Nahm

@YaNanNallari We tend to welcome ‘positive’ sensations with open arms, and we have many sneaky was of avoiding and suppressing the ‘negative’ ones. When you finally decide to exit that duality, and embrace the not so good feeling stuff...then you’re doing the work - seeing what the rest of you really is. Initially, it blows (backlash), ultimately, it’s the most worthwhile endeavor.

@Gryner From what you provided...it seems the retreat was the turning point...have you contacted the manager and talked about this? They might have experience and knowledge that would be beneficial. Psychosis is a symptom, not a root. Have the doctors done scans, ruled anything out, diagnosed anything? Your health & well being have to come first. If you start school a semester later, so that you can fully recover, that is not a big deal at all. I don’t think you need any pressure right now, so you can fully relax and recover. To what extent does this have to do with your life, environment, perspectives, and choices well before the retreat. Have you talked to therapists ? Have you and the therapist considered the possibility of suppressed trauma (s)? My gut feeling is there is trauma, you were used to suppressing it but unaware that you were, and the retreat gave a glimpse of good you could feel, which triggered the repression, and left you in a limbo with it. You will be fine. Be patient. Relax. Recover. You will be feeling centered again, life will be good. I have been through similar things, and the most meaningful thing I can say is, that this too will pass. It will. It may not seem like it, but it will. You’ll be alright.

@Ingit ❤️

@Ingit The only credit due anyone for wisdom is only in having surrendered it. To have simply sat, and breathed, while all things disappear, all sensations disappear, while identity disappears, until there is only the breath - and having continued sitting until even the breath organically minimizes, and ultimately subsides, and within this cessation there is no longer an observer nor the observed, no longer the witness nor a sensation to be witnessed, only the singularity, only the one. You are the one. The wisdom is yours, and one day, it will disappear.

@Ingit It takes as long as you avoid, avert, the fear. This happens in the paradigm of positive & negative: positive..welcomed, “negative”...avoided, averted, “kept in the dark”, no awareness given to it. When you say “ok. Done running. Done. Gonna sit with this and I’m not gonna pick up some distraction. Just going to listen to sensations. I’m done running. I’m ready to listen now, I don’t care about positive or negative. I want the Truth”. Every thought is of this aversion. Every one. Without aversion = without thought. But then, life throws this at you. And you get to go deeper into the fear, deeper into the liberation.

@SOUL That’s really funny. I appreciate it. It doesn’t make a bit of difference if I write it or not. It’s worthless.

@Ingit EXCELLENT realization! Awareness of the loop: fear, aversion, trigger, disconnected/fragmented, regret...will end the loop. Awareness cures.

@Emanyalpsid Being is not dependent. Consciousness does not “depend” on appearance of consciousness. What you have mentioned is appearance of. ”Consciousness needs a reality in order to exist.” These are not separate, though the appearance is admittedly convincing.

@Ingit Go to it, see the trigger & the unfolding, which led to “relapse’. Go to the root. What are you afraid of? Why are you afraid of it? The cure is in the pain. The truth is behind the falsity. The sensation is a message, received by “the 1% of you”, sent from “the 99% of you”. Trust the shit out of the “rest of you”, that “99% rest of you” which beats the heart, breathes The Life - and sends “you” the messages, the sensations. Read the message, don’t ignore it. Get off the rollercoaster by always accepting the sensations / “messages”, until they are only whispers, in 100% harmony. (* the use of percentages here is to draw attention to the actuality of the whole, appearing to be divided through avoiding the sensations / messages)

@Barry J Is there more thinking present when sober, or high?

@Barna Deconstruct the apriori I and there is no fear, because there is no second thing, or “thing” other than being, and therefore no remaining falsity, no “thing” which could be feared. The only service of courage, is to deconstruct what creates the fear, implying any need for courage. There was no fear when you were one. You added it. Look within, look into how this was accomplished. Look into ‘your’ birth.

@Ar_Senses The one to see through is the same one which strives, efforts, try’s, etc. “Strive” is not actuality, it’s a thought impressed upon actuality. Or, there is true inspiration and divinity, the perfect flow of love, divine flow of all appearing relativity in perfect harmony, absolute perfection - and a body / brain, witnessing what’s happening, says “I am this person, striving”. The perfection, the ever lasting synchronicity, is unnaccessable with thought. Thought “finites things” inherently by the nature of thought, but there are no things, finite is appearing, you are infinite, appearing as finite things. Thinking says “I am this one” “this body & brain” “this here finite thing with the brain and senses, aware of all these other finite things”. Without thought, no more finite- pure inspiration, intuition, flow, ‘in the zone’, blissful. Thinking there is one system is still thought dividing, a hint at how divisive thinking is. Nothing is ever added. Deconstruction always leads to Nothing / Emptiness - synchronicstic, infinite, perfection - All Is Well/God/You. All else is thought, believed, as in “I now have increased consciousness” , or “I am now more”, that “ I “ is always only an a priori thought, because you were already infinite. Can’t add to infinite. Can only deconstruct what you already, through out life, added. “Higher Self” is only words, pointing at self realization. Infinite self, realized as what already is, by the absence of all thinking, all thoughts which imposed finite. Words are communications, parts, only pointers to what is inbetween the words and inbetween the thoughts. You don’t reach a higher self, you surrender the falsity of the “lower self” the “apart self”, there are not actually parts, just thoughts of parts, which are typically unnoticed, unaware of. That, is were the pain hides, where the fear hides, where doubt is created. Another indication of how tricky thought is, always fragmenting, always saying “I can be this”, “I can be more”, “ I “ “can add to infinity”, ultimately, this is denial of self. Self is infinity. Always was, is, and will be, as time and space are within it, never creating it.

Go into that. Reality is not cold & deterministic. There’s a denial of reality there, and a freedom revealed for facing it. Thought is sneaky. There are no discrepancies. There is thought being tricky. An a priori “ I “ is required first for there to then be decoherence and confusion. Deconstruct beliefs, they aren’t true, they’re belief. Freedom. Go into it, decipher the messages of sensations. Disregarding is the panic, disregarding fragments. Awareness can not by divided, thinking creates an appearance of this, then there’s more “work to do” in the fragmentation from having disregarded. The root of disregarding any of the logic and emotion, is fear. Any fear present and there is no nonduality. Nonduality is not a state. The importance of that is seeing the tendency of mind to separate and segregate “states”, which is a denial of the totality, the actuality, of nonduality. If “you” are “using the nondual state” then there is a segmented, separated “you” via thought. Then there is the apparent need to “conceptually reinforce reality” which is thinking, deeply tricky thinking. Reality can not be conceptually reinforced, because you can not actually be separated from it to begin with. You are doing some great introspection, some great work man. Thinking is very very tricky. Nonduality is without it. Monkey mind is thought always attempting to justify “I am separate from the toaster”. Awareness of just how deep and long thinking goes, in terms of falsity, this “ I “ is a facinating proccess. I way to put it is, the mind creates a separate “ I “ as the “holder of intelligence”, but you are everything and nothing, not a part which holds anything. You are intelligence itself, not a partitioned piece of it. Same with love, which is typically discovered after all thoughts and roots are inspected and rooted out in the light of awareness.

@SoonHei ? Meditation - let thought go. Contemplation, hold an inquiry in mind. The ‘product’, is your developed ability for distinctions like ego tricks vs insights. Like flexing a muscle and relaxing a muscle are necessary to strengthen. You’ll see a whole, new, ordinary. The differences & connections between surface level thinking, reactions, ego, rationality, logic...and their ‘deeper’ currents of intuition, love, wisdom, sensations, is clearer. “The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master.”

@Finland3286 The intention is “not that”, the difficulty is being aware of the mind wondering, but stay with “not that”. Yes, it’s a thought, neti neti.

@SoonHei Contemplation is a generally a type of meditation,, and the difference answers your question. https://sites.google.com/site/psychospiritualtools/Home/meditation-practices https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PineU9ZZvSc

@Sven If you find the mental self, say hi for me.

@Hafiz What kinda changes are you waiting for?

@FrgttnDeer Yeah. It’s almost as if not having direct access to other minds is intentional.

@lmfao “??” ❤️

@Sven Life & death, physical & nonphysical, are interdependent plays. Death holds our attention inherently, but it’s our birth that’s worth the inquiry.

@Wisebaxter Thanks, it’s all you man. ❤️

@luckieluuke ❤️??

Become the whisper. Accept all sensation. No turning away, no avoiding; do not overt the eye. Blessed is he in balance, he is the whisper, he can help others discover the whisper. But that is an impossible challenge. Insurmountable adversity. Impossible. Only a fool would accept such an intolerable path.

@luckieluuke Consider (in addition to what’s already been said here) looking at your life, for a minute, rather than the spiritual path, in this manor: Blessed is he with heart attack, he must listen. Blessed is he with OCD, thinking is intolerable, he must listen. Blessed is he who holds anger, the sensation is unbearable, he must listen. Lost is he without catalyst, without adversity, without sufficient challenge; he knows not about listening, he does not know his own sensations speak truth, he remains unaware of the whisper.