Shin

You really should leave and find a place of your own, and forget about her.

"You never notice my boots" "Shit babe, I'm struggling with being, can't you see ? Jizz ...

They want to remove unecessary suffering. As simple as that.

The first time I did it, I raped all my family, tortured them, and killed them. So I guess you're fine lol

You still need to sit to do your meditation, it's still a huge boost to your consciousness. Why do you want to get away from people ? How do you even know they all are in their head ?

You can read The power of now, but more than that would be just mental masturbation.

Yes, the true self shine more and more through silence. The only thing there is to do is to let it happen through silence and being (it's already fully there, it's just clouded by thoughts and beliefs). When we say silence, we mean being the watcher behind the thoughts which is aware of every perceptions (thoughts are perceptions too). Being is just being conscious whatever you do, especially when you do nothing at all, like just sitting in a park or a field/forest and just, well being

This is why every good teachers doesn't really wants you to tell you the truth, because it doesn't help you, it makes you fantasize about it and mental masturbate about it, which isn't the point. Good teachers gives you techniques to realize the present moment and how you can stay in it, and that include using metaphors to make you realize that you're asleep and wake you up through them. You could have all the knowledge about enlightenment in your head, that it will still not be enough to experience it, because it's beyond thought. You can't outsmart your mind to go beyond thought, you either go beyond thought or you don't.

The consensus is that once you know, you know, there won't be any doubt. Now this is an interesting point, because you're saying that when you wake up, there is no way to know if it's reality or still a dream. It happens quite often in you dreams right ? You wake up in an another dream, then think it's reality ? How do you know for sure this reality is not an another dream ? The fact that it seems constant ? What about the dreams you had that were as constant and had the same set of rules than "reality" ? Could it be that you're still dreaming, right now ?

Your friends should watch the episodes about ego and how the mind distort reality, stuff like that.

Isn't that already explain in Leo's video about enlightenment ? @iTommy I think he explain all of that, not sure though.

https://www.trinfinityacademy.com/courses/enlightenment-1-part-1-introduction-course/lesson-3-everything-has-presence/ Do it until you can sense that everything is watching you (sort of, difficult to put into words).

Feeling your inner body is a portal to the present moment. It's a powerful tool, but it's not enough, don't practice just that. The first portal is to see your thoughts as an another perception, just like a sound, otherwise you totally identify with them and you will suffer. That's the main teaching and it's the most liberating, and you don't need years of meditation, it's way simpler than you think it is. You basically just watch your thoughts all day (it's ultra tedious at first for most people), then you do that in your meditations too. It's the main teaching for a reason, because if you don't identify with your thoughts, then it's way easier to practice the 3rd and 4th portals. The 2nd portal is to feel your inner body, but it's almost impossible to feel it for more than a few seconds if you heavily indentify with your mind, because there is always something to think about right ? The 3rd portal is to let go of your thoughts, let go of your resistence to events, let go of (self-created) suffering, etc ... That's what we mean when we say you should surrender. If you let go, then you become quickly conscious that you are way more than just a body or a mind, because there is a sense of freedom that is way beyond whatever you've experienced, and you clearly sense it emanates from something beyond your mind. The 4rd portal is the one that is the most difficult to get into place, because if you aren't able to do the first 3, then you are literally incapable of doing it consistently. It's the present moment itself, being able to be present just by choice. It's the most powerful thing you can experience, and paradoxically, you will dismiss it the first hundreds time. It is overlooked so deeply, than you actually think you know what it is, but you really really don't, otherwise you wouldn't ask any questions.

When you finally get back to 2h + meditation a day

You don't realize yet how much he will be interested once he can sense how much happier you will be (and how much "luck you will have). There is really no need to drag people in, people will naturally follow if you're deep in it yourself.

Then tell to all the people you regularly see to not expect to talk to you for 20 days. How hard is that ? @Edvard No. What I'm saying is that your mind is tricking itself to stay lazy. You could look at your phone, that's not the problem ,the problem is that the only reason you presently would is to distract yourself. What other people think of you is irrelevant, 99.99% of people will think you're stupid to just sit and meditate, so don't expect them to understand why you're doing a retreat. That's one of the main reason people get stuck in this work, you really need to stop about what other people think of you. How could you do what almost no one is doing, if you think other opinions matters more than what you feel is right ?

No you didn't. How I know ? Because you described the last two months of my life. What do you have to do ? Nothing, you will stop naturally when enough awareness has been gathered. Don't see this as a bad sign, a huge backslide like this isn't random. It's a sign of huge progress prior it. Backslide are to expect, next time it will be less painful because you will know it's supposes to happen. "Life is difficult. Life become easy once you know it's supposed to be difficult" Idon'tremembersorrybros

You're god damn right.

Coming home

It's the principal source of exhaustion. There is so much space once the mind gets quiet.

Doesn't make sense, you're not supposed to have less energy, maybe not much more, but not less. It's possible though, everything is possible, but you should think about what other things could be related to this, it's much more likely to be linked to something that happened in this last 2 weeks rather than that.