oschi

You don't have to compare yourself to the standard of your friends. I lost contact to my closest circle of friends because their standard totally doesn't fit mine. Who knows. Maybe your friends are mentally instable or something. Maybe they cry a lot. Sometimes it helps to speak to your closest friend and open up to her. Because getting his/her understanding will be more valuable then ours for you. I am right now in a relationship with someone who is very needy. Or maybe I don't take it that seriously. But the point is that I don't care that much anymore. I took most of the love back to me so that I focus on loving myself. Because what I truly desire isn't being in a relationship but experiencing some crazy things and finding my true self. Having a threesome. Having an ONS. But honestly, there isn't something like: "Yeah I would desire having sex with a married woman." Maybe once. I would do it once, maybe Cause my desire is having sex with an older lady. That would totally be cool. But making sure that the damage that I create isn't huge. Because nobody deserves being hurt very much. Own happiness can't be based on destructing. Maybe it is all good that you made that kind of experience. It might be a valuable lesson. But don't keep on doing it. It would show a huge self-worth if you would tell the engaged "hot" guy that you can't do that and really stick to it.

It should never be ones goal to detach sex from feelings. We are on this planet so that we can express our feelings in such moments. Sometimes you have to disciplin your emotions when you focus on your life purpose/job and so on. But when it is about sex, it is all about what is going on inside you. Otherwise sex doesn't matter because then it is just a primal instinct/social achievment. And don't say that men can detach sex from feelings. That is not true. I just think that being in this situation that you help him cheat on his girl/wife is not very respectable. Would you like to be in her possition? I guess not. So why do you feed this wolf? This is egoistic. In the end you can do whatever you want. As long as you can live with the consequences. I can imagine that it is thrilling to some degree. But feeding this wolf even longer just shows how weak you really are. Did someone ever hurt you in a relationship? That would probably mean that you do that because of defiance. You have to confront yourself and realize what you really want. Do you want sex? Why do you want sex? Why do you not want a relationship? Why are you in such a weird situation? Are you afraid? I can say for sure what I thought when I was your age in a similar situation. I was just a big piece of angst. Being afraid that I would not fit in the standard of coolness. So I just had it going with 2 girls and everything that remains is a feeling of stupidity and the regret of not showing enough respect to any of the 2 girls. So, be grounded. Think a lot and find the answers. They are all inside you. I guess that there is a lot of immaturity in you and you don't have to blame yourself for that. It is your right to be who you are. But maybe you have to find your true self before believing in a lie.

Nah. Not gonna do a journal. This is egoistic stuff with no value for me or others.

It doesn't really matter what it did with your mind. It matters what it did to your body. When was it that you overused drugs? I personally think that overusing something like drugs is one of the worst things ever. Well I had a trip on shrooms a half year ago. Did it once and never again. It was an awesome experience with positive and negative moments. But with a beautiful deepness that just makes it worth remembering. What you probably have is the pseudo effect of drugs. You overused it. So do you think that anything good can come out of it? Bad trips are a sign of you being stupid, because you used drugs knowing that you are not in the best mental state. This whole journey can be enlightening by realizing what you went through. Not the drug itself. It is all in your mind. So many people make up such stupid stuff because of the hype that is created around drugs. It is all in your mind. We define the word drug. Enlightenment is just a freakin word that makes this whole forum just a whiff of the greatness that it could bring to people. But alright, let's be gentle. A bad trip is usually like a stressed reaction of your body. That is to some degree connected to your ego. But most of all drugs sort of emphasize what is going on inside you. So when you talk about this whole awareness stuff and disintegrated and ego death, I don't know how much you already thought about such topics before using the drug. Well if you drink lots of alcohol you just lying there on the floor not knowing what is happening with you. Well there you have your ego death I would just consider not taking certain topics too seriously because life itself should just be filled with casual spirits and passionate bodies.

There is a lot of "I" in your talk. Try to put it away. Be transparent. Don't define yourself through what you were doing all the time. It is no waste. It put you in the situation that you question everything. Sometimes the best lessons are learned that way. Maybe your environment doesn't help you now. But don't blame the environment too much. Be aware of the possibilities that you have.

I still keep on judging people. Not that easy for me to change. But I got ways to handle this judgement stuff: 1. I judged people since I was little. So did I ever feel any better when judging people? Actually no. Because by judging I intensify topics that I usually don't want to think about. So I should show myself a little bit more love and stop judging others because it gets back to me. It is only me who is getting harmed when I judge others. 2. It is freakin distracting to judge others. I totally lose myself when judging others. Life is all about you. Think about what you want. Let's say there is a discussion going on and it just gets totally out of hand. There are 3 people talking about another person, without any serious reasons they just go so hard on that person, judging all the time. It is not your task to participate in this. You don't have to judge all 3 persons for judging someone. You also don't have to tell them how they are supposed to behave. It is about respecting each other. So you just take an aspect of this conversation that you can rather define yourself with and ask questions or say something smart. This is just the most noble way of handling this kind of situations.

Years ago my parents told me that playing video games is stupid and I shouldn't focus too much on it. Turns out that they were right. But it doesn't matter that they were right. It matters that I learned the lesson from the inside. When I watch Leo's videos, I feel some kind of good feeling. I learn techniques to become a better version of myself. Still I didn't manage to create big results in the last 12 months. Because I didn't internalize them. I don't even feel any better than before. It feels like this whole journey is just a freakin charade. Real growth is nurtured by real passion. And I don't have real passion for it at this moment. I just want to let go of any concept that is out there and free my mind. And this mind game actually helps me to grow. From this point I will recall some ideas that Leo was talking about and probably I will internalize them, because I opened up. Also because my ego allowed some input fom the back door without realizing it. I also remember the time when I learned riding the bicycle. My father was holding the bike from the back. I needed to know that he was helping. So I looked back to see if he is still there. Whenever he stopped helping me I panicked and fell down or stopped. Then in one moment I was just crying there. Totally opening up to the situation. Showing that I am not good enough for it. In this moment of maximal crying I just drove home on my bicycle without any help. My ego opened up and in this moment the idea was planted in my brain. "Just do it. There is no other way. You can stop at this very moment or you can go further to get to the point where you grow"

Look. When I was your age I thought about commiting suicide. Though I felt emotions. Was stressed, didn't like the people around me and stuff. My girlfriend in the age of 16 tried to commit suicide. Well she didn't take it seriously. She just cut her arms crosswise with a butter knife. Of course I thought back then that my life doesn't really matter anymore. That dying isn't such a stupid option. What I didn't know was what kind of possibilities I have in my life. I can't judge life when I never really discovered what can be done. And of course it can be difficult to try new paths in life. But this is what life actually is. It is about leaving the comfort zone and make something great. Drinking alcohol was kind of a motivation for me to exist in the age of 16. Hanging out with people and get wasted. That was cool. And just knowing that my parents don't like that. Felt like a rebel. But there where moments in my life that actually brought tears in my eyes. Moments worth living for. Falling in love, sky diving, trips to foreign countries, not superficial dialogues with people,. Just going out and doing something. It is all much better than just spending my time in this forum. Just be patient. Maybe it is all going to change. Still I feel like you don't open up too much. If you really take this conversation seriously then take a piece of paper and write down what you do throughout one day. Write down what is happening every hour or so.

This forum is still freakin small. Bringing more structure into this forum would be like running an extra mile even though you just finished your marathon.

@Leo Gura Will you visit Germany soon? Would be great to shake your hand someday as a form of appreciation for how you impacted me.

Love is appreciation. If you don't appreciate your significant other well then there is no point in staying in a relationship with this person. Appreciation can only be when a lot of good things and only a few negative things happen. Just open up and think why you might not want to be in this relationship anymore. Is she ugly? is the sex boring? What do you do to maintain the relationship? What does she? Do you just want to have sex with other women or just have the freedom of being single? Do you feel like you are in this relationship and not having any control but she totally has? Sorry, I totally talk from a mans perspective here. But Im just saying my thoughts out loud. Maybe you have regrets? Are there things in the past that you can't forgive him or her?

Just think more. Think more in an introspective manner. If I had 20k and somebody would tell me, that he or she is super talented and knows the stock market blabla, I would think about how much bullshit people usually talk. This is just pragmatic stuff. Throughout my life I heard stories about how crazy certain things are and then when I see the stuff it just turns out rather mediocre. You have to learn that people like to lie and that there are different kinds of lies as well. This is just a freakin lesson that you learned which actually cost you 15k. So make this lesson as valuable as possible. You already paid for it so make the best out of it. He was super confident about his experience blabla. Pick up artists talk to girls like this to have sex with them. Advertisement works like this as well. Don't be naive.

Because enlightment is just a moment and life purpose is till you die. You will always have an ego. So you can't be permanently enlightened. I guess so. Even if someone says: "I totally am permanently enlightened". This comment itself disqualifies the speaker from speaking the truth. Funny example would be if someone said that his/her life purpose is to be enlightenend as much as possible. Well then you have both things really hand in hand.

i would just say that you should find another circle of friends then. They will not fully appreciate your presence when you don't enjoy playing with them.

I used to belong to a group of people that I played some video games with. We usually tried to meet once a year. This is already the second year that I don't get to see them. We used to play ego shooters as a clan. The clan doesn't exist for already like 3 years. Still they meet each other just for fun. But it is far away from where I live. I don't manage to do that. Lack of time and money. I feel a little bit bad for kinda quitting the friendship cause they are really cool people. But I just go on with my life. Your situation is a little different, I guess. Still you have to focus on what you really care. Friendship can't be focused on a certain hobby. All in all I think that when you have such a kind of friends it doesn't really count as friends. When I don't get to see a person like an average of once a month at least, then i question the friendship. How much do you play? You don't have to quit it. Is it an addiction?

You used the word "perfect" a few times. Forget this word. It has no value. "Perfection" is the illusion of thinking that you can get something and then you are happy. You should be happy at this moment. You tried to interact with the girls. It didn't work out that well. But you had the balls to go forward. You made some experience. Don't make it a bigger problem than it actually is. You are very young. Don't compare yourself too much with others because you are unique. You have your own qualities. And your job is to find your qualities. I remember that when I tried desperately connecting to a girl it was rather weird for her. When I rather behaved in a cool way, like not making such a great thing about it, then they rather tend to be attracted to you. If you really want to have something, you will get it. If you really want to have somebody, they will resist. If you just show them appreciation and don't exaggerate they will associate you with something positive and that is were you get closer to them.

There ain't no paradox. Just take both of them. Life purpose is: "I go and do something that I really love". Enlightment is: "Oh, I realize that nothing really matters. But still my life purpose is something that I would rather do than something that I am not so attracted to." I like going out for a walk. Maybe even for a few hours. And even more when the weather is great. It is so much better for me than sitting in front of the computer. While walking around the city I might have a moment of enlightment and everything just drops. I realize that I am here in this world and I am free. And I don't even have to walk around the city anymore. I can just go crazy or whatever. Still I keep on walking and enjoying the views that the city has to offer. Because I like it.

I am going to tell you what I think. I hope that you feel emotions. Because emotions is somehow the only thing that makes life worth living. I don't know if you maybe pretend this whole thing or if you really are numb, because I don't know you. There might have happened something in your past and you try to escape from it. Maybe you took some medicine or drugs that messed with your brain too much. Introspection is all about forgetting everything around you and just focus on yourself. You think about the thoughts that you have. You have to create an environment that is very silent and dark. Go inside yourself and dig deep in your past. Search for something that you usually would not like thinking about. Think about how people influence you or how you influence people. What do you value? What moments in your life did you like. How is your relationship to your family. Or maybe your friends. Do you like certain kind of food? Do you like eating healthy? Do you like watching football? What do you hate? How do you remember yourself a few years ago?

The evolution of the human being doesn't happen on a genetical level anymore. The evolution is found in the mind. We will create a peaceful global community and be humble with our consumption. Bionic will be a huge thing. We will engineer an artifical body. We will have some people living on the mars. Before we start creating artificial planets I think that terraforming would make more sense. Changing the attributes of a planet is easier than creating a new planet. But if it is a small eco system that we create, why not. But I don't think that we will go any further. We will probably never meet aliens.

Killing yourself really never helps. Don't think of it like:"Yeah if I die then all the people around me would be sad." Because you can do whatever you want. It is your life and you are free. Right now you say you are at a bad point in your life. I don't know how the relationship to your girlfriend, friends and family is but I would really consider talking with them about it. You might think that they will see you as a freak but I would rather think of intensifying your relationship to all of them by being truly honest. You might as well tell us your lifestory here, but they already know it and can help you much better in certain aspects. All I can tell is what I do for myself because I decided it to be the way to go: True isolation, meditation, confront yourself with nothingness. No light, no stimuli, no music in best case scenario and you just go deep inside yourself and see what is going inside you. Just fill up your mind with yourself. Think about where your thoughts automatically go. Search in the past for moments that hurt you. Maybe you find regrets. Just go all in. Make this inner trip all about you. Maybe you might think about certain people that had a big influence in your life but just think about what they did to you, the positive and negative of course. It might not be easy. But abstaining from certain things really can make a difference already. I did 2 months of no porn and I can tell you that in the first 2 weeks I've never been crying that much. Sounds ridiculous but it is the god damn truth. Just get yourself some isolation and when your body is wanting some specific stuff then you might be addicted to it. And addiction usually means nothing good. But most people have some addictions that rather seem harmless but it is not if you are willing to live a better life.

I decided for myself that I just try shrooms, lsd and extasy once for the experience and nothing more. For now I just tried shrooms and I am still willing to try the rest. My shroom trip really got me thinking about alcohol. Since then I never got drunk.

Grateful for being alive.

Alright. I tried to provoke you to see if you have more emotions than you actually pretend. Let's say you passed the test for now And don't ever use the word 'normal' again. This word has no meaning. Affirmations can be done however you want them to be done. The most powerful one is the one where you look in the mirror and speak out loud. For this to happen you should rather find easy sentences that you never forget. So "I feel emotions" is kinda perfect for that. Still I kinda miss knowing what is going on inside you or just throughout the day. Introspection is just the most powerful thing that can ever be. While affirmation in my humble opinion hits you rather on the surface and has no permanent value. I still tend to rely on some prejudices talking to you because I remember me when I was your age. That was chaos for me.

Well if you can't be more open about that well then I have bad news for you. You are 16 and you just have first world problems living in a second world country called romania, probably. Maybe I am totally talking bullshit. But I can do that because I am a free man and this is just how I want to behave. I guess you sit in front of the computer the whole day, listen to music, play video games, watch movies and then you go to sleep and wonder what the hell is wrong with you. What probably is wrong with you is that you live a very unnatural life.

The easiest way is to listen to it. There are plenty youtube videos with it. Someone says it and you just focus on the words. My humble opinion is that this is total bullshit. But at the beginning it might be of some help. Maybe you should rather look inside and find the reason why you are so numb. Maybe tell us your lifestory. Or your daily routine.