nightrider1435

Ever since the trip I've only smoked before bed but before that it would be a bowl before work, blunt during lunch break, being high for the rest of the night once I got back home, high all day and night on my days off... Trying to mediate while high .. wondering why I'm not seeing much progress at all..... Haha. Problem right now is I still have about 7 grams of this shit..I need to just give it away to my friends or something.My ego has been trying to pull back to the old ways like damn, I'm so aware of it though now, I can see around it now. I'm just afraid I'll slip back, I hope I can keep this up honestly. I don't want to return to my old self at all but this damn ego... Shit is hard

I'm starting to get a sense of what our true being is actually like, although I've barley cracked the shell. The fact that there are more levels above the one I'm on right now is simply incredible. I've been trying to stay in tune with it ever since the trip. The past week I've been going about my daily life just in ah of everything, my new state of being has just been the best thing ever. I can't wait to take my 2nd trip alone because a big portion of this trip was wasted on keeping my friend calm, I still learned alot but I could had learned more I feel like. Should had listened to Leo and endured the trip by myself.

It lasted for about three hours, its the stuff that people take at raves and whatnot. It's a party drug no doubt about, but when you take it in a setting by yourself with spiritual intentions it could be beneficial experience in my opinion. What really got me was I was able to see through the illusion so clear, all that love and happiness pumping through and I was able to just step aside and observe my ego and it really hit me that our life is an illusion. Now I already knew that life is an illusion but now I can really see that, and its amazing and kind of scary at the same time.

So last night I took a "happy pill", by myself in my apartment. That state of pure happiness was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced, I was just sitting on my couch staring at my wall, being mindful in my present moment. I was seeing right through the illusion, like just right through it, it never had been that clear to me before. I know taking this is basically cheating with the work we do here and I'm aware of that, but It allowed me to to get a sneak peek of what were aiming for, right? I've been slacking on my mediation lately but I'm about to start doing it everyday again. I also took a trip last sunday and it was very powerful to say the least, my first time doing it. I've had some pretty big insights the last couple days, I honestly fill pretty exhausted after having some of these insights.