the dreamer

@Frogfucius at those hard moments where you are struggling with the thoughts, try breathing consciously and try to bring your consciousness fully into your breathing and it may help you relax.

@Azrael i can't see why crying would be beneficial could you please explain? thank you for your advice

i am studying in preparatory classes that means that after this year i will pass a test that will give me chance to enter an engineering school, and the better my rank will be in that test the better opportunities i have to enter a good school of engineering. the problem i have is that i am blocking myself from being good at school because i am identified with always having problems. it might seem odd to you but this for me is a big problem. i feel like i am the only thing that is blocking me from getting successful probably because i unconsciously believe that my life will be boring without my problems( especially my studying problems). i just finished reading a book of Eckhart Tolle and i know if i practice what he calls "being in the now" i will no longer have any problems yet i'm not doing it. literally i am stopping myself from understanding what the teachers are saying in the classroom because of my chattering mind and sometimes when i do get in the now i understand everything without any problems even if its very complex. i am identified with being this boy who is always not like the others (special) because he has deep problems that are making him sad and depressed and suicidal. i really want to get successful but at the same time i don't let myself get successful. maybe even this content that i am righting right now is just another thing that i am doing because i'm identified with the perpetual searching for a solution to the problem that is me and that only i can solve if i only just want to . any suggestions ?

i am currently reading " the power of now " by Eckhart Tolle , it's about getting enlightened by honoring the present moment and getting out of past and future. what do you think about this? did Leo ever talked about this?

i don't understand, if i want to help myself and understand the world and know what's the purpose of life, should i think about it or just be in the moment?

i'm new to self development work , and i find that doing it makes me isolated and lonely , and i have no problem with that i mean i never liked talking to people( i feel like they affect me negatively) but can this be bad for me ?

@Lawrence @philosogi thank you for your help

hello , i'm 18 years old (almost 19). my problem is that everytime i try to start my journey to success i fail because i'm neurotic ,everytime i return to where i started from. sometimes in the same day i take the decision of changing myself in the morning ,and in the evening i end up doing the same old stuff that i'm used to. can it be that some people like me just can't change? what pisses me off is that i know that i have the potential to do very well in my studies (i'm studying to be an engineer) but my neurosis and all my problems just keep blocking me and this is affecting also my parents(especially my mom ) because they're getting very sad seeing me suffer. my mom saw me crying the other day and i could feel her heart melting. help me please . i'm addicted to porn ( but i can feel that it's not the porn itself that i need when i watch it ,i know i'm just using it to distract myself from the real painful problems). my gf broke up with me a week ago again bcs of my neurosis(now i don't want any gf i just want to focus on my studies and my dreams) . now i have only 27 days of summer left until college starts again, and i really need these 27 days to restudy what we did last year (because i wasn't focusing last year at all) in order to understand the lessons of next year. but as i said my problemes and inner demons don't let me do anything i'm just waching movies or talking to friends to forget everything . it's like i'm using anything i can find as a baby blanket that protects me from reality .