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Everything posted by Chew211

  1. @Uncover Look up porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). Check out videos by Noah BE Church on YouTube. I had the same problem as you, but now I'm recovering, and getting better every time I have sex. You're going to have to cut porn and porn substitutes out of your life. You'll also have to go without masturbation until you're able to have satisfactory sex. Also, it does seem that you're not spending enough time with foreplay. Focus on all the other stuff except insertion. You want to build up your "ability" to be turned on by a human partner.
  2. Dude, I was in a similar boat. I looked at a journal entry from 2 years ago questioning whether I should just give up. At the time I was 21 and had never been on a date in my life (much less had sex). Two years later, I have 2 girls that I'm seeing (not hiding anything from them), and I'm continuing to improve my approaching and dating whenever I can take the opportunity. There's still more failiure than successes, but I'm becoming more of man. Have the focus be on your character development as opposed to trying to get (a) girlfriend(s). You will improve over time. My two successes from daygame (the two girls I'm seeing now) were from approaches that were not stellar at all. And my first date with one of them was akward, and I didn't know if I was gonna see her ever again (sealed the deal with her on the second date though )
  3. @Globalcollective I've been out on the field and been getting results as well. I used to have a red/black pill mindset, but that hot me nowhere. The more I let go of those ideas (limiting beliefs), the better results I get. Unfortunately a lot of people like to armchair philosophize about gender dynamics-- especially when they have no skin in the game.
  4. This^^^ It's a short answer, but it is true. The point of dates is to have fun and hook up. Whether that person ends up being a long term partner depends on how the relationship progresses after sex.
  5. What happened to me is that I got porn induced erectile dysfunction. I couldn't get it up one time I wanted to have sex. Now, I'm recovering. I got to the point where I don't need Viagra anymore. But still not 100%. When it's a choice between your erections and porn, the choice is clear.
  6. @ravlondon I would reccomend hotels as a place to close if you have to drive pretty far. I have to drive an hour and a half away to the city to do approaches, so if I close, I do it at a hotel. (In Japan though, so love hotels are a thing). After seeing a chick a few times, she might let you stay over at her place-- but she has to take a liking to you first, so make sure your a selfless lover
  7. I’m a beginner to day game, and game in general, but I’ve developed a way to get approaching even if you have approach anxiety. The idea is baby steps. To someone with little to no experience in approaching, there’s a lot of limiting beliefs running around in his head, and the whole process of going up to a girl, making a conversation, going on a date, and then having sex with her seems way beyond something he is capable of pulling off. I’ve had two successes from day-game thus far, and my mind still isn’t convinced that it’s as simple as it actually is. The solution I’ve discovered is to break down the entire process into small steps, and focus on one step at a time. With each step there’s a certain amount of tension and perhaps some limiting beliefs as well. The idea isn’t to numb yourself to the tension, but rather to increase your capacity to handle tension. The first step is simply moving towards a girl. Instead of just standing there or walking the other way, just take steps towards her. Do this enough times until the tension is manageable. This step is pretty simple, and most wouldn’t have trouble getting past it. The second step is to go close enough to the person to where you can touch them on the shoulder if you extended your arm halfway (essentially the distance you would be if you wanted to approach them). Do this until the tension is manageable. The third step is to go close enough to the person to approach, and you maintain that distance for ten seconds. Do this until the tension is manageable. This is also the step where you might have limiting beliefs come up, like thinking that you look creepy, people are watching, or that you’re making her uncomfortable. None of your limiting beliefs are true, but you need to do this step enough times to prove your limiting beliefs wrong. After the third step, all that’s left to do is to actually open your mouth. I’ve found that conversations are easier to start than it might seem— as long as you don’t let your mind get in the way. If you still can’t do a full on approach after step 3, then do some hit and runs (compliment, and then leave). You might find that doing step 3 with girls that you are really attracted to would involve more tension. Any steps toward the girls you find attractive is progress. The benefit of doing this in a session is that even before you start doing actual approaches, you will already feel like you are making progress because you are stacking up small wins, and getting over tension. You might have to go through the steps every session, depending on how infrequently you go out— but I find that it doesn’t take long to just start warming up with the third step. I would recommend a shopping mall/complex to do this in. Go into store where the women are relatively stationary so that you can practice going near them, while you pretend to be browsing the items on the shelf yourself.
  8. This guy seems like he has solid inner game. I'm learning my style from someone else, and so I personally wouldn't have had as long of a conversation. 4 minutes is all one needs. My two successes came from talking with the girl for less than 4 minutes, but making a strong enough connection. My body language is also more sexual. I'm introverted-- and that's okay-- I don't want or need to talk that long on an approach. On a date though, talking is great.
  9. @TDW1995 Check out my post on this forum titled "Approach Anxiety? No problem." I wrote my solution. I had (and still have) the same problem. But with my method, I'm able to get over it every session.
  10. @Sussso It's infatuation. It's a craving, and it is temporary. Ask for her number, go on a date If you are too afraid of getting rejected by her, then I'd say it's neediness.
  11. What I'm seeking from the approaches is a clearer sense of the world, and to be more secure as a man. One of the chicks I got from daygame took a liking to me and is a (sex) friend now. She has been married, she cheated on her husband, and she usually does on night stands with guys and never sees them again. I learn a lot just from hearing her stories. I want to meet (and bang, and develop relationships) with a wide variety of women. The shattering and reconstitution of reality is the ultimate process, and game is just one of the subprocesses. I'm also learning to love and accept women as they are-- I'm past my redpill rage and misogyny.
  12. @28 cm unbuffed Good advice. And the successes I've had resulted from going in the flow. One from an indirect approach and another from direct. I usually pick out a feature I like and use that as an opener, or a situational opener. As long as my mind doesn't get in the way, it's a good interaction.
  13. Been porn free since December 2018. But it took many attempts to quit to make it stick-- don't let failure discourage you. I'm also starting to get success with women, so as of November 2019, I've been fap free. However quitting porn is only supplemental. The things that will make the difference is the actions you take in order to challenge your limiting beliefs, and the shattering and reconstitution of your worldview as you gain new experiences.
  14. @Romer02 go with your gut. Don't be logical. When it comes to this sort of stuff, intuition is more reliable. Your intuition might be wrong, but you need to use it anyway to develop it.
  15. There's risk with everything. I would say ask her out for a DATE. And you're going to act like it's a date, and you're going to try to be physically intimate with her, but also mainly focusing on fun. You might find that she only sees you as a friend-- if that's the case you move on, and with the next girl you're interested in, you try to set the frame of being a romantic/sexual option instead of just a friend. You might find that you succeed with her-- perhaps she has feeling for you, but didn't think you had feelings for her because you didn't pursue her sexually. If you don't ask her out, then you lose an opportunity to grow yourself and potentially get a girlfriend-- but you will have other opportunities in the future, and perhaps you may decide you don't want to risk losing this friendship due to the strain it would cause your social circle. Good luck 👍
  16. I would just reccomend you try talking to more girls, having more sexual experiences and relationships (not necessarily committed relationships). Don't get too focused on one chick, especially one you haven't had sex with.
  17. It worked for me recently The approach wasn't even that smooth or anything, but I turned off the logical part of my head, and just went with the flow of the conversation while directing it towards the idea of meeting up with her again. Slept with her on the second date.
  18. I think there's a false dichotomy here. I've been getting into approaching and stuff, and have even gotten my first "success" recently-- I'm by no means an expert, but there's a third way. I've dropped any sort of bad boy act, or even most "game" stuff. However, I'm not a nice guy either. I'm just a guy. I try to form an intimate connection, and that's it. Girls want that too. It's just win-win. I'm not looking to commit to a long term relationship, but I naturally want the girl to be happy, and eventually the relationship will have to come to a healthy end-- where we're both better than when we met. (Not just talking out of my ass, I've done this already). My advice would be to stop being a Niceguy, but don't force yourself to be a badboy. Just own up to your sexuality, work on improving your interactions with women, and just have fun.
  19. Thank you for your advice Aurum! I'm planning on developing my confidence and social abilities. These tips will come in handy.
  20. I want to know if there are anyone here who’s life purpose is to create entertainment. Such as writers, game designers, poets, artists, etc. I saw two of Leo’s videos “Society fucks you in the ass” and “Why you must stop watching TV” he seems to generally say that entertainment is a low consciousness activity, that it is just for our chimp brain. But I know I’ve personally experienced many stories that moved me emotionally, that made me want to seek higher things in life, hell some of these were anime that had some stupid comedy in them, but the ending was just heart shattering, and all I wanted to do after watching that was go outside and do nothing, and just be, and also let out those emotions. I think one of the beauties of certain stories is that when you start watching it, it appeals to your chimp brain, like everything else, but then once it hooks you like that, it wakes you up. The being awake form it doesn’t last very long, but the inspiration is then there. If there are other entertainers, creators of stories of any kind, and artists, I would like to know. I would like to communicate with you all. I feel that being an entertainer, and also engaging in it could stunt our growth if engaged improperly so to speak. I want to be aware of the pitfalls, I want to hear about other people’s pitfalls.
  21. @iago iriarte arhatha Watching porn doesn't nessecate objectification. Depends on the manner of the individual watching the porn. Pretty much porn isn't a problem. Just like anything in the outside world isn't a problem. The individual is the problem.
  22. @Jhonny agreed actually. Sexual expression is a beautiful thing
  23. 8/20 This is my first Self-Actualization Journal Entry. How I got started on my Self-Actualization Journey is a whole ‘nother story. A fun one, definitely one I would like to write about, but irrelevant for this entry. Recently, I had turned 20, and a week later, in the middle of the night, I felt a DEEP DARK FEAR of DEATH. Mainly just try to grasp oblivion,trying to grasp no longer existing. As time went on, I started to notice how much of my life I had been wasting, and I also see so many people wasting it around me. Now this sort downhill mood went away after being strongly present for a week, and then made its comeback every two weeks or so, and then goes away. It was like a mid-life crisis that would recur a little every once in awhile. Today, I decided to commit the the lifelong study of self mastery. I’ve seen a few of Leo’s videos before, and thought the concepts were cool, but I never seriously applied them, nor took any notes, nor integrated it with my overall strategy for life (and at the moment I don’t even have a really developed strategy of life either). But this weekend, I was triggered to take Self-Actualization seriously, and today I made a commitment. I’ve already taken notes on several videos, and today I will strategize to apply them on a daily basis. I know it’s going to be difficult, I also know I don’t know the magnitude of the difficulties yet, I have an idea, but I’m sure I’m greatly underestimating... after all, I’m facing the toughest opponent ever, my ego, my existence, ME. Where am I on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Or rather, what am I lacking on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Physiological Needs - In my physiological needs, I am lacking sex. I’m as virgin as olive oil. This honestly doesn’t really bother me, but I occasionally turn to porn, and I masturbate regularly. I don’t really see a problem with porn and masturbation, however, I’m thinking I might want to cut porn simply because it is a waste of time, as it doesn’t really raise my consciousness or anything. Do I want sex in my life? Yes. But it doesn’t bother me that I don’t have it, hence I’m not working towards getting that in my life. Now some would put sex as a part of a love and belongingness, and I would agree with them. That’s why I’m going to write it down twice, but a different aspect of that “need” not being met. Safety Needs - All my Safety Needs are met. I’m currently a college student. I will be living in an apartment, and when I’m not at college, I am back at home. My parents pay for my college and for my living expenses at the moment. This means my Safety Needs are met until I try to tackle living completely on my own. So I wouldn’t consider my Safety Needs permanently met, but they are completely fulfilled for now. Belongingness and Love Needs - I have great friends, friends that I can talk to about anything, though none of them are Self-Actualizing, nor are they even on the path of self mastery. So, at times, I feel alone. I do want to help my friends and family get on this path, hell, I might even want to help the whole world get on this path (I’ll get to that later when I talk about my life purpose), but I don’t feel I can do that until I myself am seriously on track with this. I think I’m better off focusing on my own development, and producing results, so those closest to me can see it, and do it for themselves. I don’t have any romantic or sexual relationships, nor have I ever had any. This was a big problem for me during my teen years, but as my teen years came to an end, this didn’t bother me too much. My attitude towards this is that I’ll find the right person as I develop into my authentic self. Do I want a romantic relationship that would grow me and the other person? Where we both could explore our sexuality together? Where we both transcend together? (After all, there really is no ME and HER, we’re all one, but to discover that together, aw man, I would LOVE that). Yes, I would like that. Right now though, there’s no one in particular I’m interested in. Esteem Needs - Oh boy. This entire goddamn level could be missing for me I don’t have financial independence. I haven’t gone far into my life purpose, hell, I just started. And even that, I can’t say I TRULY KNOW my life purpose. I could find out I’m wrong. But that’s why I really want to be sure. Once I have figured out my life purpose for sure, then I could go hardcore without doubt in the back of my mind. Self Actualization - Ok, I barely have shit here, so I’ll talk about what I DO have. It’s very little, but a daily meditation habit, that I actually started after watching Leo’s video on meditation back in March (when I first discovered him). Only for the last 60 days have I done it consistently daily, before bed. I hope this adds up over time. Self Transcendance - Yeah, no. What am I to do to permanently plug in those holes in my swiss cheese of a hierarchy? Well I will strategize more on that later (I know, procrastination, sue me), but I believe I gota develop a good systematic approach, and I don’t have that yet. However, a big thing TO fill in these holes would be life purpose. What is my life purpose? Or rather my understanding of it right now? Here’s a long drawn out answer: I’m a writer. I write stories. I have a small company (no money at all coming in, but that’s what I want to grow). My passion is writing stories. All my stories, I recently discovered, I am writing to raise awareness to those reading it (and to myself as I write it). All my stories, though different characters, time period, and genre, are all about the same thing, what that thing is, hard to put into words. I intellectually knew from a young age that all there is, is NOTHING. I intellectually knew that everything is an illusion, and that’s what all my stories is focused around, though each in different ways. I’d give you examples, but I’ll write them first AND THEN tell you guys about it I want my company to release these stories, and I want to release them into many different mediums, not just novels and graphic novels, but also video games, animation, live action, etc. In one of Leo’s videos, he said things like movies, stories, and video games are all chimpery, that all are designed for the lower consciousness. Though this is true for the majority of people, it’s really the manner in which you engage in consumption that matters. I believe that one could actually raise awareness by experiencing certain stories. And the way my stories are structured is that the main character(s) start from low consciousness and go to high consciousness. I want to develop the ability to tap into the reader’s emotions, so I can lead their consciousness upward, as the story progresses. I guess in a way I want to lay a trap, but unlike most traps society places for us, this is meant to expose the readers to a different paradigm than the predominant paradigm most people live in (hell, even I live in it most of the time). So with this journal I will keep track of my development, keep track of my self-experimenting. Every week, I will focus on a concept of one of Leo’s videos. This week I am focusing on the concept of the “How you Lie” Video. I am wearing a yellow rubber band on my wrist, and everytime I look at it, I remember to stay vigilant of my ego’s self agenda. Right now I’m focusing on noticing when I lie, the truly difficult task of destroying my self image must later be strategized, so that it can be done gradually. After all, gradual self improvement is what I committed to, emphasis on gradual. Now as I begin, I must take note of my weaknesses. For one I can fall into laziness. At the moment I’m more neurotically motivated than positively motivated. I am still moralizing. And I sometimes take what Leo says as Black and White, and I think I’m too much influenced by him. Although I intuitively know what he’s saying is true, I believe I still ought to be critical before accepting it. Well, this is all for my first entry. I’ll commit to writing here to keep myself accountable... I know that at this point I’m in danger of slipping into laziness. Thank you @Leo Gura for the work you do, and for constructing this forum. Thank you also for triggering/bullying/harassing/kicking my ass to get me started on this journey. - Varun
  24. Alright. Long time no post... actually just a week But it feels like a really long week because I'm getting so much stuff done. I just watched Leo's video about Ego. Instead of documenting my plan, like I have been doing before (mainly because my habits have been pretty good. I just need to keep them up, they all fit in my daily and weekly plan) I will be focusing on the assignment that Leo gave in the video. "To notice on a very minute to minute, daily level, when I am suffering, and to connect that to the ego. Ask myself how is my identity producing this suffering I am now experiencing in my life." I will do this for the self-development theme for the week. Will post later.