Marcell Kovacs

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About Marcell Kovacs

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    Spider Monkey

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    Pécs, Hungary
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  1. Thank you for your input! Different jobs that are more comfortable.
  2. Thank you so much for the answers guys, I'm going to continue working there in order to be able to afford the necessary equipment I need to have, while I'll be simultaneously working on my issues and try to develop a thicker skin in this environment, which will come useful in my life purpose as well. I'll most likely have to deal with similar situations while I'll be working on my life purpose as well.
  3. Yes, that's my manager doing that. Regarding the second question, I don't think it's necessarily sloppy due to work ethics, but rather because I'm new and even though they explain me what to do, I need some time to get used to doing whatever they request. Also I may not be able to do the task flawlessly the first time because I'm the kind of person who needs explanations more than once to make thinga penetrate into my mind deeper. All in all, I'm trying the best I possibly can do.
  4. Hey guys, I'm having a bit of a hard decision here. Having figured out my life purpose this April I applied for a job at McDonald's here in Hungary to work there for the summer (and maybe even beyond if I happen to have time) before I go to university, so that I'm able to afford the necessary equipment I need to start practicing/learning my life purpose. I have just received my first payment today, which clearly indicates that I would have to work another 4-5 months there before I may be able to afford everything I need to have, so this got me thinking... Unfortunately working at McDonald's as a newbie student is as terrible as you would guess with all the corporate mentality praised by all the low-conscious managers there. Very often times I get yelled at or "humiliated" (in the verbal sense) for my sloppy work by the these people, resulting me to be hated by quite a few of my workmates as well, which usually leaves me with a lot of emotional pain, due to the fact that I was bullied in the first two years of high school, which I unfortunately still didn't let go of and need to work on. At this point, anytime I go to work I'm incredibly anxious and feel "crippled" by my anxiety even as soon as I'm coming near the restaurant. My question(s) are the following: Should I continue working there for the next 4-5 months so that I'm able to afford the necessary equipment needed to start my life purpose, or seek another similar paying job that may involve less emotional pain? Does all this "getting-yelled-at" sort of thing help me develop thicker skin and immunity to these kinds of actions in the future, or am I just creating more emotional issues within myself on top of what I have already? I have seen Leo's "Fake Growth vs Real Growth - What If You're Just Tricking Yourself?" video, where I know, he brings this specific example up of a person leaving his job expecting all his issues to be solved, tricking him/herself into thinking he or she has grown which may be what would happen to me if I left this job, however at this point I'm not sure what to do. All in all, which decision would be the most ideal for my own personal growth? Note: I'm also doing self-inquiry in the meanwhile to fix/let go of all these issues.
  5. Today I rewatched Leo's Secret Curse video, and realized that perhaps I have been meditating wrong all along. I put this habit into my lifestyle last July starting with 20 minutes and have been meditating ever since. Last October I increased the duration to 30 minutes, yesterday to 40. What I always find myself doing is thinking about random stuff that comes up all the time and while watching the video mentioned above today, I realized that I have HARDLY been any present at all... The amount of time I have been TRULY present ever since I started meditating can only be summed up in seconds. Couple of reasons could be perhaps because I'm always meditating before I go to sleep and 99% of the time I find myself falling asleep for a few minutes (1 or 2) or a few seconds during every session multiple times (between 3 to 5), and to be honest I'm not even starting with the right intention. I'm only meditating out of commitment, because Leo said it's the number one self improvement habit one can install into his/her daily life. I only ever remember 2 or 3 sessions throughout all this time when I truly felt present for longer periods of time, therefore I was charged with life after finishing those occasions. These 30/40-minute long sessions are incredibly boring, the mind already starts asking "When is it going to end?" by the 15 or 20 minute mark (just guessing of course), and therefore the rest of the session ends up with me trying to be present to lighten the pain, but end up failing miserably, and keeping the question written above in the foresight the entire time. Same occurs with guided meditations as well. Sometimes I put one on and end up following absolutely nothing of what the teacher asks to do. On better days, I can do the inquiry/follow the process for 5/10 minutes, but fall off track afterwards. Question: Should I restart from the basics by only doing 3, or 4 minute sessions for now and trying to be present all the time, and increase my way up from there, or am I just experiencing something every newbie meditator does, and I'm on the right track actually?