ElenaO

Around here, in Finland, one meal eaten out is at least 10 euros. So I am asking, is 10 pounds enough? I think if you prepare everything yourself, it might be enough.

Just give it a shot and ask her out.

So I've just recently got an (very important!) insight. I had an accident while ice skating and broke my wrist quite badly. Had to go through a surgery too. But that is not the point. I've been on a sick leave, even though still doing work here and there. The point of the story is that I've just realized how does my job make me feel. Besides making me feel drained, I also feel highly unmotivated to do anything after work. I mean anything that I even love to do (reading, blogging, learning new things in my field). The reason for this I believe is that it puts me into some kind of unconscious state. And I am not sure whether that's the people around me or something else, but the effects of it are so clear. I wonder if anyone else has experienced it? At first I thought that it's just me being tired after work, but I've realized that that's not it. It's specifically the state of being less conscious that makes me feel and behave in this way after the work. Any ideas on why would this happen and what is to blame?

In fact, I am not even sure how could I be sincere with those around me. How do you explain someone that they aren't doing things right in your opinion? It's a combination: people who have different values, social pressure and the work might be not as fun as I think it could be.

I know and I am working towards it. Maybe not as hard as I should. There's not enough fear and not enough pleasure (or I don't realize its value) to make this process more effective and rapid.

Not sure I get what you mean here.

Hmm, you are right. I have to. People slack me all the time about their issues. And I have to use yet again my awareness to tell them I am busy. It's easier just to answer, since I like to please ?

Easier said than done. It requires higher levels of awareness.

So what exactly are you doing at work? Frankly, I do not like to confront the bosses. It's emotionally hard. Great that you've practiced this. I also don't want to create any extra pain to anyone. So sometimes I just quit the jobs if it becomes too much. In fact, I have noticed this chain of events quite some time ago.

No changes planned?

So do you still do web development?

Thanks! And I agree! Probably it was a gift in its own way.

@jjer94 You are spot on about this. These are true for me: you're expending energy in this job as opposed to gaining it? a chore most of the time? you feel disconnected from your co-workers?

Sometimes I do experience moments of being mindful at work and surely I get different results and a much more fulfilling state. The discovery was not the fact that I am mostly unconscious throughout my day, but the fact that I become even more unconscious after spending 8 hours at work. When I am home doing my own things, which could be also work/developing myself, I am much more content and it's much easier to resist any urges. Or at least I am more mindful of them. Perhaps the work that I am doing is indeed lame. Even though I do see its purpose and value. I am a software developer, by the way. But of course it also depends on the things you are doing, what's the product and so on. I believe that if I would have different relationships at work, things wouldn't have been as they are. Not saying that I should close my eyes on the problem, but still.

Oh, it is not? I would say it is certainly draining.

Hmm, well here I wouldn't agree either. I do not feel like the work has to be hard. I actually enjoy challenges. Maybe the problem is that I cannot be myself at work, that's what's draining me. My team leader for once is just afraid of being put out of control and his supremacy. It makes me feel sorry for him. Maybe that's actually what I am doing wrong - being too emphatic to everyone and pleasing those around me.

I wouldn't say I don't love what I do. I actually do see a point in it and it does make me feel useful and even needed. The problem is more likely the environment. No one is really at ease, people have low self-esteem and it makes the team work that much harder. If I were to work at home on my own on the same exact thing I bet I would be so much more productive and feel more alive. So it's gotta be the environment, doesn't it?

Wanna share with us how you found him? And did you know from the very beginning he is the one?

@jse Oh yes, of course. It's common sense. It seems I've got to work hard on myself to get one.

@jse Well, I just realized I don't really know what is best for the relationship in the long term.

Interesting idea @Vercingetorix What do you mean by facing a fear? Is it that you observe the fear that you experience? Or is it that you take some action?

@ashashlov Thanks for your post! I agree. Bonding with human beings is amongst the most rewarding things in life. However, I believe that we still gotta think with whom with try to build these relationships. With some we bond, we some we couldn't.

I would have to argue that this is a rather shallow statement.

I am more attracted to guys from a different culture. There was no weird reaction from the environment or at least I haven't noticed one. My parents and the other persons parents both were fine with it. But then again, we are both from Europe, even though come from a different background. I think we've both grown to understand better other cultures. I really enjoy learning new things (including languages) and people's perspectives. Maybe that's why I am actually attracted to guys from a different environment. Talking in your mother tongue with your boyfriend seems kinda boring to me.

Thanks