ValiantSalvatore

You can get a license for handguns here, similar to a drivers license I assume, but semi-automatic weapons are not purchaseable. People who hunt can most likely also receive some license so it's regulated and buy hunting rifles, but I assume again not semi-automatic or autmoatic weapons etc. There should be a ban on these here. My neighbour has a handgun and is a judge he also goes hunting, but he is a bit odd, friendly but odd he has a lot of academic spirit. Without seeing it 100%. Also very open and tolerant, but he is quite old. Still buying a semi-automatic gun and stuff like this, I mean the hunting culture here is also present, not sure how they would think about having semi-automatic guns for shooting boars in the forest. A bow and arrow could do the same, but potentially it takes out the fun out of the "sport", but talking about self-protective measures, I know the statistics superfically, owning a gun kills more than having none. Less guns and use the material for something else. I did not even know that shootings again occured, it seems to be the norm ?

That is how it feels like watching small segments on Instagram where he takes people to Canada to receive medical care, or in general american politics it seems literally like constant rallies. It's quite moving, but I feel the details get lost mostly. For e.g a free market cannot exist when there are laws. So, I don't quite get the talks about the free market, it's all connected it's a travesty of some sort. I am not sure what the president can do with a decree, but enforcing something so larger upon a whole nation, is quite radical but I am also not sure how corrput the senat is. It would be a bold move if he can do it and would do it. If I would not have changed the insurance timely I'd had to pay 7 times of what I pay now, all because corporate interest to circumvent laws. I mean they could have said stay with us pay 50 bucks, but no. Pay 700.

I don't know how it is in Canada and other countries, so I am unsure if there are mandatory health insurances in other countries. For instance I had to change my health insurance now and the health insurance company sent me a bill of over 700€. I called them all I had to do is to give them proof that I changed the insurance. Yet on the letter they wrote I voluntarily choose to cover myself with their health insurance, I never did that. I don't have to pay now. So, I can see that corporate interest plays a role, they just abuse the law that everyone needs to be covered with a health insurance, banning the private sector sounds interesting, I am not very well-versed with the German system or systems in other countries. I heard many people complained about Obama Care, yet when I asked the people in my immediate enviroment they were not able to give me facts, which were not post-factical. All they said it was shit etc. I don't know how difficult it is to pass a bill as a president in a bi-cameral system, where the two parties seem to be at war. Yet, something the U.S President has which other countries don't is passing laws by decree. So, potentiall Bernie could circumvent that with his health insurance policies. But, I don't know how feasible that is. If he get's elected. Or if it is even good/positive for the U.S citizens.

Okay, so second entry for today. I will root my phone now I went to the gym I worked out for 85 minutes it takes sometime to prepare the pole because there is not much space as well as the breaks are two minutes long between the sets, but that is apparently good for muscle recovery. So, I did my speed reading exercise I noticed now that a lot what is written in standard books is bullshit some stuff is more real and closer to principles some are just stories, I've used an older book by the dalai laima the art of happiness and the author tells stories that are quiet beautiful, and authentic, but it's not very good for speed reading I also did not do the exercise which focuses on novels. What else my sleep. I do want to go to bed early to start my 30 day stretching challenge as well as my meta habit challenge and of tracking my habits with a white board in order to use my phone, this habit "bundle" strategie was explained in the audiobook atomic habits to build habits upon habits it very intuitive, but now I actually have someone talking about the same stuff. Now, what else I normally wanted to do some research I stood up late I am still actually in my schedule LOL! In 30 minutes I scheduled a 2h break but I will root my phone shortly after I have finished eating. I still want to read about productivity I thought about the makro level again, the gym is quite good to contemplate, yet I'd also would like to go swimming or biking. Also ... mastrubation is kept at bay here, I don't have the inclination to do it for some reason, the enviroment does not prompt me. Also, people truly function in cycles, let's see how deep this goes. Reading Wilber again slapping me with words such as Dharmakaya and 1000k bodies, hm... my mood is good for now, I took care of the most stressful things and hopefully, everything works out. I will root my phone now and research for 1h about my workout and chill then. After the speed reading week I will go with a reading plan according to the book I should devise a plan for 6 months for e.g 20 minutes 3 times a week, I want to schedule since the books I am currently reading are quite technical and it takes some time to understand on the weekend again, as a habit !! For 2-3h on Saturday. I will review my structure, to not do to much. One change at a time I've worked at to many things at one time, so I am a bit used to it, as well as a difference between a challenge and a habit is a habit does not require willpower, so I can achieve more by distingushing these. So, I am doing that currently. I never tried challenges, I've set goals, but never challenges.

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho Biographies of Ghandi, Martin Luther King and Malcolm X Tao Te Ching Deep Work and pretty much every book by Calnewport Spiral Dynamics by Don Beck Ken Wilber !! - Integral Psychology In this order !

I want to write about meditation again. Just that I did the 1h and 15 minutes today and but this time on a chair, focusing on impermanence is a bit diffiult when I have to include more than two spaces, I can deal with body flow, hear flow. Yet I struggle with seeing flow in internal space, it is difficult to keep track of changing scenes or what even to categorize as flow with internal image space. So, I did get a slight hint of dropping deep again, a small peak into illumination jhana in the right corner of my closed eye lids. So, that was cool. Also my shutters in the morning had rainbow colors, I've never seen anything like that, but somehow I am not as amazed anymore, after meditation I feel more consciouces to enjoy the magic of life. Otherwise concentration power is important I don't know neccesarily how to train it, I am also not sure if it is just a time aspect with the technique I am using since I can bounce back and forth between distractions and focus on an object quickly, but focusing on one single object for a time, I never trained that, besides for 3 months or so, but also with a whole space again of things. So, image space inside and outside, same of hear same for feel. Same for flow and rest. Otherwise Shinzen brought out a new video talking also about the dark knight of the soul as well as the primordial black hole, how he calls it where I had the kriya experience I just think he will not mention chakras for whatever reason, maybe he just forgets and just teaches what he wants to teach. Or he thinks it's funny that other people have to find that out after reading 20000000000 books, most likely. Yet, he said it is not uncommon that people have this, I do think he gives solid advice when asked, but most at the retreat where most likely serious praticinors. All of this talk is not of help. What I took with me is that this feeling could be the dark knight of the soul meaning I would jump from the sublte to the casual stage and it is important to keep meditating while experiencing the dark knight of the soul, since it is the loss of god which causes the pain IIRC. So, that is that.

You could also think about leaving a legacy, this is what contemplation of death is supposed to feel like. Imagine what they wanted to achieve for their country or the overall state of affaris in the world. I am not denying that cemetries or futility can feel horrible, also I am not very well on terms of what I would call a legacy in my life, but this is what I use cemeteries for. Futility for me is so twisted that I know that I can fully let go when something is futile, imagine a solider having a near death experience while a bomb flies down and could kill millions, he hears the sound and it shatters right before him and it's a dud. Most report a near death experience, the death of millions is tragic I visted an old concentration camp once it was small. But this is pure horror.

@ardacigin I do want to re-listen to the book I just bought a bunch of books, so I bought the audio version and dove into some articles as well as YouTube videos and interviews. I listened to it two times so far, yet with gaps. It is also not spoken by Culadasa, so I am not as moved emotionally, so I am not able to recall as much as I want to. This is very good to know Shinzen gives a similar advice I am not sure still why he is a materalist his audiobook seem to speak a different tone, so I am a bit doubtful of the critique, and as well as how serious the advice will be taken. He gives the advice that focusing on impermanence develops concentration I was assuming I lack this skill, but I am doing okay, I did not train this, by far my best skill is sensory clarity, then equanmity because I drop into it spontaneously often, once a week or every two weeks, some deeper state which I can't maintain. I did receive conflicting advice on this, Shinzen said you dropped deep, because I specifically said I was not sleepy and he asked, the Zen master I meet said, are you sure you were not sleepy. What I wanted to say / share is that focusing on impermanence can develop concentration and will be helpful for stage 8, reading Wilber today this also would be the subtle stage, or a "white light" he literally describes this as this, and it is a state-stage in wilber language. Other descriptions I heard are illumination jhana etc. But I am unsure on this. I only sat once for that long I tried a weekend retreat but I failed I want to stretch myself first so I can sit in a lotus than it will be easier, I can do it in a chair, but I only did it twice, exactly one time 1h and 53minutes and once longer in a retreat, so I potentially sat with moving because my back hurts at one point and that is the point where the lotus becomes more comfortable than a chair for 3-4h. Shinzens programm run 1h30, 1h break 1h30 then some break and again the same segements of allocated time described above. I don't think it is that difficult but I am aware of the setbacks, for me crying and intense emotions, the sitting is less of a problem the pain is okay, I am not very well with that but I trained with the pain processing algorithm of shinzen to deal with that specifically, but at one point my brain literally burns and I take a break, it does not feel healthy. I did not know that but I am a bit confused with the word insight, I am not that knowledgable about meditation as you, especially not with Culadasa since I've known him only since you introduced him, also thank you for that ! I did have a kriya experience where my nervous system was involved so I can relate a lot there. That is very good to know I feel so much pain around the plexus even with the kriya experience (which cleansed it) where the whole plexus and I am saying that in the literal definition of the word moved up and down, intensly releasing emotions, I looked into it. The vagus nerve is also involved which reaches into the brain and IRRC releases hormons such as serotonin etc or transports them there. So, it's no wonder that I feel a lot of stirring around my brain stem. It is comforting to know that the nervous system needs some time to handle that let alone that some says that the nervous system is involved makes me happy, that someone took the time to go to such depth and ask why. etc I will attend a weekend retreat with shinzen focusing 4h on rest I hope this will give me some insights into no-self or illumination jhanas aka white light. Also, I can't focus very well on my breathing I never tried the technique for long besides two or three weeks at the very beginning, I never developed much concentration therefore it is still my weakest skill, yet I assume I am training it with focusing on impermanence a lot, and with longer sits. Also, I don't feel my breath a lot because a scar contorts my body, I can therefore but focus very well on the expansion and contraction but it does become painful from time to time. So, I am mainly looking for princples and commonalities since breath techniques are uncomfortable for me and I am a bit biased against them, because of my scar. It feels very odd, I could puke sometimes, or have an orgasm that is the best I can describe it. I also do notice naturally through shinzens techniques advice given in the mind illuminated for instance around the 6 or 7 stage the natural jerking movement of the breath, this mostly occurs for me around the solar plexus. I wondered why this happend last year ago or so but forgot. Anyway, that is about it. I'll hope the retreat will bear some more fruits. I am quite sure I am around stage 7 low to mid, with insights into stage 8 illumination jhanas (pleasure) I could be wrong I do have these for about half a year or 8 months or so, but I am lacking most likely concentration. I trained this for sometime but apparently not deep and well enough or long enough. (2-3 months iirc) There is a lot of crying currently with old wounds and thoughts which normally don't show up showing up, I do hope this is a good sign. Also everything that is undulating, vibrating, changing is impermanence, the speed of internal talk, the vibration of my laptop, the sound of the birds, cars vibrating by, emotions, etc. Or the slowing down of something and fading away till "gone" occures. Also focusing on rest will evoke I assume! pleasure jhanas which are associated with impermanence vibrations etc. So, potentially this helps.

Okay, second post of the day, I'll just finished my workout and read a bit I still felt very tired today and I had to do something for the internship as well as other stuff, so that took away sometime. I could not finish rooting my phone since it did not have over 50% of it's battery. So, I will do this tomorrow to gain access to these hci.logs where I get the serial number and stuff like this ? From the manufacturer, I actually like this I wanted to get a bit closer to hard ware, I am still in love with travelling and seeing parts of the world. Also, there seems to be a discussion about marriage I am quite unsure how this will go out for me I checked what I could get my hands on since my parents are divorced, I am also a single child , IIRC these are all not very good signs, also the financial aspects are a bit worrying, a YouTuber I like a lot TechLead his wife just left him, he said cultural reasons, family stuff like this so I was a bit suprised to see and hear that happening, I bought his YouTube series where he shows the life at google etc. It seemed like a happy family, but apparently stuff was going on beneath I don't like this, this is why I want to develop my self also, I know that conscientiousness and orderliness are two parts which are "statistically" proven to benefit in a relationship as well as compassion I score quite high in compassion in the trait alone in the 77 percentile. I attribute this to tong-leng pratice and travelling when I was younger, still is this what I wanted to write about ? I checked when I charged my phone randomly about vitamin d levels and watched Leo's old nootropics video or supplements, he took very high doses of vitamin d and apparently since I have darker skin I just skimmed the article I have to take more since the pigments ? stop the sun absorption. Well, tomorrow will be the day and yes I scheduled my entire week till friday because of the retreat and I don't have the times of the retreat yet, they have to send me that first. So, I'll wait and I also scheduled two challenges on my whiteboard visualization, the meta level track your habit habit tracker, aka use the habit tracker challenge on my phone, since I am a bit phone avoidant, I stopped using my phone a lot because of Eckhart Tolle and meditation. Now, reason is to become adjusted to using my phone not my whiteboard as a habit tracker, I tried various online habit trackers like habitka and such and it did not work, I like things simple and it shows my also some stats, which is good. I also want to make data-driven decisions not purely, but also do that. Note: I still have no idea if journaling and such is very good it helps me and in general writing about a process helps to maintain it and keep track of it, as well as the results. That is why I am also currently now journaling. Also, keeping things to myself as I did with my phyiscal journals is a bit to much, it becomes very gloomy at one point when I write two hours of some crap inside these journals, they are good for exercises though, so I keep them around. Also apparently there is a dark knight of the soul at every stage, a subtle, casual and non-dual. They have specific names, but that is what I recall from the book, besides transcend and include and the difference of not transcending and including, which can be dissocation or very strong identification of a view at a structure-stage, there are also energy bodies, I wonder if they are fusionable with the notion of impermanece since they undulation, vibration etc. Are all part of the movement of impermanece, so ther would be a energy body in gross, subtle ,casual and non-dual. I did have access to the subtle stages I am accessing these more through jhanas, illumination, wilber describes them literally also as white light and at the end red light ? To enter the casual stage where the dark knight of the soul resides. IIRC. That is about it re-reading will be of importance I do have a one week speed reading challenge going and will do some exercises from the book. My workout was good, I hope I can get acquianted with some people in the gym. I do like small talk, depth can be troublesome.

@outlandish London is like Frankfurt a lot of Orange because they are both banking cities. I lived in London, but mostly worked in Green/orange or Orange/green businesses in the video and film production, sound engineering and stuff like this. People where very open, they told me stuff that I did not believe but apparently that is normal in the film industry. It was only two months, the city did have a lot of Green but a very strong Orange, I worked near the banking distrcits in the st. kathrines building right next to the tower bridge. I also lived nearby. I've been to Amsterdam also but only for three days or soo, it was more a Orange/green for me during that time, mostly about pleasure and drugs, but I don't know the city enough I think it is quite Green because of the transportation system. I've been offered cocain 20 times day or so. I did not do much touristic stuff. Cities with trams somehow scream Green for me. In London most of the time it was about business and people kept their distance, modernism and the cloths let alone people wear, screamed Orange. Also a lot of runners and achievement driven people. I liked this a lot. I am just very curious about Berlin. Since the author mentioned it 20 years ago and comparing it to other German cities is interesting to me I love big cities. You can bet I don't know if this exists in other countries that a "Student City" or a city with a lot of students will be more progressive or Green. We have stuff like this here "Universitätsstadt" the districts there are quite Green. In the sense of postmodern green, egaliterian, pluralistic etc.

@cetus56 That is insane I just know if I recall correctly that the pineal gland is responsible for producing melatonin is a serotonin derived substance. I've read now a bit on shivaism, and that lingam has actually been translated to phallus by the people who translated sanskrit text first. So, there was a misconception there. Also, I did not know that the "anjasins" or I will call them priests where given access to food and shelter in order just to develop their level of consciouness and share that solely with the society, any advice regarding marriage, partnerships, life, or work should not be answered by the priests. I don't know much about indian culture, yet it makes sense now when I watch videos that they sometime speak of nectar, I did not knew this stems from religion or had a religious background. Cutting open the frenum to reach a gland is quite extreme. I saw a videos of aghori sadhus, so I am not suprised that they go to such extrems. Also, not sure if it hurts I lost one fernum under the tongue when I was in my teens.

Meditation: Today my meditation was very bad, it was quite odd again I am using a guided meditation for now to see if I can push 1h and 15 minutes, but I feel like I am loosing my mind, I cried two or three times and lied down on my bed to continue to meditate. Thoughts of self-pity which I feel has been bestowed upon myself from others, because of their false perception of me, because I am an intuitive introvert, and all they see is the outside of things and the emotional sides, what is being invented or constructed in my mind or others is completely forgotten, they don't see their own dogma or ideaology or make up in order and overlook the obvious, not everything is as real as it seems, as well as not everything is at it is. I had weird thoughs about my father which I normally don't have and felt extremely vulnerable, I want to regard this as good and not to demonize and hide it like other men, to seem though or manliy, at the same time vulnerability costs me sanity, it sometimes hurts so much I don't know how to take it besides crying or screaming, I know now this can be part of kriyas if it were only emotionally it would be fine, but my cerbellum runs rampant or another part of my brain, there is so much stirring and movement of "impermanence" I do enjoy it, but sometimes it is just to much. Today I really felt like a looser a good for nothing, without any external achievements, extremely feminim, and depressive this flavour in my solar plexus again, even if I had the kriya experience there, made me feel depressive which I had a couple of years and months ago, so I was never sure this was the cause, I do prevent depressive symptons through sports, vitamin d, c, and meditation. I lack social interactions, especially as a programmer when I sit in front of the computer for hours and talking to others is a distraction, I feel the value of a family comes back, since there is no transaction involved in needing or having to give something in order to maintain a friendship. Of course not everything needs to be taken for granted, effort is important. Yet, sometimes I question all of my meditation progress my approach, my motivation, etc and old thoughts and doubts come back and hit me very hard, where I think I want to die, I just want to feel happy and good, I know this is not possible for ever, yet I barely have positive memories of things. I was also not a gloomy child or anything like that, tbh I was the complete opposite, denying that enviroment has no influence is complete bollox, this is how hitler won the elections in the first place. I am quite sensitive to my enviroment espeically when I feel vulnerable, I somehow transmuted this in the past to me openness and pain tolerance, but now I feel again very sensitive, the guided meditation is about metta, I never felt any loving feelings towards my mother or my family, I do to my father but I did not see him in over 10+ years, which makes me feel like I could cry again. I don't like modernism, all of this trash caused the disruption of families, but actually not it was post-modern freedom. Anyway, there is much hatred and resentment inside of me, I did not even know that there seems to be so much more. All of this stemming from my life style choices, choices in the past and potentially chemicals and what ever. Now, that things are working out well again, I feel depressive I don't know why, this happens so often. I can't seem to find a pattern besides that old wounds keep combing back in periods of silence and where things are going well. I slept today for 10h for no particular reason, I don't know if this is because I barely have social contacts, I don't know what to do about this anymore and it makes me feel very vulnerable, from time to time. Same thing is when I hang out with people to much I become depressive, I feel I am really built to have an introverted partner, so we can leave each other alone enough and have hobbies and such. I like to socialize even more than most introverts, but I like it in small segments socializing to long and to often, is taxing. But also sometimes good because I can retreat for weeks than without having social interactions. But tbh I wrote 8 volumes of journals about all kinds of shit, not including this one as well as my digital journal. I am a bit tired of self-knowledge and I don't know very well how to deal with pain, or what exercise could improve my life. I can't stand living a life where not every stage of maslows is fullfilled I can't stand this region, I don't particularly like humans in general. Even though I also love them, but all of this is dualistic, I really can't tell I've meet one person so far that understood me, or where I felt understood and as soon as we things where getting complicated, she stopped doing it in an heart felt way, I don't like to be stuck to one place, I want to cry and move on and see different places and such. I don't like conservative people even if I don't have anything against them, heck I even meet a nazi and "befriended" him with him calling me the n-word because I knew that he was less racist than the average white guy, partially, of course he was extrem, but it was all conditioning nothing really stemmed from real hatred, anger, or racial ideas, It was just conditioning because of his parents, they were racist he was just a normal guy. Anyway, I will write down my structure now and follow it for the week to come.

@cetus56 Sorry! , the comment was so short my mind and body immediately felt malicous intent. I saw the change now. I did not know that! That is quite cool.

@cetus56 Are you serious or rather annoyed by my post ?

I've watched mantak chia on this topic he explains that melationin will change into dmt if you sit for to long in the dark you can start to see visions of things. (IIRC 7 days should have been the mark or so for the dmt release) I don't know how intense it is someone wrote me he left after 4 days, because the sounds scared him. He tried LSD and such. I've never done them, but looked into them. Mostly because of financial reasons.

As a side note annica or impermanence helps to move from stage 7 to 8. This is also explained in the mind illuminated.

Alright tomorrow will be my first weekend back at the dorm, I went to the gym and did my workout. today was a longer workout it takes sometime to change the position of the pole, so I am not yet there with a good workout routine I am just following a guide. I am in week 7 of the coach and genereally feel very healthy afterwards and meditative even. Meditating after a workout actives the flavour of impermanence more intensely, yet I am not aware of expansion of contraction, if you are aware of expansion and contraction that is riding the ox backwards. Somehwhere around the casual / non-dual stage. I assume in state-stages as an vantage point. Now, the internship is quite cool the prof, responds quickly and I can ask him, he does not hesitate to skype and to explain details which are important as well as he is open for the internship and takes the whole project back to the university. I do hope I can also gain some contacts to Berlin since this is one place where I want to live, I love big cities and people and enjoy the heros journey when I get older I can go back, yet retirement plans etc. Are all necessary at one point, yet I will worry about stuff like this after my studies. Now, what else do I want to write about ? Meditation Books Structure Reflection of internal talk Freedom Plans Leo's teachings Politics THE CAT OUTSIDE !!! ( JP even has a principle to pat a cat when you see one) Let's take structure since this is the most important thing, I keep getting tired in the morning I tracked my sleep for a couple of months and yes I wanted to look for a ring, I'll plan the gym and workout, food research on sunday, and will start planning my week tomorrow morning, next weekend will be the retreat so, I'll schedule something cool or relaxing in between, or go for a walk and meditate I still struggle to meditate longer than 6h it's feasable actually shinzens reatreats are 8h segments 4h each on sunday and saturday and 4 on friday. But with an one hour break between each segment. Now, what I will do is sleep without an alarm and find my magic number of sleep, tracking my sleep was okay, but I wanted to try polyphasic sleep or biphasic sleep which did not workout, I am not trained in it or can dive into sleepiness and penetrate it with consciousness. So, I can adjust my plan a bit more I am so tired in the morning even with vitamin c, vitamin d, supplements, yet I also turned off the bluefitler on my laptop I will active it, the app bugs out sometimes, therefore it's a bit tedious to use it. I just forget that it's not on and than I complain. Otherwise I will implement the structure contemplate and ideally read the book about productivity I bought, I don't want to work myself to death, mastery, discipline and a very good structure that is stable is important. I do regard Leo's advice he gave to me as valid I want consciouness, peace, joy and health. Especially, health since I lived quite unhealthy and consciouness since I was not very conscious, but always somehow on a path higher than others. If you want to believe it or not. So, that is it. I still want to do proper hatha-yoga, but stretching feels like the devil. I like the word devil now, actually I hated it since I am from the south from both countries lol.

@Leo Gura I know this, yet I don't want to dismiss the advice of how a 10 min quality sit in addition to 1h can increase the quality of the sit itself. That is why I am curious for e.g Shinzen gives the advice 10 minutes, Culadasa gives the advice a minimum of 45minutes or one hour more, similar to what you adviced or was somehow implicit. I am not projecting. I do understand that quality concentration, equanimity or sensory clarity plays a role. Or the quality of annica / impermanence. Jhanas etc. or samadhi experiences. I was just curious about "loose averages" so I could adjust myself to the amount of meditation where people receive results which seems to be 90 minutes. I notice when I pratice in daily life that it becomes mechnical, a good trip could give me some insights, but the doors are closed for now. The meditation itself is not that mechnical even if they techniques are. The modality of the technique works fine, it is not to mechnical for me besides daily life, but I figure this is part of the process. What do you think is a good amount of time to meditate when you say 1h is usually not enough ? I feel 90 min sits and ocassionally longer on the weekend with retreats could work out. For e.g 2-3h sits on sunday and a minimum of 14 days a year of retreats, ideally some trips if feasible.

@Leo Gura How long do you recommend to meditate each day? I notice that 1h is great, yet somehow not enough. Culadasa and Shinzen give similar advice at least 14 days a year and a minimum of 1h, and ideally to sit beyond 1h. I want to go for 90mins sessions, to reach no self, some seem to be getting results here on the forum as well as others who train with shinzen.

Alright I am at the internship and will try to do two posts a day again since this keeps my accountable. Today I will test the product a bit more and see if I can do anything with it for now because the app the professor recommended does not work, I can't use it fully and connect the scale their, also the scale as a rating that is not very good. I am not that interested in material but I want to learn to love material stuff, more which I notice when I work towards something and earn it I enjoy it and can easily let go, since this has not been a very active theme in my life. Now my meditation today was 1h I tried 1h and 15 mins but I am so tired the tiredness becomes pleasant, and I still struggle with posture because of my self-acceptance habits, I could not even sit for 2 minutes at the beginning, now I can usually sit 45min without moving but I sit an hour. I also sat longer but, I somehow struggle here, sometimes the tiredness turns into jhanas or something so deep I can't hold it I just loose consciousness and my body swings backwards like I receive a knock and fall. I have this often when I do the do-nothing technique but I want to do a guided meditation by shinzen for 1 week before I attend his retreat the next weekend. I don't know I currently feel that I don't enjoy live I want to move from this region it is not inspiring, it's not hectic, it's not exciting it does not feel like an adventure it's just some plain old place to get old. Being young this is not the place to be and experience live, you can get a decent job and get married and such. But, 99% of these people are unconscious same thing Culadasa says or some other teacher.

First day internship. I am on my phone I am quiet tired and will go to bed soon and read a bit, what I've been doing today is: "internship, meditate, wash dishes". The internship is and is not what I expected I am left on my own can come when I want and receive minor support. There currently is no other programmer whom I could ask things from time to time. I knoe what my task is, still the product the prof bought and I tested most time of the day is not good. He gave me some code to github and I will work around this, I am still clueless, the most important thing I learned is from the last project. Start and don't understand! I have a bad proclivitiy to wanting to understand stuff first to much. I want to do fail and learn, q and a. Otherwise the German state released my nootropics, stating I can have them. Mr Cum i thank you that was the guys shirt who worked at the "customs office". A true hero, the one and only Mr Cum. 1984 lässt grüßen. Things are moving in a positive direction besides the financial aspect, yet I am a student. So, no worries. My meditation session today swung me right into jhanas or pleasure jhana of illuminous jhana or so it's called. I do assume that I am on stage 7 low to mid from Culadadas scale. This just showed me jhanas and samadhis are different I want to look that up. But first implement the structure tomorrow, I will write down the plan physical tomorrow night today I was tired and this is good for getting back to my sleeping routine.

@RendHeaven According to the books people are moving into that direction, because of mass immigration problems, the dircet democracy in Switzerland is a system which is ruled by the collective as well as by the individual. Not sure how the system looks like in nordic countries. It goes way deeper than what you say. The collective adjust to the highest SD lvl. There is a tipping point at 10%. IIRC. It is possible even if people don't know their stage, they could be quite high without knowing it because a healthy collective would enforce that. Some collective are just more healthy than others look at a Green city or university.

@Chi_ That is awesome ! I love the vibe Berlin apparently has but never been there. Yes, I saw the same problem while I did a retreat and everyone spoke either french,german or english, one of these, a mixture or all of them. I "mapped" someone blue who was strong green and had an engineering degree because his english was just not good or not present at all. From answering the questions here I would advocate for every Ken Wilber audiobook which is spoken by him, this clears up a lot of confusion. Someone asked me where to study in Germany, and I adviced him not to go to my region neccesarily, there are other options which could be way more prolific, checking, planning to live in another city even just hypothetically is a good idea. Cheking wikis, appartments, blogs, youtubers, job markets etc. Depending on the situation..

Yes, this is also very good and a great idea! , I looked into each state here in Germany to try to determine which state is the most progressive or rather who votes for who or whom. And I could see which state has allocated a certain amount of seats out of a pool of seats for each party. So, 100 seats, 10 parties for e.g 10 seats for each party etc. Generally the south of Germany is quite Green the rest is mixed, the state next to mine is the most Green by far, and everyone knows this, it's not a secret. The same goes for Berlin+. Yet, I checking upon a city with the knowledge about spiral dynamics should suffice to determine which stage a city is at. No one is at one stage, it's a spiral it goes upwards and downwards, also 33% you operate from the stage you are at 33% below and 33% above. As classic side note. Checking wiki and seeing for e.g if possible which political party they vote for, if the city has some historical aspects which are highlighted that are extra extra ordinary and scream progressivness, that is a good sign. As well as political party votes etc. My state for instance is quite conservative which is clearly evident, besides one or two cities. It's not Germany, I'll say that gladly.

Don Beck mentioned almost 20 years ago that it is be a growing center of yellow people (Berlin and Paris), I've found some niche friends who are quite yellow. So, yes Berlin could be quite Green, yet I am not sure how much cultural barriers play a role because of language differenes, so a lot of people could be yellow, and don't know it, since they do not have the framework, yet also the city has the repute of being very progressive. I have not been there, yet I prefer living at a destination for sometime, not to travel. I love travelling though. Some friends of mine who are Green/yellow live their and are quite independent, that is why I am curious, I'll definitely put my hand in the fire even if I've never been to Berlin. Not for pure consciouness or spirial dynamic aspects, but for the progressiveness and history of the city alone. (Besides their airport)