Durka_Durka

@Joseph Maynor I guess you're right and it's not as if nothing in my life is improving really. I'm just finding it hard to take massive action because even the 5% increase has increased my awareness a lot. So I know a lot of what I want to do and where I want to go (kind of) but I find myself deliberately making myself unconscious (through dumb activities like watching YouTube videos) and before I know it, I've been lazing around for hours and I feel heavy and not bothered about doing what I want to do. I'm thinking about doing the sentence stems and other exercises Branden suggests alongside reading the Sedona Method (which I've never read) to help get my resistance out the way and deal with past events that are hindering me (which I feel more aware of now). Which I assume it helps with from what I've heard.

So I just meditated for the first time in a while. And I feel like I actually just got bullied by my own ego. It was hurling really arrogant insults at me and bringing up images that were basically to make me feel inadequate, jealous, weak, unworthy etc. And it literally sounded like a bully. And to be honest I'm not quite sure what to do about it. It's made me actually a little frightened of my own ego and I'm not sure how to stop it. How do I deal with something like this when it clearly seems to hate me? Whatever it is. Do I just carry on meditating, I mean that seems like it would just give my ego more silence to abuse me and go wild. If it helps with anything, the back of head aches for some reason. How can I make my ego healthy? I can't strive towards a quietened mind if my ego fucking hates me

@Martin123 Thank you!

@Martin123 That was amazing! So honesty and self-love to become one with my inner child?

@nightrider1435 I see, yeah it was quite an emotional reaction initially. I will listen to it and treat it with love, I think I'm trying to disown it when in reality it is me.

@AstralProjection I have a lot of work to do before I'm ready for 5-Meo-DMT or Astral projections I am doing affirmations though

@ajasatya I understand what you're saying and I get it that I must obviously undertake the self actualisation journey. I was more wondering if there were specific ways to make my ego healthier? Or whether it is just a case of making my life better in general?

One thing that you must do is firstly to build structural strength in all the key areas. This is why people often recommend starting with a 5x5 workout (You can find plenty of these all over the internet). But ultimately you have to do what your body can do. For example, I hate powerlifting stuff, I hate doing low numbers of reps with really heavy weights, it just doesn't suit my body. However I love doing high numbers 8-12 reps of lower weights and I even look better when I do it, so watch how your body reacts to different routines, obviously at first they'll feel hard but you'll know.

I'm here to ask how to journal. I have no idea how to properly do it. I've been told "just write" but it seems aimless and strange. But I really need the benefits that it supposedly helps to give, the main one being emotional stability as you are able to cathartically express everything and get it out. I had a break-up about 6 months ago from a girlfriend who I absolutely adored and she left me because she became seriously depressed with her life in general. I am still struggling with it, even though I am much better than I was, I was doing really well until she got back in contact with me a few days ago and everything is just shit again. I don't even know what I want anymore, in general. I just want to get everything out, how do you do journalling?

Please. I must know. There's so many people out there saying different things :')

I know that Leo has videos about not giving in to others to express yourself and what the authentic self is. But what I really am looking for is knowledge about my values and strengths, like exactly who I am as a human being. I understand that there is the whole concept of no self. But at this point in my journey it will be much healthier for me to have a strong understanding of the intricacies of myself. So does anyone have any good sources for self-discovery? They would be greatly appreciated

@Elisabeth I'm doing the life purpose course at the minute and it seems so good so far. I'm reading The Hero's Journey at the minute. So from what you're saying, do you think that maybe a monthly review of my values by using Leo's values and strengths stuff might be a good way of going about it then? Because, if I understand correctly, experiential knowledge seems to be the best way to really understand your values?

@Flare But then is that not just accepting things the way they are and not questioning them and trying to change them. Especially when it is internal?

@Flare That sounds like decent advice, especially because I do believe that the true self is something I will discover later in my life. However I do have to ask, what do you mean by "getting rid of the process"?

@Nahm I cannot argue with that logic haha

@Elisabeth You are right I'm actually 20 haha! So making sure to throw myself into uncomfortable situations and keep asking myself questions about who I am, my values, strengths etc. is one of the best ways to go about it?

@Nahm So do you think that just sitting on my own and asking the question of who I am would be a good way of finding myself?

@Phrae That sounds great! I have the course but I discovered very soon into it that I have other issues to sort first. So maybe it would be good to do for that. Just as a question, how do you even journal? I have tried and it always felt so forced and inauthentic, I didn't feel like I was growing from it, was I doing it wrong or?

@pluto Ok so being in silence is a good way, I understand that but is there not a way for me to focus my attention on who I am?

@Zane I forgot to add this haha

@aryberry I love that!

Forgive me if this seems naive, because I do value doing those things myself especially dancing and singing, but how will this reveal aspects about myself that I can use to create a life that is best for me? (e.g. my strengths, needs, values etc.)

Ayyyyy I see you with the Fire Emblem profile picture haha! I always wondered about this and it's actually one of the reasons I want to be enlightened. To be able to take massive joy from seemingly innocuous sources.

I don't know whether anyone else has been feeling this way too, but I feel like, since I've started Personal Development about a year ago, I've discovered aspects of my own personality which have led me to really start to doubt myself and even at times really hate who I am. When I hear about how I "should" be thinking and how I "should" be acting (I understand that I must stop saying these "shoulds" but they are just there for reference) in order to be sucessful and self-actualise as a person. I start to see that I have enormous trouble with feeling inadequate, jealousy, fear of pretty much everything remotely risky like starting a business, making a big life change, doing something nice but bold in public etc. This realisation that my troubles run far deeper than I thought and seeing just how fucked up I really am even though my childhood wasn't exactly troubled in a monetary sense or anything like that. I think that this almost discourages me from doing Self Analysis because it really scares me. I know this all sounds stupid and like I'm an absolute pussy which isn't what I want. I really do want to carry on with Personal Development, find my life purpose and strive towards self-actualisation but this fear of delving deeper into my brain is crippling me. Any thoughts would be great and feel free to give me a verbal slap across the face if you think I need it haha

Well hey. So here we are. The beginning of the story. The call has arrived. I feel like the excuses can no longer be applied. I'm 19 now and even though none of my friends and family are really on this journey with me. I can make it alone. I have struggled in so many aspects of my own life in areas where I have wanted massive results. My productivity is still pretty poor, laziness and procrastination are still an issue but I'm absolutely determined to iron this stuff out in order to get first class results in my life. My sex life and dating life have become so much better recently, I joined the gym last year and have been training for about 12 months now and I feel so much better about my appearance and my options with women have drastically improved from the pitiful scarcity that I once had, however I still want to improve this further as I am not a 3% man yet (see Corey Wayne). I want to become enlightened too and even though I am not fully informed on the subject yet, I am fully behind the idea of the dissolution of the self and ego as my emotions have always been another area which I have struggled which brings me onto my next point. Emotional mastery is another area which I plan on focusing on during this lifelong journey. I don't have anger management or depression but I do struggle in this area with jealousy, envy and neediness, this must be sorted out because I cannot live a fulfilling life with this awful debilitating attribute. Finally the most important issue that a lot of people my age are facing, purpose. I want to find my life purpose mainly for the fact that I want to love what I will eventually do. But also I want to find something that I will not fall out of love with, this has been a trend throughout my whole life. I fall in love with something. I fall out of love with it or become disenchanted with it. I need purpose and direction in my own life to make me want to live, make me love life and make me want to wake up every day to work. I have bought a lot of books to help me on this journey, which are mostly on Leo's book list. I have today read "Mastery" by George Leonard. Which I loved but I think it is a book that I will definitely have to read multiple times in order to get the full benefit out of it. One of the most interesting things about Leonard's book which has made me really think about the ways I have been doing things is that I need to "love the practice". I find this to be an extremely difficult task especially because I have so many previous negative mindsets about studying, asking girls out at risk of rejection, cardiovascular exercise, meditation and even reading to some extent. However, while making a meal earlier, I did try to "feel the process" and not focus on the outcome of the process and it was something quite strange but nice. I didn't worry about the fact the meal took time to make and I actually enjoyed it, just my bodily movements were enough to keep me occupied and I also ended up making the meal much quicker than I would've previously so if nothing else then Leonard has proved his work to me in that way. I am struggling massively to balance Personal Development and my university work, especially because I am really trying to get a first-class degree, I feel like I need to undertake massive change and that is fucking scary, I can't lie. I want the change but I don't know how I'm going to handle it when I'm already under enormous stress. I feel like it might need to be something that I need to pace myself with, equally I don't know whether that's my ego resisting change, its so hard to tell. Anyway, those are my thoughts this week, if anyone has any suggestions or thoughts then please feel free to say them, any help in this area would be massively appreciated since this is pretty much the only place that I'm going to get it haha