Eden

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Posts posted by Eden

  3. Posted

    <3 wow. thats almost what happeneded to me too. I moved out early as well. My Russian opinionated entitled family and my neurotic stressed out victim Israeli family. Had ENOUGH of it. But you know, it took us two whole years to gain our trust, respect, compassion, love and forgiveness back. Don't think about the time though. True families stick around because they truly love each other. <3 Good luck.

  9. Posted

    On 13/07/2019 at 3:20 AM, Zigzag Idiot said:

    Yeah I guess that last one was a little silly but I'm often inspired through being ridiculous.

    I really appreciated the Jeff Buckley song posted up above.

    Jeff Buckley's voice reminds me somewhat of JD Souther.

     

    That was an incredible song. Thank you so much for sharing. Blessed.

  10. Posted

    On 22/02/2018 at 5:11 AM, How to be wise said:

    @Eden list all the reasons why you don’t want the baby. List all the reasons why you don’t want to abort it (if you didn’t abort it yet it means you don’t want to abort it). Then, in your minds eye, observe the reasons one by one. For each reason you wrote, observe that thought along with all the images and videos that come with that in your mind. Keep observation until you receive and insight that will show you that that statement, whatever it is, is not true. (You will get that insight if you observe long enough). 

    Thank you for the support. I appreciate it. It was done yes. 

  13. Posted

    On 5/23/2018 at 3:00 PM, Guest Quanty said:

    In order to understand what strong is, one has to be weak and die. 

    Growth is painful only when one is strong hahaha. 

    On 5/22/2018 at 7:04 PM, Solace said:

    We are so strong that every feeling we face is something countless generations of humans didn't have the courage to face. That is legit. More than ever, we are all in this together through any emotional upheaval, or however life is dressed up as today.

    Love you too! I found my new wallpaper Eden :)

    ❤❤❤❤

    On 5/26/2018 at 6:26 AM, Arkandeus said:

    All One are strong! kamehameha!

    That's beautiful ❤❤❤

  18. Posted

     

    When you opened your eyes on the world for the first time as a child; how brilliant the colors were; what a jewel the sun was; what marvel the stars; how incredibly alive the trees were... And to love again and again, and have people to whom we are deeply attached go to sleep and never wake up... and the laughter echoes only in one's mind... but then the echo goes... the memory, the traces are all gone. All your efforts, all your acheivements, all your attainments turning into dust, nothingness... what is the feeling? what happens to you? The idea of God as the potter, the architect of the universe, it makes you feel that life is, after all, important, that there is someone who cares. It has meaning, it has sense, and you are valuable in the eyes of the father. But after a while it got embarrassing, the superstition, the myth, the absolutely unfounded idea... why does anybody believe that? So you become an atheist, and then you feel terrible after that because you got rid of God... but that means you got rid of yourself, you're just nothing but a machine... And your idea that you're a machine is just a machine too... (a machine in the system)... So if you think that that's the way things are, you feel hostile to the world. You feel that the world is a neurological trap into which you somehow got caught... trapped... You run from the maternity ward to the crematorium and that's it... that's it... So if you're a smart kid you commit suicide. Now I want to propose another idea all together... The real you, is not a puppet which life pushes around. The real you, the real deep down you, is the whole universe. You cannot confine yourself to what happens inside the skin. Your skin doesn't separate you from the world, it's a bridge. But just as a magnet polarizes its-self in north and south but its all one magnet, so experience polarizes itself as "Self" and "Other", but it's all one. What you call the "External world" is as much YOU as your own body. Most people think that when they open they're eyes and look around that what they are seeing is outside... it seems, doesn't it, that you are behind your eyes. We haven't realized that life and death, black and white, good and evil, being and non-being, come from the same center. When you look for your own particularized center of being which is separate from everything else, you wont be able to find it. The only way you'll know it isn't there is if you look hard enough, to find out that it isn't there. It isn't there at all, there isn't a separate you. There are, in physical reality, no such things as separate events. People can't be talked out of illusions. If a person believes that the earth is flat, you can't talk him out of that, he knows that it's flat. He'll go down to the window and see that its obvious, it looks flat. So the only way to convince him that it isn't is to say, "Well let's go and find the edge".

  22. Posted

    One of the greatest books I've read to self discover your self and ask the "who am I" questions. 

     

    Preview: 

    Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk”

     

    Chapter One

    I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

    I fall in. I am lost . . . I am helpless. It isn’t my fault . . .

    It takes forever to find a way out.

     

    Chapter Two

    I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

    I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again.

    I can’t believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault.

    It still takes a long time to get out.

     

    Chapter Three

    I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

    I see it there. I still fall . . . it’s a habit . . . but,

    My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault.

    I get out immediately.

     

    Chapter Four

    I walk down the same street.

    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

     

    Chapter Five

    I walk down another street.

     

     

    hole.jpg

  23. Posted

    "My mom is going to kill me" she said. "My mom is going to kill me" it said. 

    Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry. You don’t know how lovely you are. Thursday Feb 1st 2018

                   This is probably one of the hardest days of my life. Making this decision. I have a little one growing in me. And… I don’t want it. And if I really didn’t want it, why do I still cry from the fact that I could have it? If I really didn’t want it, why does it hurt so much to think of abortion. Why do I picture myself laying down on my blue and white carpet and holding my child over me? Why am I taking my child for a walk in the nature? Why am I singing about bumble bees to my sweet child? Why is yellow his/her favourite colour? Why do I picture the love of my life smiling? And why did he have to cry?... Maybe I’m selfish. And even though I know I’d be the best mom, the kindest mom, a nourishing mom, a loving mother that couldn’t let go of her or his little fingers; I cannot now.

                   I could do what others do. I could have my family.  I’ve sinned and haven’t forgiven myself yet. Probably because I know I’ll do it again. Though I’d have my child as the sweetest, I still carry bags of salt. Though I’d have a child that gives, I still carry bags of gold. Though I’ll fill the child with wisdom, truth, and goodness, I will still carry a heart of stone, and a mind of ego. Or maybe I just know myself too well, maybe I’m in tune with myself too much to know what’s right, maybe I can truly follow my instincts, and so I really feel like I can make the best decision.

                   My mother made me to save her. And I couldn’t save her. I never wanted to do the same mistake. And I need to be saved, anyway. Will I have this child? After all these thoughts written down. How can I decide. I’ve been convinced several times by several different people to keep it, and they’ll help me. But, I… just don’t want it. I’m not ready. It might never hear the soothings of my voice. It’ll never walk in the nature.

                    I take life very seriously and I value life. I don’t want to base my decisions on the advice of those who don’t have to deal with the results. It’s agony that I might have to carry my baby in my heart rather than my arms. But who really decides to carry this burden. I do. I get to decide all of it. Just like how I decide to be happy in life. Just how I decide the path I’ll chose tonight.

    After the abortion thoughts: 

                   When that child was in my yellow belly, it wasn't quite yellow at all. I felt all the eyes awaken when it was in me. My whole world spun and I didn't recognize where I was at. My streets were dark, I was stuck in the present moment, petrified. Sounds like I resisted? I did. It wasn't depression, but it was my soul speaking to me. My spirit create another. My conscious creating another. My blood creating a heart beat. It was much more complicated then any imagination. An empty void pretty much, possibly existing in a black whole, could be spiritual, could be a gift. Could I have handled this for 6 more months? Or, 20 more years? I wasn't passionate, but I felt it. I was it. I was creating it. It was in me. It was a meditation of spinning figure eights. It was a spider hatching out of his cocoon. It was confusing. That's when my 10th eye opened. I was traveling different dimensions for all I can say. I don't think most people are aware or even conscious of what's happening to the women's psyche when creating a child. Nobody ever told me these experiences. Nobody ever even shared an interest. Or was it just me? 

                    This was the good decision I've made. I've experienced something a male scorpion couldn't possibly try to comprehend. But, a child, is another universe, another dimension, another perspective, another possibility of the infinite. Some things people that haven't experienced won't understand. I was not ready for it, but I'll know what's coming when I am ready. Valuing life is not a weakness. And disregarding it is not a strength. Next time you gamble, bet your own life. 

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