ValiantSalvatore

The point is the more masculine you can be the more feminine you can be, especially for people with a more masculine side. It's a dynamic dichotomie you can look at the ying and yang symbol and see that both symbols reach into each other. I can't tell you the meaning but dian ying ... means cinema dian electronic and ying shadow. So, yang is light. Anyway, I can also recommend any audibook from david deida, you can find other quality women when you get to the point of being a quality man. Or I am by no where near this, I thought about this for sometime and made some notes. I can recommend listening to enlightend sex as an audiobook from david deida to have a better perspective around sex in a spiritual context and the idea of femine and masculine, also the dynamics of them and pratices for sex. Or the way of superior men, is also a great book. (I have the audio version..)

@assx95 I did some cringy things with a couple of girls, yet I don't talk much about it. I found this to be helpful besides David Deida. http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/256ezk/quotes_and_advice_from_the_book_of_pook_your_one/ A user recommended this for me once, tracing back some experiences it has some great value for how to appraoch dating and mating in general, also masculine and feminine, what women want, potential warning signs, what certain stuff means or behaviour, what to look out for and what matters. It is a bit abstract, potentially you like it.

Shorty entry. I'll be abusing this a bit for eduaimonia. Asking what is and Blue/orange does have some value. I don't think most people understand what Leo is trying to reach since, they come from the own self-directed path they trodded. It's very funny also observing how american thinking works. Since, I never been to america which is quite unfortunate. I have the citizinship though so... I don't think a lot of mono-racial people questioned their entire existence in that sense Leo is very unique also a lot of bi-racial people stop this or they build a healthy blue social role or a patholigcal blue social role that needs shadow work. I am happy I did shadow work I can be more a social character without denying my uniquness and integrity, meaning I am untouchable in that sense. Die Unantastbarkeit eines jeden Menschen, oder auch Unbescholtenheit. Die sogenannte Integrität. I do not think a lot of people thought about this and it's very funny that the rap I listend to who claims that they are conscious actually are more conscious, they've done a lot of psychdelics I never thought things turn full cricle so quickly. Also, I've been having very weird synchronicities since my kriya experiences. It's odd not sure if I should share. My workouts are making progress I can stem 120kg max of back squats two times and use 90kg for my 5 or 10 reps. I am soon in week 6 of the coach, tomorrow or tuesday will be sprints and burpees. I love the idea of being an athelete it gives me social status which ultiametly gives me serotonin also, and justifies my perceived strenghts without receiving shit from others. I noticed some fat people become jealous but fine, I don't like fat people who are toxic that is the epitome of unconsciouness assholeness, (I surely did contemplate my own), and classim and I'd say even raclism. Some are more nice and enjoy the benefits of green. I am happy that my family was quite green and that I can remember a weird incident when I was born and I was operated. It makes sense that existence has no notions like leo explained in the new video. Otherswise all of this criticism seems so low green and high orange -> claiming to be a system and feeling immediately attacked, it's not bright certainly to do this. Crticism is not feedback, it's basically for me a form of bitching and not being aware of the other person, also a sign of dissatisfaction. Germans are the ultimate complaniers holy fucking duck... It's insane. Feedback is different because it's similar to the talking stick method from steven covery book the seven habits of highly effective people and to get people to do this !!!!!! I TRIED WITH MY MOM DID NOT WORK ! LIKE 20 TIMES NOT JOKING I tried with my best friend he actually did it and I felt understood this was to a large degree my need to feel meaning and my ass being stuck in stage green. Feedback is when I listen to another person ask questions till he feels understood or she or non-binary, binary, cis, trans, queer, concepts and models and more. Till this model feels understood since it will enforce new standards anyway, nothing really philosophical about the post but fine I hate that so procalimed systems thinker, never explain what they actually understand I do this too, yet I notice from my childhood also I need to go into breadth I mostly did what is neccesary and grew vertically now I am also including breadth with seemed superfical to me, so I only focused on depth. This would be my idea about growth that it includes depth and span, as Ken Wilber mentions. So bla bla Now my friend will help me with the project, his father received a heart attack, so he is currently the CEO of a company. Or even multiple ones I will help him to do some stuff and drive some trash around and throw it away. He also helped me with maths in the first semester and he explained it very well, this is where TI shines they understand very well, very very well. Often they don't want to but bla bla TE already has the solution and tbh nobody wants to hear it... it's similar to not selling/marketing yourself properly, you just hand-out free subscription of a multi billion dollar service and everyone chimes in and get's free cake. For some green dumbo talk ? Seriously. Not everybody wants to hear a solution immediately, some are fine with it, some are complacent and abuse it for instance higher FI users I assume and more. Now anyway this friend lived at a temple for 6 months in some traditions I am intellecutally not on par with him since he read and learned coding from a young age of 10 because of his sister. He will do his doctor I want to convince him to continue meditating etc, so he does not become a shitty scientist like my prof is or was, because he also did research. His is quite yellow and will argue and critcize for the sake of it, when it is appropriate he told me some weird things but he does not integrate spirituality. For instance he smoked an orchid and when you do that appartently two times or so in a row your liver dies. He did not know that and a friend told him to do it, also about some weird physicist who does a yoga sun salute and chops a watermelon with his machete. At his birthday I talked to one guy who was a physicist in his bachelors and his name was Diego and I liked him he was very funny, but somehow he was so fascinated by profs etc. That he started to talk with people about that, we talked a bit yet he seemed bored so I went on to antoher person etc. It was kinda odd, I am not a fan of large birthdays if they are not well planned with some activities but now I am wasting time. Not sure where I want to go with this besides that I want him to try some LSD he already has his first paper written and it is being peer-reviewed and it looks very good, also he is an ISTP and they are technique freaks, so I love to learn from ISTP people. Anyway that is about it I hope I don't spam more I turned off Grammarly, so now I need to focus more on not making mistakes and writing correctly, this surely was a time waster post. But I have the app again tomorrow which will block the site for my pc...

I'll be making another entry I pretty sure this is a time waster. Yet, I will go for my work out now and do my routine, my bag is already packed I have a set place where I place my workout clothes after each workout and don't leave them in the bag or they become stinky. Otherwise, I am not making progress with this fking project and this retarded professor is not willing to help. I will ask a friend and otherwise, I have one week to complete the full project and next week a couple of hours. The things that he explained to me I did not understand how this fits together with other parts, I hate low green fuck face scientists. No sorry, this guy is the same as the other professor a kid who reached higher classes and now just contributes to the problem instead of being a solution. He could also be teaching nazis how to code, yet I don't really get why he was so angry, I could say he is yellow and pissed at incompetence. That would make me already more tourquise but I'll doubt that a bit, yet I am not triggered by this as much anymore, since this was my intention to let go during my or a couple of LSD trips where I understood how letting go of yellow feels and it threatened my arbitrary notions of survival. Also, not sure if catching the ox is tourquise since it would be transrational tier. Also, not sure anymore if yellow is transrational there are post post-conventional tiers? ... It's difficult to maintain the knowledge around this subject without rereading and most people are not interested in it. I tbh don't like to take care of things that involve day to day mundane stuff I learned to enjoy it while I lived in China and England but, hell. This is annoying the prof makes me think about him like a boring hitlery person, I know for sure why I am not going to be interested in people who have no degree of fantasy. And definitely no book fantasy people, they are totally deluded, sometimes and you can't see it coming. Not sure I am also just the same kind of pattern running around as a cog in the machine, solving problems to keep the machine clean. At the end, I want to read more as so often, I will re-structure my entire approach again to learning in two weeks after the exam since then my internship will begin and this is basically a "real life" simulation. I want to also read about relationships I listened to the audiobook sex at dawn and have the book the reading queen where I read from time to time, I tend to forget how fascinating things are especially biology and live on earth, yet all of this practicality is worth it. I hated it my entire life, now I learned to enjoy it because of China somehow. I want to freaking move my ass around the globe.

Very short entry max 10 min. I mapped out my schedule for today. Reading some of the forum posts here and watching the new video from Leo. What did I gain insight into let's ask that for now. I definitely am on the path that my brain is part of my body and not a separate thing, it's a difference in practice I highly doubt that a lot of people recognize this. For instance my meditation session again, the cerebellum I assume was pumping, also listening to deep sleep binaural beats I can hear how my brain either is clearing itself from toxins or repairing itself, since deep sleep induces DNA repair and clears the brain of all of its toxins and puts in in repair mode. Not sure if also growth hormones are released, yet using binaural beats when you are sensitive to sounds can work . I could test this more often, yet I want to work on priorities this is important but not urgent. Focusing on the first upper left quadrant of the eisnehower matrix is a good recapitulation of an audiobook I listened about 7 times and made a whole map out of the principles. Now, I also notice that I look at things at holistic fields instead of facts, pieces of pieces and pieces of pieces in depth. It's as if depth and span create a matrix with is currently still 3D but not 4D and most of the time others seem rather 2D in that sense. They have depth and span but only on a superficial level, there is breadth in that sense a z axis, yet I definitely want to repeat some good math lessons when I study for my masters. I looked what I need to learn for machine learning some of the topics where already coverd, yet this major also focuses on a different aspect. Which I liked and still enjoy, but it's more a quadripple sub-component and apparently cartoons are for kids and are utterly classit. Well, I never read much about Walt Disney I know he was an anti-semitic and that some of the cartoons where utterly racist and displayed stereotypical thinking. https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2017/06/walt-the-quasi-nazi-the-fascist-history-of-disney.html Definitely, want to read up on that like I said I am still not at top performance and I still want to create and optimize my approach to all of this. Now, I am done for now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isx3TzhH7iQ https://www.medpagetoday.com/resource-centers/adult-adhd/cerebellar-growth-patterns-different-young-people-adhd/2026 https://learningbreakthrough.com/learning-breakthrough-blog/adhd-cerebellum/ Not sure how I will go about planning etc learning this, yet I'll leave this here. I will listen now to shinzens talk about the cerebellum

Definitely stop using Grammarly lol. Or buy the premium version this is just bad the hell.

Now the comment from the other guy if we talk about NPC's fine I'll take a healthy distance if there is not reply, I don't like it but okay. For today 15 min timer: Two of my favorite profs already warned about the dangers about larger companies that you'll be working only inside their system. So, even if people here talk about going to SAP and check their social status or any status for that matter. Is utterly ridiculous fine there are also new sectors like human-computer interaction and UX/UI researchers. Who are needed, not sure how many yet the market is here. One classmate does her bachelors there at BOSH. Now, all of these big companies fine I have my favorites. They surely could expand, yet the direction and section where I will do my bachelors and my practical phase for time's sake. Is definitely a different direction it's also human-centric slightly Green/yellow and Green/orange with a focus on green consumers potentially with health and fitness. So, therefore the market is quite new, and there are some very good universities basically the best of the best here in Germany as far as I know in medicine in Heidelberg and Homburg. I was operated in Homburg when I was little and their clinic has a very very good reputation I never fact-checked this. But, it's well known here. So, there is a market for health and fitness applications and I bet also research being done. Yet, the project that I'll be working on is more for consumers and everyday life and hobbyists who are interested in all kinds of sports. I won't share what the prof told me but apparently, there are not apps on the market for a specific service that I could learn and Google also uses, so ... let's see. Otherwise, my time run out because I found my old post. I will set a 7 minute timer it will be 21:30 then and I can study for one session or rather continue with note-taking from the script. Today topic productivity: I listened to the deep work audiobook again while I went down the hill to go shopping it took my about 2h or so to shop and go back home, so I try to buy very efficiently, I once did audio recordings for a class and listened to them, yet this was a time where I still often went back home and I just went for bike rides. A classits freedom . -> All of this talk wants me to read more about communism and socialism Marx and Weber and what names I can recall lenin etc. I don't know much about them I read a bit about Mao and the cultural evolution, confucism and their principle book ( I don't want to call it bible) called li. It thought my nothing really new. So, what was I thinking about I was so concentrated shopping. Definitely that I make blocks in my bullet journal and further segment my tasks into smaller tasks, breaking them down to sub-components, yet not too detailed. Also, never using to do lists. I want to have a big picture that I can break down or deconstruct. Like flow. Now, besides that deep work is a rare skill, I see it with my peers who are dabelling around and some few who are really into cs and work hard for stuff for e.g in the Unix ag. I will re-listen to it approx 5-8 times more. So, I drill this concept into my brain I am already in the third listening phase and listening to it sporadically blah blah Now, I bought groceries for 107 Euro let's see how long they last I also eat in the cafeteria so I foresaw this and I usually buy food that lasts longer, potatoes, natural rice, oatmeals, dried fruits, curry stuff, egg even last long.. , and a few quick dishes to cook, also nuts and some fruits, but I am done with buying loads of fruits I am not used to eating them so I only bought four appeals and a certain kind of peer that I wanted to try nish or so. I ordered a new backpack since my delüx backpack of an utterly horrendous allusion that I am making (yes I am practicing my verbal circus), feels as if it should shut the hell up? Seriously? -> Anway, I bought a new backpack which has a usb port I never knew something like this existed and I finally found a water bottle containing 1.5 liters without BPA or BPE (I want to increase my knowledge about material too) , the other cup I bought I sip this in 2-3 study sessions and I drink a can of tee in approx 2-5. So, I definitely will be more hydrated for my internship. Otherwise, I did my workout and printed out my notes which is something I have never done before and did a root-review. I will definitely read also the small book about productivity once exams are over and re-structure my entire strategy for planning. What I intend since I have time Mo - Sa workweek or Mo-Fr including Sunday and one day off where I'll just read and plan activities that I will do that are not around programming or technical subjects that need practical actions. That is it for now.

I wanted to know how do you approach dealing with visual darkness while meditating, for instance when I meditate when it is dark or during the night. I notice that my imagination and fantasy go wild in interpreting shapes, that I see forming outside. For example, I look at my closet and I see a large shadow creature moving towards me, even if this is imagination or my sense perception, eyes, retina, brain... etc. (optic nerves) Making sense out of the experience I become very scared because I am imagining negative or frightening forms, for example, a devil with horns, a goat-human devilish type creature looking down on me and I see the shapes in the shadow even if it is just the head of the creature. I can't deal with this very well, and I tell myself oh it's not real, it's a figment of the imagination and then 20-30 seconds later I become scared what if it is real. What if I am thrown into Makyio suddenly or start to hallucinate, even if there is a low chance of that happening. (Because of DMT... I assume) There is this driveness to interpret things in this particular way, my body reacts emotionally and especially my brain, so am I supposed just to sit through it? Even when I am going to scream because I am scared shitless? Without my neighbours, I would try a bit more, yet many worries kick in and I am not sure how to deal with that. I also think this is not very good. With psychedelics I found it to be a bit easier because I can rationalize I am tripping "anyway" and therefore I can deal with visual effects. I never had a horror trip with visuals. I had one slight horror trip where I felt I processed the dream of another person, two times with the same personality type... But I could have also just been "tripping" I thought I lost this post but the forum saved it, therefore, I am posting. I wanted to know this also because I want to do darkroom retreats and the person who I wrote to here, quit after 4 days he also did psychedelics and said the sounds scared him. So, what are good ways to deal with the darkness I watched Leos blog and Peter Ralston talks about it from, we are a teacup. Is all of this fantasy, phantasma, imagination, hallucination, illusion and so on, why is it so impactful and how to deal with the darkness while sitting at night, closed eyes are fine, but what if I want to penetrate and overcome the fear? I had this fear since I was small which thought me a bit about the painbody... now that my identification ceased a lot (besides the brain ) I notice that ... only my brain reacts and I want to move... so is there a way to reinterpret darkness in some proven way?

@Dimi thank you for the links I saved them

@tenta What ?

Max 10 minute entry: ( 2-5~ish over) I wanted to review my meditation techniques before I meditate my sleep schedule is for now in disarray and I want to re-structure it again. Yet, I will stay spontaneous for now because of my not very good preparation for my exams. So... I have to see and first do a review before I criticize and be harsh towards myself without any solid reason. Meditation current techniques I use. See, hear, feel paradigm from Shinzen Order of how often I use the techniques in a session and their effects (IIRC) Hear in = Notice identification with self (also the quality of the talk, making a distinction for e.g if it's breadth or deepth) Feel Flow = destruction of what apparently is or a destructive technique I call it destruction for now See in = notice mental image, behind the mental talk, with mental talk, Feel Out = notice, pain, heat, the hidden invocation of flow, wind, physical pain, cushion, pressure, tense feelings Hear Flow = destruction of vibrations in sound, cyclic sound, oscillating, humming, buzzing, fast talk space also the movement of it slowing down or speeding up. See Rest = notice rest states grayscale black like a movie screen that is dark Hear Out = notice the start of sound and end, beginning and ending of cycles, new input of sound, utterances, a sound that I do myself, breathing, moving See Out = movement of new points of my eyes saccades dynamic movements of the eyes to find a new fix point, therfore finding fixpoints with eyes open, objects moving into see space, eyes refocusing when blinking on one point or the whole space Gone = notice vanishing, destroys time and space See Flow = flow when eyes closed, "fractal" or light movements off green or red or dots moving in the greyscale black of rest, images forming in the grayscale blank Hear Rest = silent undertone of nature, or that high beep sound when you just sit and there is no quality what so ever to perceive besides this in sound space Feel Rest = feeling states of rest in the body ( very rare for me ) Not covered The paradigm of space and the big picture for that I have to go through my notes. Active and passive stances Feel Good, be good ... paradigm Pain processing algorithm

Short post it's quite late. Writing a post here and reflecting on immediate thoughts brought to my attention that I grew a lot solely through reflecting in my journals and writing down stuff physically and dong exercises like CBT and shadow work and using it as a gratitude journal. It truly is a way to solve problems I totally forgot this. Well, still I feel very odd. I keep thinking about classes more in a social constructed way and the video from Leos blog is what i feel and can comprehend quite well especially with shinzen youngs paradigm. I still did not listen to the life practice program session where he talks about the cerebellum. When the exams are done I definitely want to get more into health as I am doing now, my exercises are going great. Tomorrow or today rather... will be the easiest workout I've done in some time not sure why the app recommends it but I am following through for now. I see some small contours of me having a six-pack without needing to stretch out my belly muscles. Oh yeah and I sinned two times I checked Instagram and saw some old people from my old school, It's just more decadence in a sense but they have fun in their hedonistic lives. Not sure what I can make out of that thought, besides analyzing my situation. Hmm.... I'll want that the internship and my bachelors and the taken moduls in programming are worth it and I want to read more books. One chapter of a Wilber book and I already have to change my whole approach to who I see myself and shadow work. Also I want to watch more videos from Paul Check he seems to be old 50-60+ read Wilber and talks a lot about spirtuality etc. But I also thought about how much time I spend on the TV, I definitely want to take some walks and ponder and listen to some audiobooks while I am doing the internship here. So, I can ponder in and with nature.

I don't know why I could pinpoint, yet I am very motivated today for no reason and I am in a good mood with only 1h and 20 min of sleep. I want to increase my ability to strategize, yet I see the limits of yellow and I am not a very organized person or industrious person by nature, most of it I have to train myself to run automatically. Life still feels like clockwork skimming the Actualized.org Textbook I will definitely re-read this and an I want to make a 6 day work week where I work on relevant projects for Uni and take Saturday or Sunday of to read. Also, to do a bit of speed reading training again, since I lost track of how good I am at it. Otherwise, I am thinking about what to review. I definitely don't want to critically assess my current situation and would like to write about positive plans or situations or actions. Studying and discipline are two things I am getting more and more the hang off, especially with my large expectations and I hope I can ace my last semester of studies. I am also a bit more optimistic about shadow work, yet I want to clean my room and finish this project and then start with a normal schedule again. This is not feasible long-time but the green tea is a super stimulant. This is all there is to it currently I will continue with my project and keep working at enlightenment, meditation, love, relationships, studying, life purpose, being a life long learner, acquiring wisdom, open-mindedness and acceptance. My biology, my psychology, history, politics, systems, structures, etc. Yet, currently computer science I am looking forward to my masters next year if everything works out perfectly and I want to build upon the foundation that I have built over the past years and keep working at it. There is so much that I have not, yet done and I am happy that I am out of this slump of negativity, mind fog, self-hatred, and loathing, decadence, hedonism, procrastination and more. I still have a lot of doubts, yet turning to friends and family helps and receiving support. I want to turn my life around 720 degrees and charge forward and create what I want to create, listen to the advice that is applicable to my life situation, wisdom etc. Doing common wisdom as a common practice and learn about principles. I think this is what makes yellow deep besides models that internally derived principles of how life functions have a lot of horizontal breadths. The more conscious I become the better and greater my life circumstances turn out to be. Training with a master in meditation and learning from him as a teacher is great, worshipping is a difference, having a good sense of admiration is inspiring. I also want to say, I don't know how many times I made fun of spiritual masters because they are dirty enlightened old men who fart shaktipa and make people enlightened through this. Or have a great character and are enlightened is just makes me grin. I want this too, and working for it with a great master and teacher is humbling as well as compelling to aggress. After Exams, I want to take a whole day or two and review my notes here as well as physically in written as well as auditorially in spoken form. (No videos yet of what I just like to do since I also like media, film, creativity at large). I am looking forward to my masters I still have not decided yet to which Uni I will go since I want to connect it with my bachelors and there are two key topics I want to dive into which is machine learning and a.i. Yet, this won't be easy so embrace myselfs! I definitely have the right proof to land a career at a different company than SAP or Bosh or smth. like that. I also want to keep integrating orange. I want to read up on that.

@Cepzeu This is awesome thank you for sharing this!

Writing a post very late. I am still studying which is not good. I thoroughly messed up my preparations because I struggled this semester again because of family problems and took on to many projects. I've read two books early, in the beginning, of this semester from Cal Newport I used to read tips from his blog and had an audiobook from hin so good they can't ignore you, I downloaded also Deep Work. Now, I took more action and had some setbacks for various reasons, for instance, it took me a whole weekend to know that I have to activate a certain setting on my phone to work with the android studio since my code was actually working. I still don't know why but the girl at the office fixed this problem for me within 2 seconds I asked her via Skype and she fixed it a couple of days later. Still, I want to re-strategize even if I fail an exam this semester which can or can not happen. I am not sure, yet I want to follow and achieve my life purpose and therefore finishing this degree, it's almost impossible now to fail it, even by statistics. Yet, I notice how key meditation is and taking practical actions in domains that I struggle with, I think I start to understand upahia or skillful means, to act skillfully and mindful at the same time. Now, today my workout was quite gruesome but still fine. I did my warm up which is recommended by the app and I still don't like diving pushups they are exhausting I can't do even 10 in a row even if I can do around 20 - 40 pushups I never tested this, because the cycles of repetition in the app do not force me to go over 10 or 20 pushups in one set in one cycle or rounds or bouts. I did in total 75 Burpees (25 high jump burpees) 100 Leg plank switches ( for this first time) 250 Jumping Jacks 25 Jumps ( just jumping into the air ) 6 x 40m sprints (20x20m) 40 pushups 14 diamond pushups and yes the warm-up + stretches + 25 jumps at the end. In approx 1h 10 which is not that fast and the recommended time to finish this exercise is in 30 -47 minutes. So, yeah.. that was not particularly fast. But I did all of them so. I see also some gains but I want to keep moving forward and stay on to aggress mode and approach this with diligence and patience next workout will be on Saturday, I'll potentially post my habit tracker way. Yet, not sure if I want to post something personal in here. Let's see.. The leg plank switches and the sprints were killer, even if the leg planks are not that difficult it was somehow difficult to do them, also because of heat, etc. Also, I noticed that I want to do at least one shadow work session for most likely the rest of my life a day lol, or at least a couple times a week, when shadow elements reach up to the non-dual stages and one can get shadow material with prana etc. And I can't pinpoint precisely what it is only what I know which is the life energy. Also, again the introjection part -> Which means to have an internalized voice of another which was acquired from the environment, for instance, father, mother, child, inner critic, anger, nationality other sub-personas for e.g programmer, academic, football coach, good friend, good lover, husband, wife etc. The critical point is that these voices were acquired through not reviewing or making a dedicated decision that this voice is not making sense, is not useful, is not good etc. A phase of recognizing this voice has never happened it just slipped through into the unconsciousness, it can also be and this is what I mainly see it the collective "unconsciousness" for e.g ideals, believes, notions, ideas, behaviors (even maybe). For e.g practicality is good and everything needs to be useful and must be useful. This neurotic wording and voice is already part of my shadow and I want to bring it out and not own it but to toss this voice out! Since this is not useful. This is the most important point between differentiating with shadow assimilation (classic projection as far as I understand) and shadow introjection internalization of voices. I thought about this while working out since I notice my subtle talk diminishes and I still have a lot to learn since sound is the shallowest part of the senses apparently. Also, I listened to a life practice program of Shinzen Young last night because I was frustrated because of the interaction with my professor and he pretty much and I have to re-listen since I fell asleep, said the thing that I intuit the whole damn time. Which is my cerebellum is also responsible for my behavior. I feel so much "feel flow" at this part since everything as far ... IIRC is labeled flow which has a pulsory or vibratory nature or some tingling sense, for instance, one student asked how he should label his heartbeat and he said as flow, so the pumping and vibratory feeling of the heartbeat is flow not feel out. For instance, though the smell is labeled as out. So, yeah since labeling the cerebellum with the feel flow label and the internal voice labeling that the same way, when it increases or decreases in speed I can tell, okay this is working way better and smoother since other regions are consciously recognized by me afterward as flow. I feel my whole body in flow and can how this pumping, gulping, etc. is caused by the cerebellum. Now what Shinzen said that it coordinates balance and motor skills as far as I can recall as the behavior I want to listen to the talk again and write about it, I'll meditate over it literally potentially on the weekend and read an article on Wikipedia or so. As well as I can with as much time as can bear, yet this will work. I am overthinking now. Oh, yes I definitely want to re-strategize I failed my 30-day cbt and vision challenge I did the vision part and will continue today to finish the 30-day challenge. I was so tired and meditate again for 50 min in the evening with a 1h session in the morning because I was not in the mood to do smth. I want to get this mindset out of my head, that I want and need to be in a mood which I mostly have to get down to work on some project, regardless for work, free time, etc. Also, this is great for studying if you are into electronic music Note on day 15 I failed.

Today I think I figured out what a classists approach kind of thinking is because of the interaction with my prof and videos from shinzen. Also, why I don't like people who never studied or modern materialists and power games. It's utterly racist and puts people down in order to survive and let their preconceived notions of reality sink in. That is also even if students are respectful older students are sort of bananas. They can't see how their own relativism causes stressful responses and then it's all a joke and fun! No, it is not. Now if you are trapped in the meme culture faglords fanboy gayeroni group, you are and have been basically a low performer as I've been for quite some time now. I also don't think you can enjoy life fully since one is trapped in hedonistic and decadent pleasure. It is decadence in the original meaning of the world, too much of this stuff rots culture and is just a form of escapism. I am so done, so done. With video games and their followers who are most depressed and have issues in their life around bullying etc. Some of it is fine, yet I can see why it is toxic, why I quitted and why I am not prone to doing it, especially since I think about this biologically, there are actual changes in your brain happening if you want it or not. Sure I'd also say I've read an article that it makes you less prone to thinking negatively about gender, race, stereotypes, etc. Since you play the role of a female character for instance, but most and that is what I would call the classist decadent gamer are in it for the lulz, there is no journey and a mystical magical feeling or an idea as seeing it as a method of training, practice, improvement of some sort but it's just fun and mems and good feels, and orange/green decadence. It's not very good. The most conscious people who don't meditate I meet never even watched TV and were only allowed to watch the first three channels on TV, and they are by far way more successful than the average actualized.org user. Being pure in some sense does have value. Yet, I am done with orange/green kids playing 20h of video games a week is too much. Pick one day and play as much as you want, but doing it every day, every week for longer then a couple of hours without any discipline is not good. I am happy that I am done with these activities there are things that are more important and also are more fun.

Some things really got me thinking especially the point about survival. I can't tell how much I enjoy the topic as well as I am fascinated by it, but at the same time. My current disappointment in myself hurts me the most, the last kriya experience caused me to work through a lot of old emotions and so much has been cleansed it is sick. My mental story although is perpetuated still, I never looked in terms of survival at the world as much, my old friends were into it and I disliked it because it somehow was just a thing my friends liked. But I wanted to change and do things that I was and am passionate about, which are even more classist or it's just a hierarchy regardless of skill .. etc. It's annoying to play within power dynamics but it's better than to suppress them I read a chapter about shadow work in ken Wilbers book, I still feel bad that I am not making and producing the results that I want and this chapter about shadow work was especially good. The used the term introjection, which means that you internalize the voice of another wife, husband, friends, father, mother, co-worker some celebrity etc. I noticed this, but never seen this as part of the shadow. I never cried so much then this year, I felt I was really crippled but my emotions and range of it really opened up after the kriya experience, I feel I can cry and vent when I am going overboard or when "aggression" agrees to fast. Today was also not a very good day, I got into an argument with my professor I did not like this guy from the beginning, it's the vibe I get when people I think we're victims and now become the perpetrator. He became so angry also it was very hot and people are very irritable because I said that I don't think the script is good and bought a book in advance and showed him code from another uni. I said that 3 times and he was just angry at one point I can't understand why I think so often about this principle of the 7 habits of highly effective people seek first to understand then to be understood. So, i tried ... which is difficult with emotionally ... not so attuned humans. That I try to understand him first and the situation, but I utterly failed. I was way to driven and could not focus on his emotions or how I come across or anything like that. It's retarded and I don't like this person he also does not have a very good rating on a site where you can rate professor it's a bit old, but his ratings are not that good. I told him that because I could not comprehend how he can not comprehend that I comprehend something which he explains to me, and I repeat it in order to understand the situation, the problem etc. Now, I got something wrong which is fine, but he did not read in the context of what I was saying that is also the problem with this Blue/orange Nazi-techs, that they always think about what is. How things literally are. And they don't know jack about it. Even if he is a bit egalitarian not emotionally morally, yes but not emotionally. So, he could not show me if the piece of code that I wanted to use can be used for the project or if my solution would work, he explained some things to me, but he can't empathize. It's nice that people value logic, but these explanations are so uncreative. Then I try to repeat what I understand and then he explains something else, I told him yes I understood this part and he tells me I only need these two lines of code. Then we got into a small argument about the structure of the school, because some professors are just assholes and create limiting beliefs. Since they treat what is. Still, this ruined my day pretty much since I thought I would make some progress with the project. He aborted the meeting because he got so angry. I hate this guy and his trio of profs who like each other I truly have a lot of anger in me which means I want to move forward, I am apparently impatient yes. I watched Leos video on that while I cleaned the dishes, but he talked exactly like the friend who I kicked out of my life. Even if I like him a bit or my old friend a lot, this is just ridiculous they are emotionally so immature that I wonder how can they be in a relationship. My friend argued the whole time with his girlfriend I never know about what, but it feels so cringy. I know have to re-schedule my schedule or plan and have to invest some time every day till the project is supposed to be due. Which is in Exactly 3 weeks. I hope this will work out I am scared that I will fail the exams. I am not sure anymore how I can approach life and live successfully, my genetics don't really give me an advantage here besides in sports and other aspects. I only have my mom who supports me the whole time, I already feel and have slight tears in my eyes thinking about this. While I can't exchange with another American person since there are just non-there. Maybe 3. And I have nobody to share my thoughts and feelings etc to. And the people that I share it to don't want to hear it. But, they have full support from family, from their folk, nation, etc. Politeness is not compassion. Politeness is not compassion. Politeness is not compassion. Politeness is not compassion. Politeness is not compassion and politeness is not compassion. It may be respect of hierarchy, status, integrity, modalities, rules, tolerance (which is not acceptance) it also is an expression of sympathy, but it is not empathy. People like him drove me to the spiritual path and makes me hate this region. The collective unconscious has a very strong blue/orange status hierarchy driven undertone. This introjection..... reading about it I think it is what my prof triggered and I was already subconsciously doing... I did shadow work quite rigorously for 2 years I will get back into it after reading it since I most likely be doing it for some stages. Now, what I make out of introjection especially with aggression reading the article on Wikipedia they differentiate between assimilation and introjection (Laura and Fritz Pearls I still thank Ralph Smart for this.. ) now, assimilation is acquiring something new out of the environment and making it one's own and perpetuating the acquired attribute and using it for growth. For instance, renowned aggression lets you move forward or develop a drive, a disowned aggression will make you lash out and attack and project others who want to move forward see driving in a car or they just are angry and can't control their drive. Now introjection seems is different in that the new thing that is acquired from the environment or the outer world, social environment, friends, neighbors, classmates, nations, state, the globe, etc. is internalized without making any distinctions or review of it, therefore internalizing it and making it one's own. The review and discrimination and distinction part are crucial because the new thing that is being acquired wants to be reviewed or made sense out of. For instance, I have an internal voice of various subpersonalities, for instance, a coach, a "wannabe" academy, " nice guy", " a compassionate guy", "an American voice" etc. etc. They all sound different Now I want to use this for shadow work since subtle is significant I hope that I can use this for positive results. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Introjection

I am trying to make a short entry, a class has been canceled therefore they suggested going there at 11:45 in a different "exercise" group. This is a rant I am not sure if I will be done till Friday the project has to be finished and I have to send it to him. I am almost done with the annoying task, yet it is the foundation for the next thing anyway. I am in the library and there are not a lot of people I feel a bit self-conscious and I just hope that I get this semester done. I feel like a failure sometime or rather think it, yet when I consider my circumstances and statistics I am doing way better than most. Just by asking around, yet my interest changed so much this has been a recurrent theme, but it is mostly into one direction. That is a creative expression of what I can regard as language, logic and concepts also mathematical concepts. I am not a fan of design, I could get into web design and I dislike the business type people here, the management or so would be cool but an accountant ... no. I can see why people do it, yet not sure how this can be stimulating. I am going to meet up with my prof today and rather soon, I can't tell if 10 days will be enough to finish the final parts of the project that is what I wanted to ask him. I hate the situation that I am in still and this place is was a bad choice, yet I could not have foreseen the impact my "redundant" family has. I am thank full, yes, but being complacent and to content is extremely complacent. Still, I can't stand this region I can't stand how they use language, I can't stand how they interact with each other, I can't stand that they are baby hitlers without recognizing it. When I look for what people vote here and the school system, it's one stubborn shit cu** region. There is no other expression for it. Still it has a tech scene ! It's incredible how toxic these people here are I read a post about toxic people yesterday and all this what I am doing just shows this region is toxic. It's like you need to find a subculture of people to not be influenced by some of their hitlery, the student's council is utterly retarded, I joined them. I can feel the latent toxicity and I worked at different companies which where way way cleaner. I am still stuck in comparisson mindset and not sure sometimes if I should meditate my ass off to not think like them. I am happy when this semester is over and I can work on projects that I like. I am a bit concerned that I will receive a mediocre grade again for some project that I misinterpreted and the teacher gives no hint of what the final project should look like. Others ask around or have some friends etc. With this much hitlery I am not sure if making friends is possible when every second fk kid gets triggered by competition and feels to either compete and say things like only because he is black or I am just ignored because well, who are you and eh ok you there. Oh and the other foreigners just make it great for me. Fantastic hitlery region. I wish hitler existed for these guys. So I don't have to exist.

This is the point of being yellow IMO. Or extremely simplistic being "the whole package". (It's in the spiral dynamics book...)

Alright, 20 min timer. I finished 9 study sessions today on a day with no classes that are. Almost 8h of studying. I still slacked off and I don't like that my body needs food. It's onerous to feed oneself, to stay healthy is fun and eat healthy food, yet to keep everything organized is not so fun. Good for practicing mindfulness or listening to audiobooks, but not fun. Still, I am getting the hang of what it seems like to live like a performer that is an actual social class or milieu in studies. I took a personality type test and bought a book it's a bit cheesy but it's more in the self-help realm. The person went to Yale and her name is Gretchen Rubin. I like to take a pop-psychology quiz, although this is more about personality and habit tendencies. https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/ I just found out what the Tx button in the header of the forum, the comment writing section is. It deletes the format of the text! Yes, that's possible. Now, I am still not satisfied with how I go about distractions and how I am not having an impact. Besides optimization, the next key principles I want to implement is impact and producing results. I ordered nootropics for 80 bucks I want to write a report about the ones I bought, yet let's see when I will get to it. I think the ones that I tested are very good for people who did not meditate for a long time and have trouble with inattentiveness, you are going to be driven to do smth. The seller updated the formula and for anyone interested. https://store.mindnutrition.com/formulas/neurodrive?search_query=Neurodrive&results=5#/27-quantity-90_veggie_caps The seller is a bit pricy, but the quality of some of their products is insane when compared. The lion's mane extract has a 20:1 ratio and is dual extracted I read from a post here that this is necessary to increase NGF (Neural Growth Factor). Hm... otherwise I hope I will get done with all of the tasks, I am not sure if I am being pedantic in a non-neurotic way. But, I am learning more and more how to be productive I've been so complacent and lazy. I still have some beliefs YET! I am also in my 30-day challenge of visualization and negating limiting beliefs and replacing them with positive ones. One thing I that is slightly retarded is that the f.lux app does not work properly I just noticed that there is no blue light, which has been an issue for a couple of days. I truly do notice that I become more tired I bet it will take me more time today. A windows update causes this error. Now for take away: Make a list when done with exams about high-impact activities and low impact activities. Align them with your LP. Work on them and optimize impact and results. Also, two books arrived today and I had a lovely interaction with my neighbor you have to be high in compassion to be so polite (and compassionate) and she was hot AF omg, sorry I am turning American orange, but holy fk, she was hot and cute and wore a white summer dress. and brought me the book - religion of tomorrow by Ken Wilber - my current favorite author with still ... Paulo Cauhelo ( I know I don't read that much ) And she was smiling at me. Made me feel "darn" (cough) good, also had a weird interaction with a girl while eating in the cafeteria. Sometimes I hate Ni... .but fine... I miss some ENTJ's I only meet one so far or two IIRC. I'll recall more another time. Or some legit INTJ. .... WHERE AReTHEY! This got me thinking about dating again. But I want to do this in my masters first. So, it's more chop wood and carry water time for now.

In Belgium, they are also not regulated/controlled.

The site will be blocked in 10 minutes. Now I did my 1h of meditation and will do 30-20 min of stretching exercises in the morning. I found some exercises but I will do more of the old with one new stretch to the thigh muscles and most likely one stretching exercise one guy told me helped him at the retreat. Some of these yoga movements are just bananas I am not a flexible banana yet. Otherwise, I overslept again for 1h because I went back to bed I was so tired and it's exhausting working out and studying the whole day I want quality sleep I need 7h+ not less. I only slept for 6h 30 which was not enough. I tested a biphasic sleep cycle and tracked my sleep. I want to track my sleep again, but not with my phone in bed. Therefore I want to buy this ring the guy in the video above has. So, let's see what I get done. Important questions: What is necessary to change? What are the current obstacles? How can I implement a smooth habit stacking? Which habit starts the habit stack? Waking up and turning off my phone opening the shutters and making my bed. Stack afterward grab phone and cloths Go to the bathroom, (toilet), turn on the video, shower( cold ideally) Brush teeth, drink water a cup with nootropics Meditation Stretching This is how my morning routine and habit stack is supposed to look like. Current obstacle: going to bed at a time that is to late. Obstacle: Watching youtube videos and wanting to relax while not relaxing in the breaks. TIme is up site will be blocked in 20 sec lol

I set a 10-minute timer. -> Turned to 21 minutes I definitely am quite satisfied with the routine even though it is not perfect. I woke up at 07:00 this time and had a pleasant day and finished the last course from Sadghuru. I still do not like my neighbors, but it could be worse. I'll call the police if they start again talking till 4 at night if they know exactly, that I can hear them. I am not dealing with this type of stuff and this is practicing assertiveness and getting what I want therefore silence. I decided that I will do 30 min of stretching exercises in the morning I will figure out exactly what tomorrow I did already some and asked a couple of people at the retreats but most of them could sit in a good Burmese position naturally. I can also but my knees are still too high. I meditated for a long time only on a chair, that was fine till I noticed I was pissed at myself when I went to the retreat and could not sit for 1h and 30 min. 1h is fine I have a Zafu and a Zabuton, but not 1h and 30 min. Otherwise, I wanted to write about my work out routine I am now in week 4 and today I did the following. 95 Burpees 70 Climbers 70 Jumps Without counting the warm-up, the warm-up is also exhausting sometimes. It took me about 50 min +- 5 to finish this. It was very hot and I don't know how much that impacted my performance. I also tried to write one post, but I got blocked by my app lol. So, that was unfortunate. I am not seeing the results that I want for this amount of time I spend training now, but it definitely has an effect on me outside the gym, I am more disciplined and I start to work like clockwork, that app also and the exercises are also done in a clockwork manner, Short an intensive but effective. One thing for sure, the cafeteria food fk my training, my cooking is way cleaner it felt so drowsy while I trained, I am madly overexaggerating yet I felt the unconsciousness I want to say of the food. I finish 7 study sessions today amount to almost 6h of studying. I am definitely getting better. But I don't like the students as I said so often. I like the professors more. It's annoying to have Orange/green fun boys and girls around I'd rather call them kids. But they are just annoying. It's not fun. I joined the beach volleyball group hopefully I get to play sometime during the internship or exam period. Exams are in two weeks, my first project I have to hand over on Friday. I also listened to the deep work audiobook again and he explained one technique of deep training, I'll call it, it is basically any offtime used to deeply think about a project, task, problem, paper, etc. But, some principles! Don't stay in the loop meaning that you think about what you know think about the problems and the points, that you are targeting. Also, come back to the problem as soon as you stopped thinking about it, the narrator explained it that it's like mindfulness meditation you come back to your object of "concentration.." in this case. I definitely can be more effective this has proven to be fun for now. There is more that I want to write about but I am already 5 mins over my timer. and I will write about endless breadth, not depth. I want to watch this video and do a review of this journal. So, I most likely won't post that much. Note to myself, the scheduling of deep breaks was not done and I am still a bit prone to rather distract myself or keep studying. Not reading an article or book. One thing I did is I took my physical journal that I bought with me and I also have a bullet journal where I plan mostly ONE day or sometimes an entire week. One day is currently better, there is not much to do and I've not really set myself goals, but challenges. One thing to think about the difference, between challenges (masculine growth.. according to Wilber and Deida...), goals, and visions and how to combine them. To form a meaningful life and work on stage blue discipline. Also, potentially to reflect on notes taken on my digital journal in one note about video lectures and books. So I can provide some value with content from the integral life site, youtube lectures and a couple of books that I have not reviewed solely physically, but most of it will be incomplete but short snippets and such. I definitely have an idea of how to use my deep breaks, but I want to convince myself first.

@CreamCat What do you think about SAAFE ? I took the test and received my score. Yet, I am curious how statistically valid is the test?@Dan502 @CreamCat I only had one mandatory class in statistics so I had to deal with different mathematical concepts also. I like the approach and that it gives a list of the spiral dynamics sub-components with a holistic overview, it also includes the components of the spiral dynamics book. So, I like it. I don't get my meditation scores but ok.