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About jhmarrio

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  1. Any resources for acquiring psychedelics online?? I just scammed by a bogus company and am having trouble researching a legit vendor. Any suggestions would be greatly ap^preciated!! Many thanks, J
  2. I like the idea. Yah from me.
  3. Be careful with this. If you are having serious anxiety, meditating may be a bit of a stretch in this acute state and could actually have adverse affects (fuel feelings of inadequacy if you find you can't maintain your practice/focus, which in effect makes your anxiety worse... and (from my experience) this can be vicious cycle). An analogy that hopefully will help explain my point: If you had a bruised leg, then mild exercise may be the key to getting it well. If your leg was broken, then any exercise could actually make it worse. You'd need to let the leg heal a bit and THEN physio it back to health. Now just replace the "leg" with the "mind" (or whatever area you conceptualize your anxiety being). So the big question left is what to do in the mean time to get out of this acute state? What helped me climb out of these states when I was younger: Getting back to basics - eat right, get enough sleep, reach out to friends/family and share what your going through, see a doctor (if this is warranted) and most importantly be patient and really cut yourself some slack - you're doing the best you can... and you can do it!! By no means am I denouncing meditation BTW. I attribute a lot of what I have and where I am today to establishing a regular meditation practice. I just wanted to point out that it may not be what you need right now. Hope this helps and best of luck!!
  4. A trap that Ive found with myself is when you are chasing this thing called enlightenment and desiring "awakening experiences." This is the ego.
  5. @AlexB I truely feel for you man. That is an awful feeling to have. I've learnt from my own personal journey that letting go of a first love was almost like quitting an addiction. The law of diminishing returns was definitely at play... we were clinging to a sense of comfort in each other all the while our actions were screaming dysfunction. Listen to your gut. Best of luck!
  6. I've found it beneficial to abandon the term enlightenment from my spirtual vernacular. Its a buzz term that to me carries just too much baggage these days and distracts me from my practice and what Im really trying to do. I've also caught myself striving to attain a "more-enlightened" state, which has been a devious tool of the ego... again, really derailing my practice.
  7. I would suspect there to be great resistance from the body and the brain especially in our over stimulated society. I have seen this when I meditate for prolonged periods of time. This probably signifies the most potential for growth... like someone at the gym pushing for that extra rep... its usually the hardest one but probably has the most benefit too. With that said I think there is a balance which needs to be assessed on an individual basis. I know for myself, I'm more content at this stage of my journey to have regular daily practice for shorter periods of time rather than marathon sessions spaced out. Ill also add, this doesn't mean you can't be mindful in your daily activities and obligations and practice here too...
  8. This to me suggests massive growth! I would offer that you try (and I know its not easy ) to be very patient with yourself - like Im talking years. I found it very easy, once I started addressing some of my inner demons and traumas, to think that I was on the wrong path when now in hindsight that was the first step to getting past them - becoming aware of it. Two of my fave videos of Leos are his ones on patience and awareness is curative. May help. Good luck!
  9. I think this is incredible given your struggles. A huge pat on the back is in order! I do not pretend to know what you are dealing with but some of what you said really resonated with me. I had childhood traumas myself and was in and out of the hospital for years before getting back on my feet. I know from my journey how difficult it can be to do anything when things seem so distorted. My heart truly goes out to you. Try to remind yourself that bliss can only be felt when it has something to compare itself to, and the lower your lows are today, means the higher the highs will be in the future.
  10. Thanks a lot everybody! I appreciate all of the feedback @Brimstone definitely going to try some of these during my self-inquiry. @Joseph Maynor @NexeternityGreat stuff. I wonder... as soon as I place a label on something, is this a red flag for thought? For example if I hear a train and perceive that sound as a train (and maybe accompany that sound with the image of a train) vs "flattening the illusion" of that sound for the bare frequencies my ear is capturing. @Natasha I have watched that one.. but it was a while ago. Worth a revisit given my questions these days. Thanks for recommending
  11. So... what exactly is a thought? Right when I think I have an idea of what a thought is (ah, the irony in this sentence ), I feel that actually I don't. So how to observe thoughts when I don't really know what I'm supposed to be observing? And from where Im observing it from. this is the struggle... From what I gather, a thought is: - "the voice" i.e. the monkey chatter of the mind; - images in the mind; - concepts, beliefs (really just a mix of images, sounds, other sensory info but projected in the mind) So where's the division between what is "in my mind" as thought and what my mind is rendering in my sensory field of awareness (i.e sight, taste, touch, smell)? I don't know.. and I don't even know what Im not knowing (okay, that last line was thrown in just to lighten the mood )... but really What the hell is a thought anyways?
  12. @Shiva @phoenix666 I too find it difficult to observe breath without influencing it... I find in my practice that this is tied into observing breath vs thinking about breath. As soon I start thinking about breath, my mind wants to control it and I get away from observation. This happens within a split second, and only when I acknowledge (i.e. observe) that I am now in thought, can I return to the breath. This is much easier said than done though
  13. I find self-inquiry is guided by an empirical investigation (i.e. using observation) into "who am I." Or what I find more helpful "what am I?"
  14. Am trying to plan a 3-7 day consciousness retreat and overwhelmed with the amount of options available in my research. Any recommendations? I am in Canada but am willing to travel if it provides the best work. Much appreciated! Thanks, Jeff
  15. Thought I was on a pretty good path: started self-actualizing about 9 months ago, had a pretty good meditation practice in place... and then BAM! slowly over the past few weeks, have been feeling very low, a gaping hole of hell in the pit of my stomach... Very damning self-talk... Ive been down this road before and am scared for where it can lead (for all transparency: I do see a psychiatrist regularly). Im starting to miss work now, which is an added stress. Im struggling in my practice detaching from these thoughts and anxiety pains and seeing them as just pain vs "my"pain and thoughts but not "my thoughts". They seem to be so loud and prevalent though... and so damning.... I appreciate the time to hear me out. Thanks.