1 gram of 2-CB within a few months. I must have had 20 or so 5-MeO-DMT trips. I don't think I really got anything out of it. I don't think I was ready and might not be ready yet. Still going to try to get some more.

I have found that indeed some not so developed girls think I am gay, because I like anal play. Be a bit careful when you introduce it. For the shit eating get some help.

So how do I raise my level of consciousness? Or will I be going up and down for the rest of my life?

Micro-dosing is a lot of fun, especially if it is a high micro-dose. Cutting up a regular 125ug blotter into 4 pieces should yield you with a 30ug "micro-dose". That is quite something already. Half of that would be considered a "traditional" micro-dose.

Acid for me is not a great tool for insights. My "insights" on it are mostly related to my life. It gives me a different view on it. Change this Think about this in this way Change your behaviour to this. At least for me it is a self development aid, not really a spiritual insights aid. It is possible that it is just my bias, as I have been a practical person and so I value practical insights that I can implement easily. A more contemplative person might get deep insights on longer trips. It kind of depends on you, at the beginning acid can be effectively used to peck away at the mind and take out some of the pieces that are falling of and throw them on the bio compost in the garden.

To me at least when I was micro dosing acid, it felt better to have one thing revealed at a time and give it some time for you to implement. This is in contrast to receiving a whole bucket of things on a high dosed trip, with half of the things falling out of the bucket on your way back home. @Justincredible76 Just quarter the tab into 4 pieces, that will yield you 4 trips within 2 weeks.

If there is something available for you to learn (be revealed to you) you will not require a large dose. You could even micro-dose and go for a "two day break between every micro dose" schedule.

How do I as "a human being" care about something that I know is purely imaginary? How do I not fall into the trap of just saying "its not real" every time something bad happens? For example "My dog that I love more than I will ever allow myself to love another human being just died" -> Reaction: Ah he was just imaginary. The way I saw him was just an idealisation. An imagined perfect being. It was only able to survive because he as a dog was not able to disprove my image of him. Of course he was imperfect, just like we all are. Humans will eventually destroy an image you have created of them to which they cannot live up to, a dog cannot. Everything my dog does will be seen through my lense of "motherly caring love". With this approach I will essentially dismantle everything. Am I supposed to take everything apart? What is going to be left? How do I decide from which point of view to live? On the one hand everything is imaginary and perfect, because it is my creation. On the other hand I can fill this body and live as if everything is real. How do I stay in the body when my pain pushes me out? How do I continue to feel when all I feel is the pain of myself and everyone around me? How do I get rid of this imagined pain. Even though I imagined it to be, because I wanted to feel it. I imagined the pain and the desire to get rid of it. I imagined I would write this and now I am. I wanted to feel everything, even though it might feel "bad". From my point there is just everything, which I wanted to feel and imagine to be. There is no distinction within it. I imagined the ability to feel. I imagined I could imagine. I magine.

I used to have a huge list of things I was looking for in a girl. But now I seem to care less and less about most of the things on the list and only one thing remains. Open-mindedness. If the girl sees you as a high value male and she is open-minded you can introduce her to all the things you are interested in. For example my current girl is overweight, so overweight that I would have not approached her in real life. We met on Tinder and I just went with it. I told her that she should try the ketogenic diet and she is doing that since monday. Having lots of "requirements" on your dating profile, especially on Tinder exponentially decreases your chances of getting matches. The only thing I have on there now after general positive things about me is "Looking for an open-minded girl interested in a deeper connection".

Thank you for the immense effort of compiling the summaries. I am a bitch when it comes to having things look nice, so I started to transfer the word document into an online overleaf latex document. Overleaf project (read only link) https://www.overleaf.com/read/tggzzjhjnmjh So far I have only done the first 2 chapters (20 pages [10%]). Just wanted to see if anyone cares and prefers the latex formatting style? It took me 50 minutes for 20 pages, extrapolating to 200 pages that would be 8.3 hours. It's an online editor so one could split the work. It's a lot of mundane find and replace. If anyone is interested I can pm a link that allows editing. Actualized_Textbook_latex_v0.1.pdf