Marcell Kovacs

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About Marcell Kovacs

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  • Location
    Pécs, Hungary
  • Gender
    Male
  1. Hello there, I'm unfortunately struggling to decide whether my current life purpose is the right one or not and to decide, I'd like to ask for your help. So nearly 5 years ago I discovered a particular genre in electronic music that's the most passionate thing I've ever been towards in my entire life. I would then spend years discovering different eras and artists and subconsciously I would imagine myself DJing at some of these parties that I heard the recording of. I would spend countless days discovering new recordings, looking for tracks the DJs were playing and trying to dig up as much information about these tracks and labels they were released on as possible. Fast forward to 2016 summer, I stumbled upon Actualized.org and I heard @Leo Gura emphasizing the concept of Life Purpose and wanting a passionate life I started thinking about what I'm the most passionate about. Then I came to the realization that DJing (and electronic music production as well) could be the best choice for me. I then took up a job and by 2017 summer I could afford the equipment that I wanted to have in order to start practicing. At this moment I made a huge mistake. I became really cocky and thought that I would be able to do the different kinds of techniques and be able to perform overall at the level that some of my heroes were performing at just because I thought I knew all there is to know about the genre and also because I knew how I would set myself apart from these people. Of course, it was all harder than I thought and this unrealistic expectation lead me to completely fuck my process towards mastery up to the point that I would only practice less and less overtime because I couldn't stand more than 30 minutes behind the turntables before completely losing myself and stopping altogether. It literally felt like hell. Around the same time I also knew I wanted to get into producing these tracks as well, however I was still very much motivated by DJing more, but whenever I would walk on the streets I would hear sounds and imagine placing them into the tunes I would produce. I started learning the different production softwares, however my main focus was still DJing. Fast forward to last summer (2018) I was still very disappointed by my progress both in DJing and producing which wasn't nearly as great as it could have been due to psyching myself out during practice sessions because of the unrealistic and perfectionist expectations I set myself. I then started questioning whether this really is going to be my Life Purpose or not and I eventually ended up taking the course. To my surprise the course just REINFORCED that I wanted to continue and I became very motivated again, however I don't know whether I was deceiving myself or not, because subconsciously I may have taken the course just to reinforce that I don't want to let go of this purpose because then I would have to start something else. I made a negotiation with myself that I wouldn't beat myself up due to my lack of progress. If I can spend 10 minutes DJing/learning music production without getting psyched out, then I can spend 10 minutes and that's it, things will start aligning eventually. Then last autumn my intuition spoke to me from thin air saying that if I wanted to become a great producer (and DJ), I would have to become a passive student at my current university, which I somewhat enjoy, however I've always looked it as another way to procrastinate from pursuing my career in this particular genre. I also realized that I would have to sign up for a music production class to do this full time otherwise I wasn't going to end up getting any results. This was the kind of decision Leo was talking about in the "The Challenges Of Making Bold Life Changes" video. Just thinking about making the switch would send shivers down my spine. So realizing that following my intuition is one of the most important things in life and it's something not many people do, regardless of all the heartache I did just that, this January I enrolled in the course, and started doing it, however since then there hasn't been a single day where I wouldn't have to enermously push myself to sit down and open the production software to do the exercises laid out to the point where I would psyche myself out again and end up doing nothing for days and fall behind with everything. I'm sick of the thought of sitting down and opening the software up. Something else I became aware of is that one of my greatest strengths in life (similarly to Leo) is that I've always been an exceptionally good researcher in whatever topic I would dive myself deep into and this is something people actually praise me for. I would always find such rare pieces of information that many people had no idea about. Just the fact that I've found Actualized.org is a proof of this. Surely if I was really into music production, I would have taken the same approach and not end up signing up for a structured online class. Another thing that's changed is that ever since I started meditating and doing other spiritual practices that Leo talks about, I kind of lost interest in this particular genre in a sense. I would always check out the new releases every Friday, which don't happen anymore. Whenever I would be in town, I would listen to music, however these days I find myself just listening to podcasts and Actualized.org videos while I'm running errands and stuff. Even I have to admit that the fire that I first felt when I discovered these DJ sets/tunes that I was listening to is not nearly as strong these days as it was back then. Had I started producing/DJing immediately, we would definitely not be having this topic, however the truth is that ever since I began meditating 3 years ago the amount of growth I had attained has been greater than ever, which also leads me to believe that maybe I've outgrown this whole music thing in the first place. Also while I'm definitely not advancing in DJing as quickly as I'd like to, I've been practicing certain techniques ever since I got my equipment 1,5 years ago that I still haven't mastered at all, yet many people write on forums that it takes normally between 2-6 months to master them, which is incredibly demotivating, HOWEVER at least I'm at a level where I don't have to push myself as much as I used to in order to start practicing, however any further progress is very hardly attained. Now you might be thinking that music production isn't for me, even I said that I have more passion towards DJing, however the problem is that you have to do both these days. Surely among some of the people I find inspiring in this particular genre, some of them are better at DJing and some are better at producing, there's LITERALLY NO ONE who doesn't do both! You have to! And even the people who are better at DJing speak with such passion about producing as well. I'm not sure if the reason why I'm so resistant towards all this is because I'm still at the beginning phase and I'm not having any success, or because I've truly outgrown this passion of mine? I recently listened to a podcast with one of my favorite producers who said that if you're still a beginner and you have to force yourself to write/produce stuff without having any hunger for sitting down, you might as well stop, because that's not going to work in the long run. But then on the other hand I hear Leo mentioning in the Life Purpose Course that the first 3-5 years of doing this work I'm going to be struggling left and right. I really don't know who to listen to. Also I cannot imagine that some of these guys would have to force themselves to start making tunes or practice DJing on the decks during the beginning when they're talking about how they spent 5-6 hours perfecting a SINGLE SOUND in some of their tunes, to which usually my reaction is "Jesus Christ, that sounds miserable..." And these aren't even mainstream/well-known/successful people! This is such a small niche of people that only those who accidentally stumble upon this particular genre and do thousands of hours of research into it know these people! I cannot imagine them having to write onto forums topics like I'm writing right here, right now. So, what to do now? Is it time for me to seek a new purpose, or is there still hope for me in this whole music production/DJing thing? Also, if there is, what can I change in order to not make it as painful as it is right now? Sometimes I literally feel like I'm in hell when I think about doing some of these things. I would sometimes rather just go back to university, which I didn't like much, than sit down in front of the computer and start producing a track or practice behind the decks. Thanks for reading, no TL;DR for this one!
  2. Take note from this video.
  3. The question(s) of "How do I do pickup in a non-manipulative way?", "How can I be authentic while doing pickup?", "What's the Stage Green/Yellow way of doing pickup?" are possibly some of the most frequently asked questions on this subforum and with good reason... You don't usually see interactions with women on the street coming from a less-manipulative, healthier, Greener way, however the following video (in my opinion) proves, that it's possible! I absolutely love it, just listen to every single word he says... If you're doing pickup and you sometimes feel guilty of being manipulative, you can just gradually try and embody his attitude and counterintuitively, your results are going to be possibly greater!
  4. Can anyone recommend me some videos on YouTube/albums that you guys are listening to while meditating? I've just started listening to these today and I'm trying to figure out which ones are worth listening to.
  5. Okay, so it's been 3 days this has been going on and as soon as I want to meditate and deliberately focus on the present moment my body just goes crazy. I know that obviously the best way to deal with this would be to surrender to it, however it twists my neck and spins my head around to the point that I'm physically in pain and have to attempt to stop it and gain control of it. How could this stop? Should I just suck it up and somehow try and surrender regardless the physical pain or do I take some time off from meditation and trust that it'll leave my body eventually? Any alternatives maybe? Also I'm hoping there's some huge growth happening on the other side, because this is the type of shit you see people doing on holotropic breathwork retreats and psychedelic retreats. Luckily this doesn't happen during daily life activities, but only during meditation so that's good at least.
  6. Yeah it was, but I eventually built up to an hour. I'm planning to write a "year after" report next April as I'm pretty much doing it on a daily basis these days and it's beyond belief how effective this technique is. Also I still haven't defeated this sucker, I'll have another go tonight and surrender to it fully whatever happens.
  7. It's okay, it passed! I surrendered like a champ. Man, that was the toughest spiritual experience I've ever had. It kept going on for nearly 4 hours and I could've easily vomited every second.
  8. Lately I've been bumping up my meditation/shamanic breathing practices to more intense durations and yesterday evening just as I was about to finish my 60 minute session I lost control of my body and it started behaving on it's own term much like what you see during holotropic breathwork retreats. This morning I laid down to do a shamanic breathing session of 60 minutes and the same shit started happening to me. As the session finished I kind of got back to normal. Then a few hours later I sat down to do my 60 minute meditation practice and immediately my body was doing the same stuff. I do have very mild ADHD, I was one of those kids who couldn't sit still, however it's not nearly as worse as it could be. I'm wondering if that's the demon wanting to leave my body. Anyway, do I surrender to this sucker and let it leave my body or is there any further action that needs to be taken? Also, I'd appreciate if @Leo Gura gave some insight into this as well, since this is no ordinary stuff.
  9. Unfortunately I've been dealing with huge jealousy issues during the past 6 years. I've been consistently doing Shamanic Breathing ever since Leo put up the video in order to cure those, my self-esteem issues and some bullying related shit as well. While I'm definitely noticing improvements, especially these days, those jealousy issues have increased a lot during the past week and they're coming back big time to the point that just when I think I'm over them, I realise that they're coming along for the ride making sure we don't part ways and I'm depressed as fuck because I'm not sure whether I'm going through an ego backlash or I'm wasting my time using a technique that was not intended to target what I want to demolish. I don't know whether anything has actually improved and if I should use a different technique for dealing with them. Also regarding Shamanic Breathing, I'm not just doing it in a fluffy way, I'm actually going at it on a 4-5-time-a-week basis doing one hour sessions each occasion, yet I'm feeling like my results in general haven't been as great as I hoped. What's the verdict in general, when it comes to jealousy issues? Is it great that I'm using Shamanic Breathing in hopes to nuke all that shit, and I'm just overreacting due to the ego backlash or should I rather take the contemplative route when it comes to stuff like that? As always, thanks for the replies in advance!
  10. The episode where @Leo Gura mentions the marathon monks recently came into my mind and I started wondering whether some of these high-intensity cardiovascular exercises, such as running have any spiritual purification/consciousness raising attributes to them. I have a long-distance running practice that serves as a way of maintaining my fitness level that I do 3-4 times a week, however I can't help but notice the after effects of arriving home from a run. I would often times sit down to listen to some music straight after finishing my session and notice that my skin feels very alive/fresh and also that my body is free of any toxic/pent up emotions for roughly 1 to 3 hours. Obviously, we all know this phenomenon very well as the "runner's high". My experiences after a high intensity long distance running session are very similar to how I feel after finishing my meditation practice, however I'm back into full ego-mode much earlier than with running. Out of the non-psychedelic consciousness raising techniques I'm practicing at the moment only shamanic breathing comes close to this feeling of completeness in my body after finishing the session itself, which is a very powerful tool in itself that I owe a lot to. Also, it's interesting to note that running itself was one of the core principles of the marathon monks' method of raising their level of consciousness/attaining enlightenment alongside meditation, which leads me to believe that there's probably some validity to think that it's definitely a highly beneficial technique. While I'm aware that running (or any high-intensity cardiovascular training exercise as a matter of fact) are mainly beneficial and related to the domain of fitness and shouldn't be used as a crutch in hopes of achieving higher levels of consciousness, I can't help but wonder if there's some overlapping with spirituality as well. Also, are there any consciousness raising/emotional healing practices/exercises that are related to fitness as well from a Yellow or Turquoise perspective? I'm aware that we have Hatha Yoga as an answer to that question, which is mainly a Green exercise, however as I understand, it's not very effective for the outcomes/results we are striving for here. There are quote a few known techniques mentioned here and in Leo's videos, which are obviously life transforming, however I wonder why none of them are physical.
  11. Also if you decide not to record or upload anything that happens during these meetings onto your main channel, I can definitely understand that, however if possible, I personally (and hope many other people as well) would appreciate if you at least uploaded one or two vlogs onto the blog similarly to when you documented your Hawaii retreats and stuff like that. Just so that people can have a bit of an understanding regarding what's happening, so that in the future people who were first hesitant to attend can this way clearly decide whether they want to come or not. I'm guessing this will also be able to be judged by the reviews people are going to write here, however still, a vlog or two wouldn't hurt and I'm pretty sure the people who attend wouldn't mind, however for that I think you'd have to make a poll to see whether your attendees are comfortable enough to be part of a vlog like that. I know this is a bit further away and not your first concern yet considering you haven't even begun yet, but as someone, who's from Europe and can't attend and travel to any of the locations during these three phases, it would be cool to have at least some insight into what to expect.
  12. Hi there. Yes, I did two more retreats after the one I posted my insights about, however since the post wasn't too popular I didn't really bother sharing them. My stance hasn't changed on the technique, it's fantastic! I put the technique on hold for a while, because during the end of my last retreat I wasn't experiencing anything serious happening and also in a sense I'm having an ego backlash right about now. It's safe to say that these sessions and retreats have produced enough growth that many of the emotional and psyhological issues I had (and still have in a sense), while they haven't fully been worked through I definitely feel authenticity being unleashed and also the deeper issues which while as I said before, didn't get fully resolved are definitely much easier to resolve right now and I'm much more comfortable with them, I'm not too resistant towards them. In a sense I guess you could say that the wall has been demolished and now the work can begin. Also I'm experiencing great shifts in my consciousness to the point where I'm facing a similar decision in my life which Leo describes the following video: I can also see flaws in the way I was thinking just a year before, which is another sign of real growth happening for me. Also my meditatioon after the retreat has deepened a lot as well, I even had a mini enlightenment experience after waking up one morning for a mere 5 seconds, where I realized I was everything, however my ego kicked back in pretty shortly. All in all the technique is pretty amazing, I'm looking forward to getting back to it in a few weeks time, I'm taking a little break from it for a while.
  13. Does Bruce Lee exhibit some Blue qualities among his Purple peers?
  14. Actually swallow the saliva, it's fine! I've done several retreats using solely this technique and swallowing is actually OK, contrary to what Leo or anyone says on the forum. It's not like if you swallow, all your progress up to that point will be lost, everything continues. Also, when you feel like your throat is getting dry, swallow as much saliva as you can and continue with the practice afterwards. This obviously, shouldn't take more than 5 seconds. Use your nostrils to breathe in and out while you're swallowing and everything will be fine, that is what I do every single time. I also used to be so frustrated by this, but eventually realised there's no reason. Another thing Leo recommends is building up to 90 minutes which in my opinion (at least in my experience) is useless. The peak usually kicks in at around 35-40 minutes and settles down around the 55 minute mark, therefore I find that 60 minutes is usually enough for me. I've done several 90 minute sessions and honestly no matter how hard I tried to get to the peak during those 30-35 minutes it never happened. Also, of course after your timer is up, you want to lie on the floor for another 20-30 minutes to let the emotions purge.