Pelin

As Leo was saying “connecting the dots”, this old video came to my mind.

zenhabits is a great blog. I think Leo Babauta has done a great job in years, evolving from orange to green-yellow. And the fact that he's all done it with 6 children is just amazing to me, and reminds me noone should make excuses. And I find it amusing that my favourite two websites belong to Leo's https://zenhabits.net/archives/

@Durka_Durka I don't think things you mention are more important than the other. They are all intertwined, so working on self-esteem and your sleep cycle will definitely help you out on finding your life purpose. Don't forget we are all work in progress. Maybe working on self-esteem will motivate you to do the life purpose course more seriously. So my advice is, don't be harsh on yourself. You're doing a good job! But don't be too lazy, either. You'll know what the exciting job for you is if you keep on working on yourself.

Any job can be exciting depending on the person's interests. The job you find boring might be the perfect job for another one. I honestly can't think of myself sitting in front of a computer and processing data on a million-sheet excel doc, but you should listen to my husband when he talks about it. He makes it sound like the most interesting, important job ever. For me it is teaching and writing. And I know some of my students just cringe at the idea of putting pen to paper, or are surprised how much I like teaching. Exciting is something personal. In fact, your question defies itself. The answer is not here. Look inside. And you're yourself saying you're making excuses. Pretend to go to bed and meditate. Instead of hanging out too much in the forum go through the contents of the life purpose course. You will move out eventually, but you don't need to postpone everything until you move out. Do it now. It's doable. We're all doing it. You shouldn't be thinking everyone's being given everything on a silver plate.

@SenshiAna I truly resonate with you. I'm a teacher too, and I like teaching and being inspired by students. But the education system around the world is mostly orange and achievement-oriented, so it is difficult to thrive as a green. The only way out of this system for me is working on yellow values. Let me tell you a little bit about my story. I also grew up in a blue family -nationalists. I saw the only escape was getting good grades and a good college education. When I got into college, though, I found my community: the environmentalists. I joined talks, rallies, anti-nuclear protests. I became vegetarian, promoted recycling and green energy, even started to organise panels and national meetings with the fellow college students. Looking back, we were so enthusiastic we were able to find funding from green corporations to accommodate 200+ people free for a national event for a week. (Looking back though, it was mostly talking and coming together, with little actual action) After I started working though, the first 2 years were a huge disappointment. The workplace was entirely orange and being the non-authoritarian person that I was, I couldn't even manage the class. I thought I wasn't meant for the job. I've been working for 8 years now, and I am enjoying work more. Yet I see the only option is getting more individualistic and striving for yellow instead of going full on green. I still feel the guilt Leo was describing, that I don't do enough for the environment. But I also realise I need to move on. So instead of focusing on how blue and orange people around me are, I'll do hardcore introspection. Quitting my job and starting a business is not an option for me as I live abroad and the country I live in doesn't let me start a business. But even if I had the chance, I don't know if I would. Sorry for the lengthy response, but it helps to know there are people somewhere who feels the same (how green of me, lol. I still have a lot to improve)

@SMI Music has the ability to stimulate feelings, as does literature, acting, art and so on. I sometimes cry even when watching low quality commercials. The reason is not something spiritual, I'm afraid, rather it activates your nerves, maybe evoking memories etc. You don't know what's going on at the subconscious level.

Is happiness what we should look for anyway? I am more into acceptance and observing, but happiness comes as a by-product. By the way, I am mostly in a good state, laugh sincerely almost everyday, and have good relationships in general. But this is except the inevitable downs like loss of a loved one or a sudden illness etc. Those sometimes take a long time to accept, even for highly developed people.

Yay from me. I never understood why reputation existed on this forum anyway. But I kinda liked the rank "Godly" under Leo's name.

What does "want" really mean? I'm really content about where I am now, or to put it rightly where I am going, but I don't really "want" something or have goals any more. I am still motivated to read more, learn more, experience more but "wanting more" does not resonate with me any more. It's all like life has everything that I could wish for, and I don't need to work my ass off for meaningless goals. What I get is what I need.

This is all because we are using language, which is a very primitive form of communication. And all the languages are still dual, even the word non-duality is dual. there is duality, and there is non-duality. We say nothing and everything, but we refer to the same thing. What is meant by non-duality cannot (easily) be articulated with language. When we advance and evolve more, we may be able to communicate it with others.

If you know what you're looking for, and if you work hard for it (not on the superficial level, but with strategy), then for sure you're going to get it. I think asking things like money, holiday, being famous, or getting a boyfriend from the universe is bullshit. But if you really know who you are, what you're looking for, no doubt you will get it.

@thehero I think @ZX_man is right at some point, is that you can turn all this agony into art. Drawing, painting, making videos, music, poetry, fiction, sculpturing, coding, design of some kind... channel this energy into art and you will feel relieved. And if you master one of these skills you might earn money from it. You might think you're not creative, but maybe you haven't heard the call of your character yet. Try different stuff. Things like drawing or writing require nearly zero tools and the internet is full of educational stuff. By the way, we all think sometimes we are the biggest losers, the most unfortunate, have the shittiest parents but in truth, no one is better than anyone. Everyone has their own struggle. Try to fix your problems one at a time. Don't be hard on yourself and don't victimize yourself. My suggestion is to fix your problems according to the hierarchy of needs, physical problems first, then social, at last, self-actualization. But somehow, they also go hand-in-hand.

@deadforever David Attenborough's Life on Earth series, Ep. 12: Life in the Trees. Attenborough is awesome, but this episode is one of his masterpieces I think. Especially when gorillas take him in. Both entertaining and mindshifting. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0846512/?ref_=ttep_ep12

Happening for the second time this year, my eyes filled with tears when I was driving through cloudy sunset. I like watching the sky and contemplating while cloudgazing, but crying hadn't happened to me before. I was thinking that everything is so transient and next second I started crying. Funny cause I cry so rarely. It felt good.

Most Muslim kids suffer severe trauma from "sacrifice feast". I remember feeding the sheep and giving names to them, only for being made to watch while my grandfather "sacrificed" them. Very very painful. I couldn't eat that, and at the age of 20, I became a vegetarian. (I actually eat meat now but in moderation. Supplementing doesn't seem like a solution to me at this point of my life, but we'll see what future brings) My mom never let us keep pets when I was a child. Later on, I learnt that she kept two hens as pets for quite some time, they were very smart and recognized my mom. Then one day, she comes home and sees my grandfather is cooking them because their legs were frozen. What a trauma

@Eonn There's a lot to read, and there are lots of misconceptions and contradictions. All in all you need to do thorough research and listen to your body. The most important things to cut out: SUGAR (and also artificial sweeteners), and fast food (packaged food in general, especially products with MSG). Both sugar and MSG are highly addictive. The most important things to include in your diet: healthy FAT (not chips, but butter, avocado, olive oil etc), fresh veggies, and meat and bone broth if you aren't plant based I cut sugar (also most carbs) from June till November and never felt this good in my life. I followed a more manageable version of ketogenic diet after a lot of research and found out that wheat and milk make me feel bloated and cause acne. So I kept away from them but this month, my family visited, I had no time for food prep etc, I went back to eating wheat products. Before that I was thinking maybe my acne was all gone, it wasn't because of cutting wheat. But a week or two of eating bread etc, my whole face is covered with acne again. So all these years my acne was trying to tell me I was eating wrong but I didn't believe it. The most important teacher is your body. Listen to it, but don't confuse it with your cravings. Cravings will stop when you transition to a diet which doesn't have sugar or MSG, you will start to get the real taste of food. One day when I was eating olives, I thought they added something sweet in it. It tasted so sweet, I couldn't believe it. It was just a regular black olive, but I think my taste buds are trained to appreciate real food. I can't tolerate dessert any more. It feels like overkill.

I was using BlackBerry until recently and when it wasn't compatible with whatsapp anymore I had to change it and got an iphone, just for durability purposes. I use whatsapp on a daily basis because I have to call and message people abroad and with a traditional phone (or blackberry) it's difficult and ridiculously expensive. Although I don't do much shopping, I still have to pay bills and buy gas etc, and mobile banking is more convenient than online. Also, I think the sound quality of the iphone is much better than my old mp3player, and I can also listen to podcasts, it's quite difficult with an mp3 player. When I was using BlackBerry, I got a good GPS. But even that is nowhere near to Apple or Google Maps. In Turkey they tend to change the roads and routes very frequently and you have to bring your GPS home and check for updates regularly. This was very time-consuming and I got lost a few times when I was learning to drive. So, definitely, a smart phone with internet access makes my life easier and the world smaller. But I don't load it with a bunch of apps, I try to use it minimally and with purpose. This is how my home screen looks (this is the only screen). I'm thinking about erasing social media as well. I think it adds value to my life at this point, but I totally see why you want to get rid of it and I support your decision.

@Ilya Just an hour ago I was looking through my journal and I found myself quoting an old green day song twice (in February and in August) "Something unpredictable, but in the end it's right" I was thinking why I did that.. and I came to the forum to ask this question actually, is there anything unpredictable in our lives? But while I was answering your question, I also answered my own question. What seems accidental, arbitrary or even unpredictable is actually an accumulation of series of events (might not be linear time, might also be circular). Meeting him at that exact point required me to be ready. If I'd met him a year before that, just after I got out of my needy relationship, I wouldn't even have noticed him maybe. So from a broader perspective, nothing is accidental. Everything is happening at the correct time and place. You not having a girlfriend means maybe you need to improve until you can be comfortable with just who you are.

@Ilya I never tried to get a boyfriend, especially a hypothetical one. And my school and workplace has always had a majority of females and married/taken/homosexual males, so in that manner we are similar. I've never been in a place where I could meet a potential boyfriend. And I actually wanted a boyfriend when I was a teenager but never worked for it. I was too insecure and my body language I think showed that. When girls worse looking than me had boyfriends/dates, I spent all high school and university alone (I had friends but no relationships). When I started to become more self-confident, and accepting the fact that I'm not incomplete without a boyfriend actually helped me start a relationship. My first relationship and the second one (now I'm married to the second boyfriend) were completely different and showed me there are basically two types of relationships: 1. ones that are out of need: You feel lonely, needy and helpless. You need someone to take you out of this rut, this vicious cycle of loneliness. You have all these emotional and sexual needs. You need someone could fix these needs. Sensual needs (not only sex, but touching and the presence of someone) can be more easily catered for but you also expect this person to feed you emotionally. Trying to suck energy from your partner at the end results in breakup in the best case scenario, or abusive relationships and even violence in the worst case scenarios. Both parties feel like a victim because they only want to get the energy, not give it. 2. ones that are out of love: You understand that only you can help yourself, and although you can't fulfill your sensual needs on your own, but you can raise your consciousness and feel that you can love everything, not only a human being. But if you are lucky or if you look around carefully, chances are you meet someone who can experience love like you, and together you can go for something higher. This is what happened to me, and I wasn't looking for it, I literally wasn't looking at him when we first met in a big crowd. I was lucky that he could see me. (and he wasn't looking for a relationship either, he actually left a week later, we had 7 hour time zone difference for a year.) Despite all odds and though we weren't looking for anything -or maybe because we weren't looking for anything- we had found each other just fine. I really believe the best things come when you aren't looking for them, and love shouldn't be an ego game. When egos get involved, then everything gets messy. My best advice can be continue your spiritual growth and along the way if you meet someone, fine. If you don't, then it's not worth getting into relationships just to fulfill the sensual needs. Or admit that this is just for sensual needs and don't try to suck your partner's emotional energy, and don't let people suck you just because you are their boyfriend. One last thing, personal development is indeed, personal, so also don't try to involve your future girlfriend/s into this unless they are really interested, too.

really related to this talk.

Since I started self-development seriously a year ago, I've noticed that I'm quite calm and satisfied when I'm alone (or with a few people that I click). Sometimes I am on my own for several days and I feel the most mindful on those days. When I'm working, I lose mindfulness and live in auto-mode for most of the time, which I'm still working at. But family is the one issue I haven't figured out yet. I've noticed, especially with my father, I'm usually aggressive. He basically knows me as an aggressive person but actually I only act this way around him. Through some inquiry I understand that my unresolved issue is I think he's never trusted me. When I was moving for college, he didn't believe I would make it work, he did everything to make me go to a college nearby. Even when I was 26 and doing a driving test, he asked me "will you actually be able to drive?" Many instances like this. Whenever I tried something he didn't believe in me, but he always takes credit when I succeed although I did it all in spite of him. Now I shout and yell even over small topics like what to eat for breakfast. So I can't seem to forgive him, and as Eckhart Tolle says: " the more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.” I know what I need to do consciously, but I can't seem to get it into action. Any suggestions?

lifestyle minimalism karma (although it's pretty old and I know Leo's grown a lot since then) dealing with addictions These are the ones I've watched a lot of times and still benefit from.

@Huginn sauerkraut is also great. I like cabbage but raw cabbage can cause bloating sometimes so I eat sauerkraut instead. to lower GI you can combine fruits with nuts: apple/banana and peanut butter, raisins and almonds for example. dried fruit usually has lower GI. 99% dark chocolate and coffee, I love these two. (pure dark chocolate is also known to help with the calcification of pineal gland) roasted chickpeas are awesome. I love pumpkin but I'm trying to reduce my sugar intake, so I made pumpkin fries in the oven today (slice pumpkin like french fries, drizzle a little olive oil, bake for 20 mins). It was yummy. I ate it with yogurt sauce as a meal but it could definitely be a snack.

@BobbyLowell I totally agree with this. Doesn't this refute your first question or what? words are words. listen to your feelings, they are a bit closer to the truth if at all. to me, there's no differentiation, maybe there is a differentiation between the concepts, but both of these make me feel the same way. I like/love things/people as if they are a part of me, or a part of everything that includes me. Come to think of it, there isn't even a place of no love to me. love is always there, and a term like "like" is not so necessary. Is it possible when you mean "love or like", you don't really embrace the terms, and you feel dissociated? What Leo suggested in one of the most recent videos was to check simple words' meanings that we take for granted. You made me think of these two words, and I'll go look up these in the languages I speak. Thanks for the insight.

@Key Elements I totally get it and can't agree more. Cheers.