Nahm

Stop caring about being understood. Then what anybody does or says, even to you, is seen as of them, not you. All you have is what you say and do. That’s it. Don’t need to concern yourself with what others do and say. Your roommates never kept you down. You kept you down by caring about what they said. They, and the rest of us, were doing their best with what consciousness we have. There is a momentum that builds through the practice of meditation of detachment, leaving you less reactive, less intense, less tension, a whole lot less hyper focused on what people say, and even & especially thoughts. I don’t understand that last part. But what I think you have going on is the pressure to know and only zooming in. I’m betting there’s a lot of pressure to know the information that will be on tests and the finals. I believe you, that you study hard and want to learn and succeed. You’re exceptionally practiced with this. But I don’t know if you’ve discovered the other half of the game, the zooming out; letting all that information go - and don’t worry, it’s a practice, all that you’ve learned will still be there when you need it. I’m talking about getting out of that closet sized living, into nature, and being alone for days. I’m talking about allowing your mind to zoom out of the intense finite things you’re focusing on daily for school. Zooming out is not-knowing, having fun, laughing, doing some things you enjoy simply for the enjoyment of doing them. Also consider that the majority of your current life ongoings revolve around learning & knowing. When you then approach existentialism with that mindset, you’re in for a rough ride. Can you take a few deep breathes, relax every muscle from head to toe, and just sit, and not-know. Try it for 5 or 10 minutes. Just say, “I don’t know and that’s fine... I am and that is enough”. Maybe you’re soooo deep in learning & knowing....that you’re a little “stuck” on the thought about ‘is this life real or not’. Real & not real are the center piece of duality (this and that...this or that). Be at peace in understanding that is the limit of the brain (duality), and you have reached it. Well done. There’s more to learn of course, always will be, but for that ‘real or not real’ question - that’s not a “learn” thing, that is a “Be” thing. Also, when I was “stuck” on that, this helped me.... do some “research” (Youtube, google, etc) on Superposition. It’ll help loosen up your mind, which is holding that things must be real or unreal, real life or unreal life. (I use quotes for “stuck”, cause you’re not really stuck, you just have a natural desire to learn and understand. Anyone who faults you for that, is stuck) One more thing...life is hard af from about 15 to 25. You’re going to be great at everything you set your mind to. I’m excited for you. Learn that letting something go is an art of living, and as important as learning. Practice zooming in (studying specific stuff) and zooming out (way more general “enjoying life” state). I think you’ve been grinding away without a retreat (a big ol zoom out, just for you). RETREAT BRO!

@Ingit Why is questioning the true nature of things negative? When did you first start this negative association? If it is real - then what? What comes to mind for you? If it’s not real - then what? What comes to mind for you? Let’s get to the bottom of this / be done with it. It’s not serving you anymore.

Cause to live is a game, but if you’ve got it backwards it’s evil, and when the I is gone, there’s a big O! And now it’s love.

Everything is a distraction from what you are until everything is what you are. 10 days alone in nature can change everything. Maybe some of this is helpful too...

KIck it up to twice a day. You’re progressing. You’ll see the answer. Thoughts are like cars on the road, just passing, they’re not yours.

@saint_charming7 ? The breathing is illusionary too. Trust homeostasis. Explore.

“Butters” I love it!

Yes. Keep going. Become aware of this. Hurts, then it’s sweet, for the long haul.

@blazed How would you help someone else to realize all their problems where rooted in their own attitude?

@Lorcan Me too.

I’m just being up front that I don’t have any answers, just biased suggestions. I’m saying this because I think you think I feel like an “authority” or certain about anything, and I am not. Yes, that experiment. I’m just using it as a very loose reference point to try to get something accross... I think the general population is at the 6 second point, and you’ve been more committed to practices lately, and you’ve “shaved off” a second, so you’re “seeing” more. It seems to me that your communication on the forum is reflective of this. You’re not so full of piss & vinager these days and it feels great to witness. (I used to be the king of piss & vinegar, I hated the way I felt, and I didn’t know why I felt that way - I couldn’t see that I was behind it, and that I was conditioned by my dad) I’d consider shaving off the remaining 5 seconds by dedication to being the observer for many days. Then (I think) you’d start to see how quickly you’re thinking and responding. It appears to me as a double edged sword, because I have never been a quick thinker. You might observe how you would have responded, had you said something, revealing to you more depth for having saved time & energy in not going through regret, resentment, etc. I think you’d be facing a shit load of anger & blame in doing this, and it will be rough, but then you will start seeing life very differently, and your energy would start increasing exponentially. Or put another way - presently, you have a sharp & quick mind. Great for science and factual references, industrial management, etc. But you want energy & creativity, and a life of artistry. This is “at the top” of Maslow’s, or any other structured view. It’s like being blue, but believing one is yellow because they are intelligent and critiquing orange, while wondering why there is the lack of creativity to produce art that is turquoise. That is around the 0 or 1 or 2 second place. Also, yeah I know, but...get the foundation in place, and consider psychadelics. With them, you can see the ‘no seconds place’. The being without thoughts place. They have a way of changing us in terms of actually living without a past, and actually focusing on the future we want. They reveal the actuality that there is no physica;, no me, no point, no meaning - just shocking utter freedom. I might very well be totally wrong about this. All I got is words on a forum, and my own experiences to work with. Humility, actualized, imo, is always ongoing and amoung the hardest things in life. It’s a magnitude beyond being right, or correct, or accurate. I got nothin but love for you man. I realize I don’t always come accross that way, and sometimes it’s on purpose, because the intent is to learn and develop myself, by trying & doing what is outside of my personality & comfort zone.

@blazed You’re a really tough nut to crack man. I want to be upfront, that of course I don’t have the skills, and I don’t know anything. My two cents, from life experience...this comes to mind... You know that little scientific test that was done where basically it proves that the ‘choice’ was made by someone to click a button 6 seconds before they clicked the button, which is like 5 seconds before they were aware of the ‘choice’?

@Lorcan I’d committ to foundation; aligned eating, etc. And consciousness work; self inquiry, meditations. Then I’d start psychadelics. Maybe two years out....you’ll have an entirely different vantage point of who you are, what reality is, and how enormous the range of consciousness is from ‘one person to the next’. Then you’d have a real shot at changing a lot of lives. Striving to change the entire world...I won’t say it’s not possible, but you’d be the first and only human to do it. The most important facet, imo, is to see what consciousness is, and the all-encompassing role it plays in what you want to do with your life. Which is seriously impressive at any age, specifically yours. Some people need a kick in the ass. For others, slow and steady wins the race. I think slow & steady would serve you well. Is there a like-minded group already underway somewhat local to you? I think that’d be great. You could see so much, learn so much about people etc, and I could definitly see you leading such a group down the road. (Projection but......) If you’re going to accomplish the incredibly awesomely high vision you have committed yourself to, you’re going to need a lot of people, who lead a lot of people, who lead a lot of people. Also - I think they’d see in you, what I think I see in you, and that is a priceless intangible factor.

@blazed You have completely misunderstood what I said, and where I’m coming from, indicative of what is preventing you from progressing.

@Lorcan Impressive distraction to self inquiry. One of the best I’ve seen.

You’ve been suppressing & wasting your energy with being right, critical & superior for as long as I’ve been on this forum. I did it too. Sucks huh? Done yet?

@2000 If there’s no reality, who ya askin?

@Stoica Doru If there is only you in a room alone, is there morality in the room?

@SpaceCowboy https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/23176-how-to-recover-from-a-traumatic-event/

@Moreira Sorry to hear this, and I hope you are feeling well soon. Ultimately, you are due for a big emotional release. How you get there is up to you, and of course that’s the hard part. My advice, is use ALL the help available, life is too short to procrastinate your own joy. Be vigilantly aware of any stubbornness, or of continued suppressing of emotions by “just being too busy”, or “not being able to take the time off”. You’ve got to be all about getting all the help available, which will likely be difficult AT FIRST because the defensive mind will attempt to keep pushing the help down on the prioritys list. Don’t allow that to happen. It’s an emotional avoidance ego diversion. Make this priority one. It might feel as if you’ll be facing the whole thing at once, but in actuality, it will be one bit, one moment, at a time. The hardest part is starting, just making that first appointment. You can do it, you deserve to feel better, and there are people who’s life purpose is to help you with this. Allow them to do their thing. Some avenues that will help: Establish a “go to” place. Could be somewhere in the house, maybe outside, etc. Just somewhere predetermined, so if anger arises, you already know where to go to be alone. Be careful who you talk with about this. If you know a good listener, that’s great. Keep in mind we often talk to those closest to us, and can end up arguing over other matters which contextually have nothing to do with the underlying emotions at present. This can add confusion & complication that is not helpful. Establish a “go to” phrase, or mantra, such as “This too shall pass”, “Love yourself, whatever arises”, etc. Write it on a small piece of paper, keep it with you. If you’re having a hard time, read it, hold it - something so simple can help more than you might imagine. A momentum builds each time you use it, and it is powerful in recentering, accepting, & allowing. Schedule “breaks”. Just pick a time everyday, and say for this one hour, I’m on a break. No ‘dealing’ with or talking about it. Do something you like. Something fun. Pick up a book about PTSD. Knowledge is power, and empowered we change our thinking patterns. Do your best with eating healthy. Breads take our energy, make us lethargic, and diminish mental clarity, making life & progress much more difficult. Sugar is like adding gas to the anxiety. I’d avoid those completely. Also, one of the common symptoms of PTSD is low energy. It takes A LOT of energy to maintain emotional avoidance, like always being on guard. Look forward to feeling yourself again, and to the returning of higher energy and a positive outlook. One day, you will look back on this hard time as what helped you most. Many people have beat this, and you will to. It is not a riddle or unknown condition. It is understood well by medical professionals, and the more you do about it, the more you will find relief. Simple & easy Breath Awareness Meditation is extremely helpful. It helps you relax & let go of the trappings of life, and it resets brain chemistry - which will help with mental clarity and expedite your recovery. Don’t beat up on yourself about techniques right now. Just make this time for yourself. You’ll enjoy the sense of “space”, and of problems & thinking being slowed down a bit, making it all much easier to work through. https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices/breath I second the suggestion of EMDR. http://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/ These articles will help you get a better understanding, and they contain some great links as well. https://www.verywellmind.com/an-overview-of-ptsd-symptoms-2797638 https://www.verywellmind.com/emotional-numbing-symptoms-2797372 Talk to your regular doctor. Ask for a referral to an experienced therapist who specializes in PTSD. Talk to a therapist. Listen to people who have faced this and beat it. Don’t underestimate the power of inspiration! https://www.google.com/search?q=how+i+beat+ptsd&client=safari&hl=en-us&prmd=vni&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwin0Y7qkJ_cAhVRXKwKHbkVD1MQ_AUIESgB&biw=1366&bih=922 Being able to cry is mentally & physically beneficial in many ways. Allow the release. It relieves stress, removes toxins, and boosts your mood. Tears even contain natural pain killers. https://m.wikihow.com/Cry-and-Let-It-All-Out And wherever you are on your path, please keep in mind the simple available power of love. Move from the head to the heart, as often as you can. ❤️

@EmreD Just curious, what’s your trip history?

@zoey101 It is easier to thread a rich country through the eye of a needle, than for it to enter the kingdom of heaven. An example which I think brings it on home...what’d ya think of Joe Dispenza?