Pav

@Vishal Read The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. This book contains just about everything you need to know about self-esteem. I highly recommend you look into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, based on what you've written it seems this will help you a lot. There are plenty of good books on CBT.

"It's a journey of the alone into the unknown. It's about placing your power and courage against that which is in the darkness." - African guy trying to convince a lecture hall fall of people to consume absurdly high doses of psilocybin mushrooms.

Thoughts have accompanying emotions and behaviours, they are interrelated. If you have a habit of judgement, when someone does something wrong you will probably have an automatic thought condemning them. When this happens notice this, bring your awareness to the fact that you had this automatic thought and counter it with a realistic thought. For example, when someone does something wrong you may think 'he/she is a bad person,' this judgement is illogical, counter it with a more realistic thought such as 'he/she fucked up but that doesn't make them a bad person, we've all make mistakes since no one perfectly moral, I'm sure there has been many times where they've done good things.' When you counter distorted thoughts like this with realistic thoughts, eventually (a few weeks) your automatic thoughts be replaced by more realistic and less judgemental ones. In this way you can become completely non-judgemental. This can of cause work on judgements you make toward yourself; 'I'm a failure,' can be countered with 'I didn't do very well on this particular task but that doesn't mean I'm a "failure," there have been many times in the past where I've done work I'm proud of, the fact that I didn't succeed this time gives me opportunity to learn from my mistakes and improve myself.' It is important that your thoughts are realistic and congruent with your behaviour, if you counter it with things you know aren't true (eg 'I'm great at everything I do') it will cause further neuroses. Awareness is vital, but it's not the whole picture. A change in cognition is required, or all you will end up doing is becoming aware of how judgemental you are.

I've made my ultimate purpose in life to experience life as richly as I can before I die and to be a positive influence on the people in my life. Happiness is fairly easy to attain, and there's a wide variety more emotions to experience besides happiness (eg. fulfilment or even the many "negative" emotions; they are just other life experiences after all). Experiencing happy emotions can be one purpose in your life, but there are so many more purposes worth pursuing for their own sake. There is so much to learn, so much art and music to experience or create, so many beautiful people to love and form deep emotional relationships with, so many places of the world to explore, so many different states of conciousness to explore, so many hobbies to get fully engaged with and master, and so much personal development to be had. You need to switch to a psychology of being (read Maslow's Toward a Psychology of Being); instead of trying to acquire thing due to lack (ie trying to acquire happiness), do things simply because you love to (for example, don't try to form friendships to try to attain happiness, do so simply because you love forming emotional bonds and sharing life with other people, work on your hobbies simply because you love working on your hobbies). Of cause your "life purpose" (meaningful creating contribution) is another large aspect of your life experience. I think self-actualisation (being in a state of being) and living a life of passion is what life is about. Happiness is just one experience in this and really isn't hard to get. Happy emotions come as a result of your thoughts and behaviours.

I think Leo idealises enlightenment too much. He claims that you can't be happy without it, but this is simply not true. Happiness, joy, passion, gratitude, love, enthusiasm for life, and contentment for the present moment are all things you can develop regardless of the state of your ego. They are the result of your thoughts, actions, and they way you choose to interpret the world and life. Leo says above that an enlightened person is "very grateful and at peace with whatever is happening and very in the present moment, and not acting all neurotic." These are things which are acquired by working on your cognition and behaviour. The overwhelming success of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for treating depression shows how interrelated your thoughts, behaviour, and emotions are. I agreed that an unhealthy ego can certainly cause problems, but you can alter your sense of self in such a way that it does not interfere in your happiness or personal development. I'm not sure if Brendan if enlightened or not but I've never seen him mention it, and he seems like someone full of joy, passion, and gratefulness. It seems like a lot of enlightened people came from a situation of suffering, in which case I can see how enlightenment could bring peace. I can't say for certain, but I don't think becoming enlightened is going to make you happy in it self, I think they are going to have to put in the same efforts to acquire these mental states. I think Leo's believe that you cannot be happy without enlightenment will prevent him from being happy. I'm not sure what it means that you will gain truth from enlightenment, so I can't comment on that.

I think you should do a video on deficiency-cognition vs being-cognition. It's such an important concept and is absolutely vital for self-actualisation.

Simply saying sorry is quiet meaningless. Nathaniel Branden wrote a great explanation of what to do if you have wronged someone: "1.We must own the fact that it is we who have taken the particular action. We must face and accept the full reality of what we have done, without disowning or avoidance. We own, we accept, we take responsibility. 2. We seek to understand why we did what we did. We do this compassionately, but without evasive alibiing. 3.If others are involved we acknowledge explicitly to the relevant person or persons the harm we have done. We convey our understanding of the consequences of our behaviour. We acknowledge how they have been affected by us. We convey understanding of their feelings. 4.We take any and all actions available that might make amends for or minimise the harm we have done. 5.We firmly commit ourselves to behaving differently in the future." As Leo pointed out, it's a matter of genuineness.

"What one can be, one must be." - Maslow

A way to reach forgiveness is through empathy. Realise that we are all (most of us) fundamentally the same, the sum of all your experiences has shaped you into who you are today. Their are reasons for why people think and act the way they do. Don't condemn them. When someone does you wrong try honestly to see things from their perspective. Put yourself in their position and imagine how you would react. Chances are that if you had experienced all the same things they had you would be similar to them. It is very hard to hate someone when you understand them.

"Self Actualization - The Most Inspiring Self-Help Concept Of All Time" and "A Vision For The Self Actualized Life - Get Yo Ass Inspired!" Maslow's ideas about self-actualisation are so inspiring, it's as if he's describing an ideal human being, it really give you something to strive for. He goes into more depth about actualisation in his books 'Motivation and Personality' and 'Toward a psychology of being,' some of these concepts are life changing.

Name: Mat Pav Age: 20 Location: Melbourne, Australia Occupation: Student Hobbies: Learning, discovering and listening to music, spending time with the people I love, exploring nature, personal development, reading, urban exploring, hallucinogens/exploring altered states of conciousness, piano, thinking and experiencing the richness that life has to offer. In my mid teens I was depressed constantly (this lasted a few years), my social stills were lacking, and I was quiet shy/introverted. I decided to do something about the depression and starting searches for ways to cure it. What I ended up doing were the techniques used in cognitive behavioural therapy (changing the way I thought and eliminating distorted thoughts). I managed to cure my depression within months, and I have manage to turn my general mood around completely. Now I am very happy and excited about life overall. I feel that it's truly amazing that I've been given this chance to experience life and all the beauty of the world. I am very grateful for it. The first personal development book I read was How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This book was probably what triggered me into developing my communication skills and looking for ways to develop my confidence and self-esteem. It was my first taste of the personal development world. I've become much more expressive, more confident, and have developed a strong self-esteem. I am now able to show a strong interest in the people I meet and form an emotional connection with some of them. I've formed many deep friendships with very interesting and beautiful people who I love and have experienced so much with. I'm not sure exactly what triggered it (probably many separate things) but sometime during high school I developed a profound love of learning. Literally everything about the world is so fascinating. I started learning about maths, many of the sciences, history, philosophy, arts, personal development. I'm am currently fixated on psychology, the brain and music theory. These topics are so interesting and are very fulfilling to learn about. I had also along the way developed a passion for music. I had somehow stumbled upon music which I found exhilarating, that was like none other that I had heard before. From then on began my journey of music discovery. It's impossible to imagine what can be done with music. There's so much unique and interesting musics being created and such a wide range of emotions that can be generated from music, some music is simply amazing. These artists are geniuses, I can't believe they could make some of the stuff they've made. All of these have led me to develop the personality I have today and I am grateful for all of them. I cannot wait to see what the future holds. Personal challenges I've overcome: - Cured depression - Become healthier and started eating better - Formed Friendships - Developed a healthy self-esteem - Started personal development What I'm working on now: - Learning about psychology and neuroscience - Further developing my hobbies - Further developing my relationships - Choosing a life purpose