TheCloud

Something seems odd about this. You were best friends, but suddenly you can't even cooperate to do a group project? Something happened, either with her or with you or with you both. If you could explain what happened, it would be easier to advise you.

Then make a list of the most bothersome issues in your life, and work one of them. Progress if often difficult, and things probably won't go the way you hope right away. However, if you never try to do anything new to benefit yourself, you'll have a really hard time having a positive attitude about anything. Positive attitude correlates with positive activities; there may be an exception somewhere, but most people who have cultivated a positive attitude aren't living the same way as a suicidally depressed person. Now, it's best not to rely on external factors such as success to dictate your attitude; a positive attitude is generated by harmonizing with the natural world. However, someone living a miserable dump of a life doesn't need to think about that. They need to start by taking the trash out and eating something with vitamin C.

I'm glad I stuck with your post. Even though the topic seemed shallow, you turned out to be a deep person (to me, at least. I can't claim to be the final word on the matter :-P ), and this discussion came out as being deep as well. Here is all the stuff I wasn't understanding before. I do this technique, sometimes, when I'm really stuck on something. I'll separate myself into one who embodies a question or complaint or issue I have, and one who is tasked to answer or solve it, and I have a conversation with myself. It can even get kind of heated, because it turns out all the disparate parts of myself are not perfectly in accord. And it's not a one-sided conversation, either; sometimes, it turns out the answer guy is the one with the problem, and the roles reverse. In order to properly use this technique, one thing must always be remembered; every voice in my head is me. One side never has unique knowledge that the other side lacks. One side never ultimately needs something that is detrimental to the other. All sides, in the end, all have the same things, and are all one and the same person. They've just been acting separately out of confusion. This sounds to me like something that could be helpful in your situation, where the you that is your ego and the you that is your body have imagined themselves apart. Is there a reason your body tried to escape from you? Or is it that you tried to exist without and abandon your body? Uniting the two, in the end, isn't something you actually have to do. Your body and you are the same entity, neither of you having or being anything that the other hasn't or isn't. Your body has been there the whole time, seeing all that you see and doing all that you do. What needs correcting is your imagination that says it isn't so, that your body doesn't know and wasn't there. It sounds like a really great and profound realization for you. Thank you for showing this all to us. I've really been enjoying this conversation. Take plenty of time to meditate on or absorb the truth of your body. You might even try talking to it :-D

Not sure if it's true in your case, but I think the mind-frame you described tends to lead one toward being a beggar or an opportunist. You either end up begging for scraps of relationships, little bits of validation here and there, just the leftovers they can give you without having to commit to anything, trying never to ask for too much lest it all be over. Or, you end up an opportunist waiting and looking for weakness, for a chance or opportunity that your target has their guard down and is vulnerable and easy to access. Getting someone on the rebound is a clear example of this, or being the "mistress" for someone who's unhappy with their current relationship. These two modalities are ways you can seek relationships that require more desperation than confidence. You're never really clear about your needs or goals with yourself or the other person, because you're desperately afraid they'll find out too much and dump you.

Switching from junk to a low-carb diet really made a difference in energy for me. I sleep less while feeling more well-rested. If you don't supplement Na, K, Mg, and Ca electrolytes for the first few days, you'll feel like crap because your body is shedding water and salts. It's called the keto flu. A product called Keto Chow can make it really simple. That said, nothing beats having a positive attitude. The difference in energy between doing something you're reluctant to do, and doing something you're thrilled to do, is night and day. However, attitude isn't always easy or simple to change, while diet is something you're generally pretty well in control of as an adult. Even if the food you switch to is junk, replace potato chips with pork rinds and I think you'll see see a result.

Hahaha Thanks for asking! My vibe is getting better, too, Nobody said anything yet, though :'-( I'm a little confused as to how much this is a practical concern, and how much a spiritual one. You say you see your potential very clearly in contrast to your present appearance, which to me means a difference in details; your ears are too big, your skin is blotchy, your fingers aren't long enough, etc and whatever. You already had your nose altered, which is clearly a detail. But you go on to say the details aren't relevant. Are you saying that to you, being hot has nothing to do with your actual appearance? I'm not nitpicking, I'm actually confused. To me, and I think this is a common conception, hotness and sex appeal overlap. Are sex and your hotness totally separate in your mind? Like, your ability to find sexual partners is irrelevant to your hotness, and being hot is irrelevant to your ability to find sexual partners? Due to your past success weight-lifting and your general manner of determination and self-control, I was under the impression that your health was exceptionally good. I somehow don't think you're going to tell me that you're actually twenty kilos overweight, subsist on a diet of doritos and nutella, and have bowed legs and missing teeth from scurvy. So is there anything about you that's really falling short of the peak? You're welcome :-) I figured that in this case, before delving deep and making a bunch more assumptions, it was best to at least confirm whether you're okay or under a lot of psychological distress. I'm happy to hear that things are looking up for you. Based on your response to Swarnim and my own intuition, my guess is that your main complaint is a sense of deprivation. Also, possibly due to your competent and individualistic personality, I wonder if you don't isolate yourself a little more than necessary, making it difficult for you to get your needs met. You're really responsive here, though, so these are just sort of (un)educated guesses.

Though this whole thread, I wonder why no one (I haven't exhaustively read everything, so I could be wrong) has asked you what you want to look like. What do you dislike about your appearance? What do you like about the appearance of the people who look beautiful to you? What can beautiful people do or experience that you can't? To me, your beauty obsession sounds similar to the obsession that many (possibly most) men have with penis size. If it could be changed surgically, most men with a few million dollars would have porn schlongs. I haven't researched it in depth, but my shallow understanding is that there is no reliable way without side effects to increase penis size. Hard work and determination doesn't enter into it. Sure, you can get better at sex by working on flexibility and technique, but there are qualities that a big dick has that small dicks can't emulate. I myself am probably average at best. There are times when it genuinely bothers me. I feel that there are opportunities I could have, or more confidently pursue, if only I had an above-average penis. Just knowing it was there, knowing that no normal woman could see it and be secretly (or, god forbid, openly) disappointed, would be an easy confidence booster. There are accessories that can certainly help compensate for most deficiencies, but I bet nothing beats coming out the gate like a horse. We men (some of us) even know that not all women want a giant horse cock. It's a neurotic obsession we (I) have. But damn, society really seems to want men built like horses. I'm trying to fill a hole that can accommodate a newborn, but I grew the way that I am. Now it's on women to be satisfied with me, if they want to, because there's nothing I can do about it except go on a dirty Amazon shopping spree. I've maybe gone too far afield, but I wonder if your obsession isn't comparable. The difference being that EVERYONE can see what you look like, just by looking at you. I don't know what capabilities modern plastic surgery has, but it's definitely not a field without horror stories. Plus, it's expensive as hell. And there are limits to how much can be reasonably done with makeup and clothing. I guess my main question has to be; are you okay? Is this obsession ruining your life? How much, and in what ways, is it dragging you down? Or is it building you up and making you stronger or better or prettier?

That's all too much to deal with all at once. While keeping up with your coding practice, try to focus on one issue at a time, whether it's your parental issues, your heartbreaks, or your conflicts in your Clubhouse groups. I recommend starting with parental issues, since those tend to inform everything else. Get your stories out here. Don't bottle everything up. Some ugly stuff will come out, and that's totally normal. Keep sharing, keep trying, and get better.

How does sexuality change with that realization?

By organizing your thoughts. Emotions function best in the immediacy of reality, but if you're always thinking about the past, your emotions from that past get stuck on repeat, which is exhausting and can create worse memories, which get stuck on repeat again, which can lead to a further downward spiral.

Invest in yourself. Right now, you're looking at women who reject and bully and abuse you. Doesn't that mean that your standards are wrong? Then the question is, why are your standards wrong? Because you haven't been investing in yourself. You lack self-confidence. You're a desperate scavenger or opportunist, sneaking and begging for what you want, waiting for leftovers or a sign of weakness. Cruel women will despise you, kind women will pity you, but only desperate women will want you. Even if that's not true in reality, it will be true in your own mind, and what's true in your mind will inform your reality. You need to invest in yourself so that cruel women can learn kindness from you, and kind women can learn desire from you, and desperate women can learn hope from you. Or something like that. Will CBT help you? Probably. It's an investment, at least.

Against the kind of god you're describing, you ought to be rebellious. But even if you refuse to love everything, does that mean you should love nothing? Is your hatred of what is not a sign of your love of what ought to be? And then, is your life so bereft that you've never seen or even heard of an act of benevolence? Were you burned alive as a baby, with your limbs cut off? Has what ought to be really never been, even once, for you to see? If you're going to hate the things that are awful, shouldn't you also love the things that are good? If you're denying the love that does exist, then tell us about the love that should exist. Tell us about how you want to be loved, yourself. And if you can't ask us, or anybody, for the love you want, then wonder why you're so afraid of us if you really have nothing you love that you fear losing.

Do you truly imagine it will be that simple? It sounds to me like a shallow conception of romance. Maybe if all you do is Netflix and chill and then break up, it really will be that simple, but if she approaches the relationship with any kind of determination, you're going to have a harder time than you're thinking. It'll be a level of intimacy you heretofore have never allowed anyone, and in the places in your psyche where she'll be treading, there be dragons. Chances are, she'll waken insecurities in you that you never knew you had. And that's in the good case where you don't just bite her head off for having dared to intrude where you let her in. And of course, the reverse is also true, and the worst case of your two insecurities meeting is possible and likely. I'm not suggesting that it's all doom and gloom in the forecast. In a personal development sense, it's a great way of finding out how strong and how weak you really are. It's just, I think you're overestimating your mental stability that's never been put through this particular test. I suspect you already have a chip on your shoulder about women and relationships, judging by your cavalier attitude and choice in media. Not that I'm criticizing; we don't get chips on our shoulders because we picked them up by choice. Only, you had best put that chip down if you want anything to go your way when it comes to women.

To me, it sounds as if you've "written yourself into a corner" where the only problems in your life worth solving are things way beyond your capabilities. How about your relationship with your family? Do you have any friends? I can't imagine your relationships being in a great state when you're professing such apparent hopelessness. The powers that be probably aren't preventing you from advancing solutions toward your interpersonal problems. It's hard to have a hopelessly dour attitude when your relationships are in good order, and putting your relationships is good order will improve your mood and outlook.