Vladimir

Leo, please do a motivational video on how amazing awakening is. You said the joy of awakening is beyond your wildest dreams. And you also said if you tried to describe how amazing it is, we wouldn't believe you and it would still be 1,000,000 better. I know there is so much you can say in words....but you're good at taking things to the limits of rationality and I think a video like this would really motivate people to follow the path.

More Than Allegory: On Religious Myth, Truth And Belief Leo, or anyone else, have you guys read this book? I think it puts some valuable pieces into the big picture puzzle.

From what my facilitator told me, and she is very experienced, synthetic is much more powerful than toad venom, I think she said 60mg of venom is equivalent to about 15-20mg of synthetic from what I remember.

LOL Leo said his lifestyle would look extremely boring if he made a video like that.

The most important component Leo of Actualized.org is missing IMO is real life community, and especially tripping, dancing, and interacting together with other people. We all need to trip together just like in the good old days....

Yeah I've done one in the jungle in Iquitos and another one in Sacred Valley, just came back from that one about a month ago. My X is doing a dieta in Iquitos right now and so far she's told me the shaman is the real deal...I think I might go there next if her scouting mission proves successful lol In my experience it's very difficult to find shamans that are truly interested in healing you, there is a lot of power games spiritual and financial...and you never know just wtf those shamans are doing to you, so you gotta find someone you can fully trust, I'm actually thinking of brewing my own now, but I'd like to get some more practice with AL-LAD and mushrooms first.

Yeah brother I definitely accumulated a lot of anger over a life time, some of it started coming out at a jungle ayahuasca retreat last year and I ended up scaring a bunch of "pasajeros". I feel like it was only a tip of the iceberg LOL But yeah I'm doing better, I'm wanting to do a long term dieta in the jungle next, let me know if anyone wants to come with

To me it becomes "dream like" and everything you described with distortions or time and objects, I found it easier to stay focused if I was sitting up, when I was laying down it would be a lot easier to get "dragged" into one of those dreams without even becoming aware of it....If you're lying down a good strategy to keep focused is keep both hands on a solar plexus and breathing, in shamanism it's called "introspection" - staying within the framework of the body so you don't get too "out there".

I had absolutely no problem with Ayahuasca visions until I started getting combinations of these colors: yellow/orange/red/black (I have associated these combinations with Hell because of playing too much Diablo), I think there was also some kind of spherical pattern about it and the whole thing reminded me of a burning oven....This with the combination of realization that "it was me the whole time" and "I'm part of everything" is what terrified me and I still don't know what to make of it, but I think it's really important to be mindful of symbols (colors and simple shapes being the most powerful symbols) and associate them with things that we want, off and on trips. It took me about a year to recover from that trip and it's the reason I wasn't able to break through on a 5meo-dmt because it threw my right back into it. After a while I started feeling this really uncomfortable sensation in my solar plexus that feels like tension/burning and it seems to intensify every time I have flash backs of the experience....Also I couldn't focus on work or anything for some months because I kept living in fear. I've since had another intense 11 day retreat with Ayahuasca/San Pedro/Yopo/Kambo ceremonies, and I'm doing better now....

Yeah I had no idea what true terror and fear meant until I experienced myself as the Creator for the first time on Aya. I actually developed PTSD after that and I'm still not fully recovered, though at least I can go on with my life.

This is my prayer before psychedelic trips:

Good luck on your journey Let us know how it goes!

This is the mushroom experience I've had about two years ago that jump started me on this journey. Somewhere in the middle of this trip I remembered Leo and was expressing my gratitude for him for helping to lead me on this path, I also had no doubt in my mind that I'm going to meet him one day.

Leo, are my videos evil? - https://www.youtube.com/c/CleverTechieTube

Most likely it will be...My gf and I were both gently and seductively lead into the enlightenment on a 100mg dose at the same time.

My girlfriend and I both had an ego death on 100mg of MDMA at the same time. If you keep focusing on body's discomfort it will eventually lead you to the heart and then it will explode into a supernova....I think the music has to be right too though.

@Samra Wow thank you so much for sharing this....especially the difficult part. I just got back from an intense 11 day shamanic retreat where I did 5 aya ceremonies, 3 san pedro and 4 kambo....I'm still trying to put everything together and will post a trip report when it's ready. I just wanted to congratulate you for being so brave, for facing your deepest fears and sharing about your experience. I thought I would be able to let go completely during this retreat but it didn't happen, so I'm still left wondering just wtf death/enlightenment really is, though every time I get close to it the theme is always the same - I'm God, I'm the only one in this Universe, there is no one to awaken but me, I have to face my deepest fears and have been shown them in all kinds of creative ways, I'm the creator of everything and at one point I fell down to the floor out of desperation and inability to control it anymore and said "forgive me for everything".....though it came out in Russian (простите меня за все....) there was no doubt at that moment that I'm responsible for all creation. There was a lot of beautiful visuals too and another theme that keeps showing up is the - serpent, puma and condor which I keep seeing every time I drink aya, mushrooms and now san pedro....which seems to be the source of my power, it's unlike any power that exists in this 'human realm' and I feel like it's my true essence. Anyway I'll post the whole thing later, I just wanted to connect with someone who can relate to the difficult part of this awakening and healing experience.

There is a same theme of masturbation going on on this forum. People want to know how they can live a happier life and nobody seems to be happier after statements like 'you were never born and you're already dead'.....

Leo....I don't think your perspective of 'awakening/killing the ego/enlightenment' is helping people live a happier dream. Honestly how has your life improved with all of your countless awakenings so far?

Leo.....how is this helping anybody live a happier life? That's why 'mystical experiences' alone aren't enough to create a whole human being. If Actualized.org was more focused on integrating and healing body, mind and spirit instead of harping on "killing the ego", it would really help people improve their lives.

This kind of mentality is a perfect illustration of Zen Devilry. Okay, I get it, from the ONE perspective it doesn't matter, but the reality is that we're living in the "human experience" in which we are causing an enormous amount of unnecessary suffering to each and nature, a lot of which stem from exactly this kind of 'escapism of the world' delusion. This is just a way for you to sweep the horrors of the world under the rug so you don't have to deal with reality.

Someday you will see that's it's the mother's love you have been so longing for all these years.

Would be interesting to hear what you consider to be a "feminine world"

I agree, I just wanted to point out where we're out of balance.