Chew211

Relationship categories (boyfriend-girlfriend, fuck-buddies, etc), love = exclusivity, the general dynamic of tying oneself down to the other, essentially crippling both parties into some sort of codependency for the sake of security, the necessity of marriage as goal of a sexual relationship (it CAN be a goal, but it doesn't have to implicitly be the case). People model their relationships off of romcoms, Disney movies, or hook-up culture, and follow the respective implicit rules without even being fully aware of them. This is just from the top of my head.

From my experience, women tend to put in a lot of effort after she enters some sort of sexual relationship with you. Also the whole endeavor of overcoming my own limiting beliefs and getting what I want is an empowering reward in and of itself. If you don't like taking the lead, then you're not alone, you are in company with most men (and women).

Not too experienced with asexuality, but romance is a social construct, and I've been more "aromantic" lately. This doesn't mean I don't have love for the other, but the way I structure my sexual relationships isn't based off of cultural tropes.

Accept, yeah. But also work on it. Going to the gym, taking hairloss meds (cuz mpb), skin care routine, etc. Working on my looks helped me accept it, because I'm doing what I can, and that's enough. There are people that aren't as good looking who still have a good life, accepted by those around them, etc. There are ppl that are good looking but still fail at life.

You'll get over the need with time most likely. No one really cares about your past, and so won't hold it against you. However if you bring up the past that means it's an issue at present. Perhaps you're looking for some sort of third party validation for pick up. Which of course, you don't need. You don't need forgiveness. Even if you actually get it, it won't be it. It might feel good for a woman to tell you it's normal, but nothing changes. Also, Saying "if I hadn't struggled we wouldn't be together" is like saying "if I wasn't born, I wouldn't have met you."

This attitude might be your issue.

You'd be worse, because nothing deep down would change. Before, by being a nice people pleaser you're avoiding the tension that you would encounter by being authentic in a given situation. By acting like a douche, you're also avoiding being authentic, and you deep down know it's not gonna work, so it's a self deception mechanism to make it seem like you're changing, but you're really not. You just gotta practice. Don't try to be a certain way, just go for what you want.

Also general trial and error. Gotta get oriented in the real world so that you're not in your head all the time.

Do what you do with type 1, and the type 3s will show themselves the door. We could all be better with those type 2s, eh?

Let it play out. More material to analyze.

Affinity. Things like appearance is not something to look for, you can tell whether you're attracted or not in an instant. When you approach/interact, the thing to look for and build is affinity. Sometimes it takes a little digging. Dating is a way of building affinity. Sex is a way of building affinity. Getting married and having children is a way of building affinity. The above ways is how I would build affinity with a woman I'm sexually attracted to. But affinity itself, I try to look for/build in everything/everyone. Sometimes there's no affinity to be found and therefore nothing to build off of, so such things/people, I don't bother with.

For guys, I would say trial and error. For girls, it's separating the wheat from the chaff. Women also have a shorter window of attractiveness than males, so most of them want to find a good dude to take care of them, which is why they invest a lot in the relationship if they are with a guy they like. They don't want the guy to leave. And if the guy is high quality (the type they want), then he could find someone else if he is displeased with the woman. The woman of course can find someone else too, but it gets difficult as they get older. A 40 year old guy (given he's in good shape and hasn't pissed away his life) has it so much better than a 40 year old woman. Even if a woman doesn't want to get married or anything, she would want to continue to attract high value companionship.

Let us know how it goes!

I sure am glad men aren't equally as ridiculous and equally susceptible to marketing/media telling us how we ought to be.

Make your own dating system. I go for Lacanian Psychoanalysis as my theoretical base, and then just approaching as practical action. The issue with dating systems is that they're products meant to be sold. Even the people that get good from them only do so because they've discovered their own way of going about things.

It's "normal". To abstract the idea if jelousy in psychoanalytic terms, you assume the other has your object of desire (whatever it might be, material or otherwise), and has access to an enjoyment that is cut off from you. The other is the subject presumed to enjoy. Now the thing it doesn't matter if the person your jealous of has the object of desire or not, you just assume they do. Getting over jelousy is to realize that no one has the object of desire, because by definition, once you attain it, it no longer is the object of desire. Use your emotions to fuel your growth.

It's usually not the persistence itself that does the winning over. A woman has a life too, and depending on where she is with her life, she might be receptive to someone pursuing her or not. Most women usually aren't receptive if they have a boyfriend. However some women go on a dating spree after a breakup, and so easy to get with during that time period. Then again, if she's in that state, she might be dtf, but not looking for anything beyond that. Those are just two specific examples. As a guy of course, it's not in your best interest to be persistent with a woman in the long run. You could have met several women that would have given you a more fulfilling experience in the meantime.

Lol, don't hate on @Vzdoh, especially those that complain "women aren't honest about what they want" she's being really honest here. Being at least a 6 is easy. On top of that going to areas where there are more hot women means that it's easier to get with women in general-- supply and demand. That being said, if deep down you think you're not good enough, overcompensating by being cocky is emphasizing your insecurity. You need reference experience. Which is done by actually approaching. You need to legit not care about a woman's opinion of you.

Not cool man, you made her insecure enough to post pics of herself on the forum for guys to rate.

How are guys who are r4-5 at best supposed to behave?

Respect man. There was a time I thought I was an incel too. It's all b.s. I'm glad to see you facing reality, putting yourself out there, and realizing how much self-deception you had before. Wishing you more good experiences.

@Surfingthewave Thanks for your comment. My theories are more Lacanian than Freudian. Lacan did indeed build off of Freud, but went past the biologisms. As ideas get more refined through the editing process and by more thinkers adding on to the corpus, the idea gets refined to the point where Freuds particular views of women doesn't really affect psychoanalysis. The idea is to get an idea of all the factors that are meta to desires. Women have indeed contributed to the Psychoanalytic and Marxist paradigms, but the gender of the author doesn't matter so much as the information, even if their gender does affect their worldview. You've look at the authors names, but I would recommend reading the books. If you have insight from reading women's studies and research, then feel free to share. Red Pillers think that it's women that are the more privledged ones. Or rather how to be in different relationships with different women, finding out the type of relationship you want and the type of women you like, etc. But dating is being given too much importance in my opinion. It's das ding of all the neurotics in the subforum, which is why they constantly fail at it.

Yes. That red pill is the MRA strain, which is different than the predominant reddit one because it's concern is with marriage laws, divorce, etc. The lesson I took from that documentary is to not get married in the West.

This sort of fucked up environment is most profitable. There's economic incentive for things to be like this, for most men to continually shoot themselves in the foot. Boy would it be a nightmare if women didn't have a nonphallic component.

Which is why listening doesn't mean taking things at face value. When it comes to the things you have to say though, it's spot on, based off of what I studied as well. Even from our different viewpoints (Lacanian vs Jungian) we can see the same issues. Most people's advice isn't good. When one says something there's the content of what they are saying and then the context. You're only focusing on the content and taking everything at face value, which is the issue. Did you take into account that most women won't open up about their fantasies to most guys because most guys don't know what's up and will think she's a slut? Did you figure out that the advice women give on dating conforms with what's socially acceptable, but what goes under the sheets is a private matter, and therefore there HAS to be a discrepancy between the two? If you don't come off as an inexperienced nice guy trying not to be a nice guy and develop a personal connection with women, and you don't judge them, they'll tell you all sorts of thing from first hand experience. That's how you learn about relationships, not advice. Advice, at least with the type your talking about, amounts to "tell me what I have to do so I don't have to actually think and navigate my way through reality. I want something to blindly follow to get me results."