Marinus

So For a great number of months I somewhat took a break from all this work. I noticed myself getting more unconscious and my progress started to flat line. My life purpose is not as strong as I hoped, I did the course a year ago, but I'm not any closer to it than I was back then. I decided to do the course again, would this be wise or a waste of time? The good thing is that I still meditate everyday, so I wasn't completely lost. I also learned that being lost can make you learn a lot about your of pitfalls. Thanks to becoming lost I learned to accept my neurotic sides. Honestly, I'm shocked about all those sides of my personality. So to get to the point, what advise would you give to someone like me? Self actualization isn't new to me any more, but it still feels like a huge mountain to climb and I don't want to fall of for a second time.

@Scholar Unfortunately I started watching again since I first had sex and I do masturbate. @pierce_the_heavens Then I'll give this a shot. My girfriend fortunately doesn't pressure me, but I do pressure myself. I think I have some repressed feelings I think.

@pierce_the_heavens Is this what you did until the problem got away? I think i'm indeed too hooked on to performance.

A pitfall is using MBTI to define your personality. MBTI focusses on types, you are this, she is that and so on. Personality is more like a spectrum. For example you are not an introvert or an extrovert, but you are somewhere in this spectrum. MBTI says your one of the two, but it is possible to be in the middle. So MBTI isn't very accurately with defining personality. I recommend researching on the BIG 5 personality tests. The big 5 is more about spectrums and it is more backed by research in the field of personality. MBTI is just very popular.

So I drank a lot of coffee sinds summer and since I stopped drinking my anxiety, depression and paranoia have all been reduced since I stopped drinking. Before I drank it I was relaxed, but when I was under it's spell. My consciousness was more limited then and I wasn't aware about my original awareness. So I wonder if there are people with similar experiences.

@Colin Thx

So since 3 weeks I have a girlfriend, the first time I stayed over she wanted me to sleep on the floor, but I was insulted and left. The second time I stayed over she wanted it again, but I slept on a bean bag. Since then I slept next to her with my clothes on, because she wants to. She always makes a joke before we go to sleep, which is "you are going to attack me" which means that I'm going to fo sexual things to her in her sleep. Of course I wouldn't, after a while noticed that it isn't really a joke but a fear she has. She gets intimidated by my confidence sometimes, while she knows I'm scared and a virgin. So she brought the topic about sleeping on the floor up again amd I thought maybe this will great trust, though I am not looking forward at all. I asked her if it was something positive to do and she got all exited and happy about it. The problem is that she is very mysterious and doesn't react to questions I want answers to. For example I wanted to know if she had sex before or not, while knowing I had not which she is very glad with. For some reason she doesn't want to tell me. She also fears that I will leave her once I get bored with her. According to her I often don't get it, which is because I lack experience with girls. So I agreed to sleep on the floor wich sounds like a stupid idea and very uncomfortable. By the way it's a one time thing. So are there any people here that can help me to understand this? The good thing is that she really enjoys my company.

@dude Awesome video, you got another sub

@Shin Indeed I learned a lot, I can only meet someone healthier. It's officially over now.

I'm going to break up, she's very disfunctional and I'm seeing this relationship will be doomed sooner or later. Thx for all your feedback!

Allright I see this is ridiculous and I told her this so I made the choice not to do this. Since then she grew more comfortable with me so she doesn't care anymore about this.

@alyra She is comfortable to sleep next to me I think. This is the progress from the last 3 weeks. She wanted me to sleep on the floor, I refused and was insulted and left to my place; She wanted it again, but I slept on the bean bag, but she left the lights on; I stayed in her bed with clothes on and she did too with a separate blanket, she turned of the light when I told I couldn't sleep like that; After 2 weeks she removed her bra, but she still had clothes on, I told her I noticed and she was surprised and scared, but I told her she didn't have to worry. The next thing will be 1 blanket to share, we did when we took a nap and that is a while ago, since then We didn't sleep together. The main reason to do this is trust, because she is insecure and she is afraid that I'll get bored with her after we have sex, because she thinks guys want to have more after that with different partners and that can be a reason for me to sleep on the floor, because she will see that I care about her enough to sleep uncomfortable I guess. I slept next to her once we were just friend and she didn't want to, but she appeared to be joking, but she was serious, but was scared. I found this out when we got together, I was shocked. So for some reason she is afraid that I'll rape her or something and maybe sleeping on the floor will prove her otherwise.

haha I'll say this when the time comes. @egoeimai After thinking about I realized this will be a great opportunity to observe her behavior, she might indeed try to manipulate me more, but I'll give her the illusion she can. @wavydude The problem is that I told her I'll do it and I don't want to lie to myself. I'm in love now which is keeping me from making the right choices, but after a while it will fade and I'll see what happens next, but if it fades and things stay weird like this then I'll move on, simply because I won't be able to survive something.

@blazed 1. I don't think she has much experience, since she only had one boyfriend and he went through some trouble too. She even made the comment once with a message that if ahe had a boyfriend that it doesn't mean she had sex. 2. The second is possible, because I told her I thought it was sexy that she has more experience ?, I assumed it, it was before she made that comment. 3. And the third, maybe. She doesn't want me to touch her skin beneath her clothes, like her back and belly. @Lynnel it is a one time thing, I hope it will be something kind of test and she tells me it is fine and I can lay beside her. The thing is that I do sleep next to her in bed, but for some reason this has a valid reason and I think it's related to trusting. Unfortunately I agreed and I want to live up to something I say, so I'll do this and I'll report the experience. @Elisabeth She really likes me to sleep over and even in the same bed, so it has another reason. She also told me she was happy again to have a boyfriend and I asked what do you like about it? And ahe said everything. She is also getting kind of addicted to my attention. We did things like dry humping and she loves the things I do to her. I even noticed that she didn't wear underwear the last two days and I commented on it.

@Annetta unfortunately this is something I suspect and it hurts to think about it. I think you're right.

So since I started my first tear in college, I started to get more acne, It begun when I was 20 and the last time I had serious acne was 3-4 years ago. This is strange, because it looks like puberty 2.0. I thought my diet was the cause of this annoyance, but according to studies, diet isn't that crucial to acne (I eat vegetarian for 1,5 years) and this is the case for hygiene too. Most studies say that genetics and hormones are the main causes. So I thought it was strange to hit puberty 2.0. I trait my body differently: I only masturbate once a week, but I don't really feel the need to (I was very addicted to porn and masturbation); I exercise every other day and this resulted in a very muscular core (six-pack) and a lean athletic build; I eat more calories and vegetables; I'm more exposed to females in college (before only males). So I think my exercise routine and exposure to females and lack of ejaculation are correlated and cause strong hormonal shifts that result in acne. Any thought? Suggestions to cure me are welcome!

@Nahm That can be the case, my thinking is clouded by questions, meanly about a girl that is apparently very disfunctional. My meditation quality has also been very low since having acne and sometimes being alive feels like a prison.

So I know this girl and we like each other, but I think she's playing hard to get. Anyway she doesn't like hugs, but she likes playing being violent in a flirty manner. We did a lot of play wrestling last Saturday with a lot of body contact. I don't understand this, not liking hugs, but we]hen things get rough she likes it?

So this is annoying. My mind shifts a lot between being very confident and being very fearful. In the end things appear to be a lot less extreme. Are there people with similar experiences? Why does the mind do this?

@Spiral Thx, this is useful. Before my rejection I acted like a nice guy, now I play along. When she tests me I make it funny or do the opposite of what she's saying and this works like magic. She also noticed that I had changed since the last 2 weeks, which is because of Leo's how to be funny video.

So It's almost a week has past and things are more obvious now. @Shroomdoctor She has a lot of trouble with her parents, which might result in distrust of others, I think it's connected. She doesn't like to be touched, but teases me a lot and I react with tickling her belly, which she says she doesn't want, while being very flirty. She sometimes hit me on my arm, which I respond to the same way. She wan't me to touch her, while not liking to be touched, contradicting! @supremeyingyang @Spiral I indeed want her to be my GF. I think I know why she's so ambiguous. Next week it's my birthday and she told me yesterday that she has two surprises for me, one of them is something I haven't experienced ever before. So my intuitions see's the connection. She also started to make sexual innuendos so this is obvious right? @smd This is funny, because I told her that I wanted to make up for last Saturday (she told me I was mean, bad, etc. and that I could never visit her again in a flirty way). So I played along and told her that I wanted to cook for her and watch a movie she really wanted to see in order to make up for that day and because I want to visit her again and she thought this was a good idea. This counts as a date right? Thx for the responses btw.

@heisenburger Awsome, I do comfort zone challenges and you just gave me new ideas! Thx

In my experience real friendship is possible even after having no contact for months straight. It doesn't mean my friends don't care, but their focus lies on other things. Our bond is so strong that time seems te be an illusion, even if we just meet for half a day once in several months. I myself are someone that doesn't text a lot, because I strongly prefer real contact.

@BobbyLowell In my experience openness, honesty and patience create result in a lot of trust and people open up very quickly. When you do this, you quickly notice which ones are trustworthy, at least I do. Something to prevent is gossip or talking badly about others, in my cases the other people start with it and this way you notice their weak sides, which can be harmful, because people that gossip, probably gossip about you too. Even if you don't feel like you could be open, talk about things which won't harm you or make you feel vulnerable. Eventually you'll find common ground or you won't. Th trick is being at the right place and time, staying at home for example wouldn't really help.

My biggest challenge is understanding this girl I like. She rejected me and my theory is that she was afraid of losing me as a good friend (her friends are toxic and live in her home town far away from her). My confession was probably out of the blue, because I had trouble showing interest, because of my lack of experience with girls. She is also 2,5 years older and this could have been an issue, because she feels old around our peers at college. I discovered that she is very honest in what she says, so I saw a possibility to get together in the future. My struggle was neediness and obsession (thinking about her). After I decide to be friends things changed. I focus on having fun and being funny for my own sake. I got very flirty which is natural to me if I don't want to impress girls. So last Friday I ended up at her place and we play wrestled for 4 HOURS, which was very hot. Even after this I still have doubts about her intentions and this is my biggest struggle. It's probably just all in my head and she probably like me, but my mind creates all these excuses which is kind of annoying. Also my lack of experience makes it difficult to move it to the next level, but time will help me I guess.