Gabriel Antonio

9:40 PM 31-Mar-17 I am feeling pretty tired. I am kind of regretting that I deleted my other journal. But that's okay. This is a new phase. I went to a meditation group today, which was pretty fine. I feel I am influencing positively in every where I go. This happens when I express my thoughts. I also went to a music concert at my old school. It was nice to see two teachers that I used to have there. I was very present there. Doing new things helps for us to stay present. I am also talking with strangers, and I am getting good at that. I went to a spiritism church with my grandma and my mom. I didn't want to go, because I was late with my meditation. But I went anyway. Even though I was low on energy, I am glad that I chose to go there either way. More so, that I stayed sitting side-by-side with my grandma instead of finding someone else to hang out with. I have been talking a lot with God asking for it to manifest itself through me. I have been so positive lately that I don't even recognize myself. I like that. Keep doing something. =) Peace

YES! Same here! Keep rocking, girl! =)

Your discipline is beautiful

=)

Beautiful! You are rocking, girl!

Haha, story of my life =] It is so cool to see your progress. You have become so mature! Thanks for sharing your how you are feeling about your last few weeks of high school. You have really captured the feeling, and it made me think about how I felt when high school was about to end for me. I am very happy that you are grateful for your teachers. I liked the story of you and your friend talking to that girl haha. You're awesome!

I can totally relate to this. I am happy that you gave it a try! =]

Have you seen the app "Insight Timer"?

Strangest thing: I got a fever. #WeCoexist

it's crazy today. i just took a super hot shower, and I think I am better.

i feel the same way. mom here is super worried. and i repeat "this worry doesn't belong to me" dude, this is a long-ass paragraph. it's hard to read. just start pressing "enter" randomly. it will make your writing smoother i have a breathing exercise that i like to use when jogging: inhaling, confidence exhaling, doubt

random comments oh yes! this will save your butt! warning: meditation always makes things better. totally. i dunno how i'm gonna meditate for 4 hours if i get sick. thank god i take lots of vitamin c (papaya, lemon [yes, RAW!] and dragonfruit). also, lots of coconut, which contains lauric acid -- boost your immune system! and finally i eat a piece of raw ginger every single. no flu! I run away from shallow conversations. i totally relate to that. i have been room and a part of me desperately wants to go outdoors to feel better. "chill out, homie!" I say to myself skip that. not important. in buddhism, they say we have 10000 joys and 10000 sorrows. hahaha totally!!

That's too much pressure. As long as you're doing the 45 minutes, you're good! Put things into perspective! Imagine how awesome you're life is going to be if you keep this habit for 5 years.

That's a cool little challenge. Everything we can do to break robot mode is valid. But... I can't let go of my precious notebook.

I used to do that. A huge waste of time for me (personally). I feel gratitude borns naturally within us. I was 20 things I was grateful for every day. I was paranoid about writing every single detail of a cool situation (for example, a child smiling to me). Let go of that. Whenever I dive deep into this "softer" practices (such as loving-kindness meditation), I get extremely aversive to negative thoughts. It feels like I have to be loving and grateful all the time. Maybe I should do that, and I am simply resistant to it. [I feel like Zazen is a much more honest practice because it doesn't differentiate between "good" thoughts as opposed "bad" thoughts.] Don't get me wrong: I can clearly see the logical benefits of writing down what you're grateful for. For example, I am grateful that I have a room for my own. Privacy is something homeless people do not get, ever. Yes, it does feel nice. But I was overdoing it (20 things is a lot).

Gabriel's Analysis [warning: lots of golden nuggets] MORNING ROUTINE This has been my routine also. Getting up directly Sometimes I take a few minutes to get off bed (2 or 3 minutes), but then I realize: "This shit won't bring me happiness. Plus, if I take a nap in the afternoon, it will be 10x better than sleeping in. Cold shower I take shorter showers than you. I feel like just the first moment of shock is enough to wake me up as long as I go through the hardest part: my back! Side note: One thing I like to do is meditate sitting on a plastic bench while the cold water pours onto my head chakra. At first I was terrified by that, but it feels really purifying. You don't have to turn the water all the through. There is function on my shower that is to concentrate the water so that there is a massage effect. I do that. Let the water hit you. It's sort of a SDS. But... in the morning, I start dancing and shaking my body as hard as I can to say good-bye to laziness. Side note: I start singing a song for children that says "Good-bye laziness. Good-bye smell of sweat!" as soon as I jump into the water. The song goes on saying the parts of the body that you're washing. It's like a mindfulness song because you get aware of your body. It is Portuguese but it's fun and short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JovcPhnys2Q Interesting question: do you wash your ears? what about your feet and ankles? butthole? I still forget about them from time to time. Sitting I always do 60 minutes. HAHAHA! I AM BETTER THAN YOU!!! Side note: It's really crazy how I used to be accustomed to eating breakfast as soon as I woke up. Now that I have gotten used to this routine; I now am miraculously skipping breakfast sometimes (maybe I was inspired by you. I loved the thing you did the other day about seeing if the number of the timer was even or odd. Extremely random. I love it.). ___________________________________________________________________________________ FOOD Warning: this is a trap!! [but you already know that]. My family has this habit of eating so that we don't "waste food." I have extricated myself of this mentality. I eat only when the food is nurturing me. I pay extremely closed attention of my thoughts, as they are the gauge of my practice of eating. The way to go! The worst thing you can do is "see what to what is in the fridge." You will go for the bait, the french fries. I always meditate before eating, even if it is 1 minute (you know how powerful even a short sitting can be, don't you? :)) _______________________________________________________ VISUALIZATION Visualization is boring. I simply can't stand making effort to do things. I prefer the comfort of Do Nothing. Let my mind go loose. Yay! As far as reprogramming the subconscious, I use: affirmations - they're less effective than visualizations, but they are more versatile. I can practice as I am writing, as I am walking. setting an intention for the day and repeating it three times - extremely powerful.

I am also building momentum, and I am doing things that are unimaginable. Yet a part of me fears about the time I lose the momentum and get off track. Living outside of the comfort zone is a lifestyle.

This license plate reminded of you =P

Sometimes I get this feeling that we are all one. It's like "HOLY SHIT! This is exactly what I am going through. But that person had the guts to expose it." I was watching this week's actualized episode, and a part of me was certain that Leo was seeing my posts here on this forum. Haha. It sounds really lame when I write it down, but I can't be the only one. I don't even why I am posting this, because it is so embarrassing to think some stupid shit like that, as if I were somehow special. But, hey, why not?

Thanks for writing this. I was thinking about meditation just now, and I was like, "Dude, that's so stupid. It is like I am talking to myself silently. What is the point of this?" But I keep forgetting to put things into perspective.

YES!

You're just fooling yourself. Facebook is not the problem; YOU are the problem.

I have contacted Leo and his staff but got no word. So I will expose this publicly: I have not been able to upload any pictures whatsoever. This is affecting my self-actualization career because my new profile pic will be mind-blowing, and I can't continue my journey without sharing that with the world. Thank you.

1- I am astonished by our similarities. I just read your last entries. There is a deep notion that what we're doing at times is actually feeding each others ego's and not actually encouraging us. This reputation thingy is really annoying and addictive. We should aim at getting hate comments instead of likes. 2- I can clearly see how you're just fooling yourself in this discussion thing. You should (no fucking excuses!) completely and absolutely force yourself to participate in the class discussions. Your ego is rationalizing your fear. Get uncomfortable! Be wrong! Make mistakes! The thing I regret the most in high school was how quiet I was in class discussions. If you really want to influence anyone, you will have to build your tolerance muscle. Express unpopular opinions! Baby step your way into that. But you have got to take action. 3- You are very unlucky with all these digestion problems. When I stopped ingesting diary, my digestion got really smooth. It used to suck balls. I used to fart a lot also, and now I barely fart. If you press your poop, it means it is not ready. Magnesium chloride does wonders for constipation! 4- Don't give a fuck about your writing style. Use as many words as you can. Use as many cliches as you can. You will outgrow them within time. As you long as you keep fucking writing DAILY and don't psych yourself out due to your stupid perfectionism. 5- Congratulations on your cold shower commitment. I am a pro at that (been doing it for years). Also, no time for "being kind to yourself" when you're being a lazy-ass twat in bed. JUMP OUT OF BED! No time for pussyness. Time to get into Radical Action! Best mantra to get into radical action: "KEEP MOVING YOUR BUTT". Do not confuse self-love with laziness. That's enough for today.