Dragallur

Cool, personally I am bit careful since it might take me some more time to work to this "level" since it was probably my higher self. I also remembered today one more thing, when I was on physics/mathematics summer camp there was one girl and she had this T-Shirt.. I usually dismiss T-Shirts with anything written on them but now I really like what was there: "We did not agree on anything and yet we are going side by side." (or at least something along these lines, I guess it would not work always but hey, thats cute..) Well yeah I do really like some t-shirts.

@quantum I just listened to your talk about gap year.. I have two things to say: 1) You are welcome in Czech Republic 2)

@Leo Gura he ' s talking about mindfulness do you think that SDS or do nothing have the same effects?

116th day: Stuff I think now that when I consider conspiracy theory it is just better to have some kind of normal very easy reasoning and some google search. As I said somewhere else, the discussions are hopeless.. I have learned quite few times in the past that people who truly (meaning that they do not question both sides and so on) believe some conspiracy are not possible to "convert" or even shatterable on the most obvious issues. I am not quite sure why it is that. You can use science but then you can also you openmidnedness on science so thats not really worth the time. I also noticed that conspiracy theory, even the best video wont basically trigger any emotional reaction.. why should it right? I also find it far more convenient to say: I do not know what the shape of Earth is. Insted of saying that it is flat. I do not know what contrails consist of. I have never seen the Moon landing site but that does not mean anything. I do not know if elite is controlling us or manipulating us but there are also other explanations which make the same outcome, what we see. ... well this state may pass. About a week earlier I for example responded to some flat earther on the forum, while I did not get any response back it was not worth, if what you want to do is to show them why what they say does not make sense, ignoring science still, it is better to leave them alone.. there is tremendous amount of debunking done on the internet but noone from conspiracy theories responds back to debunk the debunking. Lets say that 1 in 1000 conspiracy theories were right, or even in 100.. the probability of picking the right one and the probability of the theory to actually predict something more than just roughly is.. well, I do not seen why I would do that. People are often skewed by observer bias (you see more of some number if you think about it), positivity or negativity bias and much more, it is hard to grasp this sometimes, and as someone here said, people are great at finding out things that seem to be connected but also forget about correlation is not causality. I am finally being fine with that more and more, thats been maybe the reason why I have not left it completely behind, I still can learn something though it is not inherently from the conspiracy itself. To be honest I am writing this more like a message which makes it very egoistical.. I am proud of it nonetheless because I think that the text above has some very good insights that took me some time to collect. Also I like to create some kind of compromise between things, this happened in the past with rationality and spirituality now maybe with conspiracies.. it is tough to balance between openmindedness and proper ground but following my way of thinking I bet I am doing pretty good job though there were lows. Other stuff Well, I watched The Man from Earth.. it was great, again on the list of movies about enlightenment. I also wasted the whole first part of day, the funny thing is how and that I was ok with it (maybe because it was not so wasted): My class did Geva tests today and I did not know that. I came into school found that were are in aula and read BONK for about 3 hours. Then the school ended somehow but also lunch was cancelled but I did not know that so I stayed in sports hall and trained with diabolo. Then after 1.5 or so I went to cafeteria to find out the truth. Sadly it was shortly after the train left so I had to wait almost whole hour before I went home . Also I wrote some stuff about my beliefs in the 3 levels described in BONK and also I wrote a bit about honesty. Dragallur

115th day: Enlightenment work I did not do timed SDS today, it was way better 48+50 minutes. All right, BONK (book of not knowing) is still on whole new level. Today I read through the part about everything being about self survival. My mind was running like crazy after that, completely obliterating everything that I saw around, yup this is self-survival, this too, of course this also... The Grand Project Today after few days I continued with the problems I have in the astronomy text book. I created a next "lesson". Basically the start is about celestial sphere and so on, I used to hate it because I could not remember what is declination, what is azimuth and so on, but now I love it too, I almost forgot the great feeling when you understand something. Diabolo I will mention this in the future again probably. I was training for some time. It has interesting effects. First of all I am procrastinating less because some time is filled with diabolo. When I train I also listen to something. So far it was just Leos videos. I watched the first MeO video. What is the probability I will attain enlightenment? People seem to throw around all sorts of numbers so I think that no one really knows, Ralston mentions a little hint, he says something like: "Even when you pursue it whole life and not get it, you will have deep level of satisfaction." ... hmm I became a bit sad after that but now I am more ok with the idea. I mean, all shit away, my motivation right now is to get there, that makes sense to me.. but I should not forget that also along the way is higher consciousness and better life, it does not work like you have nothing until you reach enlightenment.. at least that is the way I imagine it and feel it. Leo in the 5-MeO video said, you can take this stuff and be there in 15 minutes or spend decades and decades pursuing it the old way. Here he probably wants to mainly show how powerful the substance is since in video about self-inquiry he says: 3-24 months of hard core pursuit.. at the same time he mentions that he is doing enlightenment work for 3 years and Jed McKenna says: "What teacher is it if you are not enlightened in 2 years or so?"... well I have to say that at the moment I do not need to have it sure in 2 years simply because I am freakin young and so it does not scare me so much as if I would be 75. At the same time I should probably seriously consider that I might never het there no matter how hard I try, I do not even know what the fuck is awaiting me so all is just guessing. Stuff I moved bed and other furniture in my room, nice change. Dragallur

Try out just hot water, I find it amazing how good it tastes! (or simply tap water if you do not need to warm yourself up)

C1? Thats very nice!

Yeah it is probably counter productive to just debate about this stuff when all of us here have much higher goals to reach! I might also be secret NASA agent that spreads the "truth"

It does not make much sense to use fish lense to find out the Earths curvature.. but still, pause the video on 5:33 where horizon is clearly in the bottom half of the video where the fish lense should create bowl like shape, yet it is straight as you can check. I would say that this video proves that the Earth has curvature. EDIT: it is quite hard to see and hard to tell when it should be bowl shape and when not, the horizon is kind of foggy so I would not take this as a good evidence anyway. ISS videos are way better though no direct experience

It has been a while since I did that. First day was harsh but then it was actually completely fine which kind of surprised me.. now I listen to music only when I am for example brushing my teeth, running or so. I stopped listening to music even in train or when I go to school, when I actually listen to it it is way more relaxed and I can really enjoy it. I was considering to try out days of certain kind of music, like listening to Justin Bieber for the whole day but I did not do that yet.

I have personally tried it but maybe it was too foggy. I tried it with piece of wood (man made, straight as far as I know) but the problem was that my hand was shaking too much and I could not focus well both on the horizon and the rules. I will try it next time better, I came to the conclusion that it would be too small difference anyway.

Self-Inquiry aka untangling my personality: Obvious issue: Why am I rational? I like the feeling of being rational and I feel above people who are not rational... it is rather subtle but the feeling is definitely there. Maybe it has something to do with my past! I was growing alongside 3 older siblings who definitely outsmarted me in everything for a long time. I might be striving to match them up or be able to argue my way through things. My brother is exceptionally good at this so I might have learned it from him too and my sisters were fighting with me when I was on computer. Maybe I adopted this family rationality and now I use it because of that 2) Computer games Since I basically stopped playing computer games I sometimes laugh on the people who still play them. Probably it is just because I still have the craving and the need to resist it and in this way I am preserving my self-image of person that got out of the computer game addiction! 3) I do not like to have physical contact with most people Maybe it is because I did not have much physical contact when I was younger and now I will happily dodge any incoming hug or/and I do not feel comfortable with it. 4) Music listening I listen to metal and definitely think that it is the best music out there. I like to put down pop for being so shallow in their texts and like to think of myself as the person listening to metal though I do not like to share my music with broader spectrum of people. ------------ I have written 30 personalities that I think of myself as. Those are types like rationalists, thin, smart, vegetarian, exchange student and many more. I identify with them and they lock me up because I need to act upon them to save the self-image. This creates lot of suffering when I do something that is not in the going right with my personality and even more when two personalities with different base emerge and fight against each other (ex. rationalist vs. spiritualist). 30 personalities is just tip of the iceberg, that creates basically already made path that I have to follow otherwise I would go against my self-image. ----------- Vision. We see in 2D. View is probably the best sense that we have and we can not ever shut it since when we close eyes we see back of our eye lids. What is this stuff around me? Colors and shapes is easy to say but harder to see. Automatically my mind interprets everything I see. What is the value of this? Does it collide with anything in my self-image? For example if I saw a place where pigs are hold for meat I would immediately think how bad it is for environment and that the animals are killed... it goes against my self-image. When some inconsistency arrises like me drinking milk that is not morally very acceptable it creates lot of suffering because me being rational and morally consistent goes against comfort and good taste of milk. I just looked on heating in my room. It is turned off to save energy. This gived me a little dope since it goes well with being enviromentally friendly person. If it got really cold and I did not kept myself from heating up it would create suffering. Why did not I keep it off? I have to be enviromental person!!! Vision is so cool. I think of myself as a camera often. But I can not see the eyes. Only in the mirror and that is just reflection. I can feel them a bit when I turn them around. They make this amazing thing called vision, thanks eyes! The End Running Went running, at one point I will develop the image of runner, actually I already did probably. Mindfulness Wow, today rocked. During politics class I was doing self-inquiry basically and it was so powerful, if somebody would watch me it could be strange since I was just staring on the teacher without a single move The Book of Not Knowing Those who read it, you might actually see how it is influencing me.. this is definitely one of the best works I have ever read so far. I am on page 300 or so. It simply so matches with what I experience and is so good to guide through next steps! I checked Peter Ralston's workshops and other things. One of his "transend self" eCourses cost 622 dollars.. oh well, not in plan right now I guess (it would be so cool to buy it at some point and he has so many resources and he wrote like 6 books or so!) Bullying What do the bullies see in me? First I was bullied in the school by some small kids when they saw me brushing my teeth in the school bathroom. Then they were trying to get my stuff when I was sitting on toilet . Now there are some guys in library who either laugh at me or once they picked up book and just put it on the table and walked away, I guess they wanted me to be responsible for it and so on, well I cleaned it up Luckily I am kind of totally immune to any of their tries, I would definitely smash the kids fingers to pieces if he tried to grab the bag one more time.. but thats fine. Already when I was USA some guy was touching my shoulders and then did some gestures about sex.. I went out of the bus on the next stop which was not even mine and then when he was looking out of the window I showed him a middle finger, thats where I started "fuck you bitch I do not fucking care you little fucking bastard". Oh well. Dragallur

@quantum No , thats why I am saying closer to experiencing the shape of the Earth. There are less possible options I guess when you gather up evidence, one could also say that since it is just a memory somebody could change it and it is not what I saw. The problem with any kind of evidence is that you could think of some totally complicated way the stars would move, or that it was just a screen from government.

@quantum Through my own experience I have perhaps been closest to experiencing the shape of the Earth when seeing stars on the southern hemisphere... can not thing of anything better really, I do not think that on Flat Earth southern stars really work.

You might have already find it yourself but this I think is a decent list: http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/List_of_conspiracy_theories Much bigger one is on wikipedia. Also rational wiki has nice counter evidence though of course it is biased towards rationality but it might help you ground yourself or if you feel hopeless, help you.

112th day: Leo's video So I was "pushed" to write a post about how I did not like this video. I started to watch it again and take notes to gather up some arguments. In the short talk below, which is one of the most shitties things I have ever done in my entire life I sum up what mistakes I made and why my arguments did not really work. I did not take a look on the other rationality video but when I think about it now maybe the principles I used now would work too. My talking is really shitty, especially I did not go through what I want to say actually but next time it will be better. The only important part is actually the last minute or so. This will be updated in few minutes I forgot some stuff (21:47 GMT-1) UPDATE: I forgot to say some things about this day! It was very cold today and since I do not heat my room it is even colder than normally. At one point during my self-inquiry which was today 100 minutes I decided that I will go running. I went without a coat, only in shirt and jacket and without gloves which was a bit problem because after a while I did not feel my fingers anymore . I decided to go back even though I expected to run less than 30 minutes which is something I do not want. Towards the end even my fingers somehow heated up though it hurt as hell. I ran bit more than 6 kilometers in 35 minutes which is nice. I took cold shower too afterwards and felt really great! My diabolo is not here yet, hopefully tommorow. I think I will speak about my free time in the next "episode". Dragallur PS: Quantum... thanks so so much!

Try to write your journal less in a way of list of things and more in your thoughts, check out @quantum for example. Also if you write why and how things did not work out they should have you can learn more.. especially if you write only stuff that did not work out then you will not have to care about it anymore

Good job, it might be hard first if you jumped right from 20 minutes to 60 but it will pay off by such interest that it will blow your mind (though I only meditate 1 hour every day for about 6 months)

111th day: Leo's video So I just saw Leo's last video. It kind of reminds me of rant against rationality though this one was way better. Now the whole message is kind of interesting, I have not fully realised something like that for myself but there were couple of points that I want write here that bit annoyed me. First of all.. science. He says that Big Bang Theory does not explain what happened before and so on, how did big bang happen? He also says that scientists and such are ignorant about that or something along these lines. I just want to point out that this is false, it is quite clear between physicists that science did not figure it out. Actually we are quite sure about the time 10^-31 of second but not further back.. see? We just dont know which is completely normal in science! There is no theory that would be able to cover the time even further. Also, science does not think anything. Towards the end of the video Leo said something like that, maybe he meant scientists but that would be just vague generalization. What is the problem with infinite regression? I personally do not find one, how do we know that infinite regression is something bad or untrue? And what about infinite cycle? Why not? What is the problem with time and space just coming into existence? Maybe thats what happened. There were definitely other things but it does not really matter so much, I am not sure about time myself and thats ok, I just want to show that Leo sometimes says random things and uses logical fallacies. I actually do not know if I am looking forward to any of his videos about quantum physics, its just that I fear he would misunderstand the concepts after reading some popular physics books.. I mean, what else can he do, there is not time for him to master also quantum physics. I just wanted to write that people are accepting what he says a lot but in the comments under the video some are fairly sceptical which is nice to see too. All in all, I need to experience the stuff for myself. Diabolo In the end I decided I will buy diabolo for my juggling after school activity and right now I am waiting for it! I am really looking forward to listen to some audiobook and train. Firstly I thought that it would be waste of time but now I am sure that I want to try it. The Grand Project In the morning I wrote a bit as an introduction to new visitors on the still non existing page. I will look at it later and rewrite it many times, it is basically the most important part YFU meeting Yesterday I said that I am meeting today with other exchange students and other families. I was surprised by how good my german was! Otherwise its been a while since I was in contact outside of school with normal teenagers and I actually did not realise the huge difference. So hooked up on their phones, so.. uhhhh. Well some people there seemed cool and I talked with them a bit. Neti-Neti Today I did Neti instead of self-inquiry. Pretty intense, at one point I just said at one point whispering "outloud": "What the fuck". At some point I understood way better how names and labeles do not describe stuff, it is not always so easy for me but today it went very well when looking on carpet. During one walking self-inquiry I decided that I will just go without breathing. I decided I will do it until the lamp before me. Even before I got there I was really out of oxygen but then I forcefully extended it by another lamp. Then my board with map, then by another lamp. In the end I felt like totally dead, my legs were totally burning, it was cool Sometimes I need to do some random movements, its funny and might look like I have a stroke or something Oh I wanted to write something more but then forgot what.. oh well. Dragallur

@Gabriel Antonio I think yes at least a bit.. she is scientist and she kinds of discards lot of things. One time I was reading first book of Jed McKenna and she asked me what am I reading and then she asked me with this strange tone if I want to become monk or what.. we will see how she takes. She was even very sceptical about lucid dreaming.

110th day: Enlightenment work Today before I started SDS in the morning i (my intuition) decided to it super hardcore without moving my eyes and so on. I started and I think about after 30 minutes I got this warm feeling in my leg. That happened to me before but this time I decided to let it go and continue. After some more time I tried to flex my lower leg muscle without otherwise moving. It was SO slow! I thought about it for few seconds and then tried to move my toes. It went pretty hard so I "knew" that I cut out my bloodflow. I stretched my whole leg before me, it felt so weird and I could NOT move my ankle. So weird. Imagine the thought and the feeling how you move your limb but then it does not move, nothing like that ever happened to me. After few minutes it was fine, luckily. Intuition I just took a cold shower. For some reason I am shivering even now.. it was quite cool anyway. I got this feeling that tommorow I could try to write something for G. Project though I also meet with YFU (the organization I am here in Germany with) so that will take about 6 hours of the day. Physics Not really. I am stuck on one topic and I need to solve that.. otherwise I was reading The Book of Not Knowing a lot. Wow, the book is amazing, its as simple as that! No computer games (23 streak) Today I also watched Mr. Nobody because somebody shared it on the list with movies that got to do something with enlightenment. It was great, really liked it. @quantum shared a great "speech" of hers, I am thinking that for some reason I could do that too... just talk about my thoughts. I am fucking liar. I want to tell my mum that I meditate, thats one of my burdens that I need to leave behind. Dentist went ok. Most of it was just color from tee! Now its 2 weeks since I upgraded my teeth hygiene again. Dragallur

Great, I enjoyed listening to this! Sounds like a good idea might try that some time though it wont be because of chakras probably.

Glitter of particles not found indoors or outdoors? Are you sure? You are looking on stuff that is kilometers above you, do you think you can actually identify much of it? Heavily sprayed sky? Have you ever heard of placebo effect? Can you share a study where people who are outside and inside are compared? Thats what I call scientific proof when you mention it, you would also feel bad afterwards, it is not like the outside and inside are so closed from each other. Can you share those independent lab researches? I have found only people doing science wrongly, as the link that I share about the original video mentioned. Oh wait, Vatican coin, could it be just contrail (and how would Vatican coin prove chemtrails btw even if they meant chemtrails by it? Why non of the military pilots ever shared this with a public? How are they influencing games set in medieval times? You spit out evidence but I can not see how it makes sense.

107th day: Enlightenment work One day I did only one hour of SDS and that was all, I admit it . Self inquiry these days is more and more about senses.. thoughts are direct experience right? In the way that when you experience thoughts no matter what they say, you are experiencing something. That would make sense then why you can not describe with thoughts what you ACTUALLY see.. imagine describing what you see by smell, or by sound. Thoughts are often "misused" as the tool to describe all the other senses, you can also misuse senses too. If you hear car right behind you braking rapidly you might imagine as an image that there is car almost knocking you down, this of course happens without single thought. I have this feeling that paragraph like this will be destroyed to pieces by my future me Physics and The Grand Project So.. I have definitely been doing quite some math and physics though not on Khan Academy for example. As I said before that I think I start to understand the core of basics of derivations and that I would be able to explain it to anybody very well, I am doing some work on different "systems" in math. The fun thing is that I am not reading anything about it. The whole thing originated with me wanting to be able to calculate extremely fast. It is amazing to truly understand how much decimal system is arbitrary and why we actually add one more symbol when counting to 10 and so on. I am working on neat "lessons" on paper from my astronomy book that I got from Christmas, I find them kind of cool and they might help to create posts for TGP. Mindfulness Still working on mindfulness. No computer games (20 streak) Stuff I mentioned that something gave me "depressive" period for a while. It was that I got problems with my teeth again which for something completely surprising. Tomorrow I am going to dentist again. I studied some stuff throughtout the last days and I plan on improving my diet. For example I eat way too much bread. Also I upgraded my dental hygiene. I find the whole thing really kind of upsetting when I see the people around me just eating all the chocolate and not flossing and so on while I do all of that and rinse my mouth after each meal and still I fuck it up. Do you still remember my first actualization rule? It was about mistakes.. here I made the mistake two times and now I am confident in my awareness to carry through finally and learn from it, it was stupid, I do not know what state other peoples teeth are in but this kinda sucks. I am getting better in the art of taking problem deadly serious but at the same time not totally fucking up my mind with it throughtout the whole day. I also bought some chewing gum without sugar to improve as much as I can, the whole thing was lot of emotional labor but it is NOT BAD that it happened. I want to have strict sleeping schedule again. I love life. Dragallur

Today I had dinner full of vegetables, many kinds and it was amazing! Firstly I planned to just eat bread with cheese but hey, I can see that there is something cool to vegan lifestyle and that you definitely do not lose much! I even ate celery which is vegetable that I used to hate.. I think you had some influence over me, thanks @quantum !