Norbert Somogyi

Hey guys! I have a quite difficult situation which may or may not determine my future and I don't know how to decide. My situation is that I am a 20 year old male student from Hungary whose just gotten admitted to a university as an IT engineer (that pushed me to take action and seek help). I am an only child and been spoiled by my mum, she protected me from a lot of things and partially due to that I have little life experience. The other part is me who gets scared when something radically new emerges and tries to go back to it's comfort zone, to maintain homeostasis. I have two choices. The first one is I stay with my mum, finish the university and continue this trend. The second is I enroll in another university, which is a college in Slovakia (it's not far, about 50 km), on a similar course. I have been invited by a friend (The only person I call a friend. I realized upon watching Leo's video about stage orange that I truly suck at relationships. I've only been contacting people only when they were of any use to me. I've been a loner most of my life) with whom I would go, enroll and live there. I would meet new people, finally socialize and experience a great deal of new things which have been absent in my life until now. I've tried talking about this to my parents, but they were defensive about it. My mum's reason is not to destroy my future, my possible career by following my friend and going to a (possibly) weaker university. My dad just doesn't want to lose me. The situation regarding my parents is a complex one as well. They divorced when I was 2, but my mum allowed my dad to be around me for me to have a 'role model' when I grow up. My dad is still around, but there is a twist to the story. He has epilepsy and tried to commit suicide once. It's one of the strongest forms of epilepsy when he starts shaking, loses consciousness and his muscles in his whole body starts jerking out of his will. He often bits his tongue and gets a couple of bruises. He is a disabled pensioner and thanks to that has difficulties finding a job. He is currently working as a security guard at a place for a company that deals with construction. His bill is low, he is barely able to live on his own. However, thanks to his illness, he can't be left alone else he may even have a fatal accident. If it wasn't for this, he may not be around me anymore. From my point of view he is closed-minded and would not want to lose me, as I am the only reason he can visit us. Both of them got irritated and angry upon I mentioned it and would not want to talk about it. Moving on, I also did a silly thing. I got admitted to the university in Slovakia and paid the fees of enrollment and translation of the required documents without telling my mum that I am going there. Now we are having a vacation in Croatia and I don't want to spoil her vacation by telling her now. I would go there, and I wouldn't at the same time. When I was there in Slovakia, I felt like 'This is it! This is the place where I will change my life for the better!' However soon after I just don't feel the same enthusiasm. I would rather stay here and enroll the university, learn new skills in IT and get a diploma with which I would have more than one choice as to where to start working. It's me again trying to stay in my comfort zone, but is the enthusiasm I used to feel authentic there? There are also a lot of factors to consider when making someone's choice of career. I am not even sure IT is something I would build a career out of. I have had good grades and understood most of the things and I am particularly happy when I finish a small project in 3d modeling in Inventor or a code that works and does something more than displaying text or do basic math. However, I rarely find the motivation to even start something like these. Most of the time I spend endulging in my internet, social meedia and video game addictions, I still spend half of my day at the computer unless I have something else to do. There is a lot to work on myself. I would appreciate any input, and thanks for reading.

@PsiloPutty The video is on the blog (One of the grey buttons at the top of the page), the title of the video is 'May 2018 Solo Retreat - Part 1/2/3.

Thanks for writing this down! I've been meditating for more than a year now, however it's been inconsistent just like your first few months, making 4-6 times a week. Now I see what might be the difference if I make it a daily, life-long practice. You've inspired me to do that, thank you again. Let life come to us in it's natural beauty!

Watch this video by Leo

Thank you, all of you!

Hey guys! I heard about energy vampires in the past and how you suddenly lose your energy in their presence. Everytime my dad comes to our house, I suddenly lose all my energy, become tired even fatigued. It takes it's toll on my behaviour as well, as I become frustrated, annoyed etc. I feel like my consciousness shrinks and I lose my awareness as long as he is around. Whenever he leaves, my awareness, energy suddenly comes back and I feel delightful. It happens even when I practiced awareness and meditation that day, it feels like they simply fade away. Could it be that my dad is an energy vampire to me? Or is it some unconscious reaction or feeling from my side? Could it be that I feel something negative towards him but I haven't admitted it to myself completely yet?

How so?

A few days ago there was this man sitting in front of me on the subway. I realized that I kept looking at him, I found myself unable to resist. I am also male, and it doesn't have to do with sexuality at all. He was a simple aging guy with balding hair. I couldn't even come up with an explanation as to why I couldn't resist looking at him. It's certainly unsure whether he was enlightened or not, however doesn't high consciousness affect people around you in some way or another? He seemed so calm and unbothered by anything.

A funny little video I thought I could share here, looking at how relevant it may be to the topic.

Regards, fellow self-actualizers! Even though I've been following this forum for a while, this will be my first post. The story is that I've been having an inconsistent meditation habit for about a year, by now I reached 40 minutes. Today was no different. I woke up in the morning, and as the time passed I began to feel some sort of loneliness and deppression. I was spending the first four hours of this day with looking for things to motivate myself, especially movies as I lack a reading habit. Fortunately we had planned a program with my dad so I couldn't wait for it. Thinking back it was because I wanted to escape the feeling. As I was preparing, a thought came up within my mind. This is just part of the purification process, these days are when I grow the most. My attachment to these feelings cause this suffering, nothing else. As soon as I realized that, my mood turned upside-down, I suddenly felt a burst of excitement and happiness. I was incredibly happy realizing how I cause my own suffering, and it's hilarious how much I do it. It was only a glimpse, as I fell back a few hours later.

I feel exactly the same at 18 man, thumbs up!