Shin

You're doing perfectly fine, don't change anything, that would be your ego (yourself) trying to convince itself that it's doing great and go forward when in fact it's just too scared to face the truth again. Just face it again and again, you'll never be ready, you can't be ready to kill yourself, how could you be, you're killing yourself !

Why do you think your mind find every excuses possible to be distracted ? Why do you think there is so much fear in you when you decide to get back on track and to push yourself even more ? Why do you think there is very few people who go all the way ? You may not die in the end, but it doesn't matter, because you truly believe it is what it is happening, every step of the way.

My ego(s) during and after watching the video about the devil from Leo It's so on point, you deceive yourself all the time, so much that it gets hilarious to me

5-meo dmt can't produce an ego death if you are attached as fuck to your identity, so no it won't work either.

By being conscious of it and realizing it's useless and only hurt you and them. Which is already what you are doing, you just have to be patient, this kind of thing does not change by night, it can take years

Dude, that's like saying you need a car to walk ...

I find myself more happy/at peace if it's distinct from meditation. Meditation doesn't necessarily make you peaceful, it raise your awareness, but you can be full monkey mind sometimes (for your mind meditation is still doing something in the end). Once you acclimate to really do nothing at all, you just do nothing at all.

A sport and a meditation daily habit.

The thing with happiness, is that it requires nothing When you don't mentally require anything to be happy, you're happy, it's as simple as that really. Now how to practically do this ? I think the most direct route would be to sit and do nothing, let's say, 1 hour a day for 90 days. It will be horrible at first, but after a while you'll realize that you don't need anything to be happy, nothing at all. Of course it won't be the orgasmic happy I got a new boyfriend/girlfriend and other stuff like that, but it will be constant and be with you whatever you do once you realize it.

Just do nothing. Most relaxing shit in the whole world.

The cave method is still a process your mind thinks it needs

If I was loaded as fuck I would abduct him and left him for dead on a small island with enough food for one year

Actualized.org right now

I'm sexually active for a year, and I still don't know myself sexually ... If you knew what you want, you wouldn't ask on this forum, and certainly not about this topic. You don't have to be all "slutty" to get to know yourself sexually, just don't repress it if something happens, and definitely get to know more people of the opposite sex. A contract is a piece of paper, or a mental note, it means nothing and achieve nothing. My uncle and aunt never married, still they never separate and raised 2 really adorable and smart child.

Rest in peace

Maybe it's the killer answering ...

Could be anyone, and I doubt Leo ride bikes.

Without psychedelics implies some kind of enlightenment experience. You need to meditate a lot, be conscious 24/24, self-inquire a lot, spend a lot of time in nature (alone), practice self-love and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open to others, follow your intuitions. If you do all that, it will happen in some months/years, eventually.

Instead of just entertaining the desire to commit suicide, inquire the feelings and thoughts that makes you think you really want that. It's only scary the first few times, after that you will see it as a joke. If you don't, you will likely be sadder and sadder to the point you would actually, for real try to commit suicide, just like every people who fear to inquire within. It's just a perspective, as hard it may feels, it's a temporary feeling that will fade away in due time.

A singularity experiencing itself. What we think or not is irrelevant though, untill you experience it for yourself it's just mental masturbation past the concept phase (which so many people are stuck in for life). @Amit Just take 5-meo.

That you and Jesus are the same, therefore you are both always alone and not at the same time. The concept of loneliness doesn't even exist if you realize that, you can't be alone if being alone is all there is ... If you already had a deep lucid dream, it's the same deal, every person you meet is not someone else, it's you, except it feels and acts like someone else. Reality as you know it, is just an another dream, except you forgot about it, which makes the dream too serious, and therefore you suffer because of this ignorance. You may think it's not, because a lifetime feels very long in this reality, but remember that time is relative, and the reason you think a "regular dream" is short is because you wake up in this reality again. Your brain register that you were asleep for a few hours and then makes you believe that this reality is more real because of that. I have nothing to back this off except personal experiences, but to me it is very clear that dreams are experiences of others realities/dreams, and not a intra brain experience. When you sleep, your brain just daze off and "you" are randomly (or not) channeled through an another parcel of infinity.

It's hard to catch a fish, when you're the fish itself.

Typical mind awakening. "Nothing matter, nothing exist, I DON'T CARE !"