fireworld

The trick with affirmations is that they don't usually work if there is an incongruency within you. Your emotional states and goals can only be accomplished if there is congruence between all the parts of yourself. Increasing confidence and self-love is too vague in most cases, the unconcious brain that you are trying to affect doesn't know what this means. So first, ask yourself what is it right now that is making me feel low confidence, what are the pictures, memories that come up. Are there parts of you that actually get a secret benefit from not being confident like maybe avoding taking risks or taking on responsibilities? Once you have identified why you feel low confidence try reframing it, ask yourself if you can let go of that and try coming up with new ways of interpreing your low confidence. So a good realization can be something like this, Confidence equals experience + competence. So you are most likely confident in some areas of your life, and this realization can lead to an affirmation like this. "I know that confidence comes from competence and experience, and just like i have confidence in (insert area you have confidence in) I can also develop confidence in (insert areas you want more confidence in) daily by gather more experience and becoming more competent each day" This bypasses the concious mind and makes your unconcious a lot more receptive to it. As with self love, you have to be specific, how do you know that you feel self love and what does it mean to you, why don't you feel self love?

Business, at the highest levels is about your own psychology and people. The grand masters of business do not know everything about sales, marketing or even accounting, but they are the best in the world at attracting and keeping wonderful talent that does all that for them. Also they have their internal psychology handled too a much higher degree than does the average person. At least most of my experience tells me that CEOs usually are bad at a lot of business aspects, they are just the shepperds herding the sheep towards a vision.

Hello, I have studied affirmations for a very long time and used them extremely often. The thing that i would ask is why are you using and what is your goal with affirmations?

Thats a great explanation thank you.

The attacks on pickup and on me for whatever reason is a deep misunderstanding. Pickup can be a tool for evil thats true, but to assume that everyone who uses pickup is evil is just as insane as saying that everyone that practices martial arts is a violent man in the making. I don't string women along like a sadistic freak while they are experiencing that one sided longing for intimacy, I don't even let it get to the point where that could even happen. That extremely powerful feeling of wanting to be in a relationship and have that person meet you half way is EXACTLY why many people learn about pickup. There is nothing more amazing to me than when you can meet someone whom you like and they like you back, and then use your understanding and love for her to make her feel even more amazing. That creates a wonderful beginning to your relationship and the both of you can feel a great connection. Thats what pickup is to me, I want to be the best man I could ever be for my woman, and this means that I have to learn about her and how she sees the world. And you are right, Emerald is amazing haha

RSD can be a force for good, but in many ways they are too Orange especially now since they are bleeding money. I personally don't like RSD very much.

Wow, whats with the attacks? Who said that pickup is about masquerading as a knight in shining armour in order to get a cheap lay? Thats your assumption. Stop acting like its a harmless act of mutual benefit? Thats moralising. I do know that women want casual sex, thats not surprising at all? Who said that we try to charm them out of their knickers with falsehoods? You dont understand pickup in the slightest. The idea of pickup is the idea that you learn about how women experience you as a man. And that when you find a woman that you like that you can create an enjoyable experience for her. Not to mislead her or to take advantage of her. If you do take advantage of women or what have you, you are ofcourse in the wrong. But you started the topic basically warning Emerald that i am using the conversation that we are having as a sneaky way to use it to manipulate women? That's where you are wrong. The comment about me being a liar, shows how disgusting you are.

Attraction is not out of your control, you cannot control all variables in attraction. But you can control many critical pieces in attraction. Things like humor, confidence, your style, your status and how you interact with the woman all matter when creating attraction. This notion that you shouldn't "use" information is only bad if you are misleading the woman and being a Jackass. If you are using her as a sex toy or something crazy like that. But if you are a guy and you find out that women feel great when you are empathic and intimate emotionally why not use that information to give your woman a fuller and happier relationship with you? I just don't buy the bullshit that you shouldn't learn about love and attraction. It's a great way to end up lonely and miserable. Look at how most couples are unhappy with each other, they should all have to learn about each others processes to gain mutual understanding and deepening of their relationships. It's always better to know the truth and have the most accurate mental model than it is to appeal to some ridiculous idea of morality. IMHO.

What's wrong with pickup even if it may at times be shallow? Her model of attraction and her subjective experience is interesting as it affirms many of the things that pickup teaches already. I ask all my female friends about it to gain a deeper understanding of women. I even ask girlfriends about their experiences so I can be a better boyfriend. So what? Not everyone needs to be after a deep meaningful relationship in order to not be bad, what's wrong with a fling? Stop moralising. I do pickup and have since 2007.

Okok, so for example if a guy opens up to you about some very deep emotional thing and makes you feel his emotions very strongly, does that make you feel attracted? Or is it that he gets you to talk about your emotions and asks the good questions and is empathic to you? What happens to you if he becomes emotional and actually displays a real weakness like neediness? What if a guy says "You are so beautiful every part of me fears losing you to someone else?" A line like that may be emotionally aware but at the same time is displaying weakness and neediness. Is there a difference between that or when a guy says something like "Out of all the women that I have ever seen, only you make me feel safe again?" This may be emotionally aware but doesn't display neediness at all? The intimacy you mention, how do you know he is capable of it? How is compassion and warm-heartedness different from niceness? I must admit that I usually avoid this, but one time I did start talking about very emotional things with a woman in bed and I told her something that i thought was weak but her emotional reaction to it was extremely strong. Also i tried the cheesy thing with poetry thinking she would start laughing but it worked haha. I told her that behind every piece of art and poetry is the inspiration of a woman just as beautiful as her. Also you keep on mentioning Cupids Arrow, do you believe in it and how do you relate to it? Jeez, you ran straight into an interview here haha.

When you understand spiral dynamics extremely well, you also end up understanding (almost) all conflict. You start seeing why the world is in the situation that it is in and if we don't make certain changes we will end up destorying ourselves and/or earth. Spiral dynamics enables you to understand how you can contribute to creating systemic change that benefits all and moves humanity forward. You could say that you become more concious as you move up the ladder, but you also grow as a person and it is extremely rewarding. If for example you get stuck at blue you may end up living your whole life following the rules of a religion that is a fraud, or you may grow and enjoy more of life. There is a lot to this spiral dynamics thing.

I have muslim family members and have never in my whole life heard them talk about anything that can even come close to nonduality. Most of muslims in my experience are stage blue. Believe in God as a seperate entity that is to be feared and worshipped. The ego is in many cases considered evil and the pursuit of material wealth or earthly happiness is considered Dunya. Which is a form of resistance to stage orange and individualism. As is the death penalty for apostasy and so on. Muslims are very blue and might even be red in some circumstances. There are probably Nondual versions of islam, but they are not considered real islam by the mainstream muslims.

To increase your understanding of human beings. And to learn how to be a better one.

Yes, yes, I see more of what you are saying. I must admit I love mental models and like to use them as they are extremely effictive in my life. The thing you said about it not being a concious strategy is the exact reason why Pick-Up actually works on women. Because you can learn to generate these emotions in a woman unconciously and she will feel like it just happened. What you just said is the exact thing that advanced Pickup artists get all the time. They even warn you in pickup, dont come across like you have an agenda, let her fall in love when you are not there. Let me ask you then, if you are with a guy and you starting finding him very attractive does it make you more attracted to him if he is very emotional/spiritual? Speaking as a man, I have tried to be a "nice" guy or whatever, but it extremely rarely ever works. Which is why I am asking Leo or anyone else for ideas of why this could be? Why do women not find it attractive if you treat them very well and romance them even if you do it in a non needy way? The problem with this aswell is that women tend to mislead men, you may feel inclined to respond "Well ofcourse women do respond to nice guys, you just haven't found the right one" but again, all the evidence shows the contrary. You can even test this in nightclubs, you can approach 100 women being a jackass and you will get 15-20% of their numbers, you can approach 100 women with a compliment and a nice smile and you will get resistance like you are Sisyphus carrying that damn stone haha. I actually deeply understand the models of attraction and have been in the pickup field for over 10 years, but still to this day it amazes me that there seems to be an extreme level of cognitive dissonance in what women actually say the are attracted to and what they respond to. For example, a male friend can exhibit all the traits of a wonderful guy with all the traits she wants, but that woman will ignore her friend whom she knows likes her for a jackass. I understand why this happens, but how do you as a woman explain it?

I understand what you are saying, and I am deeply appreciative of what you are contributing to my understanding of women. However, there are structures within the brain that "cause" the emotion of love and attraction. Love cannot and will never be unconditional since the health and the survival of our offspring depends on us doing it right. You cannot find a man sexually attractive and want to have his children if he is a sickly man, if he is an underdeveloped man, if he is a emotionally damaged man since your children will either not survive birth or will survive but will be left with grave deformities and challanges in their lives. And mother nature will cut them off from earth and your genes forever. Sexual attraction is fired off by a pattern recognizing system in the brain, if this wasn't the case, or if you had a faulty system you would be sexually attracted to underdeveloped humans, or to 80+ year old men. Therefore, in order for your brain to produce the emotion of sexual attraction in you, you have to notice things like, symmetrical feautres of the body, intelligence(which men display through humour), emotional health like kindness and so on. Even the way that the brain is organized in men and women is for the reason of identifying healthy mates for reproduction and survival. The idea that love is unconditional and random sounds great, but it's a stage green relativistic view, one with an extremely bad track record at that. John Gottman and David Buss just do research, most of the people coming out with this data are women actually, NOT men. So it's other women who work with these men that have created these models, not just a group of dudes. However, I am deeply appreactive of what you have said and it makes me think.

Here, my favorite green video. A 33 degree freemason talking about love. Probably the most mature and healthy way of being at stage green that I have ever heard of, this is a must listen to, it may even trigger you from stage orange into stage green. Atleast it did for me.

The problem with that statement though is that the evidence clearly shows that women do in FACT have sexual strategies that they employ. Attraction is not random, it is highly predictable if you read the work of John Gottman and of the research done by David M Buss. I am afraid that ignoring the reality of sexuality is one of the things that stage greens like to do, just like they like to ignore the reality of many other areas of life. How do you determine who strikes your fancy? Why do for example manipulations of a mans status greatly increase his match percentage on dating sites and so on? I do believe that the evidence is extremely strong that women do have not one but 2 sexual strategies that they have used for millenia that are deeply embedded in their primal brain.

Leo, we know from research that women are extremely attracted to men who are higher status than them, and that women are hypergamous by nature. Atleast the science backs these claims up, also don't most stage green guys get friendzoned immediately since women have a quite clear attraction strategy?

That last part makes me giggle lol.

Green cares about emotions and feelings, especially inclusiveness more than anything. They live by the idea that all human beings are essentially the same and even if they are bad or crazy they just need to be rehabilitated or something. Angela Merkel and most leaders in western Europe are Orange/Green.

The biggest problem with green is that they discard all of the perspectives and all of the evidence that shows that they are wrong. This is why they are easy to hate, ignore what doesn't fit your perspective and scream and shout at people until you win type of thing. Also they love narratives which uphold ideas like "Victim" and "Hero". They put everyone into these boxes, they also seem to have a severe disregard for competence and pragmatism, they want to feel good and be heroes for everything and everyone. "Who cares if Hillary is incompetent and corrupt, the important thing is that she is a woman and a leader" "Who cares that being overweight is extremely damaging to your health, you just need to love yourself" This is why they are extremely irritating sometimes.

Hello, i've been reading a lot on the forum and there are some good discussions going on. I was wondering if anyone has any insight into how personality types fit into spiral dynamics? As an example, there are people who are very outward driven highly energetic types, and then you have the more relationship oriented people. Would these 2 different personality types tend to be drawn to different stages of spiral dynamics? Thanks

Fuck this guy makes me sick.

Have you been able to become the person you want to be? Most likely not and yet most of you carry around the illusion that self help works. In my personal long years experience it doesn't. There are certain behaviours and outcomes that i have tried to achieve and my failure rate in every single one is 100 percent. I have studied everything from psychology, mainstream self help, goal setting, self schemas with an emphasis on self concept. I have studied systems theory. I have recently been studying NLP and yet nothing seems to work. I feel that it can genuinely explain and understand most of the self help concepts that have ever been created. Yet nothing works, how come? How come that a multibillion dollar industry never provides the outcomes it promises. For example, I wanted to lose some weight and gain some muscle. That was 1 year ago plus a few months. It was almost completely impossible to stick to this goal irregardless of what I did, affirmations, NLP submodalities work, values elicitation and reorganization. Visualization and even journaling. And yet somehow all my motivation died out and I lost touch and failed. I fail like this, most people I know have failed like this, I am starting to think that the idea of personal change or growth is a complete waste of time since humans cannot change. They have no free will, can't change and that's that. We a logs flowing in a river only the idiot log thinks it can swim. Maybe my assertions are to grim, it's just that I have lost all hope around this. I had more women before I started learning about dating, was wealthier before I picked up a business book, and had better connection to mother earth before my meditation practice. I know people who are way more happy, loving, rich, social, and so on that have never ever stepped into a book store and can barely even read properly. I am otherwise very positive but I am starting to feel a loss of hope and this is why I am feeling like this right now. Anyone had a similar experience or can prove me wrong or point me in the right direction?

Already doing it brother, thanks for the input!