Keryo Koffa

On a recent trip, I felt the immense love in every cell of my body to live and unknowingly but spiritually emerge me as a result I felt the unity of sky and ground, infinitely connected and contrasted by their difference to emerge all of existence and all dualities I felt seperated from the world, the objects around me, I yearned to merge into them, I yearned to dissolve back into the universe The seperation, a creation of other, a disownment of self, depersonalization and detachment from my own being My own loneliness and incompleteness became apparant, desire and yearning are the result of one's seperation from the world To seek that which one lacks, to love and feel loved, to embrace and be embraced, to dissolve into oneself and end the seperation I've explored many modes of being since, the infinite wonders, potential, beauty and interconnectedness of seperated reality But tonight, this mode kept me awake. My physical seperation from the rest of reality

The Intersection, the Inflection point between unconscious and too conscious, really is just the lens focus in the fractal

If more connections lit up, you'd see more things, if more neural connections became viable, you'd experience all experience, you'd lose yourself. The brain is a filtering machine that starts with new identity forming patterns on each rebirth, one is recognized as everything and seeks to explore oneself, if one caused suffering, one seeks to unite with it and harmonize everything into a closed experienced omni-perspectival loop. But awareness transcends that. If the neural net becomes decentralized and all lights up all at the same time, these physical mechanisms of encoding fractal qualia in limited form to create a self-organism out of will become tangible and real. Just like pure white light carrying united wavelengths, the conscious experiences and infinite and infinitely arbitrary depending on their origin. The more this "physical world's" "neural activities" become apparent and understood the intuition of what makes them, the more we will collectively understand "psychedelic" experiences.

It makes sense. Your awareness is always there, you can try to sharpen your senses, you can look past patterns, look inward, satisfy your theorizing, harmonize your emotions, consciously presently breath and take access through cold exposure, especially near the central nervous system, to both physically and mentally intuit the string behind your gaze, that which manifests itself through the body, that without form that all form wraps to distinguish. You can experience the resonance field of when you were still stardust, now a grander, self-organizing, part within infinite consciousness. And the physical form is the experience of that localized fractal that was always infinitely interconnected past the body, past the world, with everything else, and the more aware you become, the clearer your vision will be. Psychedelics take us past all the resistance straight to the root of the fractal. The brain, really just a pattern within it, outside and inside reality mimicking but different, one does not forget, but one does change and the focus is lessened and decontextualized. The network to unite all of experience is more dynamic where the brain interconnects, that's why psychedelics do such a great job. To let all those disparate areas light up that were always there collecting dust. There is only awareness and the continuous change of its form.

I finally see what I already knew, It's an extended arm with the things I yearn for but I'm holding it away from myself, but I could just not

@Javfly33 Then be it the exact illusion I'm pointing to, oh wait, it just dissolved.

We already know what we want, what we love, what we hate, where we're going, how we imagine our life to look like, we have billions of predictive models running simultaneously in our brain to maintain our identity and justify it to others. We could figure out rocket science in minutes, but our limiting beliefs would make us question if 2 + 2 = 4, and not even in the spiritual sense, but in the practical simply due to social anxiety. We could be living in star trek in a month if all of humanity suddenly ascended, but we keep working robotic jobs that make people depressed and suicidal that are going to be automated tomorrow due to the sheer repetitive basicness of them. Everyone is overqualified and infinitely versatile, but we live in a society of ego. And it cannot be any other way, it's a journey. But I accelerate, find my self and the contrast in what I used to be and who I am now is whiplash, not in a confusing or disorienting manner, but simply seeing how deluded, unconscious and depressed I used to be makes me feel so weird about the collective lost potential in every individual. To top it all of: Accept that which I know to be the case, don't listen to anyone, believe nothing, integrate everything.

To accept that which I already know to be the case.

But originally I was hitting at learning theories and sciences, already carrying a life full of direct experience, but constantly doubting oneself and one's ideas none the less, instead of moving at one's own pace, use accelerationism and reinvent the wheel, when it provides faster understanding then learning some theory to explain it. Our minds are super fast and infinitely vast, is what psychedelics taught me, just limited by our own selves.

@numbersinarow @Yimpa It's an intuitive notion. To accept one's experience, emotions and the world for what it is, devoid of interpretation. To accept oneself, every facet, every emotion, every instinct, every intuition, to become in tune with one's senses. And replacing stubborn doubt and hopeful delusion with the exploration and navigation of infinite circumstantiality. To accept one's reasoning ability and verify empirically, instead of spending years in doubting theorization. To allow oneself to make mistakes and account for the consequences without limiting beliefs and fearful complacency.

@Javfly33 Only now do I realize the cruel life so far was nothing but our own buddhist teacher, subconsciously teaching us navigating wholeness and suffering to learn what it is and creating our own path allowing and disallowing ourselves to let go until we were content or had enough. We were our own Buddha this entire time, both student and master, we were simply unexperienced in both.

@Javfly33 Yes, it's a balance. A healthy individual is whatever he needs to be and perfectly authentic with oneself and one's options. When there is no choice, there is no reason not to let go and fully engage. The experiential awareness that there is infinite beauty in anything. Yet following one's own life path and not get too attached to any one thing. To be authentic with one's arising desires and their illusory nature. While learning to understand oneself, the initial questions twist like spiral dynamics, a certain circularity but elevation of awareness.

@Javfly33 There are multiple dimensions to this, you tackle the absolute, it's important and the end goal but it's like jumping into deep water to learn how to swim, washing ashore and trying again. You know, you can take a swimming course right, it takes a while and may be slower, but its far more managable and fun. There is a reason this life exists and your body signals you the way it does. We are here to experience and we have creative capacities. We can let go of our identity and be fine with any life, but is that really what you want? Do you want to stare at a wall of drying paint for the rest of existence because you found out how to make yourself comfortable doing it? We have control over our lives to infinite degrees, sometimes we are stuck, and then it's healthy and necessary to let go of desires and get through it, learn to enjoy it. But that's not our situation, in this interconnected global world with countless countries, jobs, people, hobbies, activities, we can let our body tell us where we're hitting diminishing returns and what we feel like doing now. You can always go into more depth, but your body will tell you exactly what you want, you need not always realize it in reality, but that directional pointer is there to become more whole. To integrate what interests you. People attach themselves to past pointers and keep doing the same thing their entire life, but we can reinvent ourselves every few seconds if we authentically pay attention to what we desire, and then move to the next when the honest desire disappates. There are mega trends to observe, domains we keep coming back to and love to explore. Its a feature of being exactly what you are, an individual, connected to the senses and emotions of the body that your consciousness is intimately attached to, in order to play this game. Your identity need not be it, but it is contextualized through it regardless. Beauty and love is inherent to all things, but also perspectival to any one thing, and the one thing you should take care of is authentically living your life, then you won't need to awaken anymore, unless you seek it out of curiosity. Be your best self, in spirit and body. Align yourself with your body but understand it holistically, its the source of meaning and enjoyment. If you awaken far enough, its no different from physically dying, to be god is to be nothing, but do you want that right now? What we really want is peace and happiness. We've been granted limited but vast control over our lives, live it in a way, where awakening will come naturally.

I intended to sleep but the idea of a post about discovery and delusion came to me. We keep having similar insights, arguing about similar things in similar ways. So I wanted to capture that and my own and talk about it. Have fun conversations, share perspectives, an open discourse to add more and more insights and make the forum more meta. I just made the terms up, they're pointers, you can change them if you have something more universal or catchy Dogma Repeat: Denying the existence of feelings and duality, non-creative engagement in arguments and continuous repetition, in opposition to useful guidance and versatile communication of understanding Solipsist Hubris: Fake sense of omniscience and control over others' as an ego trying to borrow god's powers Cosmic Inside Joke: The feeling that everyone knew they were god before you the entire time and you just became part of the group that gets it Less is More: Paragraphs become tedious to read and content is predictable, the infinity of experience can be dynamically interpreted with ever less conversation and ever more skillful pointers Annihilation Drive: An unhealthy obsession with non-existence to escape suffering Disillusionment: Transcendence of ordinary life can feel like a trap when one doesn't realize the implications of spirituality far enough and feels unease due to a lack of grounding Conscious after Dissociation: Moments when one's unconsciousness becomes apparent, when one suddenly becomes aware of the value and meaning of the present moment Identity Exchange: When one set of beliefs is changed for another, ex. when stories from crazy psychedelic trips become another set of beliefs instead of intuiting the arbitrariness of all identity Spiritual Identity: When mantras, attire and belonging are acquired as a comforting identity rather than personally (re)invented Crushing Responsibility: The feeling that one is god despite still having an ego and is obligated to be a good person, solve all the world's problems and has to keep up awareness not to dissolve all of reality for everyone Solipsist Loneliness: A feeling of absolute inescapable loneliness due to the fundamental structure of reality, an illusion as egos always have others and non-egos have no worries or thoughts about such dualities The Puppeteer: A sense of presently constructing all of reality and controlling everyone and everything, everything being connected by one's threads and being the result of a game just out of vision of the ego Infinite Middle: It appears like you're in the middle of a holistic system that scales and repeats infinitely up and down Sensory Expansion: Psychedelics especially make one feel the sudden shift of sensual awareness, body control, mind capacity, pattern recognition, interconnected intuition, thermal awareness, magnetic field perception, stare between atoms, infinite wisdom in nature Holistic Humanism: The recognition of everyone's desires and identity manifestation, collective drives, neurosis origins, shared desires, spiral dynamic stages, fluent navigation, intuitive empathy Mind Expansion: Feeling of an overloading light bulb constantly lighting up with blinding light, spawning infinite insights through awareness alone Ego-Death: Becoming aware of the dumbness of one's limited construction of identity and the dissolution of borders and the ease of acceptance with the identification of all aspects of oneself through the entirety of the world and the necessitation of all dualities towards any dualistic identity Awakening: Becoming aware of one's previously limited perspective, being present and seeing the world more clearly, conscious awareness and acceptance without judgements and attachment to arbitrary divisions, sense making from a perspective of knowing the ego illusion, being aware, present, knowing, undisturbed

@Princess Arabia You're welcome, I love questions like these, they make contemplate for hours and discover intriguing perspectives.

@Yimpa Psychedelics unlock my unconscious, parts I suppressed so deep I didn't know they existed, yet after much experience, my intuition lets me progress in their absence, but they never let me down in unlocking what would have taken me forever to realize. Psychedelics are a state of mind, if I know what to look for, if I know what direction to go in, I can start doing it myself, but the thing is, they always bring me to 1000x of whatever my current base state happens to be. I do my best without them, but they are something else. In between trips, I purposefully learn and become as much as possible, so that that 1000x multiplier is put on top of that. And they also work on what I consciously focus on, so they are really an Amplifier to my consciousness rather than a replacement. Maybe believing in them will slow me down, but without them I wouldn't be here. I look for the best of both worlds, best of all worlds.

Okay, I know y'all enlighten ones are just gonna say that my whole reality is the hallucination I'm looking for. But really, ravers have the strangest trips, the stories from "Tales from the Trip" are incredible, beautiful, crazy, amazing. I take psychedelics in a quiet hotel mostly, sometimes go out into nature, sometimes roam the city on a medium dose. My senses are sharpened, my mind is opened, my perspectives shift, my mind interconnects, intuition is roaming. But where are my promised mandalas, fractals, tasting sounds, hearing colors, talking plants, extradimensional entities. I love psychedelics, they advanced and saved me, made me in tune with myself, unlocked my senses, body, mind. But I want the full experience. I don't want to be looking for patterns, I want to be taken. I want the trip to control me. I want the irrational, I want the nonsensical, I want to experience what's beyond a sharpening of the senses. I want more qualia. I know the goal is to want and desire less, less attachment, more being, more presence. But I'm left out of the circle. Everyone else is having fun being thrown into fractal dimensions, and I just get more clarity and a stronger bond to reality.

@Bandman I haven't tried DMT yet, although I did try ayahuasca, my cooking might not have been good enough, or maybe tolerance already kicked in. In short. Week 1: 15g strong truffles, 2 days later 15g (some hallucinations, but only on strong effort and focus), 2 days later 44g, 2 days later 88g (overstimulated, amnesia, time loop, bad trip, but no hallucination). Weeks later: 44g (very mild face morphing only), day later 30g, day later 14g. Weeks later 150ug 1P-LSD (no hallucination), days later 600ug (no hallucination in the first 2 hours, then fell asleep due to exhaustion, missed trip). Weeks later: 150ug again, no hallucinations. Weeks later: 10mg 2C-B (no hallucinations), day later multiple psychedelics (no hallucinations), day later (low dose ayahuasca + 150ug LSD + 20mg 2C-B no hallucinations, probably tolerance), day later repeat, day later 22g truffles (great trip, no hallucinations) The long version: I started 3 months ago. I took 15g of the netherlands' strongest magic truffles (psilocybin), spedrun all insecurities and completely dissolved social anxiety. Second trip two days later was the same, I got fully in tune with my body. Then two days later I took 44g, had a beautiful nostalgic evening. I tried 70g two days after that and was lost in an existential amnesia bad trip that felt like I would lose my consciousness forever if I fell asleep. I recovered tolerance and came back after a few weeks, tried 44g again, ranted about humanity and my role within it all night, repeated next night, my body felt alien, my energy was hyper, a medium dose the morning after that, I perceived humans and myself through the lens of us just being more evolved animals but it was all interpretation. I returned some weeks after that, I unlocked my interconnective and learning capacities on a blotter of 150ug of 1P-LSD, got so in tune with my body I started doing handstands for the first time in my life, at the end I felt as if I was an alien coming into this body, materializing, but all intuition, no perception. I tried 600ug of LSD before I had to leave but was so tired I only managed to stay awake for 1.5 hours, there was more traces in my vision, more motion, I felt more anxiety about people outside the hotel talking in the rain and being seen despite closed curtains. But I didn't see anything unreal and fell asleep. Few weeks after that had my first god realization on 150ug of LSD again, I intuited that everything is connected by consciousness, emotions swarmed into me. I saw the branches of trees as a conceptual network, I imagined a raisin as a solar system, but it was all conscious imagination. I had a psychedelic week last week, I started with 10mg of 2C-B-FLY, it felt like my first trip, instant happiness, love, couldn't stop smiling like my first LSD trip. Thought about many things. Felt trapped in solipsist zero-sum emotion projection, but no visual changes, just thoughts, projection, imagination. Actually, the night before I started the psychedelic week, I had my first nightmare in a dozen years, maybe in anticipation. Then I was in a half asleep state after I woke up from it, said something, heard that repeated as I fell asleep in my dream, woke up, said something, heard it again, felt scared, heard breathing, freaked out, woke up, felt hard to move, my blanket seemed to be pulled down from both sides by an external force, scared the shit out of me, but it subsided after seconds, that wasn't even on any psychedelics though and long after my last trip. The second day of the psylic week, I mixed some LSD and 2C-B with the intention of letting go, my mind felt in love with reality again, I made lots of peace with it, my awareness rose, I could control my body more directly, like inverse kinematics in the entire body, also heat energy from the environment and myself in a holistic sense and conception, but no hallucinations. On the third day I cooked some ayahuasca, like 50g and 25g of caapi and chacruna, boiled the water away at 70-80C, drank, it felt like a mid dose of truffles, mixed more psychedelics, not that big an increase, went outside, felt more in tune with nature and my bodies capacities like running and breath. Tried 10x salvia on the forth day, never smoked in my life, probably did it wrong, didn't show much of any effects. Got myself 22g of truffles for the fifth day and that was amazing, had vivid day dreams but still consciously constructing them, very in tune with the universe but no hallucinations. And now I'm here, my senses are sharpened, I see objects with more contrast, saturation, balance my body better, run and breathe like never before, do what I was afraid to before, change my life 180 but still no hallucinations. Only on my second trip, the first hour I stared at the ceiling in the dark, there was this pattern, I kept reinterpreting it, I felt scared, focused on one object, it felt like I consciously interpreted dark figures around it, but I wasn't scared because I was depressed and had other priorities in my life to work out. On my fifth trip, I saw my face stretching and morphing a bit, but I was too focused on recording my rant to focus on it. Ideas: I was always hyper-conscious about how everyone perceived me and always needed to be in control, it might be that I need to let go of that. I haven't let down my guard even on the handful of occasions where I drank alcohol, I passed out on a bottle of whiskey, but never lost my composure until I passed out, alcohol doesn't work on me. I might be too protective, too in control, not letting lose enough, I might be able to induce it if I take a high dose after tolerance reset.

Let's trace our sense of self back: Action -> Thought -> Emotion -> Desire -> Sense -> Qualia -> Being -> Consciousness. Where you are depends on what you are, you triangulate your physical body to be on the couch based on your senses and understanding. You happen to assign that body your identity due to its ever present nature and linked senses. When your attention shifts to the screen, your awareness fills with its sensory image, which you project to be in front of the body, hence "you". If you hear dim voices from the window direction, you imagine an outside based on your memory of it and intuit people based on experience. You project a 3D location based on your senses, experiences and intuition. In Materialism, we are an emergent property of a lifeform's brain. The lifeform takes in information through its senses and the emergent awareness tries to make sense of them. The awareness navigates memory, senses, emotions, reason and projects a reality. But it, that which we are, is only ever truly awareness. Everything perceived is qualia. We make sense of the qualia, by understanding all the forms. We learn what forms shift into which and how they correlate. Like day and night oscillating repeatedly or your hand hurting if I bite it. We model "reality" after it. We learn to "navigate 3D-Space", which is a change of perspective and the location and form of "objects"/qualia. But it's only ever images shifting into other images, one frame at a time. We learn about context and intuition. You are awareness itself, and whatever you perceive, you do by becoming it, having a thought means perceiving it, means seeing it, means being it. You think of your body, you locate it through reference to your environment and the context of how you got there and the story of what place it is. You lose yourself in immersion and only see the screen, forgetting your body, your awareness takes the form of the screen, The screen is in front of your body, but both is equally arbitrarily in your mind. You are the screen, which projects anything. Think of a vast fantasy landscape, are you there? Physically maybe not, but you are not your body. imagine an astral body inside that world. Imagine being in a coma. If you can't tell the difference, is there a difference, what about this world? What about Solipsism? Everything existing inside the same consciousness is solipsism. But loneliness only exists in relation. So as long as you feel lonely, you are not alone, because there is otherness to play with. I exist and you exist, I am not you but we are both inside consciousness. The boundary is imaginary, I can be you and you can be me. But that's not our experience. I cannot 100% predict you like you me. Maybe the universal consciousness can predict us both, but we couldn't know each other, because we are fragments within it. So we are never lonely. Also, what's cool is, I only realized all that I wrote as I was writing it, I guess I'm always at the frontier of knowledge. I literally learned it all as I contemplated it while writing, I wasn't aware of it before, it's really something (or nothing)

You seem far more practical to me than anyone else on the forum. I enjoy you keeping us spiritual goners in check when we fall into what is essentially a k-hole, ranting about our solipsist paranoia of constructing everyone and everything and spouting equations without grounding I myself am going through a lot of input and integrating tons of psychedelic states and insights. Truly, words point to something, but a pointer needs to be experienced to be understood the context of and one's interpretation of what it means without the experience of what it is can purely be a delusion. Like trying to grasp what the color blue is without ever having seen it. It is only ever itself. Rational impersonal learning is messy, flawed, conceptual, impractical, inexperienced and perspectival. A thing is only what you know it to be and all feelings are an interpretation on top of reality based on some observed correlating tendencies. When people talk about life being a dream, they intuit that the ego they built up their entire life is arbitrary and an illusion, and they abstract that notion to the rest of reality. In a way, it is true. We're only ever making sense of qualia, but that's not what it feels like. Life is full of love, hate, meaning, fear, bliss, joy, sadness, and is infinitely personal. Dream and Reality dissolve and become one, it is just as imaginary as it is real, but it exists for sure.

I've done lots of Psychedelics lately and am my awareness persists and expands even without them every day now. I have changed my diet, job, exercise, attitude, friends, family relations, goals, neuroses, curiosity, became ever more open to myself. At first I had the fear that the link between consciousness and lifestyle was strong and I had to keep up the physical game to keep my awareness. But it's reversed, it's not bottom up, it is top down, psychedelics shifted me into wanting to make those changes, into being aware. I do not need psychedelics to be aware, I do not need a healthy lifestyle to be aware, I spawn that lifestyle through awareness, not the other way around. Living more healthy has its own tangible benefits and make it easier for oneself to shift into mindfulness and keep one's mood up. But in the end, it is PURE WILL TO BE PRESENT, AWARE AND CONSCIOUS that keep me in a psychedelic state REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCE. AND YET, I know exactly that my sensitivity towards psychedelics is rising, and every next trip will shift me A THOUSANDFOLD to whatever my base state is.

Ever since my 7th psychedelic trip, an old fear came back into my consciousness. When I was a kid, I used to play lots of video games, I had a feeling of unease about out of bounds areas. I also avoided map-editors and mods for a while, they could be chaotic, unfitting, dissolving all immersion. I used to be upset if a movie sequel was a let down because I had to treat it as canon. I used to obsessively follow rules, even toxic ones, there was an absolutism to it. In my teens, I constantly shifted perspectives and slowly allowed myself to see case by case. Psychedelics dissolved that and many other obsessions within me, but I'm going ever deeper. Lately, every now and then, some people seem ever more like a repetetive pattern of dogma without conscious awareness. And I remember me avoiding learning many things as a kid because it would break the magic and "feel mundane" But the lack of being myself and exploring reality let me to exactly that stagnation. Now that I'm after the truth, I have to accept whatever I see. For a while reality seemed more organic and interconnected, but that view switches with a mechanical predictable unconscious reality. It was what almost made me stop psychedelics. But it's something I had to break through so I let go and it was and still is beautiful, but this sense keeps popping up.

That would be a useful thing to learn tho, heh

I accept the lenses that my intuition feeds me and include them in my understanding of reality, trying to unite them with all other perception, intuition and experience I've gathered.

On one hand it feels infinitely funny how unconscious everyone is, on the other hand it's almost scary sometimes 🫠