Raphael

3 February 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: Today's session went well, I focused on my fan sound, lost my focus, come back to it, again and again. I didn't move my body a lot, except near the end where the meditation started to become more difficult. I felt calmer clearer, and more conscious when I opened my eyes.

2 February 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I decided to do another meditation session today, it's the first time that I do more than 1 hour in one day. In total, I did 2 hours today, but it was separated by several hours. The second session was fine, I had a lot of thoughts, but I also had some moments where I felt very lightweight, it was like I was merging with everything. I didn't move my body a lot and kept my back straight during the entire meditation. I was a little sweaty when I opened my eyes and I didn't felt more conscious.

2 February 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session went well, I let go of everything, I had a lot of thoughts, but I didn't move my body too much and I kept my back straight all the time. The ending was a little more difficult and my ass hurt a little, but I felt calmer and more conscious when I opened my eyes.

1 February 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: This session went far better than yesterday, I still had a lot of thoughts, but I didn't move my body a lot. I felt a little refreshed when I opened my eyes.

31 January 2020 Time: 48 minutes 57 seconds Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I also did a late-night meditation, I was tired, I had a lot of thoughts and move my body a lot. I was also scratching myself a bit because I had an issue with my skin, maybe an allergy. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

30 January 2020 Time: 0 seconds Eyes always closed: No Summary: Too much work for today and some bad time management from myself. I prefer to go to bed instead of meditating to have enough sleep because tomorrow is going to be heavy too.

Thank you. I started to push to 1 hour at the beginning of December, I was only doing 45 minutes before. Generally, I feel I live my life more smoothly, it's like being naturally in a flow state (of course it's not the case all day). I still have issues, I still experience stress, I still can get angry, but it happens when I'm confronted with very unconscious people. I care less about small details, and I'm less perfectionist. Currently, my meditations go well until 30 - 45 minutes, then I start to experience some back pain and to move my body. I still have a lot of thoughts, but I feel like I'm more able to meditate consistently for 1 hour than before.

29 January 2020 Time: 53 minutes 55 seconds Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I did my meditation late at night, I was tired and it caused me to stop before the 1 hour. I was very agitated, had a lot of thoughts and move my body a lot. Meditating just before going to bed is clearly not the best thing to do, the best time is at the beginning of the day when I'm refreshed and if it's not possible it's better to do it before 6 PM. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

What are your knowledge in web development?

@Raptorsin7 Yep, I'm going to do the minimal today. Not a lot of work and a lot of empty time.

Ego Backslash I'm currently experiencing a backslash since the last week. I'm very lazy, distracted and procrastinate a lot, I put too much pressure on myself and overstress. All of this is killing my productivity and results. I'm going to calm down for this evening and just do nothing for 30 minutes and then go to sleep.

28 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: This meditation went very well. Even though I had a lot of thoughts, I was loving and happy during today's meditation. I almost didn't move my body, my back was very straight, and I had moments where I felt very lightweight. I felt more conscious and calmer when I opened my eyes. it was almost as if I was a different human being.

27 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session went well even though I was tired as it was very late in the night. I had a lot of thoughts and I moved my body a little too much, but I also had moments where I felt very lightweight. I got disturbed by some mosquitoes during the session. It was almost midnight when I opened, I didn't felt more conscious and was a little dead lol. The time was to go to sleep!

26 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session went pretty well globally even though they were a lot of external noises. I tried to concentrate on my breath, loosed it a lot and then come back to it. I didn't move my body a lot, except near the end. At a moment I felt like I was merging with everything around me. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

25 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: This session went far better than yesterday. I just let go of everything so I had a lot of thoughts, but I almost didn't move my body and kept my back straight during all the meditation. I felt like this 1 hour went faster than usual, but I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

Hate Of People I have a deep hate of people that comes up a few times per year from the depths of my ego. It generally happens after a bad social experience when someone is very closed/narrow-minded and do some very dumb thing and/or try to exploit/use me. I was morally bullied a lot when I was a kid, it happened at school, but also in my family, so I accumulated some rage deep down into my body. Sometimes this stage red feeling of pure hate against the world comes up, I have very destructive thoughts in these moments, and I hate it.

24 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was angry during this session because I was thinking of a bad experience that happened yesterday. I don't know why, but I always attract shitty people who want to exploit me. The meditation was very painful and I moved my body a lot. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

@lukmi Yeah, this is stage green ideology. Stallman is right on a certain amount of stuff but he seems to lack systems thinking. The world is more complex than that, it's not possible for all software to be open source. He's also demonizing big corporations.

I'm A Liar I'm found a client that proposed a huge amount of money and also some ongoing work. To prove my competencies I showed him a project that I worked on for another client. He asked me: "How can you show me that if it's for another person?", I answered: "I asked him if it was possible". I did ask the other client anything, they were not written contract and I show the work anyway. I should have asked my previous client, I'm a liar. This is what survival looks like, this is selfish and dirty and I'm selfish and dirty. I needed this client to earn some money, this is so selfish.

23 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I did some mindfulness today, I lost it and went back to it a lot. I didn't move my body that much except at two times. I feel like I'm more able to maintain the 1 hour per day. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

22 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was a little agitated and had a lot of thoughts today. I also moved my body a lot, but I kept my eyes closed all the time. I felt a little calmer when I opened my eyes.

21 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I tried to be mindful during the session, it went well for a certain amount of time, but I then became more and more agitation. The ending was pretty hard where I moved my body a lot, I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

20 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was a little agitated during the session, I wanted to do some mindfulness, but I was too distracted by my thoughts. I moved my body sometimes, but I was felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

19 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was a little tired during this meditation as I did it just before going to bed instead of the morning. I was quite agitated, moved my body sometimes and had difficulties to keep it up, but did it anyway by using brute force. I felt really calmer and lighter when I opened my eyes.

18 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: No Summary: I was a little agitated and I had a lot of thoughts during the session. I moved my body at a moment and I also opened my eyes near the end because I received a message on Skype. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.