Puer Aeternus

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Posts posted by Puer Aeternus

  1. Posted

    1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

    I just have a bunch of suicidal thoughts. It’s like my way of dealing with things. Maybe I’m weak

    Meh. Nah, not weak.

    People get all gaslighty about suicide, oooh it's cause you're weak. Nope. There's just no visible light at the end of the tunnel.

    People can get stuck in unbearable circumstances. And I remember yours from previous posts. It's no damn tea party.

  3. Posted

    Tsk tsk missed a generational hating spree because the servers went to shit during the towards seconds I was going to rant.

    Jokes on them babyyyy only takes ten minutes for my hateful clip to reload!!!

    Practice session 2 . 0 !!!!

    • I hate people whose sole purpose on planet earth seems to be desiring to breed. I simply do not understand it, and I swear EVERY TIME it's always the fuckers who definitely shouldn't be within 50 meters of a child let alone making their own little gremlins organically 
    • I hate being raised by absolutely clueless people that didn't take a singular fuck off second to contemplate if it was worth birthing me into this shit hole. Mom you've hated every job you've ever worked but noooooo lets have a little lizard just so that he can go through all that too. GENIUS, ABSOLUTE FUCKING GENIUS. 
    • I hate that every single thing I buy is probably harvested from some worker making pennies on the hour laboring sixteen hours a day, and that it's basically inescapable or I have to do literally obscene amounts of research, just to MAYBE avoid this
    • I hate how rotten it all is to the core. How humans are, how corruption populates every single aspect of life. We really cannot have nice things, we cannot have pure things. Because we are THAT fundamentally stupid.
    • I hate going to the grocery store and knowing that all the aisles are filled with poisonous, toxic shit. I hate how stupid the people responsible are and that they're usually not even mentally well lit enough to clock the manipulation and end up poisoning themselves too.
    • I hate the university system. I hate the exorbitant expenses, but even if it was affordable you're still asking me to waste for years of my life jumping through hoops memorizing things I will immediately forget, exercising the bare minimum critical thinking because it's not really about understanding. It's about regurgitation.
    • I hate family gatherings. I hate pretending to like everyone and give a singular shit when some of these people I'd really not like to talk to. But oh nooooo it's a social game you have to play! Grandma will get upset! Grandma.. can lmao. She can fuck off! 
    • Did I say I hate people? Is it not clear that I hate people? I really hate people. I hate how people are well meaning sacks of poo who believe they're the good guys no matter how face deep in manure they are. Walking around, acting special, mate you have turd all over your face. Take a bath and stop being such an ignorant wanker. 
    • I hate owning a car, I hate parking lots. I hate that scenic American cities look like a business park.. ah the beautiful view of Dollar Tree, McDonald's, and Walmart. It's like the landscape is a physical representation of how stupid we are. 
    • I hate how miserable people like to make themselves. Stuck in some shit and never change, they never change, they have to get smacked with their stupidity one thousand times over the same thing they're messing up before they'll even consider changing their ways.

    giphy.gif

     

  4. Posted

    HAHAHA 

    This is amusing. So you're telling me, I can be the BIGGEST hater :P

    Or as Razard clarified, the strongest disliker.

    And through being the strongest disliker, I shall burn through this sensation.

    May it be fun until it isn't. Then I will know what's probably on the other side.

     

     

     

    3 hours ago, samijiben said:

    That is the spontaneous erection of divine light.

    Thanks for that one, I think I'll be using it in the future :P

  5. Posted

    The signals cannot be more mixed..

    You're connected to everything by source. The person on the street, my neighbors window cactus, even the stray pube on my floor that I need to sweep up. All you and you are it.

    But then, flip 

    People are exhausting and I cannot be asked to deal with them. Losing interest. My values do not align with this place and they don't value me or understand what I have to offer. My way through this life is profound self-sufficiency on all levels.

    Flip, flip, flip

    My personality had no solidity, it was whatever was most pleasing to the immediate person I was talking to. Two legged chameleon vibes lick, lick. I was the crazy one, everyone else was normal. There was always a sense I better fit in or else they'd find out what I was and hurt me. What "I" was, I didn't really understand.

    Until I started to in a hefty amount of time. Deconstructing it all was a bitch and a half and I was gaslighting myself roughly half the time. Until the tables spun round and it all came to me. I wasn't the crazy one, I mean I am but. But what I'd once tried to FORCE myself to fit into was a dysfunctional mirage. I was different, needs/lifestyles misaligned, incomprehensible to those around me. One that could never just fit.

     

    And so, with this shift. I've been building. The machine elves have been working over time laying brick walls for the sake of my protection from the world. Ego lifting weights and doing lines of protein powder. Letting go of co-dependent desires, working through pain. Towards a future where I provide as much for myself as humanly possible and feel safe. One where I'm content but alone. It's zapped much of my humanly desire for socializing. To seek less externally.

    And yet..

    I can't help but wonder, if it's all delusion? If I'm just tricking myself all over again. That it's just more traumatic goop, defensey mechanismo. It's not quite right.

    Because. The expansive experiences I've had.. quite the opposite vibe. Sometimes they return to me in open moments and I can integrate them further. Feeling so vast, connected, peaceful. Not a wall in sight.

    How to balance the transcendence while being stuck in human form and the limitations that brings? Flip flipping between these poles is super confusing and disorienting. How to integrate the two. I still reside mostly in separation, but I wonder how differently I'd be at the opposite end of the pole? Would my whole way of living flip on its head and I become a nearly unrecognizable person? Big questions.

  6. Posted

    @Never_give_up hey boss! That's a lot of stuff, I'm feeling for you man. Just sounds rather exhausting innit. Lacking the energy but still having to push on, exhausting.

    In my experiences, addictions are coping mechanisms for your root problems. Trying to cut off the addiction- may be necessary, even stabilizing sometimes. But if you just cut it off and don't have a better way to cope, it's just going to replace with something new. Got to get down to that pain, whatever that may be. And that's not easy. Nooope.

    I'm not really sure what you need but I'm curious what things you've tried in the past to deal with all this?? 

    And I will say.

    10 hours ago, Never_give_up said:

    I see everyone getting succesful in life while I am stuck with these 3 big problems that seem unsovable. 

    This is a facade. People almost always pretend to be better than they actually are. It's a secret game everyone plays. Maybe they superficially are doing more than you, but there are secret struggles happening behind the scenes that you'd never know.

    Take care and best to you!

  7. Posted

    9 minutes ago, Puer Aeternus said:

    *Posts observations publicly* 

    Whaaa- you don't like them?:$ Nono don't argue against me, take your drama awayyyy! If you don't want pushback don't post.

    That being said, you should start that marketing thread. Does sound interesting! 

    Though I'll give you two points! 

    1. I've used some pretty colorful language because I keep seeing variations of this take, and I'm quite irritated and tired of it. That has spilled through here.

    2. I've partially crusaded that frustration here and you've been on the receiving end of my wider frustration when that really just isn't fair to you! 

    I do think I've made good counter-points behind it all though. But I do apologize for the first two! 

  8. Posted

    3 minutes ago, OBEler said:

    @Puer Aeternus  I share my observations, agree or don't agree but don't make more out of it and keep the drama out of this thread or I create another one with how women are targets of marketers to buy over expensive stuff like matcha drinks, Dubai chocolates, etc.

    *Posts observations publicly* 

    Whaaa- you don't like them?:$ Nono don't argue against me, take your drama awayyyy! If you don't want pushback don't post.

    That being said, you should start that marketing thread. Does sound interesting! 

  9. Posted

    5 minutes ago, OBEler said:

    @Puer Aeternus 

    Can you explain to me why my girlfriend has not reached god realization yet. She saw on 5 Meo and other substances clearly that she is everything and completely alone etc, she also could see that there is no link to another reality, there is nothing outside of her reality. There can be only one. Still when I asked her if she is god, she said I don't know, couldn't see that.

     

    Congratulations, that is a brilliant sample size of one person.

    Let's assign you an average man to be your best friend. Let's put em through all those same experiences as you. Really think it's going to be different? You really think that's the deciding factor.

  10. Posted · Edited by Puer Aeternus

    Most men want to have sex.

    Most men want relationships.

    Men here are more inclined towards truth/spirituality.

    Most men here try dating, but find it more difficult to find a partner with these matching values.

    Then complain grrrrr why don't women want truth! They're just creatures of emotions and survival! 

    But most people aren't into truth/spirituality.

    You think the women who care about this stuff have an easier time? No. They don't.

    It makes such a hilariously miniscule difference.

    Yet when you come to rant about ohhh women just don't care about truth! You're not really saying much of relevant importance.

    You're just standing naked in front of us with all your own problems that you're now preaching about. 

    You only care so much about this one metric because it affects you personally and you've simplified it down to gender to make it feel like you understand reality. That's why there's so many posts about this here! 

  11. Posted

    29 minutes ago, Puer Aeternus said:

    Aha.

    You know what a stereotype is? It's a half baked caricature model of reality. You can make an earnest, nuanced model of reality. Not what you've done mate! 

    Proud that you can claim your stereotypical take as it is. Keep talkin to GPT mate, not like there's I dunno.. any structural reason? Why most women wouldn't be able to be popular intellectual figures until the last 100-200 years? Hmm, nah men are just more spiritual. That's exactly what it is.

    Want an actual model? An actually decent model? I'll pull a better model out of my ass. 

     

    We'll call it the truth/spirituality indicator model!

    We'll indicate some metrics that may make someone more likely to seek truth/spirituality. But are by no means a be all end all. 

    Let's play along with your indicator here.. and say men more likely than women for truth/spirituality. 

    That's basically the only metric you've given us here to gauge things on! Those damn women, so emotionally allergic to truth. If only they were born with cocks.

    But. We can add more indicators here..

    Were you born in a stable, relatively free country? Stability more likely for spirituality/truth

    IF NOT born in a stable country, were you born in a stable family who sustained themselves financially? Family stability more likely for spirituality/truth

    Did your family members value spirituality/truth and pass these values down to you? Spirituality/truth valuing family more likely for spirituality 

    What are your genetics/karma/whatever unique nature you've inherited? Some genetics more likely for spirituality/truth.

    What is your personality type? Some personality types more likely for spirituality/truth.

    Is spirituality/truth more valued in your culture/society or is it more repressed? More cultural values on spirituality/truth more likely for spirituality/truth.

    What is the GLOBAL level of consciousness and what scaffolded ideas are popular and widespread in global culture? More conscious = more likely for spirituality/truth.

    Do you have severe childhood trauma that will more easily keep you bogged in survival/dysfunction? Less trauma more likely for spirituality/truth.

    What was your education like? Did you get any? Was it fairly open ended or more like religious indoctrination? More open education more likely for spirituality/truth.

    How open to change are you? Do you often change or do you mostly stay the same or change less than others around you? More open to growth means more likely for spirituality/truth.

    Not that these are perfect indicators. Or even a great model. Or that many won't have exceptions! 

    But it's better than just the little male/female indicator. You can say it's more than that, but y'all yap about it sooo much and hardly talk about the rest.

    Yet it's this constant harping on one small indicator. Not even close to the most important one! Most people aren't interested in this shit.. but still, it's. Blah blah women this women that. You see why it drives some of us crazy? 

    5 minutes ago, OBEler said:

     

    Stereotypes are useful to describe patterns. Don't expect me to create a whole manifest here and that's not needed for a thread in a forum. I nailed it on point: men are more truth seekers than women around history. I gave enough explanation and examples here.

    If you think women have no chance to speak about truth because they are still pressured down by men -  go to Instagram or YouTube and have a look

    Why not make an actually good model? 

    Instead, you've just made the same lazy take that half the men here regurgitate on the regular. Beating the dead horse through to the afterlife. But sure! You can be proud that you've nailed your one little, tiny variable on the head.

    Ahhh yes. The history one isn't getting through to you. And yesss totally totally, the influential legacy left over from literal milenia before feminism is basically not impactful too? Brilliant.

  12. Posted · Edited by Puer Aeternus

    24 minutes ago, OBEler said:

    @Puer Aeternus

    Stereotypes are such a negative term these days. There is nothing wrong with stereotypes. If you try to describe a group of people you Automatically generate stereotypes. So if you blame me for using stereotypes , you will be probably not good in statistics.

     

    Aha.

    You know what a stereotype is? It's a half baked caricature model of reality. You can make an earnest, nuanced model of reality. Not what you've done mate! 

    Proud that you can claim your stereotypical take as it is. Keep talkin to GPT mate, not like there's I dunno.. any structural reason? Why most women wouldn't be able to be popular intellectual figures until the last 100-200 years? Hmm, nah men are just more spiritual. That's exactly what it is.

  13. Posted

    4 hours ago, OBEler said:

    Men are more interested in truth / God than Women. Most Men are truth seekers. Most Women are emotion seekers.Because of that you rarely see any spiritual woman talking about truth.

    Most women don't care at all what reality is really about. Womens nature is to manipulate, to hide truth. They would never ever sacrifice themselves for truth like a man would. If a woman discovers truth/God  they will evaluate that to survival and if it doesn't seem to influence survival they don't care. They don't find beauty in it. They will not think about it for one second and carry on with survival.

    This is just my observation. This is also what YouTube reflects. Ask Chatgpt4 about top 100 spiritual gurus. 13 of them are women. That's pretty low. I know there are always exceptions and there will be women who are really knowing about truth and cultivating and embodiment that. But the statistics show you a different picture.

    Leo would be way more famous if he would design his teachings not for truth but for getting women attracted to spiritual phantasys. He knows that and still he decided not to do so. Thats pretty rare. That makes his teachings pure. 

    So teaching just about radical truth has its costs. One of the costs are excluding women from this teaching.

     

    Raaah it's literally the SAME SHIT. Just on different threads, every. Single. DAY. Omg. The same 1-dimensional take. Noooooo women don't care about the truth, MEN MEN MEN. They're just meager fragile creatures who only care about survival, unlike MENNN.

    You lot stereotype women and then you stereotype yourself shouting with chest the same recycled take over and over.

    Why do you even care so much that this is such a talking point that needs to come up so much? And it's always presented so ferally.

    Some of yous should be out and getting some pussy until you don't care about this shit anymore. Then you can stop bitchin and moaning from your meditation cushion with your rod on. If you just want a wife go get a wife no one's making you do this! 

    So tiring to witness day in and out. I'm sure it's even less fun to live in this so best of luck. Hope you can get unstuck someday, think I'll be sticking to reading the blog mate.

  16. Posted · Edited by Puer Aeternus

    1 hour ago, Twentyfirst said:

    I think Allison Armstrong who has pretty high consciousness teachings far from the gender debates said that actually women are simple and men are confusing 

    Sounds like more gender games to me.

    Ohhhh women are so confusing, men are simple. Nooo it's the men that are confusing!

    It's a tired perspective game boss.

  17. Posted

    1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

    @Puer Aeternus Be aware, what must be precised is what is subject to doubt. What needs to be symbolized is what has not been integrated.
     

    And the engine of the ego is symbolization, so you will not be able to manifest a girlfriend as long as you have this mental discourse; because the frequency of romantic love is contradictory to this frequency of demonstrating sovereignty, because everything you have said no longer makes sense in a frequency where you have a girlfriend.

     

    The only way to win against the ego is to refuse to feed it, the simple fact of responding to you, of holding you up as a mirror shows that it has not been completely integrated in me, it goes that far eheh.

    No attachment, no display of power, no feeding, ever.

     

    You can easily get a girlfriend like that; let's be cynical even if you are ugly and fat you can always improve yourself, even have plastic surgery. Asperger's syndrome is also easily corrected via therapy, psychedelics and medication (less good solution; Asperger's and autism in general is essentially high anxiety.

    Thanks, but honestly I'm good where I am at today. Not that I couldn't get a girlfriend.

    I just prefer this sovereignty over that. Maybe it will change someday though, but who knows with the future anyways.

  18. Posted

    15 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    Like a brick to the FACE it resonates. Agree

     

    Emphasis on the BRICK.

    I remember the most random, sober night. Going about mine like a good little boy when a firm, authoritative voice in my head gave instructions. Drink water, lay down, put on music.

    Then BRICK BRICK BRICK of God or something being like WHATCHA DOIN? WAKE UP! Here have this peak experience :x it's on me. NOW WAKEEE UPPPP!  

    Never consented to this.. b-but here I am! I guess.. thanks for the bricks? 

  19. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    You are quite right - my problem is I lack the ability to discern the qualities I seek.

    It is not so much they aren't present, but I fail to see the signs.

    Or, others aren't as interested in exploring spirituality cohesively. But I know this must not be the case, as there are groups abound.

    I think finding someone I truly see eye-to-eye with is mostly the issue :)

    Tsk tsk, how to sniff out the match you're looking for eh. 

    So, it is 100% discernment? You're idyllic lake advertised on a water bottle levels of crystal clear on what qualities you're looking for? Or are there doubts there too?

    How do you try to assess people? Are you very analytical with it or do you more so just let the intuition go craaaazy? Or perhaps, something else? 

  20. Posted

    12 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    Whenever there was a realisation, a layer of my own lies to myself was removed. Deconstruction. Somewhere in that cycle, if you do it right, you pop your head out of reality into an awakening.

    Weirdly resonates, 

    Feels like I've made the progress I've made by accident. I was just trauma healing.. but as I cleaned up, the more receptive I became.

    Granted I'm still very half baked. But like bread in an oven, WE RISING. Truly have a sense this process will continue irregardless of any kicks and screams of protest. 

  21. Posted · Edited by Puer Aeternus

    36 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    @Emerald

    I admire your optimism - really inspiring.

    Do you think you see more of the smaller % of the population of women who are into this work? It could make your view skewed more to believing there are more of us out there.

    I feel very isolated. When my colleagues / existing family ask me what I did on the weekend and I reply 'meditated, float tank, consciousness work, mindfulness, dog' etc the conversation DIES. I just don't really talk much to others as this topic kills the conversation. My grandfather raised me, and the family members who heavily lead me to spirituality are gone now. I feel very different being raised with no TV in an artist's studio with buddha heads, human skulls, religious icons, ganesh statues etc. Probably the turpentine fumes made me existentially depressed from a young age haha!

    Spiritual groups just never work for me. I never find pragmatic individuals, who are also able to maintain elevated states of consciousness, in a healthy way to facilitate exploration. Not that I can do this all the time, but I am a lot happier and content and powerful within myself than most. The questions I ask of reality - most people don't get.

    They can't manage the material nature of existence and hold space for consciousness work.

     

    Thou shalt wager a guess! 

    It's somewhere.. it's somewhere in the middle. I mean Emerald's out here making content on this stuff.. so of course, people interested in said content swim on in. And it's hard not to have perception skewed with that level of access!

    You're on the opposite end of the spectrum. As in, you could go through your in-person life not brushing shoulders with anyone on your level.. or at least? Not being aware that you did. Cause yanno..

    When my colleagues / existing family ask me what I did on the weekend and I reply 'meditated, float tank, consciousness work, mindfulness, dog' etc the conversation DIES. I just don't really talk much to others as this topic kills the conversation. 

    This response KILLS trying, because most of the time. It doesn't work! Same is happening to other people out there like you, they're shuttin up n laying low. But they're still out there, God knows where. Just sort of.. Invisible.

    There's also- Well. There's different depths :ph34r: to the game :ph34r: Maybe the folks you're meeting at the spiritual groups just aren't as far in as you. I mean I'm not quite sure what you're looking for! But seems like it could be a case of you being like let's go free diving in the ocean, bitchesss. But they're still getting used to wadin around in the kiddie pool :P There's always gonna be a blob of beginners that have to be filtered through