Dragallur

269th day: Physics So I moved myself by a substantial bit in the astrophysics textbook, that means roughly half a page right now. I have finally got through this double integration in the way, I have spent most of today's afternoon doing that shit. I have made a lot of very dumb mistakes that were slowing me down, it is not much of a surprise though because of these long divisions that I had to get through. I used the integration by substitution which was quite cool. I love writing integral symbol! I will probably get stuck quite soon again and I am not even getting towards the actual problems in the end of the chapter which will require some hardcore dedication. I loved it though. School Today was the last day in school. I even got a photo of my class from my classmates, that was nice, I wont probably see any of them EVER again which is kind of weird, also none of the teachers, nobody basically. Interesting I was telling myself exactly this when I was going back from USA. Now I have few free days and then I return back. Dragallur

Amazing, you just described so many of my days! You still meditate right? You said that you want to continue with your formal practice. What about self-inquiry though? If you know the answer what do you ask? Do you just feel it and dive in it? Or try to deepen the experience? Would you say that there are some things that you still do not understand that your favorite spiritual teachers talk about (especially about enlightenment)?

267th day: Thoughts Somehow I do not have problem with standing up late which I am doing right now. Today I fell asleep during meditation, so dumb, otherwise though I have been cutting it after a move so that I stop any cheating. Then later I just napped for 90 minutes. Amazing, I had few dreams which were cool and I got to investigate a bit the state when you are falling asleep, that was really good. I am going to Berlin in less than a week and then after four days I go directly to Czech Republic. That is quite short time considering that I was here the whole school year. I am almost packed, there are lot of books that I am bringing with me, that is quite cool, I like it. I have changed a bit my listening to music habit, though I broke already what I said before. Dragallur

Your cognitive style is... Intellectual Your organizational style is... Balanced Your energy style is... Introverted Your stress management style is... Resilient Your interpersonal style is... Competitive

266th day: Challenge I did not do so much but I am getting a bit closer on the easier exercises. The side split is really next level, I will have to create a better habit of doing it. Sending videos I just wrote something to my sister and wanted to link some Leo's video. I started watching it (about 100% responsibility) but then realised that I simply can not send it (it was not about her responsibility but of other people's) because just how much it would be hard to understand without having any background knowledge about what Leo does and so on. I want to do that at one point, I just have to choose the right occasion and right video. Senses Just few days back in school I got so fucking deep, but at the same time nowhere, its like I just realized how much I do not know about it but got no answer, just a deep sense of wonder. Magic Yesterday (and today) I spent playing cards until almost 2:30 AM, that was quite fun, listening to music and such for a long time. University Today I went into University to listen to some presentations for people who want to study there. There was also room with stuff that is related to what they do and I actually had in hands Klein bottle! (purpose of life achieved, I can die happily now) Dragallur

I sit on chair the whole day, I find it extremely boring. I already did that, I want to try something different and with 3 songs I can really be thinking about them, really hear the melodies and think about the text.

261st day: I do not know why I am writing the number of days since I started this journal but I wonder if it is going to be 365 in a year actually. Music After my last music experiment throughout the weeks I got pretty hooked up back again. Yesterday while doing spiritual autolysis I got the idea to listen to only 3 songs every day. Yesterday I did only one since it was evening and it was Insomnium - At The Gates Of Sleep Today I still have to choose the third one: God Is An Astronaut - Vetus Memoria Insomnium - Down With The Sun ... It was funny how I knew immediately that I would listen to Insomnium though I was listening to some new interprets that day too, it was obvious that when I can listen to only one song it will be from Insomnium. School Here the grades are already closed by I started to learn today for my Czech school, right now I do not need to go so fast probably but when I return back I will have to go beast mode. Anonymous Just the other day I was writing autolysis about how much internet knows about me and today I made another step to be more anonymous. Right now my tweets are being deleted. I hope that it will make me unsearchable through Google images because I used to have on Twitter account my name. It is just a preventive thing. Sadly I can not change my posts here in the past anymore but that will not be much of a problem I think. Video Last Leo's video was one of the best ones he ever did I think. I was very happy that he did such a long breakdown of stage yellow. I am not actually sure how much I see myself in it but it does not matter so much where I place myself as if I understand what the stages are about. Judging thoughts I am judging my thoughts quite often and when I skyped with @JKG she helped me with that, now every time I do it I just have to laugh when I remember then conversation, it actually seems to be working. Meditation I am not very happy about my sitting position in meditation, sitting cross legged is extremely annoying because but leg starts to die off so often, right now I am testing other postures which makes me do like 2 sessions to get an hour. Poem During today's autolysis I just (intuition approved) started to write poem. Loving I am just sitting here Writing this poem I think I’m thinking clear But am I really? Notice the story I dump it away While feeling sorry That I did not learn. They speak of acceptance Of loving yourself But does it make sense? Loving this beast? Wow so muh epixnez, next lvl. Dragallur

@JKG Well y-axis is feeling good/bad and x-axis is time. You could also say generally that y-axis is level of development and x-axis is time (then I would change a bit the other curve). Actually the "absolute value" would not really be needed I just started with it when I was figuring out how to enhance the sinus curve that you mentioned and then I left it there, it looks nice though that all time lowest is equal to highest of the other curve. In a way it could also illustrate how you spend short time in "low" and longer time in "high" while for other people it is the other way around, not that I know much about your emotional states but it felt fitting .

https://www.desmos.com/calculator/j5ulilaj1v

@Mango1998 wow you had some helluva of exciting days!

@Lou7 It is not that people who do self-actualization share some common hobby, not at all in a way we are very diverse people (in a way we are extremely similar too). There might be lower chance to meet somebody like that in McDonalds and maybe a bit higher chance in Yoga class. If you go on some seminar for example, you will probably get to know bunch of people who might be similar to you, those are activities that suck out people who want to get better in something. This forum is a good place too but it depends if you live in a remote state or not and if you have the chance of getting in contact with somebody here. It is a lot about doing socializing if you want to meet somebody, that is simply the way it works, sadly people do not have tatoos of Actualized.org logo on their foreheads.

You can make that habit too

Hey, ever wondered about those swings for kids where you go back and forth? Let me explain why they are like a life: Most people go on them first when they are young, they might not be able to swing alone yet so their parents need to help. At one point though, the child will swing back and forth more and more without any assistance. The kid will try to jump down while swinging getting further and further each time it tries. Sometimes it will bring some pain, sometimes the parents will be angry because the kid's clothes are dirty. When the child grows up it won't go on the swing again, it won't try out jumping even further. Maybe it is because it thinks that doing that is only for kids or maybe that there is no fun in it maybe it would not be worth the pain! Not only that it becomes harder because of all these limiting beliefs, it actually becomes harder in practice! Muscles stop being so flexible, the feet will be dragging on the ground slowing you down, bones will break like nothing even if you manage to jump (which will quickly demotivate you from doing it again). At some point you won't be even able to walk to the damn playground... and that's how swing is like a life . Sometimes it might not be so easy. Sometimes it will look pretty darn cool. Dragallur Hints: swinging - living full life ; jumping - going out there and doing new stuff ; being hurt - not accomplishing something etc. ; parents and older people - normal people not doing anything with their life keeping away people from living ; child - person with authentic desires who does not feel failure Disclaimer: I do not have much experience with life yet.

Would you know how neurotic they are after meeting them for few hours without ever being in their household?

You basically mean that you can not put actuall real effort into it, right? In the end it happens by itself...

@Azrael Amazing, thanks for sharing! Can you please outline what amount of meditation, self-inquiry and other type of formal practises you did? Did you have some strict schedule of 1 hour of SDS and self-inquiry every day? What was their role?

@Leo Gura It sounds like a reasonable decision. Also thanks for leaving the thread open for any input from us!

253rd day: Time is here It is time to finally write here something right? McKenna I am reading the third book of Jed McKenna. It is great, I was considering to shorten my time on meditation, he kinds of rants against it. Right now I am doing mix of spiritual autolysis and self-inquiry. It is quite interesting, I have couple of pages of basically garbage, I found out that when you write with closed eyes you get much better connected with what you are writing. Enlightenment vs Human Adulthood In the books he mentions how he would not advice anybody enlightenment except those people that have to (which are usually highly depressed people ) and that he would advice human adulthood and that that is exactly what everybody actually wants, because so many people are looking for happiness, love and so on in enlightenment but you will find that in human adulthood. I have not encountered some rigorous definition yet but basically everybody is a child but you can wake up still in the dream and become an adult (enlightenment is waking up from the dream). Sports I have been hiking somewhat and riding a bike so that was nice though I should probably go out running again or something like that. I had my last lesson of yoga here and now I am on my own. I should push the challenge a bit better. Dragallur

@JKG Just a note, Notice that the decision if you go with what your father tells you vs doing math is not only about the situation and about the one decision, it has bigger context. Also it might easily happen that you need both skills and the decision is more of, what you want to learn in school and what alone.

I think you are making the habit of new experience/czc too easy for yourself. There will be everyday something bit out of normal day life and then you can just write it down without trying something actually hard/new.

@Dodo Yes I have met someone, its definitely worth it! So likeminded people are usually not in your everyday life.

That is actually quite cool field. I would recommend books like Thinking Fast and Slow (well that is not really about statistics but I wonder when it will apear on Leo's list). From what I have heard scientists often underestimate this field though you need it every single time you interpret some data.

@Visitor Even in theory it does not work. Pi is still smaller number than 4 which also means that it is finitely big and there is no infinite circumference, that is what I am trying to show you. I think you are using the word infinite for a length instead of number of digits.

@VisitorJust because there is infinite digits does not mean anything weird has to happen in real world. How would it not meet its beginning? If you draw a perfect circle Universe does not care about how you write down its circumference, it will simply be a circle. 1 x pi = pi .. thats it there is nothing really special about that.

@Gabriel Antonio Are you asking existential question or a normal one?