Ry4n

Great report! I'm SO intrigued by this psychedelic... ahh maybe one day @electroBeam Did you find it particularly emotional in comparison to other psychs?

@Leo Gura I think it just kicks in slower if u do that

where exactly is this quote of muhammad saying all is one? I'm actually pretty well educated on Muhammad, and in my eyes you cannot see all as yourself whilst simultaneously holding bigoted views. He was a product of his time, maybe he channelled spirits, maybe he did have some nondual insight, but awake? No. Sufism is all well and good, but is blasphemous in the eyes of many respected muslim scholars, so I'm not sure why you would link me to such teachers.

Pretty sure he's doing the event for charity, so not that egotistical in my eyes. The ego still has a function - the key is to not be its bitch. He seems way more down to earth and present in his podcasts post 5-meo, so it must have done something.

Muhammad was not awake

Where can I find the full video?

@The Monk I'm confident a counsellor at your university should be able to point you in the right direction no worries at all, they'll be able to point you to a good psychologist. If you explain to them you have OCD before going into details of specific obsessions, they will understand. "I really feel like I need to get rid of this uncertainty, then tackle the issue head on." The NEED to get rid of your uncertainty IS THE CORE ISSUE. Certainty can never be attained, merely accepted and in time even embraced, this is the biggest pill to swallow with OCD. "Get out of your mind and into your life" By Steven C Hayes is a great starting point, following that to a T will take you far. Fear is very much like a tree. We have many fears "what will this person think of me? What if I can't pay my rent in time? What if my boss doesn't like me?" But in reality all these fears go deeper than that. The fear of lacking resources, of being alone, and ultimately death. In truth you don't fear being a pedophile, you fear being alone. Stop looking at the superficial surface fears and focus on the root of your fears. Idk what else I can help you with, besides you doing the actual work. You're getting stuck in a loop of more certainty chasing with this thread (not that you should feel sorry for that, stop feeling sorry!)

@The Monk I've never heard of counsellors/therapists breaking confidentiality unless they were confident the person was a serious threat to others or themselves, even if it were at a university. A counsellor at your university may be able to point you in the right direction as far as quality therapists for OCD go, online or not. Your mental health is more important than any other thing in your life, so don't be cheap with it. You need to be confident they're worth their salt. A bad therapist can seriously fuck you up. When a therapist is bad, they're BAD. But CBT and Acceptance and Commitment therapy can be done by oneself too quite successfully. Majority of the work I did was by myself. Check out some books by Steven C Hayes, he has some great work. Like I said the boner included isn't uncommon at all, I experienced the exact same thing with homosexual OCD. The uncertainty is shit I know, but believe it or not you will get to a point where you can embrace the uncertainty. Allow all of it to arise, all of the uncertainty, this is unfortunately the only way. Don't get attached to the relief either, it is a drug. Chasing certainty is no different than a drug addiction.

@The Monk I'd HIGHLY recommend checking out this guy Mark Freeman, he is your best bet with this 100%. I'm deeply passionate about this having experienced it I don't want another person ever going through this, no one deserves this hell. You are loved, don't forget that.

@The Monk considering you haven't committed any crimes, or told them you genuinely want to talk with children and develop some relationship with them, then no, you should be fine. You clearly aren't enjoying these thoughts which I would emphasise. "The difference between someone living with POCD and an actual pedophile couldn’t be greater. A pedophile takes pleasure in situations in which they have an opportunity to find sexual gratification around children. Someone living with POCD will do the exact opposite. Sufferers of POCD are so horrified by their thoughts that they will avoid children at all costs." I had homosexual OCD as well, and did the exact same thing you did, and yes got intrusive urges that included a boner (you can read on forums of many others having similar experiences with sexual OCD). As well as constant checking compulsions to see if it would happen again. Over and over again because certainty could never be attained, it was like a drug to me. This isn't totally about whether or not it's even taboo in culture. There's gay people with STRAIGHT OCD that feel deeply disturbed by the possibility of being straight! It's the fact that these intrusive thoughts/feelings/urges/sensations are EGO DYSTONIC, meaning "thoughts, impulses, and behaviors that are felt to be repugnant, distressing, unacceptable or inconsistent with one's self-concept" that create such strong suffering. You shouldn't feel you need to be blamed! Don't let your brain be your bully! Self love is crucial. Everything you're going through is completely normal, you're not bad, nor should you feel blamed.

Do you have fears of abandonment and struggle with anger? If so BPD does sound likely, keep in mind through none of us are professionals @pangolin

@WhatAWondefulWorld I feel you there brother, especially during the peak, weed goes with everything tbh

@Charlotte Ive experienced OCD, I know how the thought process works. Not just talking out of my ass here. @The Monk How can you know anything? Nothing in life is certain, and that's the biggest fear with OCD, you can NEVER be certain; chasing it will only lead to more suffering. Entertaining these intrusive thoughts is like scratching an itch, the more you scratch the worse it gets. I would definitely recommend a therapist who does CBT, although would also recommend Acceptance and Commitment therapy especially since no therapy is required. Real pedophiles don't feel disturbed by their fantasies about kids, they enjoy it the same way any normal person would like porn.

@The Monk Hey dude, this is a classic case of an OCD obsession, 100%. (POCD as it's sometimes referred to but its all the same), would look into that to see if I were you. I'm almost certain this is OCD as someone who lived through it years back.

@WhatAWondefulWorld ahahah dude I totally feel you on that one, especially if the setting is right, daytime use with the right energy level puts me in that same expansive headspace as LSD, great for integration.

"I have had mania before and this is NOT Mania." This most definitely sounds like mania, like, REALLY sounds like mania. Certainly a character like Donald Trump has no concern for your ideas, no offense. Be the change you want to see in the world, you don't need to do such grandiose things to make a difference.

yes, a high dose with low tolerance in the right set/setting will take you far away, me and my friend call it "psychedelic bootcamp" because if you can handle that, your WAY more prepared for LSD. It has to be done rarely to truly get the most out of it though, good motivation to not abuse it!

Its definitely the ass tolerance madude might wanna get it checked out

of course you can wish well for everyone and everything, but could you love hitler like you love your mum or your puppy? To that same degree totally authentically with no effort at all? In this human form I doubt it. But of course that doesn't mean you can't reach a depth of unconditional love that is truly profound by many measures, I just doubt a human can achieve it to this same level, unless your God.

For me fasting just gives me hella anxiety for no reason, anyone relate? Maybe smaller fasts while doing a contemplation/meditation focused day are better than such long sessions? Assuming you don't want to lose too much weight? Idk

THIS! Love it

I just use the insight timer app for my meditations, there's heaps there for you to see what resonates most with you. I'm just doing guided ones at the moment, but either are fine. It's a very simple practice; you just bring to mind someone you love, perhaps recall a memory of feeling love and compassion, and by focussing it you kindle it more and more and send it to others with statements such as "may you be well, may you be happy, may you be peaceful and at ease". Eventually you can try and expand to yourself, strangers, and even enemies. Just be warned though it's really difficult at the start, many people even cry the first few times they do it, takes a lot of focus and commitment but so worth it; pairs fantastically with mindfulness. IMO it can curb a lot of the side effects people might get from this path such as nihilism.

100% loving kindness, when you get enough skill it's like taking a microdose of MDMA. Do it enough and microdose will be an understatement lol. Definitely a practice you want in your toolkit whilst tripping that's for damn sure aha.

@Stenne Ikr! Definitely one of my favourites as well, thanks for sharing will defs check it out!

It really is an amazing practice and it's kinda sad how underrated it is in this community