Psychonaut

So I plugged 20mg 40 minutes ago and just went about my day, showering and shaving my balls happily. I think I need to increase the dose a bit. This feels less than 5mg 5-MeO-DMT, which had an edge to it. This has no edge at all. I just notice that all the rings I am wearing on my fingers are "cutting" into my fingers and it hurts. Will have to remove them on higher doses. Don't want to be ripping at my fingers trying to get all the metal off.

Question: Answer: The person sitting next to you will cease to be person long before your hand turns into a tentacle. If you do large enough doses you could probably experience your hand as a tentacle, but then it will shift back. Like it could in a dream. Stop thinking of your dreams as unreal. They are as real as the physical world. So all that crazy stuff you are able to do in your dreams is God imagining new realities.

Interesting share @Shin. Words of affirmation do nothing for me, receiving gifts not so much either. But physical touch, quality time and acts of service are essential .

Q1: What is the lowest dose that makes sense to start off with? I was thinking of starting with 10mg and increasing it in 5mg steps. I have made the mistake of overdoing it with 5-MeO at the beginning and would like to take a gentler approach this time. Q2: Which testkits make sense for DPT?

@bejapuskas Maybe I need to suffer? Maybe I actually need to feel what I am feeling? This is a "poem" I wrote a few months back. no way out There is no way out I'm stuck in a cloud I have to feel it To let go of it @laptophaver Glad you see it this way. I went back to when I started writing and found this poem from last year. It's a bit raw and unedited. A beautiful mind My mind is everything It is my greatest asset and my biggest curse It creates heaven It creates hell It has the greatest potential Nothing comes close to the potential of a human mind But like anything that has great potential It can go both ways It can go to hell It can go to heaven Every day it has to be taken care of Anything that is left alone will degrade There is nothing that gets better if you leave it Only things that are alive can get better Everything else degrades It breaks, falls apart and changes until it is something else The mind has to be taken care of Anything that goes in stays in the mind One has to be extremely selective with what one puts in Anything that goes in has the potential to grow A single wrong thought can grow It can grow and create an entire parallel universe To the point of being completely untrue An entire world created as a fantasy of the mind This can be nice when it is heaven When heaven is created in the mind it is beautiful But the mind can also create hell A single thinking mistake or wrong belief can cause that The entire model of the world crashes down It collapses in itself and burns Everything changes because of taking the wrong turn Taking the wrong turn and landing in a dark alley But whenever a wrong turn is taken Wherever this takes the mind, it has to be walked The alley has to be explored The alleys want to be uncovered The places that are rarely wandered want to be seen Light needs to be brought forth to them Awareness and wisdom arise from wandering Wandering the places of the mind everyone is afraid of One can get lost wandering in the mind It is endless, it is alive It will continue to produce It will always come up with new paths to wander It is alive Anything that is alive will continue what it does until it is dead The mind will never die Only when I die, I will take the mind with me My mind is beauty It is empty and yet full of surprises Whatever arises I can see it I am aware and see it for what it is I am curious I want to know what it is But the mind can also take me away Away from what actually is It can trap me Trap me in thoughts But I always find a way out I will always return to what is To what I feel What I feel flowing through my heart A deep sense of love and compassion Pain too, so much pain and suffering But I will not close my heart I will not close down to the pain I will continue to try I will choose heaven every day I will leave the world a better place I will help the people that want my help I will leave the people that don't want to be helped I cannot help them I will continue to love them Even though I cannot help them I will focus on the people that I can help Someone else will do the job for the others I am not supposed to help Infinite wisdom Endless love True compassion Deep gratefulness for being alive These are my mantras I love myself and will live by them

Not sure why I do this. I know however that some part of me (probably ego) doesn't want to be happy and enjoys to see the other part of me suffer. It is almost like older parts of me that are still floating around are unwilling to accept unconditional love and fight it. However what I have found rather interesting is that my crashes have actually only started since I have been engaging in relationships with girls. From my observation it almost makes the impression that I subconsciously want to see if she still "loves" (cares about) me when I am beaten down like this. Even though the beating was an internal beating. It seems like something is subconsciously testing my girls to see how strong the connection is and if she is actually able to pull me out of the dirt when I am beaten down. I met up with my girl on friday evening, which was the day after I crashed so hard. After we parted I noticed that the colours were more vibrant and I felt normal again. It was very nice actually as we hugged for a long time and she said that it felt like she was melting in my embrace. I probably really just wanted attention though. It took her quite a while to actually get me back into my body. She touched me a lot and kissed my neck an so forth. At the beginning I didn't even really feel it and ignored it for the most part. She first thought that I just had a bad day. These depressive crashes are really starting to worry me though. It is like my vision and senses become clouded and a part of myself retracts and is gone. Colours are bleak, food doesn't taste, there is no energy and motivation to do anything. It is like my brain chemistry is thrown out of balance and then requires a bit of time to stabilize again.

How many days does one have to wait before doing DPT again? Can I treat a DPT trip like I would treat a LSD trip. Meaning that the next day no substance will have an effect and it takes a week before I can do it again? DPT would most likely also interfere with any substance that one would micro dose, like LSD or Psylocybe Cubensis. So I would have to adjust any microdosing schedule.

I really wonder how much the level of consciousness influences 5-MeO-DMT and DPT. The time were I took a lot of 5-MeO-DMT is almost 3 years back. I had to look up my own threads to figure out how long it has been. I think I would get a very different experience now if I would get some more 5-MeO-DMT.

So I know 5-Meo-DMT, 2-CB and LSD. How does DPT compare to those? I didn't really get it from watching the video. It's been over a year since I last did 5-MeO-DMT. From what I remember it just removed me from the equation and threw me into a watching state. I also often threw up on it, which felt relieving. Some unfolding of reality, were parts were slowly falling away until there was nothing left and then it got put back together piece for piece. So DPT is longer, has a different energy and will also take me into a similar state as 5-MeO-DMT with me still somehow being there and being able to think those healing thoughts?

Does DPT create thoughts and parallel realititties or are you in control of it? Fe. LSD and weed can sometimes create thoughts that are not true.

If you don't expose yourself to situations in which you might be tempted to give in and engage in sexual activity that doesn't mean you have "transcended" sex. You will never transcend the desire. You might try to delude yourself by thinking certain things like sex is bad and desire is egoic or whatever. But your genuine desire for the goddess will never stop to exist. Why would you want to transcend it? You don't have to act on it. You can acknowledge a beautiful girl and enjoy her presence without anything happening. If I am not attracted to beautiful women I feel dead.

I am. I will be lost. But I not that important, am I? Hard to accept though. I think I want to feel it. I know it is not real, because I can feel a sudden too large shift in my perception. Knowing it is not real and knowing that it will pass keeps me from killing myself. However I cannot get out or maybe I don't want to get out actually. The pain feels so real and so overwhelming that even though I know it is not real I cannot make it stop. All I can do is wait it out, do nothing too drastic and hope it goes away. It reminds me off the time I used to get panic attacks during the night. I would wake up in the middle of the night unable to breath. All I would feel is how I am suffocating. In that moment it doesn't matter what I think. It will be drowned out by the overwhelming sensation of death right in my face. Maybe what I am experiencing is a mild form of the panic attacks I used to get. Anything that reminds me off my dissolution just triggers a whole overreaction that feels like it is out of my control.

My hierarchy of sexual mastery is Regular masturbation up to 10 times a day with escalating porn extremeness Less frequently, about once a day, with normal porn No porn, just imagination. Cutting out porn will automatically reduce frequency. Maybe 1-2 a week. Ability to masturbate and skip ejaculation. This will break the habit loop of "sexual stimulation" -> "ejaculation" which is strengthened by masturbation. Regular sex with a girl. ~10 minutes Sex with girl. Ability to edge and draw out sex to about 1 hour. Enjoying the whole experience and spending time with a loved one. Sex with girl with ability to skip orgasm/ejaculation. This is a slower type of sex and more sensual. Sex is only at about 60% stimulation. Sex with girl with superior edging skills that allow to go at about 80% and sustain that for a long time without ejaculating. Requires awareness and slowing down in the right moment. Sex with girl and ability to dry orgasm. This is sex at a regular stimulation intensity, but the man can have multiple orgasms without ejaculating or ejaculating really hard after a few dry orgasms.

I think what one can take away from the alpha asshole is Not really caring about what the woman thinks, listening but not being put off center by whatever the girl throws at you. The ability to let desire and sexual energy take over and just fuck the girl. Not asking "Do you like this", just saying "I want to do this" and letting the girl reciprocate. A girl that wants you will most often say yes. This is a form of fearlessness, because you are exposing your desires and give the woman the choice to reject it.

I prefer when topics stay open so all the trash in peoples minds can be exposed and eradicated. If there is no willingness to change ways eventually people will just ignore something and become indifferent which is better than just shooting something down.

Why do you guys think it is a valid way to judge an ideology / thinking system based on the people following them instead of the ideology in its pure form? Youtube can be toxic just for the sake of being youtube. People can take only what they want from a belief system, put their twist on it and make it toxic...

The previous fwb technically only lasted 3 weeks. But we had sex 2 and 5 months after she ended it with the words "Get out of my life" #Classy. My response: "Okay". Following the breakup were 6 months of playing games on her part. The classic "I am not going to talk to you". Me: unfazed "The I have a boyfriend now" in her home country, which she broke up "He is an asshole". Me: unfazed. The "I don't want to have sex for a while", then I swipe through her Tinder profile with new pictures. Me a little hurt at first, made for a good poem. The "I need to get a prescription for this bladder-infection antibiotic on a sunday, because I often get a bladder infection after having sex (with someone else)". Me: utterly unfazed and indifferent. Pun at the end: This girl lived in my dorm and I practically saw her every day for 6 months. She was a blowjob queen and I actually enjoyed sex with her. I had given up on sex from my previous unfulfilling sexual experiences and she "relighted" the flame. It was a costly firestarter, but I am glad the fire is burning now.

@SageModeAustin I have read through this drama of a thread over a couple of days. First of all. Chill dude. It's just a girl. I know I know. This is like saying "just do it" and expecting someone to know what that means. However girls come and go, they literally do like leaves in the wind. Nothing you can do in retrospect other than to be a bit more conscious about what parts of yourself you show to girls in the first few months. Your experience with Brooke reminds me of my last girl. She had some issues, anti depressants and hard overreactions "like faking her suicide because her parents said something". She was unable to acknowledge the pain she was inflicting on the people around her. I started to write poems around that time to deal with all the pain this "relationship" was causing me. Here are a few lines I wrote around that time. Excerpts from a freeform-poem titled "A beautiful mind" A deep sense of love and compassion Pain too, so much pain and suffering But I will not close my heart I will not close down to the pain I will continue to try I will choose heaven every day I will leave the world a better place I will help the people that want my help I will leave the people that don't want to be helped I cannot help them I will continue to love them Even though I cannot help them I will focus on the people that I can help Someone else will do the job for the others I am not supposed to help In a way I extend my hand to everyone, friend or girlfriend. If they take it and let me pull them up, it is their choice. I think you should not actively try to change or help someone, or press too hard into the hurt parts of other people. I see it as a gift if they open up to me. But they are independent people and responsible for their own actions. We merge temporarily and of course I can infuse the girl with energy to strive for the better. But if she doesn't use it, I have done all I could. So have you. Relationships are a playground for rapid learning. It is not necessarily the most pleasant learning and it is often painful. Just hang in there. As long as you are aware of your emotions, acknowledge them and allow yourself to feel them you will move forwards. Relationships are not about thinking, they are not fabrications of the mind so there is not much point in trying to figure out what went wrong. Please don't blame yourself for a lost relationship. I lost my last one and was sad at first too. My current 3 months fwb relationship which might turn into a gf/bf thing is much deeper than my last one. So in a way you might be thankful in retrospect like I am now.

You got any resources/books?

I have read the whole trilogy. I think most points are valid, especially the woman's maturation. I am not sure I agree with how much he emphasizes female hypergamy. The book really trashes the grand story of hypergamy that has been battered into our heads by religion, culture and the government. I think it is better to let go of it before engaging in a LTR than to realize while in one that it is a fairytale. Mine was and still is in a way.

To me it seems women really buy into this grand disney fairy tale of exclusivity. I really don't know why. To me a girlfriend is not the special person with whom I have a much deeper and intimate connection than with my other friends. Is it just me that has deep friendships? Because the only difference between a friend and a girlfriend is the sex. I find it a bit offensive that exclusivity is a requirement for a deep relationship.

Get some women with self esteem, they know that you are a busy man and don't have time to listen to the yip yapping.

This set of emotions you describe is what most people go through after a breakup including me. She is having sex, 100% Is this a problem? Sit with the jealousy and feel it fully. Casual sex can indeed be engaged in so it serves as validation for being lovable/desirable Is this bad? Connection to a person takes some time to develop. Why not continue having sex with the girl? I love pain For me pain in relationships has been a huge motivator for creativity. I usually write poems when I am really down. You might try just writing down what you are feeling so as to acknowledge it.

At this age I would not stress too much about masturbation. Labelling it as an addiction might not be that helpful. Just be aware of what type of porn you are watching. Observer if it turns to porn that is not of your normal sexual orientation or too abusive. When it has reached this state it is time to reevaluate and turn the frequency and extremeness of the porn back a bit.

From my observation of LTRs in my family, friends and acquaintances LTRs don't seem to further the betterment of both individuals. Here are my main sticking points: These are things I have observed, not all occur at once. But with all points I have a major problem. It rubs me the wrong way to the extend of angering me and I am a calm person. Very calm. So calm. People stop working out, become complacent I only want to be in an LTR with someone that works out for the sake of working out. The motivation should not be based on attracting someone else or some narcissistic motivation of gathering attention. Female arousal tanks, the man gets frustrated. If he watches porn and masturbates its a complete waste of time. If no masturbation occurs he will at least be so horny that he can ravish her unconstrained once in a while The man cares about what the woman thinks of him, constraining him during sex. From my understanding and experience of sex the sexual beast that is male desire has to be let go of for the woman. There might be bite marks, there might be a too rough spank, she might be crying on orgasm. But it is all part of it and she wants it this way. Couples in LTRs have no clue about how attraction/desire and female arousal even works. Their understanding and awareness goes merely skin deep. There is a huge difference between rubbing genitalia in bed and having your woman dissolve in your arms while you are fully present and fully feeling through her. Noone would buy a used car without knowing anything about cars, so why enter into an LTR if you are clueless? The man gets walked over and the female takes over control because the man has no spine. Their are certain phrases that some men say that just make me want to pummel them into the ground until they get up and stop that whiny shit It's not really a big deal. Hope someone can relate to me.