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  1. Thank you for the empathy and concern. I have thought about it. I DO think it has a very negative connotation since I don't get why anything are meaningful if there's no one to experience them. But yes, I DO NOT have a direct experience of becoming enlightened, so it still must be a belief since I don't have an actual experience of what I'm talking about. Thank you @DrewNows Cheers, thank you. Yes, it's not funny. I'm doing a 7 day long darkness retreat the day after tomorrow. Hopefully pumped with non-duality hahaha. How did you proceed when you were in this phase, if you could elaborate a bit? @WelcometoReality And that's the catch. It's a belief system for sure. I will do more of what I've been doing thus far and do more retreats. Thank you.
  2. I have a very, very strong sense of incongruency, apathy and meaninglessness. It has lasted about four months. Basically I feel like nothing can make sense, if there is no-one experiencing anything. I mean.. Why the heck do self-help if you help no-one anyways. If I'm absolutely nothingness and the void who is then feeling these emotions? How can "you" be passionate, feel love and pursuit anything whatsoever, if "you" don't exist in the first place?! It is slowly driving me nuts. I would really appreciate your clever answers. Daniel
  3. During my 1h meditation last night a very, very warm sensation appeared in my solar plexus. First kind of pulled me back and then forward. Ecstatic. It happened again later when I did my holo breath. Have you had similar experiences and do you have suggestions to what's happening? Love, Daniel
  4. Hey dude Having just started cold approaching a few weeks back I can definitely say it's worth it. I'm not counting numbers, dates etc. thus far, however if you are straight-up and honest in your approaches you'll definitely make someone's day. For all the rejections I've had this far, every approach has ended with a very flattered girl and your sense of masculinity and self respect goes through the roof. That in it self is a nice motivation in the beginning. I may suck but at least I'm being true to my sexuality. Good luck. By the way, get a wing. So helpful.
  5. Right now I meditate an hour a day. I do daily kriya, self-enquiry and HB once a week as well. For the past three months (especially) I have literally been feeling like a permanent 6th day on a vipassana course. Whenever I meditate and work on my LP, wake up, take a nap etc. I literally shake in frustration, confusion, despair, anxiety. My mind is all over the place and now I have been really mindful of how much I feel the urge to stop everything and distract my self - all the time. I have become conscious of how perfectionistic I am and that I need to work on some beliefs as well. I'm completely drained without having done anything really. Everything I do is soaped in massive resistance. Can you relate and how did you persevere? This feels like forever now. Daniel
  6. Basically I had a very, very hard timing focusing and staying concentrated. Started at day 6 afternoon and went on until the course had finished. Had an interview with the assistant teacher who told me that was a good sign. Sankharas manifested in restlessness and monkey mind. That definitely helped me reframe the experience.
  7. Hi This May I completed my second vipassana course which was quite a frustrating experience. Yet two weeks after I have booked a 30 day Adveita Vedanta course on the other site of the globe. How was your first longer retreat and can you offer some pieces of advice you'd give yourself before undertaking this journey? Cheers, Daniel
  8. Okay, so this may sound pathetic, especially after I've watched all leo's content both on YT and on the blog as well as bother to buy the book and read the first 75 pages: I cannot get the logic of the suggested daily routines (in the book) and I don't know how I make my own 45-60 minutes routine based on the suggestions with level 1, 2 and 3.... I'm just fairly careful to do it properly and get a good start - definitely since I watched the don't half-ass yoga video. Thank you
  9. @dorg Cheers, that's what I'm finding in my own experience too. I'm just so used to clinging to knowing, I have been completely oblivion to this neurosis. Thanks
  10. Rephrased: I have a hard time grasping the ease and flow-like states I attain when letting go of the need to know. Can this be mistaken for complacency? Thank you
  11. I'm pretty thrilled about the episode of confusion and how to handle it. I have managed to become utterly accepting towards confusion, to the point it almost feels like I'm half-assing my practise - My question: Can confusion become a trap of becoming less judgmental/reflective about your progress with practises/work or is it ultimately the key to flow states? I'm just curious since I have managed to shift my view towards practising/working so dramatically within such a short period of time that it feels completely off. Thanks.
  12. Hi @Dan Arnautu! Do you have some good advice for accepting flaws, mistakes and detaching from outcome when working out of your comfort zone. A lot of my neurosis/ procrastination over the time has come from the belief that if I don't resolve any uncertainties/ figuring out complex material straight away, I have wasted my time and haven't made any progress. How would you tackle this? Thank you Daniel
  13. If you are into lucid dreaming: https://www.amazon.com/Dreaming-Through-Darkness-Shadow-Dreams/dp/B073PFB1XM
  14. Cheers Yes, I have plans to do at least two retreats this year. If I'm a fucking badass I may do three. But it's still new to me and I know how arrogant I feel and how humbling an experience a 10 day retreat will make me, especially if I did it right now. People I have still contact with from last summer have told me about their experiences with later retreats, no fun and games like the first one . Let's see, but I will do two for sure.
  15. As I'm about to approach 2 years of daily meditation I want some of your advice. Frankly, I have had no goals what so ever with my practise but making it a habit. And that has happened. However I currently, and especially within the last few months, I have felt more stressed and very, very easily agitated. Even fears I was crippled by in my teenage years have started to appear (fear of darkness, claustrophobia especially.) Having said that, I feel less and less attracted to compulsive behaviour - even though I habitually still do them, but they just seem to lose more of their power and seem less pleasurable. It's quite comparable to the way I felt when I was struggling at my first (and only so far) vipassana retreat. Right now meditation feels so difficult, and every time I close my eyes and set the timer I am so humbled by how much work's still to be done. I have done the life purpose course a few months back, and as of now my personal development "regimen" consists of 30min -1h vipassana meditation, 15 min contemplation, 15 min visualizing, 5 min LP contemplation and 5 min affirmations. I am in the process of building a previous poor work ethic that got me good grades in high school anyways. I was planning on doing my first solo retreat this summer after having watched Leo's trip videos but it seems more and more unlikely given my current state. Have you had any similar experiences/stories? Thank you