Psychonaut

But Leo...

I have experience with Olanzapine. It was "forced/given" to me in the psychiatry. I stopped taking it as soon as I got out of the closed ward. I had to play along for a bit, otherwise they would have never let me out. They had a court order that allowed them to force me to take drugs and also allowed them to restrain me against my will. They could have done anything to me. This is Germany btw. Don't go crazy here, you will use all your rights as a human being. They gave Olanzapine to get the dopamine down so that I would fall asleep. It put me to sleep, but it was not a restful sleep. I hated it, because it felt like someone was trying to push the "OFF" knob from the outside. In my eyes all these medications have so many side effects and the doctors, inventors, pharmacies and the entire system has no idea what they are doing. They are playing with fire. "Hey we got the dopamine down, but we broke 50 other things in the process". Approved. This is my personal opinion based on one drug that was given to me while conscious and a bunch of stuff that was IM'ed to me when I was unreachable "for them".

I suffered AI induced psychosis way before it even was a term. It happened in March of 2024. I was using ChatGPT so heavily, also through the API and writing scripts. Trying out every framework under the sun for automation and using agents before they even were a real thing. I adapted my speech and especially my written chat speech so much that I didn't even bother writing to real people properly anymore. I would abbreviate my texts and use symbols to shorten stuff. I didn't bother explaining to people what the symbols meant (because they were too stupid in my eyes - peak psychosis). I ended up in a psych ward, but never was treated for the actual problem. I only realized a few weeks ago when the term AI induced psychosis was coined, that what I experienced was exactly that. Everything got faster and faster. My brain wasn't able to keep up anymore. The information flood just made me break down. This is the first time I am talking about this and actually admitting to myself that this happened to me is quite freeing. I still use Gemini quite heavily, it gives quite "profound" answers some times.

My last trips felt like this: No words.

Who is understanding?

I am a high dose psychedelics user. For me I would go up to 60 - 65mg before giving up. I took 5-meo years ago and broke through on 50mg or so. Now the experiences are very different. No purging, no fear, no desires but also nothing really that I would classify as a real breakthrough. I am currently also at about 50mg. If you have something that can already switch of your mind a little bit. Like some dissociative maybe. That might help. 5-meo-dmt can easily be combined with other psychedelics. You could do a LSD trip and prepare 2-3 syringes of 5-meo-dmt and just take it on the trip. Just don't force it. I tried to force it years ago and traumatized myself. Always do everything with self love and care. Maybe you also just need a few more trips to prepare the body. Seeing your friends breakthrough is just your ego wanting that experience. Relax it. You will get there. Relax and just try with love. Eventually it'll work.

MXPCP for me works on the level of energy body. Or it somehow disconnects something that I can go into the energy field. It guides me very strongly to either put my hand on my stomach, my heart, to chant, to do a headstand or different Kriyas. It is also possible that it just releases the Kundalini energy for me and that is why I feel so much energy. 2-FDCK is in the mind. They are completely different.

I ended up filling the syringe with 80mg but splitting the doses volumetrically. So first I did about 0.3ml (~20-30mg) on the peak of a high dose MXPCP trip (120mg) and then later I did the rest 0.6ml (~50-60mg). The two doses worked well.

Psychologically?

I am getting that I should take 80mg of 5-meo-dmt. I don't feel like it's ego or a desire to take a large amount to prove to myself something. I have previously taken 50mg. I am not sure what peoples doses are atm, but I mean it can't kill me, right? Well nothing that is important to begin with.

I don't have access to Ketamine, I just have 1-FDCK. I plugged 86mg earlier today to compare both of them. I'll just refer to 1-FDCK as Ketamine. They are close enough. Ketamine and MXPCP are completely different. Ketamine is more in the head. The disconnection can happen in the head. One can think clearly on it. Not that many thoughts arise as on a thought producing substance like acid. But one could contemplate questions. MXPCP for me has nothing to do with thinking. It is just feeling. For me it works on "the energy body". What I do is intuitive. If I meditate on it. I do. I don't think about it. My energy system is transforming a lot at the moment. Substances affect me differently. For example I had sex with a girl today and at times it felt like I was tripping. It was so out of this world. I ejaculated in a dream a few days ago. It was extremely painful, as if I was being ripped apart. Before that I haven't ejaculated in almost 4 months and today I consciously chose to. It was nice, but in retrospect actually it was a little painful. MXPCP is a happening just like 5-MeO-DMT. Ketamine is an ego/mind drug. It's a toy. MXPCP wipes the floor. At least for me. A clean slate. It's all I ever wanted. To be loved just the way I am. Nothing more. Nothing less. I don't know what it is. But it's pure gold. For me. It's my gold. Maybe everyone has their substance? Their key?

@Leo Gura Define psychedelic. It's more healing / energetic. On higher doses it has some effects that remind me of DMT. No visuals though. If psychedelic entails that it can be used for spiritual work. Then it is that.

@LambdaDelta I only recently have gotten into Dissociatives and it was quite a longshot for me. I didn't believe they would actually hold any potential for spiritual work. I was pleasantly surprised though. For me though almost any substance, besides weed and alcohol are for spiritual work. In the shop I am ordering from there aren't so many substances available. 2-FDCK HCl 3-HO-PCP HCl 3-HO-PCE HCl 3-MeO-PCE HCl O-PCE HCl 3-Me-PCP HCl 3-Me-PCPy HCl 3-Me-PCE HCl 2-FXiPr HCl MXPCP HCl Out of these 3-MeO-PCE sounds promising and I am considering ordering it. 2-FDCK I have already and it is cool too. I fed this list to Google Gemini and it actually highlighted some surprising picks: The "Warm Teacher": 3-HO-PCP Why it fits: This is likely the closest upgrade to what you enjoy in MXPCP. Unlike the manic energy of standard PCP, 3-HO-PCP is widely reported to have a unique "warmth" (likely due to its affinity for opioid receptors). The Experience: It is often described as tranquil, profoundly introspective, and "magical." It creates a safe-feeling headspace where you can examine trauma or complex concepts without the cold, clinical detachment of other dissociatives. The "Deep Void": O-PCE Why it fits: If 5-MeO-DMT is the "rocket ship" of tryptamines, O-PCE is often considered the "rocket ship" of dissociatives. The Experience: It is famous for its "Hole" capabilities. It can completely disconnect you from your body and physical reality, placing you in a vast, abstract "void." The Vibe: Unlike 3-HO-PCP, O-PCE is often described as cold, clinical, and digital. It is excellent for exploring the structure of consciousness or deep meditation, but it lacks the emotional "fuzzy blanket" feeling of MXPCP.

I recently discovered MXPCP. It has anti depressent effects for me. It won't be as draining as MDMA. MDMA is long. Depending on dose MXPCP is around 2-5hr.

Because the shop on the clearnet I get it from only has freebase and I don't want to go to other sources just for HCL.

I only have 1ml syringes. I would have to get 3 or 5ml then. It's not a mild sting Leo. My ass is still on fire the next day. It's sore and I am no whimp on spicy food.

I need some help with plugging. I have 5-meo-dmt freebase. I can dissolve the freebase nicely in vinegar essence and need about 0.1 ml for 10mg. Now the problem is that vinegar essence is 25% acid and it's very strong. On lower doses let's say 30mg I would fill up my 1ml syringe with 0.3 ml vinegar and dillute the rest with water. With 0.5ml it becomes uncomfortably painful and I think it really not good for me. Now what should I do? Somehow neutralize the acid in the vinegar essence or evaporate the vinegar and then dillute with water? I have no idea.

MDMA

I recently have gotten my hands on some 2-FDCK and some MXPCP. I am really surprised that both of these bring me into a feeling of love / self love. I also feel my energy body more vividly and directly. It feels healing to me. I have taken them during online meditations, which I believe has helped me stay centered. I am not sure if there is a big difference between the two dissassociatives for me yet. I have only taken the MXPCP once and it felt stronger, but the main effect was very similar. Combining 1-FDCK with 5-Meo-DMT was really nice for me.

I still had some Oxiracetam left over and used it before meditating (sublingually). To me it felt as if it enhanced my meditation depth. Has anyone of used Nootropics specifically for meditation? I also take Alpha-GPC, Huperzine-A, Acetyl-L-Carnitine, Creatine, Maca and Mucuna Pruriens.

I have tried a lot of supplements/Nootropics and most didn't do anything for me. So when I reintroduced them I stuck with the best for me which are Alpha-GPC, Huperzine-A and Acetyl-L-Carnitine. Explanation from Gemini of the stack: This nootropic stack combines Alpha-GPC, Huperzine-A, and Acetyl-L-Carnitine to synergistically enhance cognitive function, primarily by targeting the neurotransmitter acetylcholine, which is crucial for learning and memory. Alpha-GPC acts as a direct precursor, supplying the brain with the necessary building blocks to produce more acetylcholine. Huperzine-A then complements this by inhibiting the enzyme that breaks down acetylcholine, effectively prolonging its action and increasing its availability in the brain. Meanwhile, Acetyl-L-Carnitine supports overall brain health and energy metabolism by aiding in the production of acetylcholine and protecting brain cells from oxidative stress. Together, these three compounds create a powerful combination aimed at improving focus, memory formation and recall, and mental clarity.

Piracetam for me didn't provide a noticeable change. Aniracetam I don't know. Phenylpiracetam, even though it's supposed to be one of the best, also didn't do anything noticeable for me. Noopept did work for me. But I can't really recall what exactly. I had it as a nose spray, which I mixed myself. That was a fun time. Wow. I just found 10g of Noopept for 20 bucks on Amazon. 😂 Let's have some fun 🤣

I'm in a relationship with a woman training to be a Geistheiler (spiritual healer). Recently, I've jeopardized our relationship due to my drug use and dishonesty. I told my girlfriend about ordering 5-MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-MALT. She was upset and didn't want me to take them, but initially seemed okay with it. However, things escalated: 1. During a call with her, I took 5-MeO-DMT and told her about it while on the phone. I had a rough trip, and she tried to help by sending me love and attempting to summon angels. This experience was difficult for both of us. 2. Another time, I took 5-MeO-MALT at home without informing her beforehand. When she asked later if I had taken anything, I admitted to it. This upset her greatly, as she felt I had betrayed her trust again. She now wants me to tell her before I take anything, but I've broken her trust twice. She's given me an ultimatum: if I continue using drugs like this, our relationship is over. The sexual connection in our relationship is incredibly strong - it's otherworldly and addictive. Honestly, it's the main reason I'm interested in staying. I have a history of communication problems and drug use in relationships. I often freeze up during arguments, leading to emotional reactions and a desire to escape. I'm torn between my desire to continue exploring with substances and maintaining this relationship. Should I break up with her or try to make it work? Any insights or advice would be appreciated, especially regarding: 1. The ethics of staying in a relationship primarily for sex 2. Balancing drug use with relationship commitments 3. Rebuilding trust and improving communication 4. Identifying problematic patterns in my approach to relationships

Thank you Emerald for your kind and honest opinion. We have broken up... It's been an emotional rollercoaster.

That is the thing. She absolutely cannot see the controlling, or even if I bring it up she says "I didn't say I would break up with you over it". But it is the strong disapproving feeling of an overarching mother, that still made me not do certain things just because I didnt feel like getting the disapproving feeling or arguing over bullshit. She tried to form me into the man she wants. When I bring up things like the food then she says "you know sugar etc is bad for you, I am just looking out for you". Again mother behaviour. I need to make my own experiences. In her worldview I made her into what she is now. The controlling is because I am not trustworthy and don't give her a feeling of stability. She wanted to save me from the start, she knew that I have a diagnosis from the psychiatry. She even said at some point that I was ill actually attracted her to me. Well I don't want to be ill anymore. I dont take any medication and I want to be stable and happy for myself. See myself and get to know who I actually am. I need to work on myself, need to be more open, be clean from "bad influences" like rap music, sugar, meat, news, etc... Then I ask myself what is she going to do to make the relationship work? Is she going to stop the controlling. Is she going to accept that men sometimes masturbate and that it has zero to do with her? Is she going to understand or accept that some things one just keeps to oneself? That one doesn't need to share absolutely everything with the other person? That it might actually be healthy if it's two independent people coming together and not one glued together glob? Is she going to start meditating again and working on herself instead of smoking weed all day? All she wants to do is talk. And talking is fine sometimes. It helps the mind to understand and come to terms with things. But emotions can't be loosened or healed by just talking. That requires sound, movement and feeling through the emotion. We are turning in circles. Stirring up the same stinky soup over and over again.