Elisabeth

Had a kind of similar question. In the exercise where we're supposed to find "things you can do for a long time without getting tired or bored" I struggled finding any answers at all. Maybe I do get more tired than most people. But it's pronounced at work/school - while I do care about my subjects, I get tired studying really really quickly. Does that mean I should be looking for something else? I try to base my decision mostly on other reasons, but it may be a FAQ question.

Ok, I have no idea how to apply recklessness to bypass fear when figuring out life purpose, but I'm doing just that with finally moving away from my parents now. Thanks for encouragement.

Hi, so I've done a big chunk of the life purpose course, I have my values and strengths and even the zone of genius (although I kind of have two opposite directions there, which I haven't figured out how to connect). But I'm totally stuck with the impact I'd like to have. I've been pretty passionate working through the course, and I learned a lot of great stuff about myself, but arriving at this point I lost all fuel. When I ask myself what impact I'd like to have, my mind goes blank. It's almost like I do not want to figure out any impact statement. It's rather weird. I do have an issue with giving, so that's probably part of it, but hardly all of it. Has anyone worked through something similar?

@Visitor That's a good idea. English is not my first language so I've been doing a lot of translating back and forth anyways and playing around with language anyways, as the meaning of words describing feelings or values is often not clear at all. I'll do it with the word impact or contribution and try to figure out the meaning. @Leo Gura Thank you I have a lot of fear in a lot of areas in my life. So while it doesn't feel like fear at the first glance, it could be fear. It has a way to cause paralysis without showing itself clearly. If that's true, I may need some kind of workaround. I could try to tackle the contemplation after doing some yoga or relaxation. Maybe I'll go watch some documentary or some conference about contemporary issues just to get my mind started about how people help people. I could also start by making a list of the issues I see around me without telling myself that I have to pick one right now. My physics studies have been working kind of as a life purpose in the past years, but I always studied for the sake of "this is a nice theory", never for the real impact I could have, and also I've never had enough fuel to be excellent. I'm currently doing phd in a the field of mesoscopic physics/ quantum theory which has (most directly) the potential to advance electronics (single molecule transistors etc.), but I feel that's not quite sufficient, or something is off there. I guess I'm lacking the big picture, and I may want to engage with the social stuff too.

Hi, do you know any great resources about communication / problem resolution in intimate relationships? We are trying to find a way through a difficult issue, where our needs are largely conflicted, but again and again we seem to miss the point the other one is making, and tend to get defensive. Now, my partner strongly believes that communication is not just about words but more of an endeavour for experiencing a common state of mind (hopefully leading to real understanding), which is a nice idea, and works for the little conflicts. But consequently he often stays very abstract with his wording and I can't follow, which very much complicates solving questions of a common future. He sais I don't know him in this area, but when I ask him to explain, there are few things I can get a hold on. Likewise maybe I tend to dwell too much into detail and miss the big picture, and maybe tend to be somewhat pesimistic. And since there is some serious clash of needs and the search for a solution is not easy, both of us are easily thrown out of balance. What are your ways to really convey your (intellectual, but also emotional) message, or to really listen? Thank you very much, Elisabeth

Thank you for tips! Why do you hold it important to do it together? (It's not feasible daily since we're not currently living together, but I'm curious.) I have the book, but haven't practiced much. When I described it, he didn't seem very persuaded about the method - but maybe I could convince him to visit some workshop.

I got stuck on the same point, or rather on the very first exercise. Although I did follow the course to the letter up to now, after a few weeks of being stuck I just decided to go on to the next one. The visualisation was a little easier, I didn't quite discover my passion, but at least one thing I am interested in and could easily look into. I intend to go on with the exercises and see which resonate best, hopefully this can get my mind going, and then I can perhaps go back to the very first one or redo the whole section. Also, what I did first, was to rewatch the last video of the intro-section to get myself re-inspired. It makes you get in touch with confidence, I think that is something I needed.

Anger is generally a "more positive" (=more resourceful) state than depression. Take this as s sign of progress and intend to move up from your anger further into "just" frustration, and from there eventually further into contentement, optimism, passion. I'm glad your thing worked out.

What does it mean "trouble focusing"? What are your expectations? Why do you think you're not in the norm? Did changing your habits already help improve your focus?

If you're a phd student like me or a researcher you've surely noticed the pressure on performance in your own field and the usually somewhat limitted time, resources and freedom to really choose your own research direction, let alone an unconventional one. I just learned there is one (admittedly very limitted in numbers) opportunity to do whatever you want within accademia, for those recently ending phd. I think there might be exceptional people appreciating the opportunity on this forum, so I wanted to share! You could be close to Joseph Campbell, living in his hut and just reading books, except you will have to be social a bit and get actually payed. http://www.socfell.fas.harvard.edu/about.html P.S. I discovered when I oppened the preface the Structure of Scientific Revolutions, the book Leo recommended in his video about paradigms. P.P.S. Maybe there are more opportunities like this, and it's just me living in Europe that I haven't heared of any. Please share.

How does personal development go together with mental illness? How much of pre-existing depression/bipolar/psychosis can be actually cured with self-help or therapy, what are the limitations? Should people with these issues better avoid some techniques, like some hard-core meditative practices or psychedelics? Or maybe just avoid those techniques yet before they get to a stable level without meds? What about "illnesses" developed after actually getting into the work, are they different?

I haven't read all the answers, I just want to send some understanding your way, and just a few points. - staying home with no contact with people is making me depressed within two days and it's even more true whe studying. Make a point to schedule activities - at least a 30min getting out of the house daily and some people to meet every few days. - if you really need to get out of your parents home, you will probably have to get a job - another option might be using your current "student" status and get into the erasmus program - you could go to some university where you actually have to visit lectures Oh, this sentiment is so detrimental. I get so it. I'm sorry you feel this - try to reframe. At the very least, drop the "every". That's not true. I've got a friend who started studies at 23 and now she's finished and although almost 30 she lives with her partner and has a fairly "normal" life. Once you start to work it feels much more like you have caught up, no matter your age. I have a bunch of other friends who dropped out of college. They are there with "nothing" in their hands - just like you. The even better reframe (the one I'm doing ) could be "Ok, I've wasted years. But now I understand the problems, I know my intentions, and through personal development I know the tools to reach them effectively. I can catch up and in 5-10 years I can be even much further then most people!" Isn't it true more or less? Doesn't it feel great? And, well, I guess the even better solution would be to stop comparing and just work from the place you're at. But that is kind of hard to do

That's hardly true, because you are asking questions here I'm thinking of paradoxical intent now. Try being as comfortable as you can for a few days. Just give yourself all of the comfort you can. Satisfied? Good. Other motivations comming up? Great! See what else is there. Haven't tried in this form much, but it kind of happens when I'm sick and stop the striving - after the week I just long to do stuff and improve life.

I'm not sure if we do understand each other or not now - doing a (monthly, quarterly, new-years) review of values is great for sure, but my point was that you also need the actual life experience of how feels like to live your value/ miss your value as well. Go live the thing you assume to be your value, or go live without it, and see how it suits you. Expose yourself to unknown situations. You will want to do tweaks to your values list after a big new experience without needing to set a deadline for doing a review. Anyway, just one opinion out of many

So much for that ... I got a sprained ankle, very effectively sabotaging these efforts of mine. I can walk somehow but try to limit it to the necessary minimum. Tips for a rather easy exercise routine which I could do in the morning instead of the sun-salutation, and which does not involve the foot?

Hi, I'm asking for tips here how to overcome resistance and shift to a more sustainable motivation to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I never liked sports. As a child I was always last, I've got allergies and asthma, and I could go on and on with excuses ... the result is I feel an enormous amount of resistance in my body when contemplating starting an exercise regime, or any more demanding exercise at all. It's a little better when I think about possible nutrition changes, but not much. It's like I have a huge disinterest in healthy eating. The problem is, during my university studies I haven't done much, instead had a lot of stress and mental strain, and not surprisingly, my body is falling apart, to put it mildly. One cold after another, back pains, etc. I'm somewhat overweight, but not terribly. Nothing that serious yet. My mother is pushing me towards huge lifestyle changes, counting calories and stuff, and of course, I just hate being pushed and resist all the more. But I acknowledge that something has to be done. I stuck for a few years of my adult life with the more relaxational types of yoga (going to lessons weekly, not an everyday practice), and that's a good start, but that won't be enough, I need to get to the type of exercise which burns fat as well. With a "just do it" approach I'm running into a brick wall, so some more complex work seems to be required. I'm not sure if I can do it alone or where to start. Has anyone worked through something like this? Could you please help point me into the right direction, please?

So... I didn't do the pre-mortem. I had it planned for today, and I didn't do it. I did clean up my room which may also help my health but is not exactly an excuse. I'm sticking to the sun salutation habit, I think that one will work out. I've slacked off yesterday by not doing it before breakfast, but I came back to it afterwards. Also, I made a few good decisions throughout the week to go for a walk, so I'm feeling a little bit better. (I'm recovering from a few weeks of illness.) Independently, I am working on my mission statement within the life purpose course, so I am creating a value list. Actually a created one, but I'm not entirely happy with it, so it will get some tweeks once I can pinpoint what's so unsettling there. Anyway, this whole question was inspired by the fact that health is not on my values list. Maybe I misunderstand values, but when I think about things that make me happy and fulfiled, picking my values partly intuitively, health as a concept does not appear, not do activities like execise. I do understand intelectually that health is a prerequisite to pursuing the other values, and I should really make it a priority now that it wavers; but it feels out of integrity to not have it on my list yet give it high priority. Do you think I should just put it on the list (which I'll be reading every day) although I don't really feel it? I read that and I thought "now, that would be really frustrating" But something along these lines is a good idea. When I think about it, the weight-loss is not the number one goal, it will be much better to focus on getting into shape. I'm currently somewhat limited (I won't do a full-day hike or dare try some more acrobatic things because of bad shape), so I might use pictures of places I wanna see and activities I'm gonna do. (So here goes part of my answer about positive motivation, thanks for the inspiration.)

Of course you can ask questions and express your feelings. It's just that you seem pretty decided: Polyamory isn't right with your moral compass. The way you phrased it in those two paragraphs is a pretty clear expression of intentions and limits. You can use exactly the same words to talk to him. Tell him, that you're up for monogamy, and see - but if you're clear about poly not being for you, and he's aligned with the life-long monogamy idea, it might be better to part ways. That's what your questions probably should clarify.

I recognised more of the roles, but the one that really stuck out was "the tryhard", a role that is now proving itself unsustainable. I'm very afraid of dropping it though (what will happen to my work ethics?? and the impression I make on others?). I can't remember when I adopted this role, I have very little pre-school memories and I was already this way in the first grade.

Sewing sounds interesting actually if you really like it. I have some friends who help their income by doing historical costumes for the fantasy community, one who makes corsets etc. Although I don't think any of them have it as their main income. You will probably need to advance your skills though, both in sewing and in business, and build some group of semi-regular customers, so prepare for a several years-long path. So you may still have to find a better paying job for now, although one you don't love. (Better said then done, I know.)

Well, yeah, I'm 27 and it sounded like a question I might have posted a few years ago O:) "What the fuck do you mean by knowing myself?" My today's answer is knowing how I react in different situations and what suits me an what doesn't - acquired by non-judgemental self observation. I came to that conclusion, because life threw me into a very difficult situation relationship-wise, which gave me some pretty solid experietal knowledge about what I want and don't want. I'm doing the life purpose course now. If you're looking for your values and strengths, that's exactly what Leo has guidance on in a part of the course, so I just did the exercises and I have my "top" list. Doing so took a few days and was beneficial for sure. The way to generate the list was partly dreaming and gut reaction, but also a lot of relating to experience I've had. I find the values which I haven't "tested" much living in the real world to be vague and on shaky foundation. I think I could follow my own advice and get more new experience

I think that asking questions is brilliant, but much easier if you have experience to build on. Forgive me, but I'm guessing you're young, like teens or very early twenties. If so, if you can get yourself in diverse life situations, that will do a lot for you that meditation can't (in my personal opinion, I'm not that versed in meditation). It's both and, life experience + contemplation & meditation, that gives you self-knowledge. Go live alone, and you'll know if it suits you or not. Go try work you've never done for a few weeks of your school vacation, and you'll know if it's exciting or boring. Have a relationship. If it ends, you'll know how you react to pain, if it continues, you'll know how you love (this particular person at least), both ways you'll discover a value or two of yours. Those lessons are among the clearest ones we get from life.

I hear you.

@Peace and Love Thank you, this is also a very good post. You are spot on with a few things. The lack of control, I somewhat know about it - actually to me it feels like I've already improved a lot on this front (since I was depressed a few years ago). It must still be rather obvious if you can name it from my three paragraphs. I'm doing the life-purpose course now to help me get further on track with what I want. I also do know about comfort/distraction eating. It's hard to stop myself when I'm frustrated with work (or worse, anxious). Nice to hear you learned to work around yours As for food allergies, I haven't considered them much, it's mainly pollen that causes me stress (and mild asthma). I understand the possibility of cross-allergies though. I'm not sure how to tell a food allergy, I only avoid peanuts (my allergologist tests for them) and raw apples (they give me a very weird taste in my mouth). I got a short summary of the diet and I may do it, but maybe it's not the most urgent issue (?) compared to "just" cutting down on refined sugar, and exercise. I'm going to see some holistic doctor in two weeks, I'm sure she'll have some dietary recommendations too.

Thank you! I will go back to the mission statement video, and I think I missed negative visualisation completely, so I will have a look if that one applies. Actually I did start with one simple habit as of now, I'm doing the yoga sun salutation every morning. 2 rounds take just a few minutes, so I might be able to sustain that. I think you're right about strategy. This will be a life-long battle... well, hopefully eventually not a battle, but a path. I'll try to get a clearer picture of the goal, and then (if resistance allows) I'll take the time to do the pre-mortem. I'm setting my timeframe to do this until next Saturday, and I'll let you guys know if I did. On the first glance, resistance is the one huge huge problem, as I said, and yes, sitting with it may be the technique needed (although I am resistant even about hearing that advice, lol). Def not in the right frame of mind now -- let me start with clarifying the goal / mission statement, and retry once that's in place. edit: I just found this https://www.actualized.org/blueprint/resistance . I printed it out, underlined my key points, and taped it on the door of my room. It may serve me well in the changes I want to make (with work as well).