alyra

men murder themselves with war, so there are only women, and we all live on floating cities (like icebergs) ps. burgbergs!

is it ok to just want to be mediocre? I feel so incompetent. maybe I'm just impatient for change. but a big life with success and meaning seems so intimidating. do I even want it? I want to lay in a bed cuddling with friends and not caring about anything else. maybe watching some shitty show, not because it's good but because it distracts from the concerns of the busy-obsessed world. I suppose mindfulness would allow me to enjoy that without need for further distraction beyond the social nature of the interaction. but I just don't care for, nor feel capable, of a lot of consistent work. I just wanna get by till it's time for the dark embrace of death. and this isn't depression this is just, the beauty of life. tho maybe my idea that I'm not capable might be depression who knows. I just, I go out there for months trying to make changes and yet here I am with no real changes made. I feel satisfied more often, and don't need music to escape anxiety anymore. but I just keep putting off the "important" things. and all these "great things" that can be done with self actualization... they sound nice and if I got them it'd be nice. but why are they so great? it is great just being. I don't feel driven for anything beyond, just being. I'm satisfied with existence no matter what happens, and the world's obsession with change and improvement and success and problem solving--- that is fun sure, but I really don't care to obsess about it as if I'm not worth it if I don't achieve great things. what a nightmare that is! feeling depressed because you've done nothing in life. I feel happy when I do nothing in life!

who is to say that a simulation needs a creator? life is necessarily a simulation. the creator is nothing.

oh, so then it is personality which causes us to pursue things as if they are "more good" . like how, it is the personality of the rock to sit still or to roll, that kind of personality. that because we've been introduced into existence by our nature, our path thereon will most likely follow with certain decisions, such as resisting death. ps. and in.. in mindfulness, while we become aware that these behaviors are without the meaning we hold to them, it doesn't cease to be the behaviors we take, nor do these behaviors then become wrong and to be avoided. it is our personality to be trapped by certain things such as addiction, and want to avoid them, and so in those cases our mindfulness helps us to be aware of our more authentic motivation (avoid the trap), but when it comes to avoiding pain, our path is to avoid pain. er, it's a weird concept to talk about on the fly like this.

maybe then what I need to do, is work to figure out how to let go of this dilemma - if we say that "good" is constructive and "bad" is destructive, we note that construction does not occur without destruction of something else. to mold the spoon, we must destroy the metal's previous form. but we pursue what we call good and avoid what we call bad. we desire a world where people do not run around killing others. we do not like to destroy things, and want to create things as we see fit. in this way some destruction we consider to be more destructive than other destruction. even when we work to let go of morality, we still operate according to principals of what we want as good. maybe we call it authentic or enlightened - we still pursue a certain thing, expecting it to be better than what we were doing before.

because when I experience it, I am in my lower self, addictive and avoidant. cynical and depressed. this is what I mean by negative.

one idea, you could be more in-touch with the human condition through mindfulness. anxieties, fears, and etc. don't get erased - it has been said that a mindful person feels them more intensely, but is just more able to not be carried away. You can even become more in touch with your intuition. be inspired by the experiences of others, maybe. Moreover, you can work strategically and with research not only to find new ideas, but also how best to express them. You can focus on the quality of the sound and words, making those great doesn't need the human condition. and of course - mindfulness is one of the experiences of being human. music inspired by mindfulness for mindfulness is valid content - or perhaps, music that inspires mindfulness or similar, in people who are unaware of it. catch the attention of the masses, but then hook them by tricking them into authentic experiential states hehe. well, not really sinister, if that's implied by "trick" in that line even, study psychology and similar fields, and figure out ways to use sound and vocals to inspire certain emotions in a person by the science of music instead of by the passion of your own experiences. classical music, isn't that all about using sound to inspire emotions? maybe research classical history for some ideas of what you can do. I saw an inspirational short video by an artist, and it needed music. that music was inspired by the story it was made for - so work with an artist or game designer etc. and fit music to what its purpose is instead of finding inspiration for pop music.

this is what I use

he looks nothing like leo. wrong nose, wrong mouth, eyes are very different. skull shape is slightly off. and he holds himself completely different. plus, he doesn't sound anything like leo, and his style of enlightenment is completely different. I guess his ears are kind of similar tho.

those who are ignorant believe them to be wise, those who are wise know that they are ignorant.

yeah like. it is ok for my to have these thoughts and it's even good to be driven. in a way I am recognizing that I am working - currently I am unemployed so realizing that my "job" is mindfulness is kind of its own reward. but if I am to relax, there will be points where I let go of the sense of should. I haven't seen the perfectionist video a watch yet - I'll check it out.

I just can't turn it off. ever since last year, well more 6 months ago. and I didn't realize - that I just, even when I'm taking a break. I'm thinking about this. I am thinking about how I can improve whatever my "for fun" activity is. and if I meditate - well I'm working. everything I do I am thinking about how I can do it better next time. or how to work what I'm doing into the next goal. or - or I'm thinking about my goals with self improvement, like as in I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing because I'm thinking about this. even when I say "I don't care anymore I'm just going to take the day off" - those are the days I find something - video games, you tube, tv. being social. and the entire time I'm practicing mindfulness, or reflecting about how my actualization work is related to by what's happening.

It is up to you to make any endeaver you do worth it. Personally I am interested in having a life coach - but to be honest I can't afford to pay a lot of professionals to assist me right now - so I'm focusing on other endeavors for now. But if you have the opportunity to try a coach out - then go for it. I very much am trying to be independent - to be reliant on my own efforts to accomplish things. but - the reality is that this is going to be true whether I'm working by myself or working with others. don't fool yourself into thinking asking for help makes you weak or useless - asking for help is only an opportunity to learn from others, or accomplish greater things. hmmmm think of it this way - if we want to move a stone we can sit there and push it until it moves an inch. or, we can find a lever, and use that lever to push it a mile. working with others is the same - we put forth important effort our own self, and so do they - and together we accomplish more than what could be done on our own. Relying on another is what is the trap - but even if you do need to rely on someone who isn't you - if you are mindful you will help them help you until you don't need to rely on them at all.

avoidance can be both a tool and crutch, but also a fallacy and a trap. The person with the broken leg uses the crutch for balance. but the crutch does not heal the broken arm - and the growth that happens is the arm healing, not the crutch's usage. in a way inessential effort as you name it feeds off itself and our demons and the environment to fuel itself to the point we collapse. But while we wish to reduce this pattern - we do not wish to avoid it - we actually wish to accept it, and understand that this is natural. there are reasons why this happens - it is not wisdom teeth which only now exist to risk our health, but instead it is the current which pushes us but if out of control swarms us. fear is the mechanism which teaches us what is risky. anger is the mechanism which teaches us what is obstructing. if we avoid these mechanisms we are blind. but most of us are unaware of these mechanisms at all - and this allows them to control us. we want to understand our selves, and to do so we must exist with ourselves, good, bad, or irrelevant. and naturally we will over time find ways in which we can drive with intention, no longer the rider carried by the tide.

this is the truth of the universe. there is no way to not be overwhelmed, there are infinite things to do and even if we had infinite time then it still wouldn't be enough to do everything. as we learn we will replace old ~fallacies with new ~wisdoms. there will always be three levels we can see at a time - that which is too easy, that where we are, and that which is too difficult. what those things are will change - but those three levels will always be there. if you feel overwhelmed and feel that it's hindering you, do not be afraid to remove some of the burden. negotiate with yourself - ease off the reigns here, kick on the spur there, leave the rest as it is. growth happens with practice, so even if you are overwhelmed or underwhelmed there will be something you are practicing - focus on that and allow the other extra things - the tests or trials - come and go if they do not catch onto your net.

everything is BS. you don't convince me that meditation is any different from your preferred dose of BS. if it don't work for you then go masturbate in a corner or something, and let me do my meditation in peace.

I am not a very passionate person in my feelings - for me the way that I "be" passionate is by my flow of energy and thought. if I am flowing, then I am "in the zone" and things that get me in the zone easier is what - after a few years of reflecting - I realized are my passions. my passions are not felt, but instead, done. So since discovering that I've been working to find ways to shift the way my thoughts and awareness and actions are - from the "lazy/unmotivated" state to the "doing/passionate" state - and for me, meditation helps, visualization helps, and saying things like "I am taking this over there" when the "stream" begins to stutter gets me back on track. being in the moment, while also visualizing my plan, for me is a way to bolster passion with things that lack it, or during days where my mood is low. I also think that getting past that first unmotivated barrier for me makes a big difference. for you I do not know - I am me. maybe you are the same and it is a matter of training yourself to shift your mood from sleep mode to action mode. maybe it is different - but then my best advice is to listen to your body and be aware both when you are down and also when you are active. notice the differences and find ways to negotiate with yourself to encourage the right things to happen to switch those differences from low to energy.

think of your allies as if they are an extension of your body. if you run by slamming your feet into the ground, you put out a lot of work and most of it doesn't accomplish the goal of propelling you forward. you build muscle - but muscle that's designed to push you up, not forward. with your allies - by fighting them and pushing them, you're creating extra energy that leads nowhere. you may be working 10 hours some days - but how much of that work actually accomplishes your goals? your teachers are like your liver. when they give you a bad grade it is as if your liver is dying. it is not your liver being bad at its job - it is simply responding as it is designed to, to what you are feeding it. if your teachers give you bad grades - it is because your work deserves those grades - and you need to accept that. we may think that drinking a lot of alcohol was good for our stress - but the truth is it was destroying us. only when you look towards yourself - can you begin to notice how your work truly does need to improve - and with patience, you will find healthier ways to accomplish your goals. and one last thing - sometimes the environment is in fact toxic and unfruitful. in such an environment, we need to remove ourselves from it - and if we cannot because we are dependent on it, then we need to patiently search for alternative sources of what we need. if you can, change classes - maybe it is too late this semester, but keep that in mind next. or - change schools. if you can't and even changing classes leaves you in a toxic environment - and you are sure it is not you who is the toxic element - then learn how to play their game on their terms, patiently waiting for graduation when you can find a new environment.

I do not know. myself, I have observed to be more intuitive all my life... developing into a logical person after the fact... and my logic and emotion go hand in hand... I saw a video talking about how "breaks" are great to increase productivity, where a break is not stopping work to go on face book - but rather, taking time to rest, nap, walk in nature. it was said that these types of breaks allow the brain to loosely connect things we do not see.... something about two types of focus or something... but the idea came to me then, to think. when I have felt inspired by intuition before, it is in these moments. and not only that, but this sort of sounds like a form of meditation that those who aren't very aware can respect as meaningful... if that makes sense in a way that isn't rude lol. I am sorry for rambling... but I guess my main point is, that often when I've felt lost or irritated over a problem at work. I would pace, go for a walk... get away from distractions, to allow me to think. but my thinking would not be focused thinking... in this "mode" of focus it is difficult to stay focused because our mind wanders. it is like when you're reading a book and keep re-reading the same paragraph because your brain is thinking about other things, and to be honest your memory of what you were thinking about is vague, but yet at the same time you feel good, relaxed, sort of "focused" even tho you are not at all focused it is hard to explain. I do not think this answers your question. but it is the point from which I myself am approaching the same question. I heard Leo say in a video, that when it is ego it tries to defend itself. but when it is intuition it is silent, or calmly returns to the same thought, draws you back to it. I am unsure how I myself could make use of that advice... I feel as if when I am inspired by intuition, thoughts lead one into another - not as if to defend, but as if to explore. and I am unaware so far... if that is indeed intuition, or if I am actually masking intuition with too much ego... hm....

I do not know how to converse. I am realizing I can do research and mindfulness work towards this! but one way to research this is ask peers so I am wondering about your thoughts regarding conversation. I have been spending 3 years as close to functionally a hermit! even my whole life I have behaved with much introversion, thinking all the time. I have not developed very good communication skills. most of my ability to communicate now, is due to work I've done in the past 5 years, and most of that work was focused on clarity, attentiveness, and comprehension. But, I am blunt, and I tend to only speak up to communicate understanding, explaining things as if I am a mother or professor or master lol, despite the fact that I am looking for discussion, open to opposition. people get irritated with me for telling them what is true, or how they should behave. I wish to cease giving that impression. I am wondering about possibly attempting to use emotion as filler, but a lot of people get weirded out if I speak to them emotionally, or dismissive, which tells me that I intend to communicate the information and am frustrated when they don't care to hear me. maybe it is just a matter of reacting to the situation. and the other thought I had is to change my choice of words - to say "I believe" or "I would" instead of speaking matter of fact. or maybe even saying "well I don't know if what I'd do is right. but what I'd do is..." but of course it takes time to figure this out. so I am wondering if anyone has thoughts or advice on the topic to share. about the meat of a conversation.... maybe I just need to sacrifice my pursuit of understanding when talking with others, unless they bring up the topic, or ask me about it when I mention it briefly, and just go with the flow of what they are offering, and if they are silent try to use tactics to open up the conversation. like it is suggested to ask people about what they think, in a way which isn't too deep but isn't too shallow. but is that basically the strategy that will cover all my conversations forever? it doesn't really explain how to talk about the things I am passionate about. when I am passionate I talk and talk and talk and leave no room! I've said a ton and I am just meandering really. so now I will continue to reflect in silence, so that it is less difficult to discern a response for you guys who are interested in responding lol. though maybe secretly it is only me who has this difficulty - nah that is a foolish thing to believe, it is clear that many people find it fiddicult to converse. or at least a considerable amount of some peopel

visualizing with the interest of pursuing long-term goals and understanding short-term tasks is fundamentally different than sitting down and playing a videogame because you want to release stress or relax.

nah I find it imperative that we reconcile the social nature of humanity with our goals of self-actualization. it is like the wind eroding sharp edges. the form we take is the stone. eventually the wind brings us back to dust, but throughout that journey we have form, and the wind smooths the minor edges of the form, but does not destroy the form. Our natural behavior is to be social - in some, we do discard the social for pursuit of authenticity, but for most we hold the form of social interest. the wind flows around that form without disruption, and in fact for most of our life emboldens that form by removing the flaws which disrupt it - the anxieties and addictions that make us behave poorly. Perhaps the wind shifts where our existence rests, moving our form from one position to another. Some reach the form of monastery work, but most do not. this is all natural. we individually find various ways to pursue authenticity. as a group, we find stronger methods of that pursuit. but this does not mean we should all as a species discard our natural form in order to erase it so the wind flows without disruption. if this were what should happen, we would simply mass suicide. but the wind would not care if we did that, or if we held our most jagged form. mindfulness work is nothing more than allowing the wind to smooth the ruggedness of our form. ps. perhaps the better analogy is the formation of snowflakes. the wind puts us into form by chance, and that form builds upon itself until it crashes into the ground. Desert sands would show both these anologies actually - the wind forms a dune, and shapes it throughout its life. eventually the dune becomes one with the desert again.

are we really so singular? you appear to find duality in a dream necessary. but I find myself conversing with myself all the time. I hold complex scenarios in my head with ease. and this is when I'm consious... and distracted. a dream being nondual sounds pretty easy to accept, much more easier to accept than reality nondual.

get it? get it? hehehe. nothing matters. hehehe.

you highlight their text, and then hover over with the mouse. "quote this" appears and you can click on it. sometimes that popup doesn't show tho... if I try three or four times with no result, I refresh the page and this gets it to work in the next 1-4 tries. I am unsure how this is done on mobile. I think a mouse is needed to mouse-over.