Marcell Kovacs

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About Marcell Kovacs

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    Pécs, Hungary
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  1. Electronic music production/DJing.
  2. I'm going to start this topic with a little story just so you understand the full picture. In 2016 my girlfriend and I broke up and it's the most painful I ever felt, I had probably experienced the greatest ego backlash in my life to this day. The continuous suffering that was present for months at the time felt unbearable and made me try and escape it every chance I got by stepping outside my comfort zone with regards to nearly everyting. Social situations, my life purpose, my fitness, my school studies at the time and many other areas of life in general. This was the time I started exercising daily, this was the time I would walk for hours on end in the city listening to music and singing lyrics loudly without any care about what others were thinking about me. This was also the time I first discovered as well and started meditating on a daily basis. I would always think I'm going through the worst phase of my life and was doing anything and everything to avoid turning inwards to conquering the fears that this relationship left me with and would do all these activities to escape the self-reflection process. I would always push my self outside of my comfort zone in every single situation I could encounter. My energy levels were the highest they have ever been, I could basically be the most alive I've ever been with 3-4 hours of sleep every night. This might have something to do with the fact that I had not fapped for more than half a year back then, which included not having sex either, so my testosterone level was always high. Thinking back, during those times I experienced such a connection, such vividness through all this suffering that I feel like I have not been able to establish ever since. Now, just the other day as I was listening to a song that I used to listen to a lot during those times made me feel nostalgic towards that period of time, and it's very funny, because ever since then in a sense all areas of my life improved. My LP is advancing in greater levels than before, I'm more fit, my diet is cleaner, my level of overall growth and consciousness is night and day compared to before and although by not much, but my meditation sessions are better as well. I did fall back into fapping and pornography addiction though, which I'm trying to overcome as we speak, as I'm noticing how harmful it is to my overall being. One thing, however which I feel like my life is missing and what I haven't been able to advance in is being able to reconnect with that vividness, that "presence" I was feeling even if I was a mess inside. I felt much more connected to life than ever before through the suffering and I feel like that connection has somewhat been missing since then even though I've grown so much ever since and I don't even feel like I'm the same guy anymore. Whenever I go for these walks I used to take I'm just unable to appreciate life as much as I did back then, I also noticed that even though I'm better at meditating, I'm still caught in monkey mind much more than I used to be during those times, even though I was hardly meditating at all back then. Now, I do know that escapism is not the best answer to suffering, but self-reflection is, however this escapism process made me more connected with life itself. Those times were undoubtedly the best times of my life, even if back then I thought they were the worst. So, enough ranting, now that you get what I mean, time for the question: How do I re-establish such a connection with life, how do I create such memories again, how do I make my life so powerful again?
  3. An announcement with a poll added during the end of the next video would probably be your best bet on figuring out where people would want the meeting to be held. Also, if you're thinking about a forum-only meeting, adding a poll to this thread would be the optional choice.
  4. Thanks a lot for your input guys, I guess I'm on the right track regarding my LP then.
  5. So I have just finished watching the newest video from Leo, "The Deep Problems Of Marketing" and I'm slightly confused with the quality of my Life Purpose. This confusion has been with me from the beginning of finding out my life purpose but always swept under the rug. Now that Leo released this video I felt like it hit home quite close so I'll get it off my chest finally. After having thought and and analysed my passions I came to the conclusion that the thing I'm the most passionate about is Electronic Music production and DJing which is a space I've been paying attention to since my early teens and is my greatest hobby/passion. I'm not necessarily talking about the mainstream stuff when it comes to music, the sell-out kind of mass-appealing cheap Top 40 Chart sort, but the kind of stuff that doesn't necessarily get played in any mainstream radios, that is done out of passion, originality and creativity. While it was very refreshing to see that I want to be doing this and it feels absolutely amazing thinking about doing what I love the most, at the same time intuitively I feel a bit sad as well... I mean I love the art of DJing, the process of mixing two tracks together, scratching on vocals and unleashing my creativity during a live set in a way another DJ wouldn't, but how can I market/do it consciously when my "marketing" would have to be to get people to visit my gigs in clubs and other kinds of "low-consciousness" places when the most consciousness enhancing thing for my listeners to do would be to rather - for example - stay at home and meditate? I know this is a question I have to contemplate and brainstorm on, however is it possible to answer this without backwards rationalization? Because that's the kind of answer I can usually come up with whenever I think about this question. Regarding the music producing side of things: is it possible to market my music to my listeners without wasting their money on stuff? Because I've been thinking about this: I can put as much passion into my music as possible, however it still isn't going to be as high quality of a product as, for instance, Leo's LP course is. All in all, I know these are questions that are hard for you to answer and I have to answer myself, however is it worth pursuing this path just because it's my greatest passion and this is what I have the greatest appreciation for? I'm slightly confused regarding my LP in this sense which is something I'm going to have to work through.
  6. Thank you for your input! Different jobs that are more comfortable.
  7. Thank you so much for the answers guys, I'm going to continue working there in order to be able to afford the necessary equipment I need to have, while I'll be simultaneously working on my issues and try to develop a thicker skin in this environment, which will come useful in my life purpose as well. I'll most likely have to deal with similar situations while I'll be working on my life purpose as well.
  8. Yes, that's my manager doing that. Regarding the second question, I don't think it's necessarily sloppy due to work ethics, but rather because I'm new and even though they explain me what to do, I need some time to get used to doing whatever they request. Also I may not be able to do the task flawlessly the first time because I'm the kind of person who needs explanations more than once to make thinga penetrate into my mind deeper. All in all, I'm trying the best I possibly can do.
  9. Hey guys, I'm having a bit of a hard decision here. Having figured out my life purpose this April I applied for a job at McDonald's here in Hungary to work there for the summer (and maybe even beyond if I happen to have time) before I go to university, so that I'm able to afford the necessary equipment I need to start practicing/learning my life purpose. I have just received my first payment today, which clearly indicates that I would have to work another 4-5 months there before I may be able to afford everything I need to have, so this got me thinking... Unfortunately working at McDonald's as a newbie student is as terrible as you would guess with all the corporate mentality praised by all the low-conscious managers there. Very often times I get yelled at or "humiliated" (in the verbal sense) for my sloppy work by the these people, resulting me to be hated by quite a few of my workmates as well, which usually leaves me with a lot of emotional pain, due to the fact that I was bullied in the first two years of high school, which I unfortunately still didn't let go of and need to work on. At this point, anytime I go to work I'm incredibly anxious and feel "crippled" by my anxiety even as soon as I'm coming near the restaurant. My question(s) are the following: Should I continue working there for the next 4-5 months so that I'm able to afford the necessary equipment needed to start my life purpose, or seek another similar paying job that may involve less emotional pain? Does all this "getting-yelled-at" sort of thing help me develop thicker skin and immunity to these kinds of actions in the future, or am I just creating more emotional issues within myself on top of what I have already? I have seen Leo's "Fake Growth vs Real Growth - What If You're Just Tricking Yourself?" video, where I know, he brings this specific example up of a person leaving his job expecting all his issues to be solved, tricking him/herself into thinking he or she has grown which may be what would happen to me if I left this job, however at this point I'm not sure what to do. All in all, which decision would be the most ideal for my own personal growth? Note: I'm also doing self-inquiry in the meanwhile to fix/let go of all these issues.
  10. Today I rewatched Leo's Secret Curse video, and realized that perhaps I have been meditating wrong all along. I put this habit into my lifestyle last July starting with 20 minutes and have been meditating ever since. Last October I increased the duration to 30 minutes, yesterday to 40. What I always find myself doing is thinking about random stuff that comes up all the time and while watching the video mentioned above today, I realized that I have HARDLY been any present at all... The amount of time I have been TRULY present ever since I started meditating can only be summed up in seconds. Couple of reasons could be perhaps because I'm always meditating before I go to sleep and 99% of the time I find myself falling asleep for a few minutes (1 or 2) or a few seconds during every session multiple times (between 3 to 5), and to be honest I'm not even starting with the right intention. I'm only meditating out of commitment, because Leo said it's the number one self improvement habit one can install into his/her daily life. I only ever remember 2 or 3 sessions throughout all this time when I truly felt present for longer periods of time, therefore I was charged with life after finishing those occasions. These 30/40-minute long sessions are incredibly boring, the mind already starts asking "When is it going to end?" by the 15 or 20 minute mark (just guessing of course), and therefore the rest of the session ends up with me trying to be present to lighten the pain, but end up failing miserably, and keeping the question written above in the foresight the entire time. Same occurs with guided meditations as well. Sometimes I put one on and end up following absolutely nothing of what the teacher asks to do. On better days, I can do the inquiry/follow the process for 5/10 minutes, but fall off track afterwards. Question: Should I restart from the basics by only doing 3, or 4 minute sessions for now and trying to be present all the time, and increase my way up from there, or am I just experiencing something every newbie meditator does, and I'm on the right track actually?