Gabriel Antonio

Haha, I can totally relate to that I like your initiative to talk with that meditation guy

I love that! Haha, I have done that YES! Sweet!! Friends help a lot for summoning up courage! why? I like that. I wanted to talk to an authority today, but I didn't have courage enough. Good for you!

11:05 PM 24-May-17 I liked @Mango1998's advice on finding balance between being with other and being alone. I like the term interdependence. I need people, but I don't need anyone in specific. I haven't been applying masculine force lately, but more anchoring the Divine Feminine. Accepting myself as I am manifesting. I get kind of a glimpse of what Leo said that self-acceptance is 10x more powerful than self-improvement. I was quite depressed this morning. I mean, I was utterly depressed. I had 0 pleasure, and I just felt like eating. I even thought of asking Leo in the personal questions if he ever binge. I might do that later. I also remembered Leo's advice on negotiation. I feel @Dragallur advice has been helping me. He said that he knows that playing video games for him is a very bad sign, so he watches a movie instead. I am kind of doing that. Thanks a lot! I have kind of accepted the meaninglessness of our existence and that no matter how hard I try, there won't be any reason. So I am simply enjoying this trip. I haven't been getting sexual desires lately. I fear a bit making women pregnant. Well... there is an easy solution for that. I feel I have been very humorous lately. I like when people get it, but my goal is for self-amusement (as Leo says in the How To Be Funny video). I feel I am integrating a lot of things that I have watched over the past year. I am grateful for having so much knowledge. I am also grateful for the Universe talk with me through my intuition. I saw a very good infinite waters' video. It was posted on May 17th, I guess. It is called How to Keep a Conversation Flowing. I think this is the 3rd video about this that Ralph has posted. It is great to have a purpose in life. Overcome shyness and help other do the same. I get so much happiness from interactions. I have been criticized (as usual), but I don't even care. As Krishna said, "It is better to follow your own path imperfectly than another person's path perfectly."

5-23 I have been going through a fragile phase. I don't feel connected to God, and I think that's mainly because I haven't been going to church. I feel like I am beginning to appreciate simplicity. These days, I haven't been doing much productive. I am keeping up with some habits--socializing, writing here, preparing my language classes--however, I definitely feel this is a low energy phase. At the same time, I do get some spells of energy. Today I woke up very early and didn't have time to sleep as much as I wanted to. I spent most of the day talking bullshit with random people. My life purpose is to overcome shyness, so talking is a good thing. I do feel something is missing. I miss having those experiences with the divine; of, you know, feeling incredible in my body and mind. Well, I had that yesterday, so I think it is a waste of time to blame myself for not feeling good. I gave an English class today, and I used a, so to speak, technique, that I learned from someone here on the forum (maybe it was @Mango1998). Shut up my mouth, and if the other person wants to talk, let him or her talk. People always end up talking. I like the advice from infinite waters about socializing. "Sometimes I feel like just listen." I do recognize that this can become a trap to me, but, hey, at least I am doing something. I am happy that I have actually decided to go to the class. Show up! I feel like I am a good participant in life when I am present. The key is to show up. On the other hand, I value quality also. Anyway, I got one more English class to give in a few minutes. I will be as present as I can be, and then I want to dive deep inwards. Talk with my inner child, do some "I Love Yous", and talk with the divine as if it were a close-friend (that is, without needing to fake happiness, just be as I am). May I have enough strength to give this class. As Suzuki Roshi said, the phrase that sums up Buddhism is "Not always so". Nothing is fix or permanent. May I learn to see arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance. I do recognize that I am also in phase of overeating. But I can kind of control that.

11:46 PM 22-May-17 I want to thank my great friend @Dragallur for the awesome Skype conversation I had with him today. He listened to me very attentively and with a lot compassion. He shared with me an awesome video. I am very grateful that he was there for me, offering me shelter in a moment of difficulty. He inspired me to simply go out and force myself to meet people. I was going through a heavy spell of depression. I was overeating big-time. And also oversleeping. This is dangerous because it is a hole that sometimes it is hard to pull myself out of it. The longer I take to act, the deeper I go into the hole. Leo's recent videos are definitely not for me at the moment. I have a huge tendency for isolation, and seeing him advocate things like, "You can't grow your consciousness by being in a group." (which may be true) makes me want to go back to meditating 4 hours a day, which is totally unhealthy for me. Why? If you're in a room that's totally closed and it is smelly, you have got to open up your windows. NOT sit there and do nothing. I feel like I need to evolve myself and really get the basics of life handled before attempting meditation and enlightenment. I can't skip steps. "Oh... I won't study nor work, because I want to focus on meditation." That's an easy trap for me. I repeat: what has been helping me is advance my social skills. I love Leo's video about extroversion and also the one about how to overcome shyness. I like his advice of simply telling things about yourself to other people. Sometimes this may seem selfish, but it is a great way to express your voice and share your journey with other people. Sometimes I feel like my voice doesn't matter, but it does. I only need to build momentum to start expressing it. Starting slow... building momentum... BAM! I am rocking! Anyway, today I was very unproductive. I basically only socialized. But that was good. Why? Because I neededed it. I was in such a fragile emotional state that I couldn't focus on my work. I will do this Now (hehe, not exactly Now but when I finish writing here). Sometimes a break is needed. Please, step out of your house if you're feeling shitty. Go talk to someone. Go distract yourself. Start small. Start talking with the easiest people ever. (It can even be your mom, Idk). But do something. Even if it is shitty. That's an advice for myself. I feel much better now. More secure and confident. It is crazy how we can shift from being totally insecure to being very very confident. I also feel very humorous now. I like it. Anyway, thanks again to @Dragallur for saving my day! I owe you one, bro!

2:21 PM 20-May-17 For some reason, I feel very lazy today. I have got very low energy. I went out to go the market this morning, and I just didn't feel like being nice to people like I usually am. I said Hi to the people I see regularly, but I acted "I am in a rush." Sometimes I wonder why I am in this "fight." Why do I see life as a battle? I do acknowledge that it feels very good take a break. At the same time, I have this deep fear of feeling bad in my body and mind. Right now, I feel well. But I reckon if I keep with this attitude of not making effort, I will soon start feeling shitty. Maybe what is happening is homeostasis, but at the same time I feel like I can't start forcing myself to do stuff. Maybe I should simply follow Leo's advice on how to stop being lazy. (just fucking do it, even if you half-ass). Sometimes life seems completely nonsensical. Today I began questioning all the things I have been doing. I keep a list of habits. And I am like, "Geez, why do I do all of these?" Life seems hard sometimes, and I fear getting lost in thoughts. Anyway, I miss going to that evangelical church with my friend. Right now, I don't feel any connection with God. Yes... homeostasis is kicking in. At the same time, this is a moment of reflection: "Why do I put so many conditions to do things?" I went to a meditation class yesterday, and it made me remind of self-acceptance. But when is something true self-acceptance or complacency? I am taking ayahuasca today at a new place. At least I got that going for me. I am curious to see what pops up. I will make a list of some intentions. Side note: I fapped yesterday before bed. Maybe my low energy has something to do with that. Or the fact that we're in the last quarter of the moon. Anyway, I am open to feeling energetic and happy once again. It is interesting how I trust more in myself to allow myself to feel "raw".

<3

i think everyday about this. i remember one of your posts in which you wrote about how warm it feels in your bed. it also reminds me of a quote of Leo "it is very easy to get comfortable." i had this realization today: waking up early is a skill. are you gonna wake up directly, or are you gonna keep procrastinating and feel terrible afterwards?

Tranquil, energetic, and light. Loved it :) sending good vibes to you thank you for being awesome <3

Great! New experiences, new feelings. It doesn't matter whether it is better or worse than what you already know; what matters is that you've tried something new; you were dynamic; you stepped out of the known. Yeap! Hooray! Yay! :]

12:19 PM 19-May-17 Autobio Childhood I was a very happy and joyful child. At the same time, I was also dependent upon adults to do things outside my comfort zone. I would feel insecure to try new things; thinking I was not going to make it. I had a very strong bond with my cousin, who was also born in 1996. After my parents divorced (2005), I stopped seeing my cousin. The belief I got from the divorce was: "I can't trust anyone 100%, because the other might go away, like my dad did." This is called a abandoment syndrom. I stayed a full year (2006) without seeing my dad at all. At this moment, my mom, my sister, and I were attending a spiritism (which is a Christian church that believes in spirits) and we were also praying. This was a moment of stability after the sudden break-up of my parents. Teenage Years When I was 10, I moved to a traditional and competitive school. There people started to compare me with my sister. I was the quiet one, and she was the talkative. And I interiorized this label "the quiet one." I wish I had taken more initiative to simply talk to people, even if it were in a "weird" way. That was a very hard school for me. I stayed there for 1 and a half year; then, I moved to the school I used to attend when I was a child. For some time, I held some limiting beliefs about me being extremely shy, not good enough (both academically and socially), and also "lazy". However, in High School, I made some good friends, some REAL friends--with whom I could be authentic with. When I was 18, I moved to San Francisco (CA) for 4 months. There, I realized that my strategy of being a loner wasn't going to work out. So I forced myself to go out, to talk to people due to my despair (which was caused by isolation). One year past, I moved to Santa Rosa (CA) for college. I stayed there for 1 and a half year. I moved back to Brazil. Last year, I was recovering from an emotional breakdown (a.k.a. spiritual awakening) I had when I was in Santa Rosa. I was also feeling extremely lost and at times depressive. What helped me pick myself up was the support from my family, intensive therapy + educating myself through actualized.org and infinite waters + commitment of 4 hours of meditaition. Nowadays (20 yo) At this moment in time, I am focusing on giving Portuguese and English classes, go back to college, and deepen my relationship with other people and with the Absolute.

Greetings! It is a pleasure to be here. Graciousness is a word a like to use to describe the Buddha. One and a half year ago, I was so accustomed to doing things slowly, very mindfully, dwelling deeply in the here; in the Now. I reckon that was a phase. Nowadays, I am embracing my enthusiasm. I feel a profound fire energy inside of me. A male-dominant inner-force arising. For instance, my intention for this day is to be a vehicle of youthfulness. Dynamism is key. As I always mention here, the secret to abundance is performing various activities in homeopathic doses. If something is not flowing at this exact moment.... it is okay. Take a conscious, strategic break. Your brain will resolve all questions for you. Remember: nothing is under your control. There are times that we need to speed up; use our energy. This way, we naturally gain our peace. Tiredness can generate peace. I have not been practicing sitting meditation. Instead, I practice walking meditation. I elevate my thinking patterns to the Divine and the Holy Father. I invoke the energy of the Supreme Cosmic Energy through prayer. Phrases such as "Almighty," "Eternal Father," or "Lord" fosters my connection with the Absolute Infinity (as @Dragallur likes to put it). I will create today a list of 20 random social fears that I have so that I can tap into each of them through a systematic strategy of comfort zone crushes. Cheers, mates! Gabriel/Devil/Noah/Lucca/Fábio/Victor/Gustavo [these are all the names I have used in the past]

5-17-2017 Today = less energetic that usual. In a strange way, I fear feeling tranquil because I think, "Shit! I have got to exert control! I should NOT get lethargic & lazy. That's the worst shit in the world!". >> I should get lethargic and lazy. I like @JKG post about being non-productive. Sometimes the best conversations are the ones that I don't have any intention at hand; to simply talk bullshit. I came up with a sentence a few months ago. However, I feel that at this moment of my life, I want to use my energy. I want to be productive, full of activities. Why? Because when I use 100% of my energy, I feel great afterwards. Small Strategic Moves The key to progress is to take baby-steps and be consistent. Consistency = Patience + Action

@Mango1998 cute message. thanks

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@tyy I like that you write about the present moment.

Cool, @Dragallur told me about that. I also read an article that no shampooing might be better for the hair. My hair gets pretty oily, so I have the habit of washing every single day. There was a time I didn't wash, and I got so much dandruff. Maybe with enough time, the hair will completely recover itself. Wow. I did the exact same thing to my dad in the beginning of this year. What has actually helped my relationship with him get better is to proactively look for his qualities. I spent about 6 months without seeing him, and now we are slowly getting in touch more often (about once a week). I have found that it is rather easy to say "honest" thoughts about another person, but it is a challenge to be vulnerable and expose parts of myself that I don't want people to know about it. Anyway, just my two cents... Keep practicing, and you will naturally transform yourself and your dad--for you two are one.

@Dragallur Awesome!!! Asking questions to "authorities" is a comfort zone challenge. Also, contradicting authorities is another one. One type of CZC I have been doing is consciously trying to get rejected by girls so that I lose my fear of rejection. Till says that if you're afraid of getting rejected, go out to a club and try to get rejected by 10 girls as quickly as you can. I did on the bus today. There was a girl sitting next to me, and I simply said, "Can we start kissing?", she said no, but I have been feeling so confident that I started laughing and explained about comfort zone challenges. I liked that you used the acronym I came up with haha "CZC" Very good! I'm proud of you, bro

I feel you. feels good, doesn't it? thanks for the reminder

Hehe, thanks for your honesty. Your comment helped me today take action in talking with strangers. it is a waste of time. spontaneity is better :]